Work Text:
“What?”
“What, what?”
“You should see the look on your face.” Olivia said.
“Something is telling me that the opposite is probably true.”
“You’ve got a lot on your mind.” She handed the barista a $10 bill and ignored his new face. She was allowed to pay for coffee sometimes too.
“When don’t I?” Rafael asked.
Well that was true enough. They were all working harder than ever. SVU was understaffed but crime never stopped. Liv was stressed, overworked, and caring for an infant. And when it was all said and done with her squad, the majority of it ended up on Barba’s desk.
“C'mon,” Liv took hold of the sleeve of his jacket as they walked toward the door. “Let's sit for a little while and pretend we’re normal.”
“I've got the Marshall witnesses coming in at one and I've got a court hearing at 4 with a judge who loves to keep people waiting. I need to be as mentally prepared for this as possible.”
“Its 9:30, Barba.”
“Is it? I was sure it was only ten after.”
“Sit.” Liv pointed to a small table by the window. There were plenty of people in there getting their fuel for another day in the trenches. An empty table was a sign and Liv planned to take it. She could use 15 or 20 uninterrupted minutes with a friend. Maybe it would be nice for a while to pretend the world didn’t want to eat them alive.
“What did you do last night?” she asked as they sat down. Liv took the top off her coffee, blowing on it. She wasn’t in the mood for a scalded tongue.
“I nearly fell asleep in the shower.” Rafael replied. “I think I actually fell asleep in the shower; there's a chunk of time that I can't account for. Then I passed out face first into a pillow. Excellent Wednesday. Oh I also had a meatball sub for dinner but it’s wasn’t that good.”
“I made crab dip.”
“Why?”
“I have this recipe book, Amaro bought it for me one Christmas or another, and I wanted to try something new. After I put Noah to bed I put on some 80s glam rock and got my hands dirty. It was fun but I probably would've had more fun with company. When I cook I like to chat.”
“Company is overrated.” Rafael sipped his coffee.
“Don’t you ever get tired of eating alone?”
“Most people would assume so but I don’t. Either my mind is keeping me busy or it’s driving me crazy. Both are difficult if I have to entertain.”
“You don’t miss people, Barba? You don’t miss dating?”
“Dating? My God no!” Rafael was aghast. “The mating ritual will be the death of all of us. I understand propagation of the species but I see kids everywhere. We’re going to be OK.”
“You're awful.” Liv laughed.
“About a month ago I watched a documentary about a tribe in the mountains near Tibet where young men gather to have a Hunger Games like tournament to win the hand of the most beautiful girl in the village. This girl is picked by the oldest woman in the village. It was really interesting. No one dies on purpose but shit sometimes happens.”
“I miss being with someone. I miss cuddling or talking about whatever’s on my mind. I miss sharing, knowing someone has my back. It was a nice feeling, that one person belonging to you and vice-versa. That’s silly maybe,” Liv rolled her eyes. “But I still want it.”
“So we have to keep trying, and failing, until our soul mate maybe comes along?” Rafael asked. “You do know that the definition of insanity is repeating the same act and expecting a different outcome.”
“Your cynicism surprises me very little. Haven’t you ever just been in love, Barba?”
“Yes.” He nodded without hesitation.
“What happened?”
Rafael cleared his throat and looked at the lid of his coffee cup. It was too early and he was too sober for this conversation. Liv may have been feeling idealistic and lovey but all Rafael wanted was two weeks away on a deserted island, far away from the demands of Manhattan.
“I didn’t love him enough.” He said quietly. “No, I loved him as best I could but it didn’t work. Not everyone is cut out for the share your life thing even if they want to be. It can be hard.”
“Why do things work out so well in friendship but when it turns to romance it all goes to hell?” Liv asked.
“How did we get into this conversation?”
“They always say you fall in love with, and marry, your best friend.” Olivia didn’t pay his question a bit of mind. She wanted to talk so she just talked. Barba was a great listener, even when he was a slightly unwilling participant.
“Who is they?” Rafael asked.
“But if you do that and it doesn’t work out don’t you ruin the best relationship of your life?”
“You're my best friend.” Rafael said. His stomach was growling. If he knew they were going to hang out he would've gotten a pastry or croissant.
“Exactly. And how do you think we would turn out? Do you leave wet towels on the floor?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Do you snore?”
“Only when I'm drunk and I haven’t been drunk in…only when I'm drunk.”
“Do you leave the toilet seat up knowing perfectly well that you're not the only person using it?”
“Most of the time.” He nodded. “And those things have nothing to do with a successful marriage. Not that I really know since I've never been married. This is all wild speculation on my part.”
“If you married your best friend, how would you make a smooth transition from trusted pal to intimate partner?” Liv asked.
“So many things about it won't be smooth.” Rafael replied. “Suddenly why commitment makes you nauseous becomes a frequent topic of conversation. There will be an awkward meeting of family members and other friends. Past lovers will be held up to more scrutiny than gossip or cock lengths. I’ll become painfully aware of the many things that make you angry. You'll be checking the price of all my suits.”
“OK, geez, I guess it’s never going to happen.” She let out an awkward laugh.
“There would also be moments of pure bliss. You're probably one of the few people I would actually sing in front of. We could take Noah on long drives, singing to him until he fell asleep. Not only can you handle my mother, you deflect her attention. Maybe when we’re together I can get to know her in ways I never could on my own.
“Three words…breakfast in bed. There is only one other person who knows me better than you and there is still so much to learn. There's a lot to talk about, laugh about, cry about, and even fight about. We could do all of that as best friends. But as partners for life, I’ll have the one part of you that truly means the most to me.”
“My hips?” Liv asked with a wink. “Your mother told me I have good child bearing hips, which is probably a pretty rude thing to say but also a sideways compliment.”
“Your heart, Olivia.” Rafael looked at his watch. “I need to get to the office. This was nice but we have to let this day begin.”
“Taking a little time just for each other is good.” Liv was reluctant to get up but he was right. There would be a lot of work to get through today. She dropped her empty coffee cup in the trash bin. She could tell by looking at him that Rafael was already thinking of his second cup though he'd barely finished this one. “We need to do that more often, Barba. Studies show that even a half hour relaxing with a good friend can lower blood pressure and the incidence of headaches.”
“Three words…breakfast in bed.” He glanced at her as they walked into the rainy Manhattan morning. Rafael carried his big umbrella, which was enough for them both. “If you can't get off this crazy island it’s the next best thing.”
“And what would we do in bed all day?”
“Well, eat breakfast to start. Then I'd want to get to know you better, biblically, as they say. If that was something you wanted to do. After that, a nap.
“When we wake up we can watch any of your favorite films and then get to know each other a little more biblically. Then another nap, I'm sure we’ll be tired. Unfortunately we’d have to get out of bed to make dinner but it'd be worth it. You said cooking was always better with company.”
“I'm free on Sunday.” Liv said. They were standing on the corner about to go their separate ways. It was a three block walk to Hogan Place and Liv would drive her car to the precinct. She was surprised her phone hadn’t blown up 15 times by now. Maybe her skeleton squad was happy for the quiet.
Rafael looked at her and almost smiled. She wasn’t talking about what he thought she was talking about. The friends had barely ever hugged and they'd known each other for years now. There was a wall there, maybe he built or they built it together; the few times he tried to scale it, Rafael turned back because he thought it was a bad idea. Was it a bad idea for him, Liv, or on an entire epic scale?
“What about Noah?” he asked.
“Noah is doing his first sleepover at Trevor’s. We even had it approved by the social worker, whom, as you know, I loathe. He's gonna drive him out on Sunday to a horse farm and apple orchard where children run around and have all kinds of fun. So I'm actually going to be alone Saturday evening and most of the day Sunday.”
“I wish I would've known about this. I would've called and teased Trevor days ago. His excitement and terror are probably through the roof by now.”
“You better leave him alone; this will be a good thing. I gotta go, just make sure you bring your pajamas Counselor.” Liv walked away. When she turned back, Rafael was looking at her with wide green eyes. Liv couldn’t tell if it was fear, intrigue, or a lot of both. “Or not…either way I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun.”
***