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Eddie was nervous. He was outside Buck’s apartment, hand raised to knock, and afraid he was sweating through his dress shirt.
They’d been dating for just over 9 months. He was actually there for their makeup anniversary dinner. Eddie wasn’t really concerned with small celebrations like month anniversaries, but Buck loved them, so they tried to do something special for the day.
They were scheduled for a shift together on their actual anniversary, so they had to settle for something slightly later than usual. They got off work that morning, and Eddie tried coaxing Buck to come to his house for a nap instead of driving all the way to the loft. It just made more sense to go to Eddie’s seeing as they would see each other again in a few hours.
Buck logically argued about his clothes and bed being at his place. The older man scoffed saying he had a perfectly good bed at home and Buck had a drawer filled with clothes. The other man eventually admitted he had a special outfit picked out for their date and Eddie was intrigued.
It was hard because Eddie had fantasized about curling up behind his boyfriend and napping with his face buried in Buck’s neck. That thought sustained him through their entire shift. It got to the point where he had to look away from the blonde when he looked at Eddie with soft, sleepy eyes. God, Eddie loved him.
So, Buck went to his apartment and Eddie went home. He’d been tossing around the idea of asking Buck to move in with him for months, but he kept stopping himself. He loved Buck and Buck loved him, too, but what if the younger man thought it was too soon?
What if Eddie fucked everything up because he felt like he couldn’t live without him? That was why he hesitated before knocking on Buck’s door. Was he ready to take the plunge with the man he wanted to marry one day?
He smiled at the thought of Chris’s reaction when he told him he wanted to ask Buck to move in with them. That kid idolized Buck, going on an excited rant about how awesome it would be if Buck stayed over all the time. Eddie didn’t have the heart to tell him they couldn’t do living room sleepovers every night, but Chris was smart, they would sit down and talk to him about it after Buck decided.
All Eddie needed to do was actually ask him and not freak out about the answer. Good or bad, Eddie felt like his heart would explode. If he said yes, that was great! They could figure out the logistics, carpooling would be a lot easier, and Buck would be in his bed every night. If he said no, that was okay too, but Eddie wasn’t looking forward to the rejection and talking about why they weren’t on the same page about their relationship.
When Eddie dropped Christopher off with Hen and Karen so he and Denny could have a Guys' Night, they took one look at him and wished him luck.
So that left him outside his boyfriend’s apartment, anxiety threatening to consume him, and his imagination running wild. He checked his watch, the reservations Buck set up were at eight, and if he didn’t hurry they would be late.
Eddie took a deep breath and knocked twice, rolling his eyes when Buck called out that it was open. How many times have I told him to lock his door? If everything went according to plan, they would have that conversation again about their door at home after he moved in.
“Please tell me you just unlocked this,” he said, stepping into the familiar space. He was met with silence for an amount of time that told Eddie everything he needed to know.
“... Yeah…” Buck’s voice carried from his bedroom. He sounded guilty and Eddie wanted to be annoyed, but a smile crept onto his face anyway.
“Mm-hmm,” The brunette was used to his partner’s behavior, and doubted he could change him if he wanted to – which he didn’t.
Eddie checked himself in the downstairs bathroom. His hair was perfect and the black button-down he spent twenty minutes ironing was wrinkle-free.
“I’ll be down in a second, I can’t find my watch,” Buck said sounding frazzled.
Eddie knew his boyfriend liked to be on time for things. He thought it might be an extension of what Hen and Chimney called ‘Clipboard Buck’. Eddie thought it was cute but didn’t want the power to go to the younger man’s head.
He caught himself smiling in the mirror. How had he gotten so lucky?
“No problem, the reservation for your mystery place isn’t for an hour.” Buck refused to tell Eddie where he was taking him for their anniversary. After extensive research and a secret coworker poll Buck didn’t know Eddie knew about, the blonde promised he would love it.
He never got the location out of anyone, but didn’t mind. His partner was adorable when he got excited, and he’d been gushing about this date for weeks.
Eddie wandered out of the bathroom to wait. He glanced around the loft, imagining what it would take to move everything. He helped move a lot of the furniture in when Buck first got the place. While in recovery for his leg, he called Eddie almost every day. If the older man wasn’t busy with work or Chris, he was talking Buck down about ugly color swatches and hideous lamps.
Ali leaving after Buck signed the lease had been a pretty bad blow. Buck wasn’t a terrible decorator, but Eddie always got the feeling the loft was more for her than it was for him. Not to mention he was on a time crunch to get off of Maddie and Chim’s couches respectively. They were still trying to figure themselves out around that time, and Buck felt like he was intruding.
Eddie heard a thud from the second floor and glanced up just in case, but Buck yelled, “I’m good,” before he needed to check on that.
The loft was spotless as per usual. Eddie knew Buck liked to keep his space clean. He usually only deviated from that when he was depressed or if he was watching kids. That was something Eddie learned over the years – nothing got in the way of playtime.
He rechecked his watch making sure they were still on time when his eyes caught something unusual leaning against the wall. A medium-sized suitcase was open and stuffed with clothes. It looked like something someone would do if they were planning a trip… or an escape.
Eddie cocked his head trying to remember if Buck said anything about an impromptu trip. Buck was an adult and didn’t owe Eddie anything, but they were in a pretty serious relationship, so he hoped the younger man would tell him if he planned on leaving.
Eddie got closer to the suitcase to study its contents. There were pairs of clothes, toiletries, a few cords for electronic devices, and a bunch of rolled-up socks. Eddie huffed at how the socks were balled to take up the least space possible. Buck showed him a video a few months ago about the most efficient ways to pack and he remembered the socks looking like that.
He glanced up to the bedroom again before looking back at the evidence of Buck maybe going somewhere. Was he wrong? Were they on different pages about their relationship? What if Eddie asked him to move in and Buck said, ‘Oh, I was just having some fun with you, I’m actually going to Europe forever to be with my long-distance lover, Pierre.’
He groaned, running his hands down his face. Now he imagined Buck frolicking through the French countryside with Pierre wrapped around him. He had to get a grip, that didn’t even sound like something the other man would do or say.
He almost jumped when the stairs creaked. He spun around, moving toward the table. It wasn’t like he was guilty of anything, but he didn’t want Buck to think he was snooping.
“Hey, sorry about that, I lost literally everything I needed,” Buck said, buckling a black belt around his waist.
He looked gorgeous. His hair was perfectly coiffed in a way that made Eddie glad he decided to start growing it out. His pretty blue eyes were accentuated by the dark blue button-down he wore over black jeans. His shirt was mostly tucked in with a piece left to hang freely over his belted pants.
Eddie took several deep breaths to calm down. He wondered if they could just forget about dinner and stay in for the night.
“Hey, you,” The blonde said with a grin, stopping within reach of the older man.
“Hey, you,” Eddie replied, knowing his face was doing something stupid and sappy, but not caring in the slightest. He had the most beautiful man standing in front of him, making him feel like he won at life.
“You look great,” Buck said shyly, his eyes shamelessly drifting up and down Eddie’s form.
“Look who's talking,” Eddie loved the way Buck blushed. He could write a dissertation about the attractive red hue that traveled down his partner’s throat. He could have a Master’s degree in Evan Buckley if he really wanted to.
“Stop, we have reservations,” the taller man bashfully looked away, but Eddie couldn’t help but reach out to reel him in by the waist. They could be late, Eddie was fine with that.
The press of Eddie’s lips on the corner of Buck’s mouth gave way to a soft kiss. Buck sighed into it like he was really happy, and Eddie was really happy, too.
They stayed like that for a few more minutes with Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s waist, and Buck’s arms encasing Eddie’s shoulders. All they needed was music and they could sway to the beat holding on to each other.
Eddie groaned into Buck’s retreating neck when the blonde pulled away.
“We have to go,” Buck said, stroking the sensitive skin behind Eddie’s ear.
Eddie was too old to pout, but it was a close thing. At least he got to watch the blonde walk away to find his shoes. His eyes followed his boyfriend’s swaying hips. He groaned again for good measure.
“Were Christopher and Denny stoked about Guys' Night?” Buck asked, distracting Eddie from thinking about what he wanted to do to him.
“Guys' Night? Yeah. Karen said something about teaching them some ‘mad science tricks.’ I didn’t ask what that was, but Hen had several fire extinguishers at the ready, so they should be fine.” Eddie had been slightly afraid of the crazed look in Karen’s eyes before he left, but he trusted them to take care of his kid.
“Can’t wait to hear about that during our next shift. Now,” Buck said, clapping his hands when he was done with his shoes. “Are you ready for the best food this side of SoCal?”
“The best food?” Eddie grabbed Buck’s jacket from the back of a dining chair. It was black and sleek, and Eddie couldn’t wait to see it on him.
“Your favorite food, actually,” Buck grinned with a glint in his eye, and Eddie was instantly suspicious.
“Tamales?”
“Frog legs.”
“Frog legs?” Eddie repeated incredulously. His mouth dropped, not only at the thought of eating frog legs but also at Buck thinking they were his favorite food. He didn’t know how to break it to his boyfriend and considered just playing along until he saw the sly smirk on the younger man’s face.
“You dick, I would have,” Eddie said, poking the blonde under his ribs. Buck would never admit it out loud, but he was hilariously ticklish. He jumped out of the way with a yelp, holding his hands up to protect himself. A full-blown smile graced his lips.
“I know, but you don’t have to, and I’m not telling you where we’re going, because it’s a surprise.” Buck darted to kiss his cheek as an apology; Eddie immediately let it go.
“Alright, we ready?” Buck asked, pulling on his jacket, rechecking his pockets to ensure he had everything, and looking at Eddie expectantly.
Eddie almost said nothing, he was home-free, but his fears outweighed the desire for a peaceful night. “Actually, speaking of surprises, are you going somewhere?”
Buck looked like a confused puppy with his head cocked to the side. “Yeah, Baby, we’re going to dinner.” He pointed to the door for emphasis like Eddie didn’t know what they had planned for the evening.
Eddie huffed, crossing his arms. “No, I know, I meant that,” Nodding to the open suitcase. “Are you going somewhere with that?”
Buck glanced over Eddie’s shoulder to the suitcase and Eddie saw the moment comprehension donned on him. His mouth opened in an ‘Oh’, and it almost took Eddie out of the moment, but if he was serious about asking Buck to move in with him, he needed to know what was happening.
“Oh, no, I’m not going anywhere, that’s for the hospital,” Buck said cheerfully like that explained everything.
“The hospital?” Eddie asked slowly. “Why do you need to go to the hospital? Are you okay?”
Eddie placed a gentle hand on Buck’s arm, gripping it like he could tell just by looking at his boyfriend whether or not he was sick. Buck saw the concern flashing in Eddie’s eyes and stepped into his space. He cupped Eddie’s face, softly stroking his cheek, while projecting calming vibes.
“N-No, no, sorry, I meant, it was for the hospital. It’s my hospital go-bag,” Buck felt Eddie’s breath even out. The older man looked confused, but not like he was seconds away from bundling Buck up and driving to the nearest ER.
“Why is it still packed? Were you at the hospital?” Eddie wracked his brain for the last time his boyfriend needed to go to the hospital long enough to require an overnight bag. It had been a few months at least.
“No, I just keep it ready for the next time I have to go, it’s usually in the closet,” Buck said carefully. He averted his eyes like he knew that was a weird thing to say, but it was the truth.
“Buck…” Eddie leaned back so he could look into his partner’s eyes. “The next time?”
The blonde shook his head, backing up to settle against the kitchen island. “Yeah, I mean, it happens often enough, y’know? I just wanted to be prepared.”
Eddie could see Buck getting defensive and didn’t want to upset his partner, but he was worried. It wasn’t exactly healthy to be constantly waiting for something bad to happen. Not that Buck didn’t have reason to worry about stuff like that. He was right, it did happen often enough.
Eddie rubbed the back of his head. He wasn’t sure if he was even qualified to tell someone else what they were doing was unhealthy, his coping mechanisms were atrocious.
“It’s not a big deal, I-I’m just being efficient,” Buck said, hopping up to sit on the countertop. He felt like this would be a longer conversation than he wanted it to be.
“Okay, that’s fine, I just… Do you think that’s healthy? Like mentally?” Eddie crossed his arms again while biting his lip. Buck squinted and Eddie tried to ignore the irony. “No, I know, but still, we’re talking about you and your hospital go-bag right now.”
“Babe, it’s not that crazy. I’m in the hospital a lot, I know those are the things I’m gonna need, and it just takes more time to pack and unpack things.” Buck shrugged like that made perfect sense.
Eddie had to hand it to him, it did make sense, but he was still worried. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy or something. He had to shake his head, he didn’t even believe in that shit.
“Look, if it makes you feel any better, my go-bag is on the long list of things I’m currently talking to my therapist about.”
Eddie blew out a breath, walking over so he could stand in between Buck’s legs. They were strong, warm, and steady. He looked into blue, trusting eyes and folded into solid arms. Buck automatically wrapped them around Eddie’s frame.
“I just want you to be okay,” Eddie said, his voice muffled from where his face was pressed into Buck’s collarbone.
Buck wiggled at the ticklish sensation, but that didn’t stop him from stroking his boyfriend’s back while saying, “I know, and I am. I really only started doing it after Nurse Dhrama said she was making me frequent patient punch cards.”
Eddie leaned back ensuring he caught Buck’s eyes so the younger man knew he was serious. “I will burn them to ash.”
“Calm down, Killer, she was joking… but I appreciate it.”
“I’m sorry, I jumped to conclusions, I was just,” Eddie shrugged. “Worried, I guess.”
“About what? Me moving away without telling you?” Buck kind of chuckled but stopped when he realized Eddie wasn’t joining in. “Eddie, did you think I would move away without telling you?”
Eddie frowned and thought whatever answer he had would sound ridiculous so instead he pulled away saying, “We should get going, we’ll be late for our reservations.”
Buck wouldn’t let him go that easily. He snaked an arm around Eddie’s bicep, gently pulling him back. He knew they both had abandonment issues, and he didn’t want a dangerous, rogue thought like that floating around his partner’s head.
“Please tell me you know I wouldn’t do that to you,” Buck said seriously. “I love you and would never hurt you like that.”
They both thought of the time a lawsuit prevented them from talking to each other and how terrible those few weeks were. Eddie meant it when he told Buck never to do it again. He didn’t just mean ‘don’t sue the department’, he meant ‘don’t leave me.’
“I know, I do know that. I was just getting in my head, but I love you, too,” Eddie said, hugging the blonde again. How could he ever think they weren’t on the same page? How could he ever believe this wonderful, gorgeous, kind man wouldn’t want what he wanted?
“Good, cause we are going to be very late, and I for one-”
“Move in with me.” Eddie interrupted him with his head nestled next to Buck’s ear. “Please, move in with me? Move in with us? I want you with us always. After shifts, before dates, and for every anniversary from now until we die. Will you-”
“Yeah, yes, I-I will, absolutely move in with you,” Buck sounded breathless. He held Eddie close, peppering the side of his neck with kisses. Eddie could feel the shake in his shoulders. He didn’t know that was how he would ask, but he was so glad he did.
He looked into Buck’s beautiful eyes. They shone with unshed tears, but a smile that could light up the sky was beaming back at him.
They laughed and hugged and kissed. They were also late to the restaurant, in fact, they didn’t go at all. They got something delivered, deciding to savor each other’s presence instead.
Eventually, Buck unpacked his hospital go-bag, and Eddie along with the rest of the 118 helped him move his things. It took some trial and error and years of stumbling through the unknown, but they were in it together; on the same page and everything.
-fin-