Chapter Text
When they come back to school, things are the same but also completely different.
They have classes and homework and tests, all of it as challenging as ever (it wouldn’t be Susin High school if it wasn’t).
They don’t have a lot of personal time and they were all in different circles of friends, for the rare ones who had any, like Park Moo-yul and... Well it was pretty much only Park Moo-yul who had friends.
It should have been natural to move on and keep out of each other's ways after those eight hellish days spent in claustrophobic proximity.
Yet they keep drifting toward each other at all times.
It feels inexplicably safer when they are together. And it’s not that they have reasons to like each other better after those eight days than they did before but the bond they feel is undeniable even if they don’t know why exactly it exists or how to express it in healthy ways most of the time.
They just know that the first day they returned to school, they instinctively searched for each other in the crowded hallways at first break, and by the time lunchtime rolled around they agreed to eat together. To shield each other from nosy classmates asking intrusive questions, Park Moo-yul claimed, but they all know it’s more than that.
They keep doing it the days after.
Usually Park-Moo-yul sits in the middle, with Kang Mi-reu and Lee Jae-kyu by his sides, Choi Chi-hoon across from him. Yang Kang-mo sits across from Mi-reu and complains loudly every time because Jo-Young-jae keeps sitting by his side. Yu Eun-sung just rolls her eyes at them before sitting across from Lee Jae-kyu. And even if Yoon Su is no longer with them, the seat next to Mi-reu stays empty, a glare from him enough deterrent for even the bravest of the other students to sit there.
Their strange new routine has sparked many conversations between students, and even professors.
They are such a bizarrely mismatched group, most of them misfits before that fateful vacation. The honor student, the daredevil, the quiet guy, the somber girl, the aloof genius, the bully and the guy who was bullied. And Yoon Su, their lost eccentric eight member, with them in spirit if not in presence.
They wouldn’t say they’re friends, not quite. Trauma bonding is a term that is murmured by their classmates when they see them all huddled together and protecting the empty seat of their fallen comrade.
Whatever it is, this bond, it keeps them orbiting toward each other, colliding sometimes, always seemingly ready to take on a common enemy.
At first it doesn’t register to Moo-yul that Choi Chi-hoon is acting weird. They are all acting weird anyway, spending so much time with people that for some they used to loathe before.
But after a while he can’t help but notice how Chi-hoon keeps popping around, even more than the others.
He’s there at lunch, dinner, at breaks, usually with Lee Jae-kyu in tow since they are in the same class.
They study together, in groups of three or four usually, and Chi-hoon, instead of disappearing as soon as he’s finished with his homework to work on some other project of his, stays behind to tutor whoever needs help in their group just like Moo-yul does.
For Moo-yul that is expected but for Chi-hoon it should be something he considers beneath him and a waste of his time so it’s baffling to see him (not so) patiently explain the Riemann equation to a surly Young-jae, who gets it eventually (he’s still a Susin student after all).
It had started in the hospital right after Moo-yul woke up and his first instinct had been to search for the others. When Chi-hoon surprised him by reaching toward him to touch his head like the others had been doing. For Chi-hoon who never initiated any kind of physical contact and even seemed to actively avoid it, that behavior had been unprecedented.
At that time Moo-yul hadn’t known how to respond by something other than bafflement, and then the moment had passed when the policemen had entered the room to announce what they thought was good news.
In the end Chi-hoon never asked to touch his head again.
Chi-hoon also seems to appear at random, when Moo-yul heads to breakfast in the morning and when he walks back to the dorm after classes. When Moo-yul asks him, half jokingly, if he memorized his schedule, Chi-hoon responds without blinking.
"Of course, I memorized all your schedules."
Moo-yul is so taken aback by the casual response he doesn’t have the time to decide which of the several questions that pops into his mind he should ask before Chi-hoon walks into his own classroom without bidding farewell.
Why did Chi-hoon feel the need to know each of their schedules by heart ? Seems the most obvious, but for some reason it’s not the one he wants to know the answer to the most.
Instead Moo-yul wants to know why Chi-hoon chooses to walk with him every day instead of any of the others.
"He wants to be friends with you." Mi-reu declares when Moo-yul breaches the subject of Chi-hoon’s slightly odd behavior with him.
Moo-yul thinks about it for a moment. At first, the idea that Chi-hoon would want to be friends with anyone seems implausible. Choi Chi-hoon had never expressed the need nor the want for friends during his first year and a half of schooling at Susin high, why start now ?
Obviously things had changed for all eight of them during the Christmas break from hell (as Yang Kang-mo calls it). But Chi-hoon had always seemed to remain mostly unflappable even when faced with threats to his life or the other’s, because he couldn’t feel emotions as deeply as most people according to him.
So when exactly was the moment where Chi-hoon decided to abandon his lone genius lifestyle and make friends with Park Moo-yul instead ? What changed his mind ? And why especially him, who pushed him off a slope and broke his leg ?
"Does he try to be friends with you too ?" Risks Moo-yul to Mi-reu who was looking at him with an amused half smile since he brought up Chi-hoon and his eccentricities to him.
Mi-reu grimaces.
"Sort of."
Moo-yul waits for him to elaborate.
"He talks at me sometimes, mostly about physics theories and math problems. Psychology stuff too, he picked it up recently. Before, he barely acknowledged my existence, so, it’s a start."
Moo-yul, who is familiar with the sort of subject Chi-hoon could lecture about and the way he tended to do it (very patronizingly), grimaces in sympathy then smiles and shakes his head.
"That Choi Chi-hoon..."
Kang Mi-reu notices the way his tone, who would be exasperated before Christmas, is instead almost fond.
"You know Chi-hoon is not the only one who is acting differently. You are too."
Moo-yul is startled a bit at that statement. Mi-reu is looking at him, an almost pensive expression on his face. Then he breaks into a smirk and elbows him playfully.
"Don’t tell me you didn’t notice ! Park Moo-yul, you have turned soft around him. Before, you would send him death glares whenever he topped your score in the rankings and be all pissy whenever he was brought up in conversation. Now you spent a lot of time together and you don’t look upset at all about it and I even saw you carrying his stuff for him. And right now you smiled while talking about him !"
"I carry his stuff because he still has a broken leg !" Protests Moo-yul.
«Lee Jae-kyu could do it. They’re in the same class and get along fine these days.» counters Mi-reu.
Moo-yul doesn’t have a retort to that. It’s just that, one day he saw Chi-hoon get out of his dorm, struggling with his bag and simply took it off him and walked him to his classroom, chatting about classes while doing it. It had seemed a very normal thing to do and Chi-hoon didn’t object, so now, whenever Chi-hoon appeared in his vicinity, he just did the same without thinking about it too much.
"Aww I’m witnessing the birth of a beautiful friendship, I feel so privileged !" teases Mi-reu and Moo-yul punches him lightly in the side at that but can’t help laughing too.
If he had known not too long ago that he would end up joking around with Mad Mi-reu about his friendship with Choi Chi-hoon he would have thought the world had gone mad. It kind of did, now that he thinks about it.
Just then he spots Chi-hoon hobbling towards them with an inquisitive expression. He stops in front of them and raises an eyebrow slightly as if to ask what they were joking about just now.
Moo-yul suddenly feels a little embarrassed even if he doesn’t understand why. It’s not like he and Mi-reu were trash talking Chi-hoon after all.
"Well, I must depart toward other pursuits. But don’t you forget about poor Kang Mi-reu, leader, even if your right-hand man is here now. Farewell friends !" Mi-reu bows with a flourish then starts running toward the entrance while hooting wildly.
"What was that all about ?" Chi-hoon sounds slightly dumbfounded, the way he often is when Mi-reu starts his antics.
Moo-yul once again shakes his head fondly.
"I have no idea."
After dinner Chi-hoon and him head toward the study rooms.
They offered Yang Kang-mo and Yu Eun-sung, who were with them at dinner, to join them but Kang-mo said he had some photos to edit and Eun-sung just declined without offering an explanation.
It’s not often that it’s just him and Chi-hoon at study. They all had a lot of work to catch up to when they came back to Susin, even if the school at least tried to be accommodating, a rarity on its part. During their time away they got the materials for classes sent to them and remedial teaching was set up for them when they returned. They still had to study a lot to catch up and for the first two weeks the entire group worked on it together, with Chi-hoon and Moo-yul who were top students tutoring the others.
Moo-yul feels briefly anxious at the thought of comparing his work to Chi-hoon’s, anxious he won’t be able to keep his inferiority complex from resurfacing.
Usually the others act as a buffer and he doesn’t feel inadequate while he tutors them. He’s even better than Chi-hoon at it, because Chi-hoon for all his smarts isn’t very pedagogue. But if it’s just the two of them he only has Chi-hoon to compare himself to and he feels like he will inevitably fall short.
When they are settled in the study room and Chi-hoon doesn’t immediately start on the task at hand, Moo-yul comments.
“Don’t you have homework to do for Monday ?”
"My class had a self-study period of an hour this afternoon. I have already completed the homework for the week-end."
"In only an hour ?"
"Yes."
Moo-yul shakes his head incredulously
"Choi Chi-hoon, you’re really something else… Then why are you here with me if you don’t have any homework left to do ?"
"I thought I could help you complete yours."
Moo-yul considers the offer. In the past he would have taken it as a declaration of superiority from Chi-hoon which would have made his temper rise. But is it really ? Kang Mi-reu said Chi-hoon is trying to be his friend so is it an olive branch Chi-hoon is offering as a way to put their rivalry to rest ?
When he looks Chi-hoon in the eyes, his expression is as inscrutable as ever. Yet there is an almost unnoticeable air of tension to him.
Moo-yul realizes that Chi-hoon is hoping the truce he’s offering will not be rejected.
He wonders when he became so adept at deciphering the micro-expression Chi-hoon makes. The fact that he no longer views him as some sort of heartless freak probably helps. How could he after everything they had been through together ?
"All right, then let’s get to it shall we ?"
Chi-hoon relaxes imperceptibly.
That night Moo-yul dreams of the slope, of pushing Chi-hoon toward it in a rage that quickly turns to horror when Chi-hoon stumbles and goes over the edge.
Only this time, in his dream, he’s able to catch Chi-hoon before he falls out of his reach. He wakes up with the phantom weight of Chi-hoon's body against his and tears of relief in his eyes, the same relief he had experienced in reality when he collapsed in exhaustion after he was finally able to pull Chi-hoon over the slope. The relief that he had not doomed him to die slowly in the snow of shock and exposure after all.
That, for just a little while longer, he wasn't a murderer.
In the morning Moo-yul notices it had started to snow again. He goes to his window and stares for a long moment. It’s alright since today is a Saturday and he doesn’t have to rush to get breakfast and get to class in time.
When he goes to the cafeteria, he’s surprised to see Chi-hoon is still seated, picking at his breakfast while staring out the window with a deep frown of concentration on his face.
Usually Chi-hoon gets up as early on the weekends as the rest of the week and doesn’t dally around at mealtimes so it's rare to see him so late at breakfast. The others are not around, either sleeping in even more than Moo-yul did or already out and about doing who knows what with their day.
He grabs a tray and some things to eat and makes his way to the seat across Chi-hoon who greets him as neutrality as ever.
"Morning."
As plain as the greeting goes, it's still a massive improvement of Chi-hoon’s attitude. Before Christmas he never said any kind of acknowledgment to anyone. And while he doesn’t smile or anything, Moo-yul has the feeling Chi-hoon isn’t displeased to have him join in for breakfast.
“You’re here late”
“My leg’s been bothering me at night, I didn’t sleep as well as usual so I’m still feeling a bit sluggish.”
A wave of guilt immediately crashes into Moo-yul. It takes him by surprise and sweeps him toward murky waters of thoughts he’s usually able to keep at bay.
They all did things they are not too proud of during those eight days. Even without mentioning the obvious (which they never do, what would be the point, it’s done and they have to live with this particular choice now) they all at some point betrayed each other, beat each other up and hurled sharp words of accusation and insults at each other.
For Moo-yul his lowest moment will always be that fight that resulted in Chi-hoon almost dying.
It lasted less than five minutes but the consequences far exceeded anything Moo-yul could have thought and they both are still grappling with the aftermath.
When Moo-yul looks at Chi-hoon’s leg, propped up on a chair in front of him, it’s a reminder of what his anger issues could cost if not kept under control.
Usually Moo-yul was so careful in his control but Chi-hoon always was a trigger to his temper and he lost it that day.
But an even bigger shame, and something that even Chi-hoon doesn’t know, is the way he was tempted for a moment, on that slope, to let him fall back and die. When he had Chi-hoon’s life in his hands, quite literally, and the rope started to slip from his fingers he was faced with a choice. He had to let go of his resentment to be able to save Chi-hoon’s life. In the end he’s glad he did it, he knows he would not have been able to live with the guilt if he hadn't.
It was one thing to murder a serial killer who had spent almost a week psychologically torturing them, caused their friend to kill himself and seemed determined to keep fucking with their lives, but Moo-yul couldn’t justify letting someone die out of jealousy.
“You seem distracted.”
The statement is worded in that same neutral tone as ever yet Moo-yul still flinches and forces himself to look away from Chi-hoon’s leg.
“Sorry, it’s just… With all this snow today it’s hard not to reminisce, you know ?”
“You’re still thinking about the time where I fell and broke my leg ?”
Blunt as ever, not that Moo-yul expected differently. Still, he notes that Chi-hoon chose not to state Moo-yul’s role in that incident.
“You don’t ?” asks Moo-yul, his curiosity awakened by their conversation.
“Not really, it’s in the past with all the other things that we did. I see no point in lingering on that particular incident.”
Chi-hoon never brought up their fight after it happened. It was Moo-yul who recounted it to the others when he had to explain to them why Chi-hoon had a broken leg when they came back.
Eun-sung had shaken her head with disapproval and that had stung because, despite everything that transpired between them, he still wanted her to think positively of him.
The others didn’t comment at first but, in the hospital, Mi-reu had said that it was not so surprising that Chi-hoon and him had had “their big fight” and he was glad it resolved things between them once and for all.
Maybe Moo-yul doesn’t feel it’s as settled as Mi-reu and Chi-hoon seem to think.
“I almost killed you”.
It’s the first time he’s said it out loud.
Chi-hoon breaks his staring out the window to lock his gaze into Moo-yul’s eyes.
His gaze is as intense as the time he tried to communicate to him not to come back when they had been sent to search for Yoon Su. It’s the look he has whenever he feels that what he’s trying to convey is of the utmost importance Moo-yul learned.
“In the end you still chose to come back and rescue me even when you could have easily let me die. I’m grateful for that. I know you didn’t like me so I thought you wouldn’t come back. We both had an opportunity to let each other die but we chose not to. That makes us even in my mind.”
Moo-yul remembers how Chi-hoon relented and lowered the gun when Kim Yo-han threatened to shoot him.
“Is that why you did it ? Because you wanted us to be even ?”
“Yes, among other things.”
Moo-yul lets him elaborate.
“Letting Kim Yo-han shoot you wouldn’t have accomplished anything. My goal was for all of us to survive, ideally. I bluffed that I could shoot that woman to buy time and see how they would both react but even if the gun had been loaded I still would have surrendered. Like Kim Yo-han said, I had never killed anyone and also there was no way I could have taken them both out in my condition without endangering you.”
Moo-yul feels strangely touched. Coming from Choi Chi-hoon and after all the harm he did to him, this felt like a lot.
“Thank you.”
“What ?” Chi-hoon appears puzzled by his answer.
But before Moo-yul can say anything else, Jae-kyu and Eun-sung join them at the table and the moment passes.
He can still feel Chi-hoon look at him with pensive eyes during the rest of breakfast.
Apart from studying there isn’t a lot to do at Susin, even on the weekends. The students are encouraged to devote all their free time to get ahead on the subjects that will be addressed in the next classes. Things like hobbies are discouraged and romantic relationships are prohibited. It was probably the first and only (prior to Christmas break) school rule that Moo-yul ever broke which is proof of how much Eun-sung meant to him.
She still does, but not in the same way now. They are both different people. Eun-sung had changed even before that fateful Christmas break and she transformed even more after it.
She seems to have regained some of the fondness she once had for Moo-yul. These days when they talk she doesn’t insult him like she did but it is clear that she has completely moved on from their romantic entanglement.
In fact she seems to have developed an aversion for romance entirely. Moo-yul can understand it, the way she was harassed for her looks, not to mention the whole fiasco with her mom, it had to have taken a toll on her. So, he tries to keep a respectful distance and be a friend which is a little awkward at times but manageable. Yang Kang-mo and Jo Young-jae also seem to leave her alone now, probably because she would give them an earful if they behaved toward her the way they did ever again.
Moo-yul knows that everyone is expecting them to resume dating now that they are close again but what happened only solidified their break up and the transition of their relationship into something else.
All relationships between the eight former victims of the Susin hostage situation had changed. They all saw facets of each other no one did. They shared secrets. They shared a loss no one would understand.
They still were teenagers, that much hadn’t changed, but they had all matured and their entire worldview had shifted due to the choices they made.What that meant for the rest of their lives, Moo-yul couldn’t tell.
But at least he was glad they weren’t alone in this. It was kind of liberating in a way, how the most shameful parts of them had been witnessed by the others. There were no secrets between them anymore, Kim Yo-han had made sure of that.
What their future holds is still unsure but they can figure it out, together.
It’s with those thoughts in mind that Moo-yul heads for the library, he knows at least one of the others will be there and he doesn’t want to be alone for the time being so he seeks for them.
He finds Jae-kyu in the newspaper section, browsing with a frown on his face. When Moo-yul looks over his shoulder, he sees a picture of Kim Yo-han and an announcement that the police are still trying to figure out the extent of his crimes. It’s not all that surprising since Kim Yo-an used to kill at random, with no preferred method of execution. Some of his crimes may stay unsolved forever now that he can no longer speak of it. Would he have ever revealed it all ? Given the man’s relationship with the truth, that is doubtful.
Jae-kyu notices Moo-yul peering over him and startles a little.
“Sorry… I was curious.” Moo-yul feels awkward, he should know better than to sneak up on someone who was in a high tension situation not too long ago.
“It’s okay.”. Jae-kyu assure him. “Do you keep yourself updated on the case too or is it just me that is being morbid ?” He jokes awkwardly.
“It’s not just you. I search the internet everyday for new developments.” Confesses Moo-yul with a sheepish smile. “I didn’t think of checking the papers though, isn't that a little old fashioned ?” He teases.
“My dad and I used to read the newspaper every Saturday morning together, it was kind of a ritual between us. Being a student here means we barely get to see our parents for three years and I used to get so lonely the first six months here… I guess keeping the ritual made me feel a little connected to my dad even if we weren’t in the same place anymore.”
Moo-yul feels touched by these little tidbits of information Jae-kyu is sharing with him. He knows that Jae-kyu was a loner before Christmas, like a lot of the others in their little group, and he also knows that, unlike Chi-hoon or Mi-reu, it used to wear down on him, to the point he had started to despise the other students at Susin. And when he found Kim Jin-soo’s diary and began to relate to the boy’s suffering he focused that distaste onto the six of them, who became sinners in his eyes.
Jae-kyu apologized to them for sending the letters while they were in the hospital but Moo-yul is still curious to learn how Jae-kyu sees them now. Obviously there’s some kind of kinship now between them and Jae-kyu has been coming out of his shell a lot more since the start of the semester, engaging the others in conversations and even joking around at times but has he really forgiven them for their role in Kim Jin-soo’s death ?
Moo-yul wants to bring up an idea he has for a little memorial for Kim Jin-soo but he’s not sure it’s the right time just yet. They all are still reeling from their ordeal with Kim Yo-han and everything that happened over Christmas break, especially with Yoon Su’s suicide.
Instead he asks Jae-kyu if he would like to play chess with him after he’s done reading the news and retrieves the board from his bag upon his enthusiastic nod.
For all his timidity, Jae-kyu really is a social person. It must have been really hard for him to not be able to connect with the people here. A lot of the students are really competitive and focused on their studies (Moo-yul can be like that at times). Others are from rich elitists families and won’t mix with anyone they considered below them in terms of social standing. Moo-yul can tell from a glance that Jae-kyu is from a normal, middle class family so he must have been confronted with a snobbish attitude from some of them.
“How is it going with your classmates these days ?” He asks while setting the board.
“It’s okay for the most part.” Answers Jae-kyu.``I mean people actually talk to me now which is progress I guess. The problem is, they often end up asking about what it was like being taken hostage by a serial killer at some point in the discussion which makes me think that it was probably the only thing they were really interested about in the first place.”
Moo-yul can relate, the other students and even some of the professors are getting increasingly nosy now it has started to settle down. They knew it was going to happen so they agreed on what to say before coming back to school but that doesn’t make it more comfortable by any means.
“Yeah I get that too, it’s not easy. How are you handling it ?”
“Outside of class I just make excuses to leave rapidly. In class Choi Chi-hoon usually tells them off for the both of us.” Jae-kyu chuckles.
“So you’re around Chi-hoon a lot ? I mean you always come together at lunch so I assume you’ve gotten close.”
“Yeah, it felt a little weird at first,” Jae-kyu says. “Not so long ago he didn’t even know we were in the same class and now he actually comes to my desk to ask how I’m handling homework and work on shared assignments together. I mean, he’s still Choi Chi-hoon, no doubt about that, most of the time I have no idea what’s going on in his head but he actually makes an effort, at least toward me.”
“I’ve been wondering about that actually,” Moo-yul admits.
“About what's going on in Choi Chi-hoon’s head ? Good luck with that.” Jae-kyu jokes.
Moo-yul laughs a little at that.
“He’s been a lot friendlier lately and I was kind of freaked out at first.” He confesses.
“Why ?” Moo-yul can see Jae-kyu’s curiosity’s been picked.
“I didn’t understand he wanted to be friends until Mi-reu said so, I just saw him pop around me a lot and engage in conversation about random subjects. It’s weird, from anyone else I would have immediately assumed they were trying to be my friend but from Choi Chi-hoon I couldn't believe it at first. He was just so aloof before.”
“Actually there were a few times during break when I got the impression he was friendlier with you than with anyone else even if it’s not saying much.”
This response from Jae-kyu surprises Moo-yul.
“What do you mean ?” He asks.
“Well, he wasn’t interested in the letters until you started investigating it and when he discovered something you were often the first person he’d tell. I always got the sense he respected you the most, he would share his plans with you and seemed to recognize you as the leader of our group, especially in the moments when the situation escalated. I think he trusted you more than the rest of us.”
Moo-yul thinks about it while he and Jae-kyu take turns to move their pieces on the board. It makes a lot of sense actually, what Jae-kyu said. Yet Moo-yul at the time was incapable of recognizing it. He thought Chi-hoon was lording his superior investigating and plan-making skills over him everytime he came up to him with new information or a plan and judging him whenever Moo-yul made a mistake (and he made some crucial mistakes which only exacerbated his feelings of inadequacy). It was only after Moo-yul almost killed him that he was able to realize how much of his judgment was clouded when it came to Choi Chi-hoon.
And after Chi-hoon limped to his defense against Oh Jung-hye despite having a broken leg, that was broken because of Moo-yul, and the gun being empty he was forced to recognize that Chi-hoon never did anything to spite him except in Moo-yul’s head.
He puts his head in his hands and groans.
“I feel so guilty.”
This is not a new feeling for him, as Kim Yo-han so eloquently voiced. Moo-yul feels guilty about his mother's passing and how his relationship with Eun-sung ended and about all the mistakes he made when trying to keep everyone safe from the serial killer holding them hostage. But nothing's quite as damning as pushing someone off a cliff.
At least, Moo-yul thinks, he has a chance of making things as right as possible by responding to Choi Chi-hoon’s overture of friendship. They already get along much more than before, it won't take a lot of effort to solidify their friendship. Moo-yul just has to treat Chi-hoon as he would Jae-kyu or Mi-reu. It will be fine.
Moo-yul loses the first round of chess and Jae-kyu throws his hands in the air in victory. Before Moo-yul can ask for a rematch, Jae-kyu waves his hand and calls out.
“Hey Choi Chi-hoon !”
Moo-yul turns around and finds Chi-hoon on his way to the other side of the library. After a moment of hesitation, he starts to walk toward them instead.
He has a stack of books in the hand that is not holding his crutch and without thinking Moo-yul gets up and takes it from him.
“I was going to return those and get more since I’m finished with it.” Explains Chi-hoon.
They are all books on brain development and neuropsychological conditions. Right, Mi-reu had said something about Chi-hoon getting a new hobby.
“It’s ok, I’ll return them for you, sit down with us a little, it’s a long way from the dorm to the library.”
Chi-hoon acquiesces and takes the seat Moo-yul left while he makes his way to checkout and returns.
When Moo-yul comes back. Jae-kyu is explaining the rules of chess to Chi-hoon who listens with a deep look of concentration.
“You never played chess before ?” Asks Moo-yul, surprised.
“No, I have never seen the interest in playing any game.” Answers Chi-hoon as flippantly as usual.
“Oh.” Jae-kyu seems stricken.”Then I don’t want to bother you…”
“It’s okay, I want to learn, since you guys are playing.” Says Chi-hoon plainly.
This renders both of them silent.
“What’s the matter ?” Asks Chi-hoon, brow furrowing.
Moo-yul and Jae-kyu exchange a smile.
“Nothing. Well, there are different ways of opening but one of the most frequent first moves is…”
Jae-kyu returns to his explanations while Moo-yul gets a seat to observe the game from.
Chi-hoon is as absurdly good at chess as he is everything else and it takes him very little time before he gets the hang of it and beats Jae-kyu on his second try. Moo-yul is certain, seeing him, that he could enter tournaments and beat professional players soon enough.
“Wow, I’ve been playing with my dad since I was eight and you already have me beat. Man, you’re something else.” Jae-kyu laughs.
Chi-hoon lips settle into a smirk that Moo-yul would have found grating before but now is slightly endearing.
Jae-kyu looks at the time and excuses himself, he has to call his parents to reassure them that he’s alright, something he’s had to do regularly since coming back to Susin. He said they were ready to withdraw him from there but he asked them not to in exchange for frequent phone updates.
All the victims of the hostage incident have been granted the privilege to call home as often as they want by the school. As far as Moo-yul knows, only him, Jae-kyu and Kang-mo use it. Mi-reu and Chi-hoon’s parents are not that anxious about their well-being according to them and Eun-sung only calls her dad when she’s certain her mom is not around. As for Young-jae, Moo-yul was in the cafeteria with him once when a teacher came to announce to him his mother was on call and Moo-yul had never seen someone turn so pale so fast. Young-jae won’t talk about it but it’s clear something is going on at home and it doesn’t look like it’s something good at all.
With Jae-kyu gone, Moo-yul turns his attention to Chi-hoon.
“You said you wanted to check out some books, right ? Mind if I browse with you ?”
They get to the documentary section and Chi-hoon goes directly to the psychology part. Moo-yul winces a little when he sees it. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to see the word without associating it with Kim Yo-han for a very long time.
Chi-hoon browses the shelves very quickly and selects three books. Moo-yul offers to take them off his hands and peers curiously at the titles. One is a book about autism, the other is on the subject of criminal psychology and the last on the effect of trauma on the brain.
Then Chi-hoon surprises him by wanting to check the novel section. He doesn't hesitate here either and selects “Crime and punishment” by Dostoïevski.
“They are taking off my cast next weekend” He says suddenly.
“That’s good.” Moo-yul responds.
“I wanted something to read on the ride there.”
He hasn’t chosen an especially light read but Moo-yul trusts that it won’t pose him a challenge either way.
Chi-hoon’s cast is off but he doesn't seem happier or well rested. Instead, there are dark shadows under his eyes that weren’t there before. He’s standing in the hallway of their dorm staring at his leg when Moo-yul spots him.
“Is there a problem with your leg ?” He asks him.
Moo-yul feels he is now adept at decoding the subtle expressions Chi-hoon can make. Right now, with his lips pursed unhappily and brows furrowing, he looks like he’s in pain.
“Yes, my leg is cramping a lot since they removed the cast. Mostly when I’m sleeping but sometimes when I’m sitting or even while I stand.” He says.
“Ah, it can happen, it’s because your leg has not been moving much while in the cast. Is it cramping now ?” Moo-yul asks, concerned.
“It’s starting to, yes.” Chi-hoon’s answers stiffly.
“Massages could help relieve the pain and prevent more cramping.” Moo-yul says, reviewing his medical knowledge in his mind. ”I could do it for you if you’d like.” He says without thinking.
He immediately feels embarrassed by his thoughtless suggestion. Of course Chi-hoon is not gonna want a massage from him, what was he thinking ?
“That would be helpful, if you have time now we can go to my room.” Chi-hoon responds without batting an eye. Moo-yul stares at him, stunned before acquiescing. He offered after all, so why is he hesitating now ?
Chi-hoon is noticeably limping when he walks. Moo-yul estimates it will take a few more weeks for his leg to recover fully. For someone who likes to pace while thinking as much as Chi-hoon does it must be very annoying.
They go into his room and Moo-yul can’t help looking around curiously. He's never been there, in fact it is frowned upon by the school to bring other people into your dorm room on weeknights. Neither Moo-yul nor Chi-hoon particularly cares right now.
Chi-hoon has already taken a seat on his bed and Moo-yul hovers over him, unsure of what to do.
“I can’t massage your leg properly with your pants in the way.” He blurts out, once again not thinking.
Chi-hoon raises an eyebrow at him and Moo-yul feels a blush starting to creep out on his face. He coughs to mask his awkwardness. But to his surprise Chi-hoon undoes his belt and starts to slide off his pants without saying anything.
Moo-yul kind of wants to turn his face to hide his embarrassment but Chi-hoon is staring up at him expectantly so he tries to channel the posture of a medical professional, seats himself beside Chi-hoon and pats the spot between them to show him where to put his leg.
Chi-hoon’s skin is soft, he notes in an almost absent-minded way while he starts massaging it. Chi-hoon has less hair than Moo-yul and a few moles here and there.
At first his leg is stiff and there is an almost imperceptible tremble here but the more Moo-yul massages the more it starts to relax so it seems to be working.
When he risks a glance at Chi-hoon’s face, Moo-yul is surprised to see him looking back. He seems completely relaxed, his eyes half-lidded.
Moo-yul stares back at him for a moment while he lets his hand work automatically and, without realizing, his gaze falls on Chi-hoon’s lips which are slightly parted. Their heads aren’t far from one another and Moo-yul would only have to inch a little bit closer to fit his lips against the other’s.
The thought should be incongruous but Moo-yul finds it tempting. There is something about the level of trust Chi-hoon puts in him right now that makes butterflies erupt in his stomach. He feels elated and giddy even if he doesn’t understand why exactly.
It takes him a moment to parse but when it clicks the revelation makes his hands falter.
He’s attracted to Chi-hoon. He likes it when Chi-hoon trusts him and relies on him. That he’s seemingly the only one that Chi-hoon seeks touch from. He wants to see how Chi-hoon would react if he were to close the gap between them and kiss him.
But as soon as he realizes that he also realizes this is not something that can ever happen. Besides their fraught shared history, there’s the fact Chi-hoon never expressed any romantic or sexual attraction toward anyone. Moo-yul isn't sure if this is a choice or if the inclination just doesn’t exist for Chi-hoon. Even if it did, he highly doubts he would be seen as a viable option by Chi-hoon. For one, he’s a guy and even more importantly, their most memorable physical contact had resulted in a broken leg for Chi-hoon. He’s quite certain the other has too much self-preservation to go for someone who once pushed him off a cliff.
Moo-yul isn’t sure how his attempt at friendship with Chi-hoon has gone so awry so fast. Now he’s gonna have to do his best to pretend he isn’t nursing a crush on him while still trying to be a good friend.
His life is so fucked.