Work Text:
“Two Augusts ago
I told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home
You're in your Benz, I'm by the gate
Now you go alone
Charm all the people you train for, you mean well but aim low
And I'll make it known like I'm getting paid
That's just the way life goes
I like to slam doors closed
Trust me, I know it's always about me
I love you, I'm sorry”
~ I Love You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams ~
She knew that she would get in trouble for this. She knew that her grandparents would give her a massive scolding and Harumi would smirk from behind them. She knew she shouldn’t. It had been the deal.
But she had to.
There was one phone in the palace that Taylor knew of; the one in Hutchins’ office. Her grandfather used it occasionally for decisions and urgent public affairs, but that was it. As her grandfather’s adviser and spokesperson, he was the communication between the Royal Family and the public, which was the reason it resided in Hutchins’ office.
Taylor had never used it. Previously, messages had been relayed back to her by Hutchins. Sure, it seemed a little paranoid and invasive, but the only times she needed it was when Skylor had a life update, or recently, when the Ninja had reached out to her sister over Master Wu’s disappearance and Skylor asked her if there was any information she could find in the palace library.
The thought of Ninja clouded her thoughts, as Lloyd’s face began to obscure the images in her mind. She was reminded of the conversation at breakfast and Lloyd and Harumi’s “not date” which caused her stomach to start doing flips.
She shook the images from her head by listening to her heels click on the wooden floorboards. She was a hallway away from Hutchins’ office.
The distraction lasted enough to make it to the door of his office, and Taylor shifted into an ant before squeezing herself through the crack between the floor and the sliding paper door.
Shifting back, Taylor passed the walls covered in books and belined straight toward the black landline phone on the edge of the desk in the center of the room. She swiped it off the desk and dropped to the wooden floor in a pile of silk and satin. She pulled the phone into her lap and then a scrap of paper from her bra before dialling Skylor’s number. It rang out, and Taylor clenched her jaw.
Please, please, please, Skylor.
She called her number again. Skylor picked up on the second ring.
“Skylor Chen, speaking.”
Taylor scratched her arm. What was she even going to say? What did she even want to say? She considered putting down the phone until Skylor continued,
“Hello? I don’t recognise the number.”
She took a deep breath. “It’s me… Skylor.”
“Tay?” Skylor replied joyously and she laughed into the phone.
“Yeah…”
Skylor hesitated, dropping her glee. “Wait, you shouldn’t be calling me. Why are you calling me?”
“Are you… at work?”
“No. I’m at my apartment. Are you okay? Do you need help?”
She laughed bitterly. “Shit’s going down and the worst thing about it, my head’s telling me that I’m making it all up.”
Taylor heard her sister pause before she asked,
“What happened?”
“The team is here. Zane, Kai, Nya. The whole team except for Wu, of course. They’re guarding an artefact some masked people are after.”
“Shit. Lloyd?”
She hummed in acknowledgment and bit down on her lip. Oh, this sounded so stupid. She didn’t know what to say. How to say it. The words were building up in a lump in her throat. She felt her nose tingle, her lips pulled back to stop the noise and she squinted her eyes closed.
“I am such an idiot,” she sobbed, drawing her knees to her chest as her chest squeezed painfully. “And I can’t even complain because I was the one that walked away! He’s not even mine to lose and… and—and what if—“
“Taylor, slow down. What did he do?”
“He’s falling in love with Harumi.”
There was a pause. “Oh.”
“And I miss him but I can’t say that because I walked away from him. But he did too but I didn’t even try. I didn’t try to talk to him. I didn’t try to fix it.” Taylor dragged her hand down her face as she watched Lloyd run in her mind, the feeling of his lips on hers lingering like smoke.
“Fix what, Tay? What happened that makes you say this?”
Her brain reminded her that she never told Skylor and she let out a shallow breath.
“He kissed me and ran away before you got the letter. I didn’t even talk to him about it. I didn’t even try. I was confused and angry, and when I got the opportunity to run, I ran. And he moved on and I’m fucking crying over the fact that he did, just like I hoped he would.
“I just wish it hadn’t been her.”
“How’s he in love with Harumi?”
“He looks at her the same way he looked at me. She’s walking around the palace with this mentality that ‘Princess and Ninja don’t belong together,’” she replied bitterly.
“Emperor and Empress got involved?”
“Yeah, they accidentally went on this whole ‘moonlight canal walk’ together and now everyone’s calling it a date.”
Taylor stared at the door mulling over her next words. The fabric was sticking to her back. She was overheating and the tears had dried on her face.
“Wow.”
“You know what the worst thing of all is? I think he still likes me.”
She could hear her frown. “What makes you say that?”
“He stares at me?” There was nothing else that she could think of. “I don’t know! I just have this hunch. And the even worse thing is, I still like him. I miss him. I let him go.
“What if someone never likes me again? What if I blew someone who was willing to put up with me? What if no one ever finds me pretty or something? Should I have stayed? If I had stayed, would we have fixed things?
“I can’t want him back. I don’t want him back. But I do. Skylor, please. Tell me that I don’t need him. Tell me that this pain in my chest will go away and I’ll move on and he’s not for me. Please, Skylor, please!”
There was a long pause as Taylor waited
“I can’t tell you some of that.”
Her heart sank into her chest and she swallowed a cry.
Skylor continued. “I can tell you that you don’t need him. You’re eighteen, Tay. You will move on, continue with your life. But I can’t tell you if he’s the one.”
Taylor gulped and shook her head, wiping the tears from her face. “Sky… do I love him?”
“I don’t know, kid, do you?”
“‘Cause I think I don’t. I just want to feel okay. I want to go home.”
“You will, Tay. You will.”
What was home?
“Taylor, have you seen my leather jacket? Swear I wore it in the last week.”
“Have you checked the tote bag I brought with us?”
“The purple one?”
“Yeah.”
“No, I will.”
I turned back to my makeup and Skylor’s laugh echoed in the bathroom from my phone I had propped up against the mirror.
“You’re fifty already?”
“Har har har.”
“What are you guys even getting ready to go to?”
I shrugged and sifted through the bag of makeup Nya and I had collected over the years. “Charity event? I don’t even know what it’s called.”
“You don’t know the charity that you’re going to an event for?”
“To be fair, I’ve never donated to this one before. Otherwise, I would’ve remembered,” I stated truthfully. Skylor snickered. “Someone was like ‘oh hey, let’s invite Taylor Garmadon for funsies even though she’s not a contributor.’ They must love me. They invited us and it’s a free dinner.
“And April Radin is going to be there and we need another sponsor. Zane’s coming so hopefully he’ll be able to work with Lloyd on her.”
“You know I have money that I’d be willing to contribute.”
I shook my head. “You know how I feel about that. Plus, Lloyd freaked when he found out about how I was using my share of Dad’s money.”
Skylor chuckled and then replied with,
“You two are the same person, I swear.”
“I found it!” Lloyd called out and crossed the hallway to stand in the door of the bathroom. “Alright, what do we think?”
He held out his arms to show off the leather jacket, forest green shirt and straight black jeans. I threw him a wide grin, biting back the cringiest and dirtiest things that I could say to him.
“I don’t even know what to say because there’s nothing PG running through my brain right now. Skylor’s on the phone.”
His slightly bewildered expression shifted to a knowing look. He shoved his hands in his pockets and leant on the door frame.
Skylor gagged. “Disgusting. You guys are what? Twelve? Twelve-year-olds should not be fucking.”
I threw Lloyd an exasperated look which he returned with his own valid roll of his eyes,
“Twenty-one, Skylor.”
“Twelve, twenty-one same thing. Still babies.”
I watched Lloyd’s eyes rake down my body and a swarm of unwanted butterflies stormed in my stomach.
“I hate you,” I mouthed. He grinned and then turned his head to where my phone was sitting on the counter.
“So does that make you sixty-two in June, Grandma?”
There was a pause and I eyed the phone suspiciously.
“Sorry, dear? I couldn’t quite hear you. My ears are getting so old,” she replied, her voice croaking wearily. I could imagine my sister pretending to be hunched over as she pushed her non-existent glasses further up the bridge of her nose.
I snorted and shook my head, picking out a concealer that matched my skin. “Leave my poor husband alone. It’s bad enough to deal with me.”
“You’ve been married for like four months and you’re still one of those couples?”
Lloyd snuck around behind me and placed his hand on my hips before leaning into the phone. I put down the concealer.
“It’s been three months and twenty-seven days.”
I watched myself smile like an idiot in the mirror.
“That’s my cue, goodbye Lovebirds.”
“Bye, Grandma.”
“Love you, Sky.”
“Love you too, Tay. Don’t have too much fun.”
The call disconnected. Lloyd slipped his arm around my waist and pressed a kiss to my temple.
“I’m glad you guys are talking more.”
I leaned against him slightly. “Yeah, me too.” I watched his eyes in the mirror linger on a spot on my face. “Is everything okay?”
“You didn’t cover your scars.”
I frowned. It wasn’t accusational and it wasn’t a question. It was a statement, almost a confused observation.
“Yeah, why? Would you rather—“
He panicked and cut me off. “No, no. I was just wondering. It seemed like something you would’ve done. I’m glad. They’re you.”
I nodded and dropped my gaze, chewing on our words. For a second I thought about Harumi and the scars on my face and ribs. I held my breath to stop myself from feeling something brewing in my chest.
“Hey.”
He lifted my chin and coaxed me into turning around to face him. I looked at him as his features softened. Lloyd bent his neck to press a chaste kiss to my forehead.
“She’s gone,” he murmured.
“I know,” I said even more softly. I could feel his hand hover over my hair as if he couldn’t decide where to put it.
I raised an eyebrow at him when he rested it on my hip.
Lloyd laughed. “I didn’t want to ruin your hair.”
I felt my heart jump in my throat. The pure sincerity and thoughtfulness had my head spinning. I searched his face for something sweet or poetic to say but I could only think about how he was mine.
“I love you,” slipped from my mouth.
His lips pulled into a gentle smile and he closed his eyes. I reached up to pull him into a kiss.
“I love you too,” he said against my lips, his thumb brushing against my jaw. It touched my skin ever so slightly, tickling my face and I shivered abruptly. Lloyd burst into laughter, as I blinked my disorientated expression away.
“You are hilarious.”
I shot him a glare but an amused grin grew on his face and he slipped from the room. As I listened to his footsteps recede down the hallway, the only thought that was running through my head was:
God, I love him.
It wasn’t burning like a fire or sparks like a firework. It wasn’t surging like a storm or calm like a stream. It was soft and warm. Comforting and safe. It was home.
He was home.