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Next time someone asked Lucas where he saw himself in 20 years, he wouldn’t bother answering.
Ned and Meg were supposed to be in Vancouver. And Lucas? He was supposed to be chopping away at little jobs, making a new way for himself. He had no idea what was in store for him, but he was really looking forward to it. Then, at the last second, Ned had to go and get himself hostaged.
He got himself involved on purpose, unlike the last time. Lucas had no right to be angry, which made him even angrier. No matter how bumbling Ned was, they’d both found themselves in the same situation. Anytime he tried directing his anger at Ned, he’d just parry it back, until they both finally simmered down. And then Ned would grow sad and quiet, turning away from Lucas.
“Just go. I’ll figure it out.”
But he wouldn’t. Or he’d get close and then something would happen to him and Meg. And Lucas wanted to distance himself, he did, but he knew he’d never forgive himself if he read their names in the paper down the line. So Lucas had breathed a sigh large enough for the foreseeable future and hung his head.
“I’ll take you to Vancouver. We'll do it my way.”
And that’s how he found himself in another vacant customer house, enjoying their time away by making himself at home. He decided they were going to stay in the area until Ned’s little hostage situation blew over, then they could hike it to Vancouver and all would be well. For now they’d just have to lay low; Lucas would continue taking little jobs while Meg and Ned stayed out of the public eye.
Ned stayed in the house most days. There was something about having someone in the house at all times strangely comforting; like whenever Lucas entered the premises, he would find himself searching for Ned’s silly-storytime voice, or Meg cooking some monstrous concoction in the kitchen. Rather than an absence of life, he found himself seeking it out. And he found himself relishing in the sense of relief that came with it.
It felt wrong, like a strange foreign sensation on his tongue. He’d always believed this kind of life was never meant for him, he’d done too many bad things. He’d suck Ned in a mess, and then vice versa; they just weren’t good for eachother.
He was certain of that. Except for when he caught Ned slow dancing with Meg several times, and they’d pulled him into the circle. Or when Ned managed to cook them the most delicious family dinner with scarce vacation home supplies (after several failed attempts). And there was that time that Ned had scrubbed all of Lucas’ tools clean without him saying anything and he’d been so happy to surprise him with something. Lucas didn’t even care about his equipment that much.
Much to his chagrin, Lucas found he cared a little more about Ned and Meg than he wanted to.
His feelings punched him in the face on a random rainy night in the winter. He stumbled into the foyer, kicking his muddy boots off and peeling off his wet leather jacket. He left everything in a heap by the door, meaning to grab it later. And he was on his way to the bathroom for a shower, when he stopped short of the living room.
The tv was on, just some mindless low chatter in the background. The lights were down and Lucas hurried to the windows to draw the curtains. He sighed, and then silently regarded the figure on the couch.
Ned was slumped over the arm, remote dangling from his fingers over a pool of drawings and crayons scattered about the carpet. On closer inspection, Lucas could make out people; Meg and Ned riding bikes, Meg and Ned and Lucas catching butterflies, Meg and Ned and Lucas making snow angels. Lucas bit back a smile, picking a few up for closer examination. His eyes bounced from the paper and back to the fridge, where they had accumulated a few selections from Meg. He’d wondered if it was time for a rotation.
“Before you go on about the brushwork I want you to know I didn’t help her once with any of these,”
Ned mumbled from his curled up position on the couch.
Lucas grabbed his chest. “Jesus,” he hissed, but Ned didn’t move. Once his heart rate returned to normal, Lucas crouched by his side.
“I may have had some input on the colors,” Ned continued. “I used to dabble a little bit.”
“What are you, some kind of Picasso?”
Ned smirked. “Maybe.” He twiddled his thumbs from his new reclined position. Lucas could tell there was something on his mind.
‘C’mon, spit it out.” He jostled Ned by the shoulder. Ned was quiet for a little bit before unfurling his arms, letting them both hang off the couch, stretched towards Lucas. He yawned deeply, making grabby hands.
“Stairs?”
Lucas rolled his eyes. “Not that again.” But the way Ned’s face fell in disappointment wiggled its way into his heart. He growled, though there was no real heat around it and hoisted Ned up off the couch bridal style. “Fine. Fucking asshole.”
As he carried Ned up the stairs, he tried to ignore the heat from his body. He stared at the top of his head on the ascent; he still felt tense, like that wasn’t all he wanted to ask. Lucas ran through his mental checklist: yes, Vancouver would be safe for the two of them. No, Lucas didn’t know exactly what his next job was going to be. And of course, Meg would be totally fine.
He prepared for any one of these as he left Ned at the foot of the bed, pulling the covers back for him. “There you are, princess. Anything else I can get you?”
Ned was still worrying those damn fingers of his. Lucas couldn’t take it anymore, grabbing his hands.”Quit it, will ya?”
“Will you stay?”
Lucas’ heart clenched in his chest the same way it did when Meg asked, or when Ned asked after her first words. “Ned, I told you I-“
“No I know that, I’m talking about right now just,” he inhaled a sleepy breath and sat down on the bed. “Just, lay down okay? While we have this? Just once.”
Lucas sat down next to him, pushing his hair back to feel his forehead. “Are you on drugs?” He mused.
“Very funny,” Ned mumbled, catching his wrist in his hand. “I appreciate it okay? Everything you’ve done for me. How do you repay that? I don’t know.”
Lucas rolled his eyes, but he didn’t pull away. “I toldja already. Don’t worry about it.” And then a little quieter. “I’ll make visits. Promise.”
“You think if that guy had killed me you would’ve kept Meg?”
The blood in Lucas’ veins froze cold in its tracks. He stared at Ned, grasping for a logical reason that Ned would think to such lengths.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He said urgently, but kept his voice low. Ned’s head lolled toward him, eyelids heavy with the need to shut. But Lucas looked so handsome with the warm light from the hallway bulb illuminating the back of his head. He began to reach for his cheek, but chickened out and let his hands fall in his lap.
“Just…can’t stop replaying it in my mind. The crazed look in his eye. But you know what it looked like.” Ned reminded Lucas of that fated day in the bank where they first met. “You must’ve been scared.”
Lucas scoffed. “No I wasn’t.” And he was telling the truth. About the first time. The second time was a little different, with Meg in his arms, a gun between Ned and his little girl. Lucas wasn’t dumb; the gun held power to separate them completely, and then yes, it’d be his responsibility to decide Meg’s fate at that point. Just he thought it wouldn’t have been then on out.
“She’s not mine,” Lucas continued. “What sense would that’ve made?”
Ned sniffed, his eyes closing all the way. Lucas layed him down on the pillow and went to turn the light off, but then Ned’s mouth opened one more time.
“There’s love here.” He whispered sleepily. “I know it.”
Lucas would’ve pressed him for more information, if he weren’t so relieved that the man had fallen unconscious. He couldn’t see the rising blush dusting Lucas’s face. He shook his head, a fuzzy feeling filling his chest. He went to smooth back some of the hair from Ned’s forehead, decided that was too kind, and promptly stood up and left the room.
Now that he was alone he became too aware of his heart hammering in his chest. He stood by the front window, crossing his arms, focusing on the city lights in the distance. He could get more gigs there, maybe live in a place like that. Or he could follow in his current client’s footsteps and get a place in the area. He could suggest similar things for Ned and Meg too. He’d even scope out the potential place that they wanted. If that’s what Ned wanted.
It wasn’t what he really wanted.
Lucas was drawn out of his fantasies with a weight against his leg. He jolted against the blinds, but relaxed when he looked down to just find Meg standing limply by his side.
“Must’ve got the sneaky gene from somewhere else,” Lucas muttered. Meg didn’t move, just staring at his knee. Lucas crouched down to sit on the tile at her level. She held out a book for Lucas to flip through.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” He teased. Meg looked at him with not an ounce of guilt, just sweet hope.
“Just one,” she begged. Meg’s language had expanded only a little bit, and was better when both men were present. Lucas couldn’t help but be proud of the little developments they had chipped away at. He’d miss her most of all. Which is why he couldn’t find it in himself to deny her anything while he was still around.
“Twist my arm why don’t you,” he said, scooting up against the wall. Meg shuffled close to Lucas’ side, her little hand resting on his leg. Lucas flipped the book open, but Meg was looking at him expectantly, covering the words of the first page. “What?”
Meg gave him a small smile, sweetly patting his leg. “Love you.”
Lucas’ chest hurt, wanting to tread lightly with his words. He found that he wanted to return the sentiment, but he couldn’t do that to her. He patted her shoulder, drawing her close, directing her attention back to the book. A lump filled his throat.
“You too, kid.”
That night he put her to bed deciding he’d stay just to see the look on Ned’s face when she’d eventually say it again. Lucas felt deep down in his heart that any love shown wasn’t a waste.
There’s love here. I know it.
The next afternoon, when Lucas was driving home from work, there was a man standing on the sidewalk in front of the house. He had his hands on his hips and seemed to be observing it closely. Lucas’ hands tensed around the wheel. He pulled up to the curb and slung his rucksack over his shoulder and manually relaxed his brow, putting on his best neighborly tone.
“Afternoon. Can I help you with something?”
The man turned with a start, but quickly regained his composure and nodded with a smile. “Hi! I’m so sorry, I just don’t think we’ve met. The names James Gently. I’m your neighbor! Or I think I am? I never saw a moving truck or a sign so I just wanted to be sure things were a-ok.”
Lucas clenched the back of his teeth. “Yeah. House is under contract. I'm just here to spruce it up a bit. We’re in between places so I cut a deal with the owner.”
James raised an eyebrow. “We?”
Damn. Lucas bit the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, regular squatters. I call it camping in the daytime. Anything to entertain the little one.”
James lit up. “Oh my little Jenny has been dying for a playmate! How old is yours?”
Lucas winced a little when he bit his tongue.
“He’s seven.” Wait. “Named Jonathan,” No??
James chuckled. “Oh a boy. Bet he’s quite the handful.”
Lucas shrugged. “Yeah, well my wife and I manage.” WHAT.
Hearing this news, James seemed to perk up even more if that was possible. “Oh we can’t have you leave without the women meeting. Carol simply won’t have it. We’re having a little bonfire to commemorate the arrival of the winter season this weekend. Tell me we’ll see you there?”
Lucas felt like his feet were stuck to the sidewalk. “I’ll run it by her. See what she thinks.”
James laughed. “Oh I know you won’t disappoint. We’ll see you later! Take care.”
“Alright, bye,” Lucas mumbled and made his way up to the house. As soon as he stepped inside, he locked the door and huddled up to the window to peek through the blinds.
Ned came in from the kitchen, his eyes already full of anxiety. He was kneading some dough in his hands, an apron slung over his front. He looked like a regular house husband. “Who was that? What’d they want?”
Lucas looked at Ned, the words from last night seemingly forgotten, or maybe he got better at his poker face. He almost took too long answering him but came up with the words at once.
“Uh nothing,” he said lamely. “Just the neighbor. They’re nosy all over. Pretty much invited us for a barbecue.”
Ned wasn’t appeased, still looking quite anxious. “You think he’s onto us?”
Lucas rolled his eyes. “Only after I basically layed out our entire deal to him. He just caught me pulling up after work. Got a wife and a kid Meg’s age; one of those square pansies. Nothing that’ll get us in trouble long as we keep our heads low.”
Lucas swore he could see Ned’s eyes sparkle, the way they opened up wide. “A kid? Really a kid Meg’s age?” the danger completely forgotten. He pushed by Ned to make his way into the kitchen, busying himself with a tray of cookies Ned had prepared. The man huddled close to his side, babbling on about the current predicament.
“Oh I was worried Meg might not meet another kid her age again; I really don’t want her to regress, Y’know? She’s come so far. Gee, a friend her age, can you imagine?”
Lucas shrugged, his mouth full of cookie. “Yeah, I can imagine. Cause it’s not happening now.”
Ned’s face fell and he set the extra dough down. “Cmon, after you ‘layed out our entire deal to him’? He doesn’t look like the back down type. I should go say hi.”
Lucas pulled the baking sheet out of Ned’s way. “Are you out of your mind? This is how you make trouble, your name is still in the news for Christ’s sake.”
Ned’s demeanor fell even farther, his gaze longingly trained on the front window. “But Meg…” he whined noncommittally. He knew Lucas was right. They couldn’t expose themselves just yet. Not until the hostage robbery news fizzled out.
Lucas squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he hadn’t told James anything at all. Now if he didn’t get a glimpse of Ned or Meg, Lucas was sure he’d get suspicious. And with Ned’s history of getting into trouble, it wouldn’t look good for him.
Lucas grit his teeth. “Look if we make a no show to this fucking bonfire we’re going to raise suspicion. For now we should act normal, pretend that we’re a real tight knit family. Dress Meg up, make friendly, the whole deal.” He pointed to her room. “But not as Meg.” He pointed to Ned too. “And not as Lucas or Ned.”
Ned’s face fell with mortified revelation. “You don’t mean it.”
Lucas couldn’t help but chuckle, grabbing the keys off the counter.
“The Kowalski’s are back.”
*****
Ned waited for Lucas to return from the store with bated breath, nervously drumming his fingers on the table. He couldn’t even imagine the kind of getup Lucas would end up throwing him into now. It seemed with every passing day, his dignity would go with it. He huffed a breath, scrubbing his face down with his hand before looking at his daughter.
“You ready to be daddy’s boy again?” He asked, wearily. Meg moved to his side, taking his hand in her own.
“I can wear pants again?”
Ned squeezed her hand, relieved that that seemed to be her main concern. “I guess you can.”
They only waited for a few more minutes before Lucas came in, bags looped around his fingers. He unceremoniously dumped the contents on the table, quickly separating articles due for each person.
“A hat for Jonathan, a dress for mommy,” Ned tried to ignore the way his stomach flipped after a wink from Lucas. “ And a clean shirt for daddy.”
Ned perused the pieces Lucas picked out for him with dread before just scooping all of it up, heading for the bathroom. “Let’s get this over with,” he moaned.
Once he was in the bathroom, he better inspected the items. He pulled on a dress that seemed to be one or two sizes too big on the top, revealing a little shoulder, but clung cozily to his hips. The flats were an upgrade from heels, slipping on with no problem. Lucas had even purchased a cheap makeup palette, and Ned begrudgingly swiped some rouge on his cheeks and nose, and even patted a little gray on his eyelids. He looked in the mirror with some kind of despair, but was happy that he looked better than the last time. He reminded himself that this was for Meg’s happiness and made an appearance in the living room for Lucas and Meg’s scrutiny.
Lucas wasn’t sure what he expected. The wig seemed to accentuate Ned’s jawline and the dirty blonde hair brought out the green in his eyes. The dress hung low enough to expose his collarbones and frilly sleeves enveloped his arms. The dress clung tight around his hips, providing an appropriate fall casual look and Lucas had to admit, it was a bit of an upgrade to his last feminine look. He was strangely fixated on Ned’s eyes.
“Dont say a word,” Ned whined, combing some tangles out of the hair.
Lucas let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Wasn't going to…Lucille.”
“Ugh,” Ned shuffled away in his flats, offering the baseball cap to Meg. She took it politely, admiring Ned’s new look.
“Very pretty, Mommy.”
Ned covered his face with his hands. “I don’t believe this.”
As if sensing the stakes, Meg slipped her hand into Ned’s, smiling softly.
“I’m excited for my play date, mommy.”
Ned would always be grateful anytime Meg let slip some optimism. He scooped her up in his arms, giving her a big kiss on the cheek.
“Aw baby,” he cooed. “I’m excited to never speak of this again. Let’s go.”
*****
When party time came, the three of them rounded the neighbors house to the backyard where the hangout seemed to be in full swing. James was tending to some food on the grill, laughing about something with someone who was presumably his wife. A little girl was swinging on a playset a few feet away by herself, but she seemed fairly content. When she spotted the Kowalskis, her swing slowed to a stop.
“Daddy, they’re here!” She cried, and then ran to her father though she had their attention. Lucas and Ned both smiled nervously. James’ wife immediately offered her hands to Ned.
“Hi, you must be Lucille,” she said, warmly. “I’m Carol. What a delight to meet you.”
Ned nodded emphatically and Lucas pushed him forward when he continued to just bob his head like an idiot. Ned glared at him for a split second before chuckling in his higher register, tucking some wig hair behind his ear.
“Oh ain’t you a doll,” he giggled. So we’re sticking with the southern accent. “I cannot thank you enough for the invitation. You’re just a peach.”
“I think that’s enough of the compliments, Lucille,” Lucas chirped through a gritted smile. “Sorry, she tends to lay it on thick sometimes.”
Carol didn’t seem bothered by it at all and she appeared to take Lucas for his word. “Well alright then. Why don’t we grab a few drinks and get acquainted? You have no idea how bad we’ve been dying for some guests lately. Have a seat!”
Before they did, Meg tugged at Ned’s dress, her eyes locked on the daughter. Ned connected the dots quickly.
“Oh this is my…son Jonathan. I’m sure he’d love to take a gander at those swings,” he drawled. “Why don’t you two run along?”
The little girl stepped forward bravely in contrast to Meg’s clinginess to her father. “I’m Jenny. Do you wanna play?”
Meg looked to Ned for approval then shuffled closer to Jenny. When Jenny didn’t say anything else, she smiled.
“Okay.”
Jenny took her hand, and Ned watched them make
way for the swings with a tense jaw. His eyes didn’t leave her even while Lucas led him to a picnic table on the patio. He sat down, feeling like they just walked into a trap and only clocking back in with the adults when Lucas nudged his foot.
“My wife doesn’t get out much,” he explained.
“Oh I hear that,” Carol cheered, and then offered her drink to ding. Ned clinked a glass designated to him full of water, then shakily brought it to his lips.
The four of them engaged in playful banter, and Ned was surprised to find himself ease ever so slightly, mostly due to Lucas holding the reins of the conversation. Carol and James reminisced on their time in Vancouver, which made Ned feel better at the prospects of actually settling in the area. But the best part was having Lucas sitting beside him. Because of this, he started to gain a bit more confidence. His fingers itched for his hand to hold, like that one stormy night together. He had no sleepiness to blame the affection on though so he just sat there, worried for all their sakes.
“Now, how did you two meet?”
Ned hummed as he forcefully swallowed some food down, like he’d been waiting for this question all night. He clasped his hands together thoughtfully, but Lucas knew this is just another one of his nervous tics to buy him some time. Lucas kept his gaze on Carol to try to seem natural.
“Well it’s the sweetest story, see?” Ned sighed. “There I was, a drifter. Just kept to myself paying nobody else mind when this hunk with a truck ran into me…”
“He hit you with his car??” Carol cried. Lucas choked, some water going down the wrong pipe.
“Sorry, she didn’t mean it like that. What she meant was…?”
“No! No, god, no I just really liked his truck. No we just bumped each other on the side walk…near the beach…in the city?” Ned began to sweat. “Where were we again?”
“Fresno,” Lucas offered with a cough. “Not sure why we left for Canada but here we are.”
“Oh it’s wonderful here, darling. Don't worry you’ll love it,” Carol said, appeased and going back to cutting her steak. Both men sighed in relief, refusing to look at eachother.
“Well even if we don’t, it won’t matter much anyway,” Ned said in between chews. “Hubby here’s got his eyes set on bigger ventures.”
“Is that so?” James inquired at the same time Lucas gruffed a “do tell.”
Ned hummed thoughtfully, steepling his hands together. “Well Louis' dream here is to see the sights. Travel the world. After this little project, who knows where we’ll land next.”
“Which is why it’s so important that we pursue our own things, yeah?” Lucas tried to remind him.
Ned laughed bitterly. “I don’t think that’s what you really want now, is it?”
“All I want is your happiness, sweet cheeks. Sometimes we have to make close calls.”
“Even at your expense?”
Carol laughed awkwardly. “I’m so confused.”
“There’s no need to be; this being the plan from the start.”
“Even though you’ve been reading Jonathan stories every night like it’s your job?”
Lucas barked a sardonic laugh, shaking his head as he turned his attention back to his plate, sawing at his steak aggressively. “You fucking asshole.”
Carol’s utensils clinked to a halt, her gaze ricocheting from Lucille to Lucas. “What did you just call her?”
Ned shook his head quickly. “No no Carol it’s alright. It’s just a pet name, right snookims?” He looked to Lucas for approval while Lucas stared daggers into his eyes. His eye twitched with a forced smile.
“That’s right. Only the sweetest for my little doll.” He said through clenched teeth. The other people at the table continued to look puzzled.
“Hardly. What kind of a pet name is that for your wife?”
“Scuse me?”
“Your wife? If I can even say that, never have I seen a married couple endure such nonsense.”
Lucas looked at Ned, reminiscing on their times together. All the way back to the first hostage situation, the car chase, meeting the doctor and Meg, getting separated, reuniting only to be sucked back into a heist again. So much trouble for them to stay in each other's lives. Which is why he had to leave. He didn’t need any more trouble. So why did those stressful memories suddenly fill him with warm longing?
“It’s fitting,” Ned said solemnly, drawing Lucas back into the present. “I haven’t been very…becoming. The whole move and all has really taken a toll on me I just,” Ned took a breath, then really looked at Lucas. “I’m going to really miss him when he’s not around.”
“Still I think that hardly justifies calling your wife an asshole.”
Lucas nodded. “Youre right,” then looked Ned in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Lucille. I just expect things to have to change. Like they always have. I want you to be prepared.”
Ned searched Lucas’ eyes for any remaining hostility, but the heat on his lips died when he found genuine sorrow in them. Sometime during Lucas’ apology, their hands found each other on the table. Lucas didn’t like the way the others were staring at them. Like a magnet, he found himself leaning towards Ned.
“What are you waiting for?” James teased.
Without a good reason to answer with, Lucas cleared his throat, adjusted his glasses, and leaned in to press a kiss to Ned’s lips.
Ned couldn’t help but emit a startled cry, but with his hand still in Lucas’, he found the strength to compose himself. He stayed still, afraid to wreck their illusion, but was surprised to find how natural it felt to have Lucas’ lips on his. He bit his own tongue, keeping his lips pursed for Lucas to do whatever he was doing. He wanted to put his hands over his shoulders, run his fingers through his hair, something. But by the time he had it narrowed down, Lucas was breaking away, straightening himself up and looking to their dinner companions.
“Just like when we were married,” he joked, earning a delighted laugh from both James and Carol. Ned felt a giggle bubble out of his throat. But among the butterflies in his stomach sat a dark pit of dread. His eyes stung. He was about to come up with a reason to excuse himself when Meg and Jenny came bounding across the yard, their hands cupped to hold something.
“Look, Mommy. Beetles.”
All four adults leaned forward with curiosity as the girls opened their hands, and sure enough, two jewel toned beetles crawled around their palms before taking flight and escaping into the night air together. Ned watched them go in peace, wondering where he’d go if he could fly. He didn’t have to ponder for long before Meg was whispering something in Lucas’ ear, indecipherable. A slight eyebrow twitch from him was enough to tell Ned that something was wrong. Lucas cleared his throat and then stood up from the table, signaling to Ned that it was time to leave.
“Uh, Y’know my contract’s almost up which means a long day of work ahead of me tomorrow,” he explained. “Gotta get the little one to bed and all.”
“Of course,” said Carol while James bagged up some extra grillings, to offer to the Kowalskis. Ned took them graciously, cradling the meat to his bosom. “It was so wonderful to meet you while you were in town.”
The walk home was eerily silent. Lucas worried about being found out, James calling the cops, maybe losing his job just to end up in another life of chaos. All that Ned could think about was that stupid kiss at the table, how sweet Lucas’ lips had felt on his. How he dared to want more. He could feel Lucas’ hypothetical hands around his neck already. His heart pounded in his chest, the outfit suddenly unbearably uncomfortable. When Lucas let them all in the house, Ned beelined for the bathroom, locking himself inside.
He sunk to the floor at the same rate as his tears fell, tearing off the wig and throwing it to the floor. He kicked off his flats and pulled his knees to his chest as he shook with sobs. All he wanted to do was be relieved that the night was over, but he couldn’t help it. There was no way he and Meg would make it by themselves. Ned scrubbed at his face, desperate to get the makeup off. The pit in his stomach grew, swallowing up the butterflies. He couldn’t find the strength to stand up. It was like he was being pulled to the earth.
In the corner of his eyes, he saw a shadow of boots under the door, but Lucas didn’t say anything, or even knock. Ned held his breath until he went away. He worried his bottom lip, the taste of Lucas’ lingering. It made his stomach hurt. He settled in for the night, sliding onto the floor, his cheek pressed to the cool tile.
When he woke next, it was dark out and he had a headache that made him wince as he peeled himself off the floor. A persistent knocking came at the door that must have been the reason for his waking. He scrubbed a hand across his puffy eyes when he heard Lucas’ voice through the walls..
“Ned. C’mon out, will you? I got something to say.”
Ned sniffled, staring at the little crack under the door. “Is Meg okay?” He croaked.
“She’s fine. I just put her to bed.” A beat of silence. “Couldn’t stop yammering about the kid. Done her some good, I think.” He tried the door handle again. “Come on, would you please just open the door so we can talk? Man to man?”
More silence. Ned staggered to his feet, twisting the lock with an angry flick. He threw the door open and leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms, keeping his head low.
“Very funny.” He was still wearing the dress around his waist. Lucas moved into the doorway with him.
“I’m serious, okay? Look at me. Would you look at me?”
It took the strength of a million for Ned to comply. Lucas’ pleading blue eyes were enough to make him want to cry again, but he willed himself not to. “What do you want me to say?”
Lucas sighed. “Nothing, okay? I think I owe you some sort of apology. I’m sorry I…kissed you, I don’t know what came over me.”
Ned shook his head. An apology was nice, but he still felt confused. “You have no idea what you’ve done to me. I’m ruined, I…
“Look I know it hurts a little but you’ll be alright. You’ve got a strong spirit, I've seen it.”
Ned growled in frustration, threading his fingers through his hair. “No, I already know I can make it on my own,” he lied. “I just…ugh…why’d you have to go and do that?
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t know how long it’s been, since I’ve…felt this way. About anyone. And when you leave? What’s that make me, huh? Where’s that leave me?”
Ned swallowed a lump in his throat, two lone tears falling down his cheeks. “I have feelings for you Lucas. Intense ones. Ones that won’t go away…ever. Ones I haven’t felt since…” he broke off in a sob.
At the same time Ned felt immense sorrow, the pit in his stomach seemed to shrink in relief.
“You can punch me in the face now.”
Ned squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for a violent hit. Another sob escaped him when Lucas merely caressed his cheek, letting his hand drop to his shoulder. Ned shook, opening his eyes in disbelief to find Lucas staring at him with adoration unknown to him. He couldn’t stand it. So he closed his eyes again, reached for his face, and pulled his head in for a kiss that said everything. Thank you for loving Meg. Thank you for loving me.
Lucas’ hands found the small of Ned’s back, pulling him closer. And for the first time in Ned’s life, he felt
truly, sincerely secure. When they broke apart, it was only because they needed air, but Ned wrapped his arms around Lucas’ mid section, setting in for a hug. He felt deep chuckles reverberate through Lucas’ chest.
“Whadya say we look at two-bedroom apartments tomorrow?” He rumbled.
Ned’s knees went weak and he clung to Lucas desperately, like he’d disappear at any minute.
“So long as I don’t have to wear the dress again.”
Hand in hand, Lucas led Ned into their own private sanctuary. And Ned fell asleep that night giddy with joy to tell Meg the good news tomorrow. There was love here. He knew it.