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She thinks about him when she’s sleeping, and when she’s reading. Every joke reminds her of him, and in every conversation, she brings him up. It’s driving her crazy; she can’t get him out of her head.
There’s something on the tip of her tongue, she can feel it.
He tests the waters. He kisses her cheek. He’s sweet and kind and loyal and a gentleman. He’s everything she’s ever wanted and it’s right there.
She spills her darkest secrets like a broken ink pen. He’s opened a gate and she’s letting him right in. She says,
“I think I’ve told you more than Vivian, and she’s supposed to be the therapist.”
She can feel the swarm of butterflies when he laughs and pulls her in, the softest kisses to her hair.
It echoes in her brain but she never says anything.
Their friends watch them grow. They tease but they’re glad. They’re healing and that’s what’s important.
He shows her his childhood treasures and she listens to every ramble. She explains every Taylor Swift song and he spends hours listening to them afterwards. He helps her explore the world. She helps him explore himself.
She knows it’s there. She wants to say it.
He drags her out of bed on her bad days, and she holds him on his. It’s taking them so long but her frozen heart is thawing in his warm hands.
They’re both fucked up but, oh gosh, it’s right there, in the forefront of her mind. She can feel it.
It’s those three words.
Oh, it’s so easy to tell her friends this.
Why is it so different this time?
The doubt creeps into her mind and the fear of losing him to another scares her again. It’s silly, she knows. Vivian tries her best to console her but the panic settles in and she loses it. She has the scars to remind her. She heard it was terrifying. She heard that she was medicated for a couple of hours. She heard he was beside her the whole time. And that’s all she remembers.
He’s half asleep, comic book in hand as his long blonde hair curls in front of his face.
“You need a haircut,” she whispers.
It’s on the tips of her tongue. She can feel her stomach flip in circles.
“Taylor?”
The relief in his eyes when he realises she’s awake is all she needs and she says,
“I love you, Lloyd.”