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Fog creeps into the valley as a whimsical gnome scampers up a grassy slope, cradling a glowing bottle of flowberry fizz in his meaty arms. As he crests the hill, his beady eyes peer out across the sky, watching, waiting, twinkling his fingers in anticipation of the torment he will inflict upon the evil brit he knows will be coming soon.
Weesnaw weaves through the jubilant crowd, slipping past a passionately making out Donald Trump and Joe Biden, and squirming through the tangle of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s piggyback riding. They finally break through the crowd of eager participants, their purple eyes finding their tempting supermodel partner named Bigmelons. Weesnaws tail starts to wag involuntarily. Ah, stop it! I need to look nonchalant if I'm going to impress Bigmelons. She looks so dashing!
Grabbing their tail and stilling its excited wagging, Weesnaw saunters over to Bigmelons, who is flexing impressively to a group of drooling girls. As Weesnaw comes closer, they notice Bigmelons’ sleeves are ripped at the shoulder.
Holy heavy ammo! Did her muscles do that!?
“Oh yeah, I got that one from absolutely creaming a 10 foot long crocodile!” Bigmelons boasts, pointing to a gnarly scar on her right thunder thigh.
Double wowza! She's so rad!!
Bigmelons finally notices Weesnaw as they slink past Lady Gaga, who is fawning over her chiseled biceps.
“Hey there… kitten,” Bigmelons smirks, blushing.
Oh my sigma, is she blushing!??
“H- hey good lookin’, what's cookin’!” stammers Weesnaw, their ears perking towards Bigmelons’ alluringly deep voice.
“Heh, Getting ready to slay the house down… These guns are rated E for Everyone!” She says, flexing.
Oh yeah, I can't wait! Weesnaw thinks, their tail wagging softly.
Bigmelons smirks, her eyes following Weesnaw’s wagging tail. Noticing Bigmelons’ attention, Weesnaw is quick to tame it.
Ah! She saw my tail wagging!! Weesnaw panics, scrambling to save their aura.
“H- heh, I really just can't wait to flowberry fizz all over! Just thinking about it makes me salivate…”
“You got that right!” Bigmelons agrees, “I'm a bit of a pro at fizzing, so if you need any tips, you know where to come!”
“The battle bus will be launching in one minute!” shrieks the speakers.
“Ah, let's get ready partner!” Bigmelons smiles kindly, and Weesnaw can feel the largeness of her heart, just like her muscles.
“Where do we go, Bigmelons? I can't decide, all I can think of right now is snipers!”
“I've got a few ideas, don't worry. Let's just go wherever the wind takes us!”
"Ah, skibidi, I just love the wondrous feeling of exhaust flowing through my luscious tail!” Weesnaw exclaims, wagging their tail as the battle bus streaks through the air over the Fortnite island.
Weesnaw swivels their ears and sniffs the air, inhaling the intoxicating scent of gasoline and rust.
Bigmelons glances over at Weesnaw, her bright pink hair flowing in the wind. Wowza… stunning. They can't help but think.
"You ready to rumble Weesnaw!? Let’s get freakin’!” Bigmelons calls, before leaping gracefully off the bus in an elegant dive towards the island.
Allright… let's go! Weesnaw thinks, diving out after her.
“Zoo wee mama!!” Weesnaw howls, as the wind ruffles through their iridescent fur. Squinting their eyes against the rush, Weesnaw steers after Bigmelons, who is confidently sailing through the air towards the snow. As they fall closer, Weesnaw can see that Bigmelons is now aiming towards a large house with a lookout tower.
Bigmelons whips out a rocket-powered skateboard, gliding gently into a slower descent as she starts to do some sick kickflips midair.
Oh my sniper scope! Can she get any cooler!?Weesnaw thinks in awe. Well, now it's my time to shine! Pulling out their badass designer umbrella and floating gracefully down to the tower, Weesnaw lands softly in an unbothered crouch.
“Wow,” Bigmelons mutters, looking a bit stunned at Weesnaw’s nonchalance. “You fall with such grace! You’ll have to teach- Ah!”
Bigmelons shrieks, whirling around to face the staircase of the watchtower, where the source of the distraction is now stumbling backwards.
“Oh! I didn't see you there! Do you want to buy some chug splash? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!”
“Uhhhhh… hi.” Bigmelons mumbles, embarrassed.
“My name's Girlie! I live here, but for a price, I'll help you slay some villains! And chug splash you!” She bubbles.
Bigmelons stuffs her hands in her pockets, fishing around for a moment before pulling them inside out. They're empty.
Pushing past the downcast Bigmelons, Weesnaw gives her a reassuring smile, whispering, “don't worry, I got this.” They reach into their backpack, pulling out a shiny gold bar and handing it to Girlie.
“Wow… this is more than enough…” Girlie says, her eyes sparkling.
“Keep the change,” Weesnaw says nonchalantly, winking at Bigmelons.
“Alright fellas, let's go get some flowberry fizz!” Bigmelons states, grabbing Weesnaw’s shoulder.
Girlie smirks. “I know where to find some goodies!” She struts ahead of Bigmelons and Weesnaw, heading towards the large house.
Bigmelons looks at Weesnaw, smoldering.
Ah~ Zounds! Her eyes are so captivating…
“Lets go,” Bigmelons says softly, bouncing after Girlie. Weesnaw follows closely behind, admiring Bigmelons' bakery.
As they enter the house through a tasteful door, Weesnaw assesses the spacious room, taking note of the glowing chests and rad pool table.
“Heh, I bet I could beat you at a game of pool!” Weesnaw calls to Bigmelons, recalling their skills at the game.
Bigmelons laughs, “I doubt that!” she says confidently, grabbing a 27 oz and a 14 oz pool cue, tossing the lighter one to Weesnaw.
“Let's settle this!” She smirks, racking the billiards.
Heh, let's get this over with, Weesnaw smirks back at her, confident in their ability to crush Bigmelons. “I'll Let you break Bigmelons, seems like you'll need it to win against me!”
Bigmelons’ eyes shine as she takes the cue ball and sets it on the table, aligning her stick carefully. After running the cue back and forth through her slender fingers a few times to get her rhythm going, she slams the cue into the ball hard enough for the sound to echo like a gunshot. The ball rockets across the table, scattering the balls and knocking three in.
As Weesnaw stands there, looking on in awe with a slack jaw, Bigmelons saunters around the table to check which balls went in the pockets. She smiles, lining up against the twelve, and artfully banks it off the table, hitting the eleven and dropping both balls.
Bigmelons then proceeds to run the table for the rest of the game, flawlessly pocketing the eight in a grand move that sends it banking off two rails and into the side pocket she called.
Bigmelons then, finally, looks at Weesnaw's shocked expression with a shitfaced grin.
“Heh, booyah.” she sasses.
Weesnaw was gagged! “But- but I never even got to play!” They object, but Bigmelons just smiles pityingly, giggling,
“maybe next time…"
“Allright, if you two are finally done…” Girlie starts awkwardly from the corner, “I have some guns to show to you!”
Girlie steps forward and flourishes open her jacket, showcasing her wide variety of pristine weapons. Weesnaw and Bigmelons gasp as their eyes gloss over in amazement, admiring Girlie’s haul.
W-wowzah!! Heh, I’m so glad I'm rich! Weesnaw muses in ecstasy as they reach out to run their claws upon the chic metal of the assault rifles and SMGs.
“Are- are those… Thunderbursts?!” Bigmelons exclaims in joy and bewilderment as she gazes reverently upon the shining weapons.
Girlie giggles, fluttering her eyes bashfully. “Oh these? These babies are just displays…” she grins devilishly, “Let me show you where the real magic happens!”
Girlie spins away from the duo, prancing over to open a heavy door, and moving aside to let Weesnaw and Bigmelons in to explore the vast interior.
The walls were covered in weapons, shining in the fluorescent light. The room was totally decked with a variety of pistols, SMG’s, cannons, rifles and DMR’s.
As Weesnaw browses the glittering selection of firearms, their eyes searching, their brows furrow in disappointment. “G-Girlie… why aren’t there any snipers?”
Girlie places her hand on Weesnaw’s shoulder pityingly and regards Weesnaw with a frown. “Sorry, Weesnaw, I don’t have any snipers in here. Too expensive.”
Weesnaw falls to their knees, whining, “b- but… I really need a sniper… its.. Well, it's my special talent. Without a sniper, you see, I'm nothing!...” Weesnaw cries, covering their face and tucking their tail between their legs.
“Dont worry Weesnaw, we'll get you your sniper, I promise!” BigMelons reassures. “And also,” Bigmelons says softly, “you aren’t nothing without a sniper. I haven't known you for long, but I can tell. You've got a big heart!”
Weesnaw gets up off the floor, hope shining in their eyes. “I- if you say so…” they sniffle.
BigMelons smiles. “Let's get going then! To find Weesnaw a sniper!”
“Erm, that's a good idea and all, but, first, shouldn't you guys pick up some normal guns?” Girlie questioned.
“Uh, yeah! Guns! Let's do that first!” Bigmelons corrected.
Weesnaw jubilates across the room over to the pistols, snatching a pink one off the wall and testing its weight in their paw. “Perfect!” They chattered, scuttling over to the shotguns and grabbing a hammer pump, “slow and stupid wins the race!”
“Bigmelons side eyes Weesnaw apprehensively, judging their subpar choices in weaponry. “Well, have fun with those guns, Weesnaw! I'm choosing something a little more freaky…”
Bigmelons smirks, turning towards the SMGs and grabbing a hefty thunderburst and admiring it. Bigmelons was so engrossed in the thunderbursts shiny metal, Weesnaw couldn’t help but wish they were the subject of Bigmelons attention.
Bazinga! I wish Bigmelons would look at me like I was a thunderburst…
Weesnaw took a subtle step back from the SMGs, not able to suppress the fear that befell them at the sight of such terrifyingly loud guns. They bite their lip, shivering as Bigmelons picks up a hand cannon, utterly petrified at the mere thought of the sound it could make!
“B- Bigmelons… don't you think.. these guns are a bit… difficult to control… and loud…”
“What? Weesnaw, it's ok! I know how to use these babies, and- Oh! Your sensitive omega ears! Don't worry, I'll put noise suppressors on so they won’t hurt you.”
Weesnaw relaxes, relieved. “Thank you Bigmelons.” Weesnaw started, their eyes filled with gratitude. “Such loud noises are terrible for my heightened hearing. However… my ears are more than a hindrance! I can sense villains from far away!” They add on quickly, not wanting Bigmelons to think of them as a burden.
“That's great! Bigmelons cheers, ruffling Weesnaw’s fur in kinship. “Those scoundrels don't stand a chance against us!”
Bigmelons then grabs an enforcer AR, slapping a thermal scope onto it and nodding approvingly.
“ready to grab some good ol’ supplies?” she asks, turning to Girlie, who leads them over to the far wall, and pushes in one of the panels.
Bigmelons and Weesnaw gape in awe at the secret room that Girlie revealed.
“Oh my cybertruck! A hidden door! This is the coolest!”
They all walk through the door into a room filled with shield potions, medical supplies, and fun items like- Oh. My. Sniper.
“Port-a-bunkers!!!” Weesnaw cries happily, dashing over to the table that holds a collection of bunkers and shield bubbles. They grab a few, slinging their pack off their shoulders and stuffing them in, already fantasizing about the possible delights they can engage in with these items.
“Wowzers! Good find Weesnaw!" Bigmelons says from the shield section. Their eyes scan over the shield tables, looking slightly confused.
“Although… there is no flowberry fizz.”
“What? I could swear it was just here!” Girlie puzzled, examining an empty slot where a flowberry fizz could fit.
“So, what, someone stole the fizz!? This is terrible!” Bigmelons cries, dejectedly grabbing some shield potions and tossing a couple to Weesnaw. “Looks like it's just drinks for now,” she says sadly.
They drink their shields, feeling the protection course through their bodies, making them feel quite unstoppable.
“Oh yeah! I feel better than ever! I can't wait to slay those scallywags! Ah, let's go get them!” Bigmelons babbles excitedly, grabbing some extra shields and medi mist.
“Let us commence!” Weesnaw finished, marching toward the exit, ready to take on the world with Bigmelons and Girlie.
Girlie strides out of the bunker, leading the way to a bowliciously big garage. Opening the door to a rad sports car, she beckons Weesnaw and Bigmelons in, asking, “which one of you naughty hotties knows how to drive?”
“I know how to steer a… ship,” Bigmelons says slowly, hiding her chiseled cheekbones in embarrassment at her lack of vehicular skills. Weesnaw smiles, reminiscing about their time aboard the Mayflower.
“Worry not, Bigmelons, I have my license!”
Weesnaw winks, sliding into the driver's seat and lightly gripping the wheel, stroking it a bit provocatively.
“Hop in babagrills! It's time to rock and roll!!” Weesnaw flicks the radio on, changing the station to Lady Gaga.
“Frick yeah! This is my jam!” Bigmelons cheers as she climbs into the backseat with girlie, singing along in her beautiful pirate voice to ‘Born This Way.’ Weesnaw blushes from the driver's seat, entranced by Bigmelons’s sultry tune enriched by the act of singing.
They peel out of the garage, Weesnaw taking a sharp left out of the driveway onto the open road.
“Next stop; ellie and Mason HOUSE💜!”
“Bazinga!” Bigmelons cheers, rolling down the window to let muscled alpha arms stretch outside the car, feeling the breeze with her sigma senses.
A short and peaceful drive later, they arrive at ellie and Mason HOUSE💜, a grand estate with a lovely pond in the yard.
“Huzzah! Let's go have some fun!” Bigmelons exclaims, jumping out of the car, only to run around and open Weesnaw’s door.
“Here, peach,” Bigmelons says with a wink. Blushing, Weesnaw steps out, and they head inside of the house.
“Wowzer… this place sure is… eccentric…”
“Heh, you got that right! What kind of freak has a scaled down eiffel tower in their living room!?” Bigmelons asks incredulously, taking in the wild details of the house. There are pictures of Jojo Siwa lining the walls, well, at least those walls that aren't covered in taxidermy jeeps.
“This place is freakier than I remember…” Girlie mutters, before walking off into an adjoining room. “This way, folks, I've got something you might like…”
They follow Girlie through the doorway, which turns out to lead to a massive dining room, with a table made out of bulletproof glass and cybertruck models hanging from the ceiling. Weesnaw gazes in awe at the cybertrucks, inspired by their disgusting form and ugly colors.
“Here we are!” Girlie announces, stepping aside to reveal a… vending machine!
“You can buy anything you want from here! And there should be enough for both of you…” Girlie bends down to check the stock, looking back up in confusion after a moment.
“There's only one use left… looks like just one of you is going to be able to use this.”
“Aw, fart!” Bigmelons cries in dismay. Looking at Weesnaw, she suddenly smiles, saying,
“Weesnaw! You can get a sniper!”
Weesnaw’s ears perk with joy at the realization, their tail wagging uncontrollably.
“Oh, yippee!! Hurrah, this is the best!!” Weesnaw gallivants to the machine, pressing the button for a heavy impact sniper rifle, before looking back at Bigmelons.
“Are you… sure you don't want this? I can… I suppose I could do without the sniper if- if it would help you…” Weesnaw says unsurely.
“Don't worry, Weesnaw,” Bigmelons smiles. “I trust you to have my back with a sniper.”
“You can count on me!” Weesnaw jubilates, pushing a gold coin into the machine and watching with sparkling eyes as the sniper they so dearly covet rolls out of the dispenser and into their waiting arms.
“Bazinga!” Weesnaw yells in elation, hefting the sniper onto their shoulder, confidence bolstered by the powerful weapon they now wield.
“Let's go! Off to… um…”
“If you don't mind…” Girlie starts shyly, looking down at her feet before continuing, “we could head to Mount Olympus. I… know… someone there. She could help us loads!” Girlie regains her swagger as she finishes, and Bigmelons and Weesnaw share a look of bewilderment at the spectacle.
“That sounds… great! The more the merrier! I mean, what could possibly go wrong with this? Let's go!” Bigmelons says excitedly, already rushing out of the house to get going on their adventure.
“Come on, we need to expand our team so we can slay more villains!”
Girlie rubs her hands together excitedly, calling to Bigmelons,
“Let me drive, I know where we're going.”
As Girlie gets into the driver's seat, Bigmelons opens the back door for Weesnaw, before climbing in after them to sit by their side.
“A- arent you riding in the front?” Weesnaw stutters nervously, fidgeting with their tail.
“I want to ride next to you, Weesnaw,” Bigmelons beams. “Besides, who else will protect you from the evil goons who roam these lands?”
Weesnaw blushes hard at Bigmelons’ protective nature, and after a long moment of consideration, tentatively shifts closer to Bigmelons side to put a hand on her thigh.
They’re startled out of their concentration of wooing Bigmelons by Girlie starting the engine, and her warning to look out for any danger.
Driving by a lake, Bigmelons starts to feel nostalgic for her pirate ships, longing to sail the seas and plunder merchants. So caught up in this reverie is she that she doesn't notice the way Weesnaw shifts to attention until they call out;
“Guys… Guys! I hear… Gunshots!! Danger!!”
“Good ear, Weesnaw! Where from?” Girlie praises, veering the car away from the direction Weesnaw points. “Best to stay out of trouble, you never know what those betas might have up their slippery sleeves! I know a detour, we can-”
Girlie is cut off by a loud crash and the car veering violently off the road.
“Woah!”
“A- ah! Skibidi!”
Bigmelons is the first to jump out of the car, bellowing, “What happened!?” Before turning around to see… Mr. Clean! His shiny bald head gleams in the late afternoon sunlight as he staggers up from the pavement where he got rammed.
“Arrgh! Youre gonna pay for that! With your lives!” He snarls, his voice filled with vicious malice. He pulls out a pistol, and fires as the stunned Bigmelons.
“No!” Weesnaw cries, as the shot rings and Bigmelons drops to the floor, quicker than they can process.
But before Weesnaw can release another cry of anguish, Bigmelons snaps up from the ground, snatching Mr. Clean’s gun arm in a vice grip, aiming his hand to the sky, resulting in his next shot going into empty air.
Weesnaw gasps at Bigmelons' spectacular display of reflex and flexibility, before their ears pick up the sound of footsteps pounding in their direction.
“Um, guys! We've got company!!” Weesnaw calls, turning to pull Girlie from the car while Bigmelons deals with Mr. Clean.
“Guess who's jealous of Adele?” Comes an ominous voice from the trees, and Bigmelons halts her assault on Mr. Clean to look towards the voice.
“Beyoncé!” Wendy Whaleyums shouts, before launching from the trees weilding a machine gun, ready to fire. But before she can start shooting, Weesnaw is already upon her, tackling her to the ground, snapping their omega teeth viciously.
“I'm coming Weesnaw!” Girlie shouts, already taking aim with her gun as Weesnaw loses their upper hand, falling under Wendy's stronger blows.
Girlie sprints toward them, not able to get a clear shot when they’re so tangled up, but just as she arrives, Wendy clocks Weesnaw across the temple with her gun.
“No!” Bigmelons cries, having knocked Mr. Clean out Mr. cold. She jumps out to save Weesnaw, sacking Wendy in the shoulder to make her let go of Bigmelons' kitten.
“Weesnaw, are you ok? Weesnaw, it ok, I’m Bigmelons!” Not getting a response, Bigmelons starts to worry, before remembering the reason Weesnaw is unresponsive.
Getting up from her prone state on the ground, Bigmelons turns to face Wendy and the recovering Mr. Clean, growling out to Girlie,
“Take care of Weesnaw. I'll handle these goons.”
With that ominous declaration, Bigmelons flies forward, grabbing Mr. Clean by his shoulders and using her momentum to shove him back into Wendy. They regain their balance as Bigmelons turns back around to face them, and ready their weapons. Their shots ring in Bigmelons’ ears, but none hit their mark as bigmelons expertly dodges every bullet. Whipping out her own thunderbursts, Bigmelons opens fire on the audacious brats who dare touch her peach.
“RAAAHHHH!!” Bigmelons yells in anger and triumph as she knocks Mr. Clean off his feet with her barrage, his injured form crawling away jerkily. Wendy is still standing though, and she charges Bigmelons with a hunting knife in her hand, having run out of ammunition for her gun.
Smiling darkly, Bigmelons drops her own gun to fight Wendy head on, ready to give her the humbling she deserves for hurting Weesnaw.
This'll be fun she thinks as she dodges Wendy's first jab to punch her in the side, before picking her up completely and throwing her across the road.
When Wendy hits the ground, she disappears, and Mr. Cleans pathetic crawl to the bushes is halted as he too, disappears, and in their place lies their belongings.
Not much, but Bigmelons doesn't care.
“Girlie!” Bigmelons calls desperately as she approaches her. “Is Weesnaw okay?”
“They'll be okay. Just got knocked out for a while. I gave them chug splash, they'll be good as new in a few minutes.”
From underneath Girlie a strangled voice croaks out in reverence.
“Wowzer..”
“Weesnaw!” Bigmelons cries.
“Ngh.. you're… so capable…” Weesnaw murmurs, still a bit stunned and woozy from unconsciousness and the medicine.
“Dont worry Weesnaw, it'll be okay. We're going on our way to find Girlie’s friend now, right? You'll get to sleep in the car, and we'll be extra careful not to disturb you.”
“Heh,” Weesnaw says, staggering up to standing with Bigmelons' help. “Let's get this show on the road!”
Relieved that Weesnaw seems okay, Bigmelons helps them to the car as Girlie checks for any damage to the bumper.
“Good news!” She says as she gets into the driver's seat. “No damage to our car. Bad news, however, we need gas. Soon. We're gonna have to make a pitstop within ten miles, and the only gas station close enough is, well… not very safe. We’ll have to be prepared, and right now…”
“I get it,” Bigmelons says from the back, cradling Weesnaw’s head in her lap. “We need to wait till Weesnaw is in tip top condition, and the sun is setting. We’d be smart to rest for a bit, maybe get moving when it's dark out, so we have less of a chance of finding trouble.”
“Great idea,” Girlie sighs, relieved. “Let's sleep in the car for a while, we’ll need the rest for the journey ahead.”
Bigmelons carefully lays Weesnaw out on the backseat, before moving to exit the car.
“Wait… Bigmelons… stay…” Weesnaw whispers, reaching out weakly to Bigmelons.
“Shh, Weesnaw. I'm just going to get some blankets. I won't leave you… never…” Bigmelons looks so beautiful to Weesnaw, her hair billowing in the wind like a supermodel. Her glowing magenta orbs sparkling in the sunset.
Bigmelons’ smile is like a unicorn… I would never believe how magical it made me feel till I saw it in person..” Weesnaw muses, on the verge of sleep as they lay on the soft upholstery of the car.
Bigmelons gazes at Weesnaw for a moment, before walking around to the trunk of the car, opening it with ease, and rifling around to find the emergency pack.
Weesnaw shivers, their fur standing on end as the sun sets and shadow consumes the car. The cold is suddenly vanquished, as Bigmelons throws a warm blanket over them, before climbing in beside Weesnaw and sitting down.
Wowza!! Is this really happening..? I must be dreaming! Weesnaw thinks as they snuggle closer to Bigmelons thigh as she reclines in the seat. Girlie is already snoring from the front, and Weesnaw can feel Bigmelons start to calm down into sleep.
With nobody watching, Weesnaw admires Bigmelons’ stunning physique, her alpha arms and gyattastic abdominals.
Weesnaw falls into a peaceful sleep with the sight of Bigmelons muscles fresh on their mind.
BEEP BEEP!
“Nnnnghhh…”
BEEEP!!!
“Grrr…”
“Wakey wakey! Rise and shine!! Time to go do mildly dangerous activities!!”
“Arrrgh! Alright! Fine!” BIgmelons grumbles, stretching. As Bigmelons raises her arms above her head to loosen her muscles, Weesnaw is gifted with a spectacular view of Bigmelons’ unobstructed abs. That sure wakes them up quick! Rising quickly to hide their blush, Weesnaw scrambles upright, yawning nonchalantly.
“Are you ready to rumble?” Girlie asks, not waiting for a reply before screeching the car into motion.
Weesnaw loses their balance, having not put their seatbelt on, and flies right into Bigmelons lap!
Holy squeaky chew toy! Big melons is an understatement! Weesnaw thinks as they look up at Bigmelons’ melons.
“Woah there!” Bigmelons says, blushing prettily as she rights Weesnaw, who is stunned by Bigmelons’ beauty.
“S- sorry, Bigmelons!” Weesnaw chatters, regaining their composure.
Bigmelons smirks, putting a hand on Weesnaw’s shoulder, purring, “Don't worry about it, Weesnaw, it's my pleasure.”
Weesnaw blushes so hard they think they might explode! They look out the window, quickly sobering as they spot movement in the distance!
“Guys! I see something!”
“Oh my gosh again!?” Girlie shouts, “Where? I'm going to run them over.”
Weesnaw observes their surroundings more closely, taking note of the quickly approaching gas station, and the hills that surround it.
“I- I can't tell where exactly. They must have hidden in the hills to the east. I only saw them for a moment…”
“Heh, they're right to be scared of us,” Bigmelons says proudly, before continuing, “We might as well fuel up if they've run, it's not like we have much of a choice. We're all but out of gas.”
“That sounds okay… just stay alert, we need to be on guard in case anything freaky happens…” Girlie cautions.
They pull into the station, and Girlie begins fueling the car. Stepping out of the car, Weesnaw and Bigmelons examine the still night air, regarding the unnatural quiet with growing unease.
“It's quiet… too quiet…”
Something crashes inside the station, and Weesnaw jumps, their nerves on edge.
“Get ready to fight Weesnaw! Girlie, prepare for a quick escape!” Bigmelons whisperer-shouts.
A shadow falls across the doorframe, and metal glints in the darkness.
“Duck!” Bigmelons shouts, pushing Weesnaw down to the ground as a bullet whizzes past their heads. Bigmelons rolls forward, springing up and doing a backflip to land right beside the figure in the doorway, headbutting them and tossing them out into the light.
“Ahh! Pip pip cheerio! Woooaah!” Harry Styles sings as he falls forward, his porcelain teacup flying out of his hand.
“Oi mate, I was just engaging in my nightly tea, when you wankers decide to show up and spoil my jolly good time!” Harry seethes, calling into the station, “Darling, come out here and take a look at this freak show, it's utterly absurd!”
Bigmelons is too offended to say anything and can only watch as Barack Obama strides out of the building to stand by Harry's side, placing a hand on his shoulder to subdue him. “Now, now princess, why don't we go inside and finish our tea?”
“Heavens no! What buffoons believe they can disrupt me!? You folks are going down.” He growls, stepping forward and picking his discarded assault rifle from the ground and firing wildly at Bigmelons.
“Oh no you dont!” Bigmelons exclaims, diving behind a stack of tires and whipping out her hand cannon at the same time as Weesnaw draws their hammer pump shotty from the shadows.
Bigmelons peeks out from her hiding place, and lays off a single superb shot, nailing Harry in the shoulder.
“AH, BOLLOCKS!” Harry shouts, but his pained exclamation is drowned out by Obama’s enraged bellow.
“HARRY BOO-BERRY!!” He screams, his eyes turning red as he springs into action, charging Bigmelons, with an injured, but fuming Harry Styles close behind him.
“Uh-oh! Time to bounce!” Bigmelons cries, jumping up onto the tires and bouncing off of them into a sick frontflip that lands on top of the building.
“Heh, take that!” She calls down, before her smile fades as a bomb rolls beside her feet.
“AH!” she yells as she leaps off the building just as it explodes, landing in a hard roll against the parking lot, and barreling into Harry.
From the shadows, Weesnaw is still aiming with their shotgun.
“Girlie, take the car around the corner of the road! We’ll come find you, just keep the car safe!”
“You got it!” Girlie calls, driving off as Bigmelons grapples with Harry.
Obama is fuming, hating to see his honey bear get hurt. “You know they call me ‘O-BOMB-a’ ‘round here for a reason!” he screeches, throwing a grenade at Bigmelons.
Both Harry and Bigmelons jump away from the bomb, escaping its destructive blast. Frustrated, Harry tries drawing his gun, having no luck fighting Bigmelons. But Bigmelons doesn't give him the chance, ripping the gun from his hand and whacking him across the face with it.
“NO!!!” Obama cries from across the lot, starting to sprint over. Not looking where he's going, solely focused on his pookie pie Harry, Obama doesn't notice Weesnaw, who also doesn't notice him, until he trips over Weesnaw, having run straight into their back!
“Ahhhh!” Obama yelps, as he tumbles across the pavement, stopping next to a gas pump.
From the roof of the station, a peal of whimsical laughter floats down, and a flat faced midget wearing a conical hat peers down into the fray of chaos, cocking his head sinisterly, before tossing a little bomb down onto the gas pump.
BOOM!
“Wh- AH!” Weesnaw cries, as the blast propels them backwards, having been near enough to the explosion for it to hurt .
Bigmelons, who had bested Harry, watched with anger as the silly gnome fizzed away in a flourish of flowberry.
Obama had disintegrated in the blast, and Harry, too, fell away to nothing but his gun and a framed picture of Queen Lizzie as they were beaten.
“Weesnaw? Weesnaw, are you okay?” Bigmelons calls, not knowing where Weesnaw had hidden, only that Weesnaw had somehow taken out Obama.
She sees a pathetic form sprawled out on the grass around the parking lot, and runs toward it as fast as she can, hoping Weesnaw is okay.
“Weesnaw? Weesnaw! Wake up!” Bigmelons begs frantically as she shakes Weesnaw, hoping they will wake up.
Finally, Weesnaw stirs, and Bigmelons almost cries out with relief, glad they're not dead.
“Weesnaw, it's me, it ok, I’m Bigmelons!” She says, hoping Weesnaw will say something, anything to let her know they are okay. But what Weesnaw says makes Bigmelons’ big heart grow cold, as Weesnaw croaks out,
“Who's Big Melons?”