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I was looking forward to this party all week i was pretty excited since all of my friends are going to be there I really badly wanted to look nice and when I thought of that I remembered her my stomach immediately flipped at the thought of her and I felt worry drain over me I didn’t know what I was doing when I was around her I’ve been developing feelings that I shouldn’t be having she’s my best friends sister she used to treat me like absolute shit I don’t know how we even bonded we used to barely hold up a conversation without starting an argument or throwing an insult I’m not even sure if she wants to date anyone at all she seems really chill when she’s with me so that probably means she’s un-interested in me
I push away the thoughts and finish getting ready I soon get a text from madylen that she might be a little late but I should go before her so I snag my keys on the way out when I arrive it’s a loud mess the lights are dimmed and loud voices are taking over my ears with the backyard being as equally loud if not louder
i decided to go inside and look around for the people I know and grab a drink to occupy my hands with as soon as I make a turn to the kitchen I see her in the flesh with her image mirroring on the counter marble it’s like I forgot how to move I stand frozen and time starts to slow and I could feel every breath in this room and my body starts to itch and the oxygen lowers she’s laughing with another girl I’ve never seen before twirling her hair around her pretty finger “gosh” I mutter under my heavy breath she turns around an I swear in the moment she faced me the room went silent and everyone disappeared she raises her arm to wave at me as I slowly start to approach her and the random girl I try to fight for small talk but she was the one doing most of it something was in the air it felt awkward which was a bit unusual since she’s never like that I could feel myself getting lost in her eyes midway through her sentences “so do you?” She says , I finally stop out of it to let out a weak “huh?,sorry” “ a drink?”
I forgot about that “oh yeah whatever is fine” she walks away to get me it and comes back we start looking for her Caleb and I also get a text from madylen saying she just parked so she’s asking me to meet her at the front door since she didn’t want to enter alone so I go my separate way after telling ashlyn where I’m going and she counties to look for her brother
hours pass i needed fresh air I’m sick of boring talk with my friends and small talk with people from school I feel my clothes get tighter each passing hour so I finally go outside at the front and I see her in plain sight standing next to a bush staring out at the distance I had a gut feeling that I should just turn around and go at the backyard in instead but it was too crowded so I make my way near the other bush “hey” I let out “she turns around almost frightened but smiles and nudges her head we talk a little about various topics but after a few minutes she circles around love and how she wonders if the one she likes likes her back and when she says that my heart aches at the thought that she currently likes someone I feel my legs are too weak to hold me up anymore if only she knew I would love her the best that I would do anything for her if I had the chance we look at each other the same time she breaks eye contact first and I remember I think I she was looking for an answer concedring the fact she just told me she likes someone and she expects me to want to know who it is but I’m afraid I’ll get hurt if it’s not me I continue looking at her and suddenly feel an insane rush like a strong force is pushing my body I didn’t have control over me anymore like I’ve been bottled for too long and I’m ready to leash out i felt like I was on fire I felt dizzy and light she turns her attention to my body launching at her i crash into her lips like I’ve been diprved and I’m finally curing my craving her lips are soft and light i slowly touch her neck but she still felt so far away I could feel her face getting closer slowly but I couldn’t do it i didn’t know what I was doing the guilt settles in i just kissed her I needed to snap out of it before i make things worse her lips are addective the I kissed her gently my lips perfectly alining with hers i couldn’t get enough I had to pull away when I do I face her eyes filled with questions I think mine where filled with tears swelling from fear and worry was written all over my face afraid if I had ruined everything and even my chance in being her friend i let go out her neck I was shaking she was quiet and so was I all I could mutter where “i-i-I’m so sorry” i immediately rush to find my keys in my pocket I’ve ruined every possible chance I got and I needed to leave immediately or I’ll say stuff ill regret i finally rush to my car and I feel her walking behind me but I was too quick she was quiet maybe disgusting or afraid like me .
I get in my car my whole body was shaking I was barley breathing I was going to pass out I just needed to turn this corner because I was seeing her from afar in my mirror I didn’t wanna face her I don’t know what I just did I don’t even know what my answer would be I can’t let her see me like this I’m now an emotional wreck my hands are shaking and the key is not getting in the second it does i sprint out of the neighbourhood to a darker one I stop the car not being able to drive anymore from terror I collapse on the steering well in a pile of salty tears i was so scared of what could happen next what Caleb is gonna say what she might say i hear my phone ring but I countine to sob the only sound I’m hearing is my muffled sobs echoing the car in the hot summer night weather I finally make it home I feel like I collapsed on my front door I drag my self to my room and lay on my bed unable to move I’m tired what have I done? And why just why my phone counties to flood with notification sounds I close my eyes not wanting to feel anymore
when I wake up my head feels sharp and my body feels heavy I’m in my clothes and my hands are dry I look for my phone to see the time “2:37” I really slept , in the clock read in bright lighting I scroll a little to my notifications section to see several notifications from her I remember what happened and I hate myself again wishing I could despair and not have to struggle with the consequences of my own stupid actions the first text reading “ I don’t know what to tell you but I really wanna talk to you” “please reply” “I have things I can only say to your face” “please stop ignoring me and reply” “are you there?” i shut it off and lay in my bed confused my mind going blank and ear slamming a siren I spend the rest of my days at home for a couple of day until I finally dealt with the fact and decided to talk to Caleb about everything she stopped texting after the first day