Chapter Text
Gerard didn’t really understand his body, never has, and he doubts he ever will. He understood a few things, though. He couldn’t go out in the sun, those myths about garlic were just that, myths, and he had a strange craving for deep hot red that came with great affliction after consuming it. Also that he was a monster. A horrible disfigured creature that never should’ve cursed this planet. But that was more on the backburner, something constantly sizzling that he’d kept bottled up inside. Internalization was a bitch, after all.
He also knew that he was this way because of none other than his father. Big bad asshole vampire likes to show up once a year to make sure everything is running ‘smoothly.’ Which to Gerard is a shit lie at saying you’re a sack of shit dad who’s trying and failing miserably at making your kids not hate you. Was it so damn hard not to fuck around with innocent humans? Figuratively, and unfortunately literally, ew.
Speaking of kids, there was his brother, Mikey. Even while both of them were half human and half vampire, Mikey always seemed to be a bit lucky with his gene turnout. He could stand the sun longer and with much more resistance, his insatiable urge for blood was much more.. Well, satiable. Though ironically, he didn’t like garlic very much, except for certain occasions. Certain occasions being garlic fries from a small restaurant attached to a gas station, and when their mother would spend her precious time making them garlic bread to go along with their spaghetti for dinner. The second, Gerard understood perfectly. The first? How much more saturated in the taste of garlic could you get?
Nevertheless he supposed his life was pretty alright. He had a mom that loved him, a brother who looked out for him, even when they gave each other shit, and a dad who visited once a year. He was homeschooled, he’d only left the house on dark gloomy days where the rain was pouring. Or, late at night when the stars were already dotting the sky and that familiar calming cool mist of that nightfall glow was in the air, filling his lungs and soothing his skin. He remembered on one particularly pouring morning he was allowed to go to school with Mikey. It was a bit of a disaster, and he ended up spending most of it in the library, but going out was exciting nonetheless!
Unfortunately his father hadn’t been very happy about it, and he’d forbid it ever happening again. Gerard didn’t really understand why, his father got to go do whatever he wanted, but he couldn’t? Whatever. He was an adult now, and realistically he could do whatever he wanted, there was just a bit of anxiety that came along with it.
Spending your whole life in a basement probably had more side effects than any of them would like to admit. But as he liked to remind himself, it was better than nothing. Besides, his basement was pretty sweet. Lots of cool oddities and creepy decor that he loved, along with low moody lighting that made him feel right at home. Mikey also quite liked the basement, though preferred his own room, which hey, Gerard couldn’t fault him for. He also enjoyed his own room more than Mikey’s. Although he couldn’t go into it a lot, the windows let in too much sun for Gerard’s liking, as did a lot of the house. He could barely stand the small window in the basement, but it was nice to get just a bit of natural light, so he tried not to cover it with too many curtains.
Since Gerard didn’t have much to do, couldn’t exactly get a job, and hadn’t made much progress on his fear of, well, living.. He mostly found himself inclined toward the arts. He spent days sleeping and nights writing, drawing, practicing instruments, really whatever he could get his hands on. He tried singing a bit, but found it embarrassing, even with the praise from his mother and brother. He wasn’t happy with his guitar abilities, but he loved to draw and write, and soon it became his main muse and source of entertainment. Along with corny horror movies, especially the ones about vampires, but it wasn’t limited to just that.
He also spent a lot of time simply listening to music. Oh, how he adored it. CDs, tapes, vinyl, whatever he could get his hands on from Mikey or his mom. It was like a reprieve, a brief breath of air when drowning in water.
He’d thought for a while, thought about what he’d do with his life, and how he’d do it. He was content staying in his basement. Well, he wasn’t, but it didn’t really seem up for debate. He turned twenty four just last month, Mikey and his mom had done their best to give him a nice birthday, but it didn’t change the fact that he had nothing going for him. He barely had the want to try and get something going for him, which was probably the real issue, but either way, leaving the basement didn’t seem like it’d change any time soon.
So he could do commissions! For art! He could write and draw comics and have Mikey put out posters with his contact information, then get someone, probably Mikey again, to deliver whatever they’d wanted. He could get a bit of cash and.. Well, he hadn’t thought farther yet, but he figured that was a good start. Maybe he could get his own place. One with no windows, so he could wander around it more freely than he could their house. Of course, it’d probably be a small apartment, so, there most likely wouldn’t be much room for all that wandering.. But he could regardless! He could go out at night whenever he wanted without someone following him. He could go to the bar, even.
Maybe meet a guy.
Or a girl, he found them both fairly interesting, and beautiful. Maybe they’d have tattoos, or extravagant makeup, maybe he could draw them. Maybe they’d want to do more than just spend the night. Maybe they’d like to go on a romantic date with sickeningly sweet glances and heartfelt conversations, just like in the movies. Or maybe they’d just want one night tumbling around through the sheets, that would be better than nothing, at least he thought so.
So then that was that! Gerard would spend his time doing commissions until he’d saved up enough money. Sure, maybe not ideal, maybe his basement was a bit.. Sensory depriving, but he liked it that way! He didn’t mind it, really, not too much. He only really wished he had more friends and could go outside a little more. But it was too risky. Every now and then Mikey would have some friends over, maybe they’d throw a party once in a while. Gerard always had to keep the basement door locked, but he had met one of Mikey’s friends. Ray Toro, he was nice enough, and a lot better at guitar. Gerard liked his hair, and the shape of his nose, and his eyes were pretty. But Mikey told him compliments like that might be a little creepy, so he never brought it up.
Ray was very sweet, actually, once he brought Gerard a little baggy of cookies, the plastic twisted at the top and held together by a little red ribbon tied into a bow. Gerard didn’t feel full of
cookies, but he was able to eat them, and they tasted very nice. He indulged Gerard in his little interests, be it movies or comics or fantastical beasts like zombies or werewolves. He gave Ray little drawings whenever he’d seen him, especially as thanks for the cookies.
Feeling full was more of an abstract concept to Gerard, a state of mind rather than a physical heaviness. He had to drink blood, so his mother went to the butcher frequently. It was hard to explain, but she’d managed to find a way around it, and the guy stopped asking so many questions. Animal blood always felt him feeling like there was just something missing, but he still liked it. The missing feeling was more curiosity than anything. He’d never tried human blood, and of course he never would! Not forcefully at least, and probably not even if it was willingly. The thought made him a bit squeamish, yet still he couldn’t help but wonder.
Thankfully, Mikey was able to feel more full from food, so Gerard got the bulk of blood and whatever raw meat might’ve been lying around. He wondered a lot about Mikey, they talked frequently, but he had a feeling Mikey kept a fair amount from him. Which was fine, he had his own life, Gerard understood, but he wondered what he even did all day. He knew he played bass, and liked to jam with Ray, picked up gigs here and there for extra cash. But that only takes up so much time, doesn’t it? Has he ever tried human blood? Was he really satisfied with less animal blood than Gerard? Was he being selfish? Oh, so many questions. He often had too many questions, it made him a little overwhelmed at times, forcing him to lay down on his bed in the dark and ground.
And today was one of those days, with nothing else left to do but think, Gerard had begun to spiral. He turned off the little warm lamp by his bed and laid down, letting the darkness envelope him fully as he let his eyes fall shut. He felt as though he’d done so much, yet nothing at all. He felt like that most days, like he was just slipping further and further into this inescapable suffocation of doom and gloom. It was so dark. Sometimes even the dark stressed him, but it was better than the light. That’s how it always was, at least it was a little better, at least he could tolerate it. How long had he been settling for? How do you even do anything but settle?
Luckily, before he could spiral any further, even in the pitch black, which usually soothed his nerves with soft dark kisses and encouraging whispers, there came a gentle knock at his door. A bit muffled from behind the wood. Gerard sat up, looking at it, waiting for a moment.
Another few knocks, “Gee?” Mikey.
He got up, walking up the small stairs and over to the door. He didn’t bother to get dressed in anything other than his band tee and shorts, it was just Mikey after all. He cracked it open just a bit, it was still too early, he probably shouldn’t let much light in.
He saw Mikey’s face first. “Hey, we got an idea to run by you. Mind if we come in?”
And Ray’s second, “Hey man.” He smiled at him.
An idea? “Oh, uhm, can you give me a second?”
Mikey nodded, “Yeah sure.”
He closed the door softly, he thinks he heard Ray start saying something like ‘No problem’, but he closed it too soon to listen. Fuck. Hopefully he didn’t think he was an asshole now. He quickly went and changed into some black jeans and a clean shirt. Still some random band tee, but you know. He pulled his sneakers over his plain black socks, just in case. He went over, turning his actual room lights on, but keeping them dim. He went back up and opened the door, letting them in.
They all headed back down and Gerard closed the door behind them, following as well. Mikey sat on a bean bag chair, and Ray found his usual place, the chair at Gerard’s desk, always mindful to not take up too much unwelcomed room. Gerard went over to light a few candles, his hands shaking slightly. “So, uhm, what did you want to talk about?” He asked.
“An idea,” Mikey reminded.
“Right, uh, what’s the idea about?”
Mikey and Ray exchanged a glance before Gerard set the lighter down and turned around to look at them.
Mikey took a little breath before speaking. “It’s about music.”