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Chapter Text

Peter is so, so unbelievable fucked right now. 

“Oh come on” he mutters when the electric radiator refuses to turn on.

After twenty minutes, Peter realizes it’s turned off because he has no electricity. 

He groans, refusing the urge to bang his head at the poor thing, it barely worked to warm his chilly hands the days before and the last thing he needed was a broken radiator. 

So no food and no warmth for today. 

Peter had been a fucking idiot to carry his camera to a doom bot fight but Jameson had wanted photos of the Avengers in action, and the damn thing had slipped out of his web just as he swung by to grab it. Now without it, he had no money to pay his bills this month. 

So Peter is a little bit desperate. 

He’s desperate enough to climb the whole set of stairs to his landlord’s door and almost knock for his help. 

He doesn’t. 

Olaf already hates him for owing two months of rent. He probably would kick him out now.

Peter presses his head to the door and refuses to cry even as he smells a fresh bash of cookies from the other side of the door.

He’s so hungry it makes him nauseous.

“Peter?” he turns at the voice. At the end of the corridor, Ms Lindsey has just opened her door, and Peter sees her glancing at his way with a worried frown.

God, he must look like a drug addict with the bags under his eyes, he clears his throat “Hi Ms Lindsey”.

Peter tries to smile but it probably comes out as a grimace. 

“Are you okay sweetie? do you need anything?” He briefly entertains the idea of begging for some food, anything really, getting almost faint at the thought of it. But she barely affords the rent on her own, and Peter can’t do that to her. 

He won’t be a burden.

“Is Olaf bothering you for that Avenger thing again?”

“No, it’s fine Ms Lindsey. I was just leaving now, I’m late for work and you know people get- Bye!” he turns fast, taking the stairs go avoid her concerned eyes. Crap.

If Peter had known how badly Olaf despised the Avengers. He would’ve never stepped a foot in the building with that stupid merch Tony had given him. 

Too late now. At least he sold those at a decent price.

It wasn’t even his fault the building almost exploded with a fight with the doom bots. He wasn’t even there as Spiderman when it happened, but apparently his “Avengers more like wreck-vengers” shirt and several bags of merchandize after the disaster had been motivation enough to blame Peter for it.

All of it. 

The strangest thing was Olaf actually liked Spider-man. He even had cut outs of the Daily Bulge.

He only had beef with the Avengers and their path of destruction. 

It was funny in a catastrophic sort of way. And like most things in Peter’s life. Of course this happened the same week he lost his wallet to a tussle with a giant lizard in the sewers. 

In the day of his paycheck from the Pizza place. 

It certainly didn’t help his mood when a cab drenched him in cold water and flipped him off as he did it. 

Yeah, New York friendliness.

Peter closed the door with a snap realizing two things at once. He was still dripping wet from the cab, and he was most certainly feverish. 

“What the hell?” he said touching his head.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had been sick. But his head felt hot to the touch and he shivered, his breathing becoming visible as it rose to meet his eyes. 

Which meant, he couldn’t stay here. 

Not only because he hated the cold seeping to his bones now that the radiator was gone, but because everything was so much worse and depressing when he could do nothing about it. 

Peter changed into his Spider-man suit and leaned over the wall for support.

At least he could still change one thing.

He could still help the city, clear the streets from trouble. Make a change into the world one step at the time.

Inspire others to do the same.

Peter jumped off the building in a wide arc. The cold air hitting him hard as he fell, it only made matters worse that he was so unbelievably hungry his Spidey-sense started to glitch.

He changed directions again, when his spidey-sense strongly directed him into an incoming emergency. 

Peter paused his momentum and  groaned as soon as he spotted the McDonalds billboard in front of him “you’re not being subtle at all Parker”

He knew he shouldn’t patrol like this. The thin layer of his spandex suit couldn’t really protect him from the elements, least of all the cold. But he had gone through worse Peter reasoned.

He touched his stomach as it rumbled. And sometimes ignoring the worst was a blessing. Even when his movements became more sluggish as he drew himself into another building. 

His teeth clattering behind his mask. 

But in a way it wasn’t worse than being stabbed, right?. At least if he saw Wade today, he could probably feed him a taco. 

Peter hoped so, he hadn’t eaten in almost what? A week? Fuck.

—

He spotted a robbery a few streets away and swung there. A guy with a bright neon beanie pointing a gun at some poor sod with a ratty bag. 

“What?” Peter blinked at the rapidly approaching sidewalk. That wasn’t right. Right? 

His delayed spidey-senses screamed at him and Peter automatically shot a web to avoid splattering into the sidewalk like a bug.

The only problem being, the strong momentum made his already flimsy arms tremble and slip from his web entirely. He scrambled to shoot a web but it was too late, and he fell hard in a puddle of mud.

“Ow man” he groaned as his entire body rattled with the impact.

Okay, maybe Peter had been wrong. Everything was so much worse when he felt like this. 

He pressed his back to the brick wall and lifted his head. The sudden wave of vertigo making him so sick he actually lifted his mask to throw up. 

“Oh gross” he gasped “I mean, your facial hair makes me nauseous man. What aftershave are you wearing?”

The robber tilted his head at him and the bright orange beanie tipped with the movement, it was ridiculous. Talk about atrocious fashion, but at least the gun had been forgotten at his hip. 

“I don’t see why that matters to you”

“It’s totally that pickle brine aftershave isn’t it?” He asked, ignoring the tremble in his arms.

The wide eyed dude that he accidentally saved, ran for his life. Well, they are worst ways to help, Peter mused.

“I’m just a concerned citizen. You can’t assault people with that smell you know”

“Right” the guy looked behind him, probably realizing the other guy had ran off.

“Its not even funny being this bad at fashion or at picking aftershave” to his horror Peter realized he was slurring his words “you should probably turn your life around man”

The robber actually snorted “like you?”

Touché.

The guy tilted his head and squinted at him “man, are you drunk? Holy shit, you are” he snorted “Spider-man is a drunk bitch, my life is complete man” he pointed at him with the gun, smiling while he did so.

Peter belatedly realized he should probably avoid being shot at and somersaulted, immediately crashing into the wall. He blinked at the ground, confused. 

Oh right, he was still messed up. This was terrible, why Peter allowed himself to make decisions at all? He obviously sucked at those.

“Well, this is a bit pathetic” the man said after a moment, lowering his gun. And Peter was pathetically graceful he wouldn’t be shot at today. 

“Let’s see how much they pay me for bringing you in”

Fuck, scratch that. This was rapidly becoming the worst fucking day ever. Maybe being shot at will stop his misery.

Peter closed his eyes at the new wave of nausea, willing himself to not throw up again. His head was spinning so fast. 

God, is this what being drunk felt? It was horrible. How the hell people did this to themselves. 

After being bitten Peter could never really get drunk, his metabolism could outrun every cheap drink. Now perhaps that had been a blessing in disguise. Being drunk seemed terrible.

He felt the hands of the robber touching the edge of his mask and he flinched, trying to get away. But even his arms felt heavy. What was wrong with him?

“Oh hoho, you are so fucked baby boy” 

Peter could recognize that voice anywhere. He opened one eye and saw Deadpool towering over him, one hand on his katana.

“Pool?” A wave of relief passed over him. Peter couldn’t give less a shit right now how Deadpool seemed to magically find him all the time.

Deadpool liked him. Deadpool wouldn’t shoot at him point blank, probably. But most importantly Deadpool would probably feed him tacos after patrol.

Fuck, he was still so hungry.

“Yes, it’s me. What the hello fucking kitty happened to you?” Deadpool asked while he stared critically at him. He probably looked a fucking mess, drenched in mud water and a little slow on the uptake.

Also the vomit. Shit, he could not forget about that.

But still, Peter could seriously cry right now. Everything had gone bad for him since Deadpool took those odd jobs with Cable.

He wondered if Cable brought him bad luck but that was ridiculous. The truth was even more ridiculous Peter thought.

It wasn’t so fun to patrol alone without someone to laugh at his dumb jokes. That someone being Deadpool.

He had missed him Peter realized and not only because Wade’s chimichangas were the best thing he had ever tasted.

But in this moment he was too overwhelmed to reply. Peter zoned out, until Deadpool gloved hands pinched his cheeks under the mask. 

Ah, he was still talking. Peter tried to pay attention.

“-hello kitty is a little girl!. A human little girl Webs, not a cat. What the fuck, right?!” he exclaimed, energetically moving his hands as he spoke.

“She is not a cat? That doesn’t make any sense” he said slowly. It was probably very weird but the familiar smell of Wade’s leather suit and gunpowder put him at ease. 

Yeah, there was definitely something wrong with him when he relaxed at the sight of a mercenary. Sue him, Peter had never known normal.

“That’s what I thought! Next time they will tell us Godzilla is actually a metaphor for the dangers of nuclear weapons and not an excuse to watch a dinosaur beat up a gorilla on IMAX”

Peter squinted bleary at him “I think that was the intention Pool”

“Fuck me, cinema is so fucked without our own movie Webs” Deadpool blinked at the distance like a dramatic piece with a wife waiting for her husband to return from the war “me and you and our own adventure killing the rest of the fantastic four on the big screen”

Deadpool coughed “I mean! saving poor sods who don’t deserve it. I never killed Johnny, the guy had a mouth on him! Not that I don’t of course-“ he cleared his throat.

Peter blinked “Johnny? Johnny Storm?”

“Anyway moving on baby boy!”Deadpool waved at him and lifted a hello kitty notepad from his pouch “Would you rather have our sex scene as a metaphor? Like a fight that’s not a fight inside a Honda Odyssey or a bed with roses kind of romance. It’s kinda important Webs”

“I’m sure the studio would bet for the first. Plausible deniability is a hell of a thing man, but roses are nice”

Deadpool wrote down something else and then brought his hands together “Shit you are a genius baby boy”

“Probab- probably” he said slurring the words at the end. 

“Anyway, we should probably go. Its getting a bit chilly for pool old me here” 

“What about the guy with the beanie?” Peter asked. He hadn’t felt him leave “the one who smells like rotten pickles”

“Ah, so that wasn’t me” Deadpool said sniffing his arm.

“You don’t smell like pickles” Peter said when Deadpool turned “you never smell like pickles” It seemed important to point out somehow.

“Aw you know me by smell alone, what are we webs?” He fluttered his eyelashes, maybe. It was hard to tell with the mask.

“Pool, the guy” he reminded him.

“Oh” Deadpool said casually, a bit too casually. Peter squinted at him as his hands fluttered in the air.

“He’s, em- there!” Peter followed the movement and found the robber slumped over a wall with his beanie on his mouth. And that was probably a broken wrist but the guy was still breathing. 

“Kudos for not killing him” Peter sighed. God, he could still smell him from here. What the hell was on that aftershave? Chemical waste?.

“Anything for you sweetumbs” Deadpool said kneeling in front of him and waving his hand “you okay though?”

Peter blinked at him. The Deadpool suit really looked so much muscular up close and the leather was so red. He raised his hand to touch the juncture of the suit and his finger ended up in Deadpool’s arm.

Peter tried again.

Deadpool eyes were so expressive, even under the mask. Did he make his own suits? Peter couldn’t remember ever asking him before.

Deadpool suddenly laughed, stopping his hand from stabbing his eye “oh, what the actual shit” his eyes widened under the mask “is Spidey high?”

High? He blinked at himself. He was slumped over the ground. Not high at all.

“No?”

“Okay, you coming home with me? Are you hurt or something baby boy?” Wade nudged him in the ribs when he didn’t answer immediately.

“No, no hurt” but he was still a little bit nauseous. It was maybe a pathetic relief he hadn’t vomited on his suit. But small mercies and all that.

“That’s a good boy, talk to me” and then Wade picked him up effortlessly. Like Peter weighed nothing more than a bag of chimichangas. 

Peter furrowed closer as Deadpool carried him bride style.

“Talk about what?” He slurred.

“Oh, I don’t know my favorite arachnid. Why are you falling off of buildings like a common bug?” His gloved hands so warm on his body they practically scalded him. 

“Not a bug” Peter sighed, relaxing in his arms.

“Sure! But it’s the same principle right? Bugs like you shouldn’t do that” Deadpool paused “wait, did some motherfucker spray you Raid? Did they Webs?”

“Wade that was a YouTube ad”

“Yeah but you never know, after all aren’t you a naughty little spider, hiding in the corners and all that?” Deadpool winked at him and Peter flushed red, thankful not for the first time for his mask hiding his expressions.

“I don’t do that” he protested weakly, but Deadpool flat out ignores him. Rude.

He steals a gaze from Wade’s shoulder and frowns. The streets rippled with light, they shouldn’t do that, right?

“Is it me or the floor is moving weirdly?”

Deadpool squinted at him “I think you are having a bad trip baby boy. How are you seeing me? Am I hot in your hallucinations?”

Peter squinted “I mean you’re always hot dude” okay maybe Peter should shut the fuck up now.

Deadpool stayed quiet “okay, I think this is worst than I thought. Hold on babe I’m not letting you die in this fic”

“‘Kay” 

Peter felt high but maybe that was the fever. The sky was so dark and Deadpool suit looked so red under the moonlight, it could be poetic, but Peter didn’t have it in him to do something with that. At least the nausea seemed to pass.

He looked at Deadpool. He was carrying him somewhere, the action should bother him. But it didn’t. In the middle of the most fucked week Peter ever had this year, Wade was a comforting refuge. 

He blinked again, realizing with a pang he lost half of what Wade was talking about now.

“-and then the motherfucker jumped straight at me. I think I broke my neck falling out of the tub” Deadpool sighed sadly “I’m so sorry Webs, I know you don’t condone murder”

Peter frowned “someone tried to kill you?”

“Those things are evil Webs, why do they need six legs anyways?” Deadpool blinked at his legs “not you though, I’m sure I’d have noticed that” he paused “do you have spare legs or is it just these two?”

“Wade what the fuck are you talking about?” But he looked down at his legs just to make sure “I just have these two”

“But that’s so normal, aren’t you a spider?” Deadpool whined.

“Not one of those” Peter cleared his throat “so, who tried to kill you?”

“I’m so sorry Webs! I killed a distant cousin of yours today. But what I was supposed to do?! He was in my shower watching me, the creep”

Peter rolled his eyes “you are a creep” he muttered.

“I am” Deadpool agreed easily, before he started to slowly put him down. But as soon as his feet touched the ground Peter started shivering violently. 

He tried to curl on Deadpool, bonking his head to the door and scrambling back in all fours.

“Oh fucking shit balls” Deadpool gasped “are you dying Webs? Is this how all spiders die? Fuck what is the antidote for Raid?!”

“I’m just cold you idiot” Peter teeth started clattering again, just as something clicked else started to click on his mind.

Spiders hibernated in winter when conditions were harsh and food was scarce and apparently with his life style- oh my god.

“Oh my god” he said without thinking “you are right I’m-“

Deadpool let out a panicked shriek and kicked the door open “Noooo. What do spiders eat? Is it babies? I can try to find some evil ones-“ 

Peter blinked at the snap of the closed door and the sudden light flooding into the room. He started to shake again.

“Um”

“Ah mi casa es su casa. It’s a bit messy, but I think it gives him some style. Don’t you think?” Deadpool was rambling, carelessly throwing away his katanas and guns on the ground.

Peter sagged against the frame, his useless limbs too weak to hold him.

“Webs?” Deadpool turned to him, shaking him a little. “Websy?” Wade was so warm. Peter almost forgot what being warm was.

“Webs” he leaned over Deadpool and he slowly hugged him. Peter sighed, content to feel him so close.

It was so embarrassing, he was never mentioning this to anyone. They would never take him seriously again.

“Yes?”

Suddenly Deadpool went uncharacteristically quiet “are you dying? For realsies?”

“Dying? Who’s dying?” Peter turned his head into the crook of his neck and sighed “you’re so warm”

“Webs?”  

“Yes Wade?”

“You know you are my best friend right?”

Peter was confused. Was he? He thought Wade had his own thing with X force.

“Am I?” 

“Yes, you are” Wade said, slowly stroking his back as he shivered.

“You are my best friend too” That was surprisingly deep for Peter. Good “you are so red, I like red. I think” he reached back to touch his masked face “Do you ever touch stuff? You are so warm, you are so Wade Wade”

“Holy shit girl, you sound crazier than me” he hiccuped, wiping what Peter assumed was a tear “I feel like a proud momma”

Wait, was Wade crying? Peter squinted. Ah, right he was not dying. 

He forgot about that.

“I’m not dying Wade”

“Sure Spidey. Let me put you on the sofa for your final rest, any final words?”

“Shut up”

“Okay that checks out”

Peter back touched the sofa and it was cold, so cold. It revolted him. He jumped straight into Wade’s back like a little Koala and nested his head on his shoulder.

Deadpool let a small giggle “Nooo, stop that, it tickles- Wait a minute!” Deadpool turned around with him on his back, the accusing finger following him as he turned “weren’t you dying?”

“Cold” he muttered between clenched teeth “I’m so cold” And held onto him so hard Deadpool breathing hitched.

“Oh shit, I’m finally realizing my dreams of being a hug bear. Do you want a blanky?”

Peter thought about that for a minute “Yes”

“Oh right, you should’ve just said!” and he ran into his bed to grab a fluffy blanket. Peter on his back the whole way.

“Come on, put his on. Baby boy” 

“Don’t wanna move” Peter hugged him, bracketing his legs and arms to his torso. He was starting to finally warm up.

Deadpool slowly patted his head “Ooh, snuggly time. I love cuddles. I worried I had to kill the other Johnny with the gun Webs, don’t do that to me”

“Johnny? What Johnny?” Peter asked, his eyes dropping against his will.

“Johnny, our friend! the guy with the beanie not the other with the mouth-” but Peter didn’t heard him.

—

Peter woke up disoriented. His wall was a different color than his usual depressing grey, small knives stuck like target practice on the center. Olaf wouldn’t stuck knives and paint his wall, would he? 

Peter blinked. Wait, this wasn’t his shitty apartment.

Shit, he was wearing the suit and this wasn’t his shitty apartment.

Suddenly alert, Peter jumped off the bed sticking to the roof. Unfortunately, taking a sleepy Wade with him. They bonked their heads and with a jolt of surprise Peter dropped him. 

Wade yelped as he fell face first to the ground. He turned around, his masked eyes wide. It was obvious he had just woken up, but what were they doing- oh.

“Wade, what the hell?” Peter massaged his head.

“Baby boy!” Deadpool yelled happily “O-M-G! you are finally awake and not dead. Thank fuck you are not dead, I could’ve never explained that to the Avengers”

Slowly Peter unstuck and jumped on the bed “I told you I’m not dying”

“Suuure, but do you think Black Widow would’ve eviscerated me Webs?. Isn’t that what female spiders do?” Deadpool asked while rolling his shoulders.

“Yes but Nat wouldn’t-“ Peter cut himself off, he was not sure Nat wouldn’t do that to Wade “I mean, its best to not find out really”

“Yeah, but what’s a little evisceration among friends right?”

“Please stop talking about that” His stomach rolled at the thought. God, how many times had Peter almost thrown up with Wade body parts missing for taking a deadly shot.

“oooh queasy little spider” Deadpool voice grew deeper “or should I say, little spider-monkey?”

With a jolt Peter remembered how exactly he fell asleep.

“Oh god” His face was on fire. Wade would never let him live this down. It was going into his diary, Peter was sure. Glitter pencils and all that.

“Clutching me like a baby octopus, Aren’t you cute? He cooed, squishing his cheeks.

Peter slapped his hands away “I’m gonna kick your ass, stop that”

“Baby I thought you would never ask” Deadpool winked at him. God dammit, why that worked on Peter? This hibernation thing was seriously messing with his self control. 

“I’m sure you say that to all your arachnid friend-“ and then the smell of food hit him like a freight train. He stopped moving, he even stopped breathing.

“Webs?” Deadpool asked with narrowed eyes “was that a yes?”

But Peter was already across the room. His mask half off, his teeth around a bar of butter. At the back of Peter’s mind, he was very aware how freakish he was acting but couldn’t stop.

Deadpool approached silently behind “Okay, I think we are past the weirdness. What the shit?”

“I’m so sorry” Peter said as he ate. He looked into his hands, he didn’t know what he was eating but they kept grabbing stuff “I swear I’m not dying” he spluttered as he choked on- What was this? he looked into the label, chocolate milk. Ah, checks out.

Peter swallowed thickly and gasped “I realized, I’m kinda hibernating?”

“Like a bear?” Deadpool scratched his masked head “oh, are you turning into a beautiful butterfly, my butter eating gremlin?”

“More-“ he stuffed his face with passion fruit cake. He thinks it’s cake, you never know with Wade “-like a spider” 

Deadpool just stood there watching him eat. Even if Peter couldn’t see his eyes, he knew he was assessing him now.

“I swear I will pay you back-” Peter absolutely couldn’t, he was so broke it basically forced him into hibernate.

“But why?” 

Peter blushed. He was sure even Wade could tell across the room “because I ate your stuff” he looked down at the tub his hands were opening. Cream cheese “I’m eating all your stuff” he corrected himself as he licked his fingers.

“But that’s what food is for baby boy! And I have lots of it“ And Peter held his breath against the sudden rush of affection blossoming on his chest.

Of course, Peter knew Wade wouldn’t hesitate to help him. Wade liked Spiderman, but that was the exact reason he couldn’t go to him for help. He could not take advantage of Deadpool’s affinity for his alter ego.

His breath stuttered “I’m so sorry, I can’t stop myself-” his hands were reaching for another bar of butter. Peter noticed the whole fridge was stocked with it.

Why the hell did Wade had so much butter? 

“Why do you have so much butter?!” He asked as he munched on the new bar. Somehow he couldn’t even taste it. He didn’t know if that was worse or not.

“To make beautiful Deadpool themes cakes baby boy” it wasn’t really a far fetched idea now that Peter thought about it.

“Do you make spider-man cakes?” He swallowed another piece of butter. He didn’t know why he asked when he already knew the answer.

Deadpool was approaching with tentative steps like Peter were a wild animal. But of course, thats what he looked like, hunched over a table in all fours and eating ravenously.

“Of course I do! I even made a mold for your fine ass, but even I could not do justice to that piece of-“ he coughed and Deadpool stopped in front of him, slowly raising his hands.

“Come on Webs, you are going to make yourself sick” Deadpool tried to gently pry his hands from a fresh tub of butter and he actually growled.

They both stopped and looked at each other.

Deadpool blinked after a long moment “You know that turns me on, right?”

“Oh my god!-I’m so sorry Wade” he babbled within bites until he finished that up and started eating raw eggs, eggshells and all. His stomach rumbled.

“Baby boy, never ever apologize for being feral” Deadpool said, slowly patting his back as he swallowed “maybe I could cook it for you? Would you like that baby boy?”

He nodded frantically and Deadpool managed to pry away the broken eggshells from him. Placing a warm blanket in his back, he slowly walked him to his sofa.

Peter blindly followed, his hands sticking to the blanket as he sat.

“Don’t die” Deadpool looked at him “I mean it Webs, Iron dick would never believe you had a heart attack because you suddenly attacked my butter fridge”

So it was a butter fridge. Okay that explained the absurds amounts of butter.

“Promise me Webs”

“Okay, I promise” and with that Peter felt asleep with the sounds of Wade cooking.

Chapter Text

Peter woke up slowly, suddenly afraid to ransack Deadpool’s fridge again. But the strange urge had stopped, his nausea had gone away and he actually felt rested.

It had been such a long time since he felt so rested. 

Peter sighed, blinking down at the blanket on top of him. It was different, from the texture to the mini Deadpool and Wolverines embroidered on the soft material.

Peter sat up and stared, and then stared some more. Okay, maybe this was the reason he woke up. In front of him in Deadpool’s flimsy little table were pancakes, fried eggs, orange juice, yogurt, bananas and apples. Peter mouth watered. Jesus, it was a lot of food.

Peter picked up the orange juice.

“You are finally awake!” Deadpool was quiet enough he choked at the sound of his voice. The orange juice on his nostrils didn’t taste nice.

“Shit baby boy, don’t choke on my account. Or maybe-“ he said with a lewd smile.

“Jesus you startled me. DON’T finish that sentence Wade or I swear I-“ but the words died on his mouth.

“You what?” Deadpool was maskless. His blue eyes so expressive behind the maps of his shifting scars. 

Peter gaped at him. He only ever seen his jaw.

“Wow, your eyes are really blue. Somehow I didn’t expect that”

Why had Peter tried so hard to push him away at the beginning? It didn’t make sense, when he was the first person he swung over to tell him about his day and banter between patrols.

“Nice, you didn’t throw up. That would have been bad, like really bad for my self image-“

Peter realized he was staring a little too obviously and hanged his head. Maybe he knew why. The reason why his spidey-sense never alerted him of Wade.

The reason he felt his heart skipping a beat whenever Wade touched him.

“Anyways. You know you can tell me anything, right Webs?”

“Sure” Peter said around a mouthful of- he didn’t know what it was, but it was delicious and probably crazy expensive for his budget. In the back of his mind, future-Peter was losing his shit because he didn’t know how he was going to ever repay Wade back.

“Are you starving yourself baby boy? Is it the figure? Unrealistic beauty standards? Do I need to shoot the editor of Calvin Klein again?”

“I mean it’s-“ and then the rest of the words caught on “What? What do you mean again?”

“I warned him, but the guy is a relentless dick” He waved his hand “so?”

Peter stopped eating and noticed he was still trembling. Wade probably noticed, too but he didn’t mentioned it.

He put down the juice.

If Peter was honest Wade was probably the second person in his life he trusted after May, and wasn’t that surprising. Not even the Avengers made it to Peter’s imaginary list.

So surprising he felt so safe with someone who by all means was beyond help. But Peter had believed in Wade when he had begged him to make him a hero. 

He sighed “promise me you won't shoot my landlord”

Wade narrowed his eyes to slits “that sick motherfucker. What did he do to you webs?”

“I’m kinda behind rent” two months to be exact, not that Olaf let him forget it “and my landlord is being an unreasonable asshole about it, trying to evict me when I asked for a few days to collect some money with my side jobs”

“Go on”

“I’m also kinda behind-“ Peter bit his lip “I couldn’t pay my bills either? None of them”

Wade eyes narrowed in confusion. He probably thought he lived the high life like the Avengers in their fancy tower but Peter could never get used to them. First as a team and then by the scale of their missions, how they didn’t care much for the little people to focus on bigger threats.

And it was fine, only that didn’t sit well with him. Like at all.

“And I kinda started to hibernate? Because I kinda starved?” He winced.

Wade was silent for so long it was starting to get on his nerves. It kinda looked like Wade was going to lose it in a violent way.

“You okay Wade?”

“What about your partner?” He asked, no inflection in his voice. Just a really loaded question.

Peter frowned and took a bite into a pancake “What partner? I tag along with Daredevil and the Avengers sometimes but I wouldn’t call them my partners, not exactly”

Wade rolled his eyes, and the tense set of his shoulders relaxed “No. I mean your partner” the emphasis on the word was a bit weird.

Peter stopped chewing “Wade, Gwen died”

Wade made a sound of frustration, pointing at him “you are being weirdly obtuse about this!” he cleared his throat “is this Peter, your person?” 

“What?” And then it clicked. He must have thought out loud, god knows Peter mumbled nonsense asleep. 

Parker’s luck strikes again. 

“No!” Peter said, but maybe he owed Wade the truth of who he was. After all, Wade had always been there when he needed him, and now Peter could do the same. 

Return the favor somehow.

“It’s me”

Wade sighed, sounding disappointed in him “believe me baby, I know it’s not you. It’s definitely me. I’m sorry for asking I know its none of Pool’s business”

“Wade” 

“Webs” he said but didn’t looked at him.

“Peter is my name” 

Wade blinked one, two times “you have the same name as your photographer at the Bugle? That’s just some lazy writing Webs”

“Wade, I’m the photographer” he extended one gloved hand, swallowing the sudden nervousness.

“Hi, Peter Parker nice to meet you”

Three seconds of silence until Wade whooped, grabbing his hand and almost lifting him off the sofa “Peteyyy we are alliteration buddies”

Wade kept shaking his hand and Peter snorted “You can let go now”

“Helps me focus” Wade lifted his non existent eyebrows “can I buy your selfies then?”

“No”

Wade shrugged, unconcerned “Wait, so who takes care of you?”

Peter looked around the apartment for clues. Wade had a chair with three legs. “eh, me?”

Wade let go of his hand and patted his knee softly, probably trying to be comforting “obviously you are shit at that Petey” 

“Thanks, I haven’t noticed really” he said sarcastically, closing his eyes. God he was still so hungry. What was up with that?

Wade touched his cheek and Peter leaned. So this was the day Peter completely embarrassed himself? okay.

“You aren’t hot now. I mean the fever!” Wade widened his eyes “not that you aren’t hot baby boy”

“Thanks” he snorted as Wade whined.

God why was this so embarrassing. He cleared his throat.

“Wade. Can I hug you?”

“Let me get my mask, you don’t need an HD version of my grossness”

“I don’t mind” he said quickly, catching his wrist “I mean that ”

Wade hesitated a second before sitting next to him “are you going to eat me when you are done baby boy? Please season me first”

“Not that kind of spider” Peter half hugged him. Wade was so warm, the shape of his jaw was so handsome. Shit. No, bad Peter. He was most definitely not having this thoughts right now. 

“Sorry. I’m kinda very clingy right now” he muttered to his neck. He smelled nice, it settled down his nerves.

Wade shivered as he moved “Oh sweet baby Jesus, don’t take this the wrong way but you are pressing your spidey legs right into Willy’s territory”

“Are you?” Peter squinted, pushing himself into a less compromising position.

“Oh definitely” Wade wiggled his eyebrows. How could someone wiggle their eyebrows without eyebrows he was not sure but somehow Wade managed.

“Idiot”

Peter turned away to look at him in the eyes. His expressive eyes that were a gorgeous shade of blue.

He placed his hands on the sides of his scared face and tilted his head towards him “I like your eyes, they are so expressive. I can tell what you are thinking, or maybe not but-”

“You sure you aren’t high? I might have confused the flour again, blind Al likes to mess with me” 

“No” Peter interrupted him “I mean, the worst got out of my system. Probably all that butter”

“And I’m a very convenient heater? Maybe I don’t need to kill your landlord Petey” he draped his arm around him and squeezed.

Peter stared at him “Can you keep a secret?”

“Is it a good secret?” Wade voice rumbled down where his hands had drifted to his chest. “Is it Wolverine secret chocolate staff? Or Daredevil dirty audiobooks?”

“No. Wait does Daredevil really keeps dirty audiobooks?” 

Wade snickered “Oh boy he does. A whole set even”

Peter decided to keep that information for future endeavors. See: annoy Matt. 

“I mean its my secret” he started to pull of his mask but Wade hand stopped him.

“Are you sure you are not drugged to the hills right now baby boy?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Yes. I mean I feel better, thanks for letting me ransack your fridge like a weirdo”

Wade slowly let his arm go and the touch burned him. Ok, Peter was definitely thinking about Wade arms again. So what? He could think about Wade biceps if he wanted to-

“Okay that’s good, I thought you died last week-“

What?

“-you wouldn’t move or wake up but I guess it had been fine? So I didn’t call anyone, or hold up!” He rolled his eyes “I totally did, Cable thought you were dead until we scanned you, he said and I quote “fuck you Wilson, did you kill him?” But of course I didn’t! Anyway his fancy tech from the future told us you were in a deep sleep, pulse slow and everything. So I didn’t bother you and kept you warm and read to you-“

“Wade stop” Peter almost stopped breathing “what do you mean last week?”

“Boop” Wade booped at his covered nose but Peter barely felt it, he felt faint “Oh, I mean you comma-slept here for like a week after eating all my butter?”

Peter jumped to his feet “Oh my god, they probably think I died” he didn’t notice he walking up the wall, until Wade slowly dragged him back by the back of his suit.

“I’m so fired. God, Olaf probably evicted me and sold my stuff already, fuck”

“So that’s the fuckers name” 

“I’m so fucked. It’s not even funny, I mean it could be funny but I cannot even laugh” Peter groaned “fuck, I think I left a piece of mozzarella in the counter back at the pizza place, its probably moldy now”

Wade made a sound at that “Petey?”

He hanged his head, oh god he probably smelled disgusting. And people needed him and what the hell was going on with him-

“What?”

“You can stay with me you know” he said so casually. Peter almost broke his neck to stare at him.

“What do you mean?”

Wade put his finger on his lips. God why that worked on him? It was stupid, Peter’s entire life was being stupid. 

“Shhh. Daddy’s Pool got this” 

“I can’t stay with you Wade” he mumbled against Deadpool’s finger.

Wade flopped back to the sofa and sprawled “Why not?”

He made a frustrated sound, opening his arms “because!”

Because I might eat all your butter again or do something stupid like kiss you and ruin our friendship forever. Peter thinks desperately.

Wade pointed at himself “is it because im a disgusting offspring of hate sex between an avocado and a traffic accident? No, I get it baby boy but you don’t need to worry your little head about it, I can leave-“

“Noo, fuck. You got it wrong. It’s me” he mourned the time when he got his shit together. Probably a month ago when he almost dropped his sandwich and saved it instead.

God. He was pathetic. Peter Parker’s life was so boring and not at all like his Spider persona. 

“I’m really boring” he lamented “like doing sudoku boring, but somehow its worse”

Wade snorted “you? Boring? Baby boy you could never be boring to me”.

“That’s strangely endearing on your part”

Wade gasped dramatically “so, is Spiderman having a girls night with lil old Pool then? Can I paint your nails?”

“Wade” 

It was now or never.

“I know you have feelings for me” at Wade clueless look he added “for realsies” 

There he said it. It was all or nothing. Peter could always hibernate in the sewers and wallow on misery.

Wade easy demeanor changed abruptly. He got into his face in a blink of an eye and Peter resisted the urge to take a step back “and now is that a problem? I didn’t take you for a piece of shit spidey-Petey. But maybe you never know”

Peter put his hand on his face and whined “No, you idiot I’m not homophobic, you asshole. Do you even know me?”

“Okay maybe that was a little out of character, but you never know with the editors and new writers” He frowned.

“I like you. And I’m going to fuck up and maybe you will die and won’t regenerate like Gwen and what would I do then? Like seriously, I can’t go to the Avengers for help, they hate your guts after you destroyed the new HQ I fucking told you it was a bad idea to do that by the way”

“You like me?” Wade brightened instantly “lil old me?”

“Have you heard anything I said?” 

“Honestly no. I stopped after you said I like you”

Peter sighed “I like you, and I feel like if- This” he moved his hand “between us, I might-“

“But you like me? Like me, like me right? And I don’t gross you out? That’s odd”

“Wade I haven’t showered in a week”

“That’s not an answer”

“No. I’m not grossed out by you” he blushed “I kinda-“

“What?”

“I kinda like how you smell?” he said quietly.

“Really? What do I smell like? Murder and kittens?”

“I don’t know! I just like it. It calms me”

“Aren’t you a weirdo Petey” Wade touched the edge of his jaw. His expressive eyes on him “are you into any kinks I should know? Do spiders even have kinks?”

“Shut up” 

Wade giggled “oh my god, you totally- mhm” Peter smashed their mouths together and licked into his mouth. 

Wade made a surprised sound as they broke apart “holy shit, you are being serious. Oh shit, shit, can I take a picture for posterity?”

“Shut up” Peter said, holding his face in his gloved hands when Wade took a steady breath.

“Yes sir” Wade said and then squinted “I mean- are you sure? I’m not exactly the best at making good decisions Petey-” but they were already kissing again. 

He kinda loses the track of time like that, the hot rush of blood loud on his ears. And when Wade sucks his tongue Peter’s world goes a little crazy with lust.

He bites Wade’s lip hard enough to draw blood. 

Maybe he’s still hungry.

“Ow fuck, ow” Wade moaned.

Oh right, he lets go. Wade blinks, and Peter has the up close experience of seeing the lip stitch back together.

He touches the healed skin and blinks at him.

“Shit sorry. I’m having odd reactions today and-“ Wade placed his hands to his face, stilling his movements.

His eyes oddly focused. But maybe this was how he looked behind the mask as he prepared for missions.

“Petey that was the hottest shit ever” Wade says breathlessly “Fuck me that was so hot, like do you even know me? I dig that shit babe”

“Really? I thought the hottest shit you ever seen was Cable” Okay, maybe Peter had been jealous all this time. It was hard not to, when Wade returned from his missions and waxed poetics about Cable arms.

Wade gasped scandalized “oh my gawd, is spidey jealous? Baby boy Nate has nothing on your ass, I swear-“

Peter pushes him off and webs him to the wall. Wade’s breath caught in his throat with surprise “Fuck that's hot, is this the censored part when you eat me and look for another husband to season with paprika and chili?”

He walks to him, his footsteps light “I told you I’m not that kind of Spider”

Wade swallowed, his breathing labored “I take it back! you are the hottest thing I ever laid my eyes on. And I don’t mean only your ass-“

Peter tilted his head, suddenly curious “what else?”

“Shit” Wade closed his eyes for a minute “you are a lithe dangerous thing Webs. But you are so kind, always open to give a piece of shit like me a second chance” And when Peter’s hand reaches for him, Wade voice goes oddly high “-and you love chimichangas”

Peter snorted, lowering his hands “is that a good sense of character?” 

“I mean baby, who doesn’t like chimichangas?” Wade said and then tilted his head. Wait.

“Doctor doom” they both said at the same time and laughed.

“But seriously, what’s his problem? Do Latvians hate spice-“ Peter heard him ramble until he visibly stopped.

Peter crawled over the wall to him. Seeing Wade’s pupils blown wide made him feel things. Peter things, not only spider things. 

He kissed the corner of Wade’s mouth, testing his impulses. So far no inclination to bite him again. Good.

“You are killing me here baby” Wade whined low on his throat, trying to unstick from the wall with a tiny knife. 

He grinned and Wade opened one eye “oh you evil evil man, is leaving poor Pool like a dangled halloween ornament amusing to you?”

“Very” Peter said finally unsticking him from the wall to his arms, Wade’s knife falling with a clink behind them “I think you look better in my arms”

Wade fawned himself with one arm “I think l’d look better sucking your di-“ and Peter shut him up a kiss.

—

The spider hammock is surprisingly sturdy. Peter kinda lost his shit and started to built it in a frenzy two hours ago.

Perhaps it was better for everyone if he stayed behind with supervision until the spider hibernation effect passed. Even if the supervisor was Deadpool.

Wade giggled like a kid with a sugar rush when Peter pushed the hammock for him. He’s kinda transfixed on the fact, a little too into it. 

“Are you sure this isn’t like a spidey mating ritual?” Wade asks “not that I’m complaining”

“Actually, I think you might be onto something here” Peter mumbles as he unsticks from the wall and falls deftly to the ground.

Wade face appears from the other side “and since when your webs are so sturdy?”

Peter flushes “ehh, its my own webs”

Wade blinks, nudging the web with a knife. It doesn’t break through like it normally would “come again?”

“My organic webs” He sighs “you were right. I’m still kinda losing it spider-wise”

Wade carelessly throws the knife at the wall and jumps down next to him “Baby boy, the next time you need someone’s butter to be eaten” he moved his hips  “I’m right here”

“Shut up” he said behind his hands, his face on fire.

Wade cackled, placing his warm hands on his hips “Come on, I swear I can butter you up” Still snickering he whispers to him “Oh em-Ghee, I hope you feel butter soon”

“Shut up about the butter Wade I swear”

“Or you will what? Kill me? Pff” Wade turned to the kitchen “Don’t worry baby, maybe tomorrow you will feel butter-” 

Peter tackles him.

—

They were in the middle of eating in bed and rewatching the Golden girls rerun’s when Daredevil breaks down the door.

Peter jumps, his pancake sticking to the wall. 

“Oh that’s never coming down is it?” Wade asked while licking a spoon.

“I know you are in there Deadpool!” Matt yelled, rapidly approaching to the room. In the half light he looked terrifying but Peter was maybe a little too used to Matt’s shenanigans to feel scared. 

Wade yelped, hiding behind the sheets “Don’t tell him I’m here Webs” Peter sighed from the other side of the bed and paused the episode “he can still sense you Wade”

“Crap” Wade muttered.

“He told me he had kidnapped you” Daredevil gritted out, appearing right next to him.

Peter punched him in the arm “Wade!” 

“Okay ow so he isn’t, Red devil with catholic guilt! But who knows what Spidey needs right- Hold on, I do!” His face reappeared from behind the sheets.

“Wade shut up” 

Of course he didn’t. He avoided the punch to his arm this time and opened his mouth to loudly ask “Do you have a job by any chance Devil? Spidey here is crashing at Pool’s humble house in the meantime”

“What?” Matt turned to him “are you homeless?” 

“Ehh no” At Matt deadpan stare Peter stopped trying to suffocate Wade with a pillow. 

Wade gasped, pointing his middle finger to Matt “you devil bitch, he’s trying to kill me”

Matt narrowed his eyes at him.

“Okay maybe a little” Peter said ignoring Wade, because it was true. He hasn’t seen his apartment yet but Olaf wasn’t exactly the person people went when catastrophe knocked on their doors. 

Peter only hoped he hadn’t thrown away his stuff to the garbage.

And then Daredevil stiffened, probably realizing how naked both Peter and Wade were. Oh hell, Peter winced. 

The pancake stuck to the wall fell with a very anti-climatic flop. 

Matt snapped his head at the sound. 

“Well it did come down” Wade said wistful while holding his wrist. Oh right, he let go of the pillow. 

“You know I’d rather suffocate with your tights baby boy” Peter patted his naked shoulder in consolation and looked up just to see the disgust in Matt’s face.

Peter bit his tongue to stop himself from laughing. 

“Never call me again, I mean it Deadpool”

Wade nodded from behind the sheets.

“Spider a word?” And with that tone of voice, it wasn’t exactly a request. Peter sighed.

“Sure, why not” He puts on some pants, closing the door just as Wade mutters "papa devil mad".

Peter snorted.

“Hey” Peter says quietly, turning on the light. Matt still looks mad as hell with the lights on, he shuts them. Okay, now he can pretend Matt is not mad as hell in the dark, Peter crosses his arms over his chest and waits him out.

“Spiderman” Matt says, lifting one eyebrow.

“Okay, I know it probably looks like a bad Stockholm case but I swear it isn’t”

“Is this some kind of middle life crisis? Deadpool really?” 

“Wade is-“

“Insane” Matt frowns at him “like really crazy levels of insanity, you know that right? Even Frank doesn’t want to do anything with him”

“Okay, sure. But that’s not all he is” Peter spluttered, probably not helping his case against Stockholm’s allegations. Because yes, Wade might be a few sandwiches short of a picnic but he wasn’t bad exactly. Not the way Doctor Doom was, bombing his favorite Mexican food places. 

And after all, he was trying to be better. 

Matt sighs, pinching the edge of his nose sounding exhausted  “Okay. Whatever is your life. Are you really homeless?”

“No!” At Matt stare he sighed. Okay, so Matt weird superpower of detecting lies still worked “maybe”

“So, care to explain, why the hell did you disappear for a week? I couldn’t even sense you” Matt sounds worried for him, and to be honest Peter is only now starting to realize a week off in the superhero business kinda translates to a gruesome death or a kidnapping. 

Peter scratches his hair, his now clean hair thank god. Wade’s shower did wonders on him. Peter had reeked of sweat and strangely, chocolate milk.

He doesn’t remember emptying a gallon of chocolate milk on himself.

“Um I kinda hibernated, probably got fired” He moves from one foot to another, hesitating because really, his life was really a mess wasn’t it? “and evicted too” Peter mumbles the last part.

Matt eyebrows lift.

“You don’t believe me”

“No. I do but its so-“ he trails off uncertain.

“I know, a mess. I was kinda having the worst week until Wade found me and I kinda stuck to him? ”

Matt puts a face and Peter realizes how that sounds.

“I mean! I stuck with him-” he corrects himself  “-after I ate his food like a ravenous seagull”

“And then what? Did he read you to sleep?”

Peter flushes, because that’s apparently what happened the first days “I just comma-slept in his sofa for a week”

“Hmm. He took care of with you”

“Yeah”

Matt hum turns considering “Okay. About the work thing, I’m pretty sure Karen can help you find something”

“Wait? really?” Peter had not expected Matt to actually help him with this.

“I mean why not, we need photographers for the cases” and then he turns to the broken door “I’ll keep you posted”.

“That’s nice, not so much for the door but-” But Matt left already. 

Man, Peter hated when Matt punched first and asked questions later.

Peter places the broken door back on its hinges and leans back to examine his work. It looks flimsy as hell. Damn.

“You okay baby boy?” Wade hugs him from behind and Peter jumps at the unexpected presence. His spidey-sense had betrayed him, it was the only explanation.

“Were you listening the whole time?” he asks, relaxing back into his arms.

Wade cooks his head and kissed his cheek “maybe”

Peter huffs, crossing his arms.

“Fine!” Wade whines as he moves away “I heard all your boring Devil papa gossip and let me tell you, you are not subtle at all. How am I supposed to keep forgetting his real profession?”

“Maybe you don’t have to. I don’t think he really cares if you know who he is” Peter hides his smile “what do you think about it?”

“I think we can do a little more interesting than reading you to sleep don’t you think?”

“More important than the my little pony adventures?” Peter teases him.

Wade wavers “fuck you, you know I love those” 

“Yes, I know” Peter leans on him and Wade slowly draws circles in his arms “so you want to see them or not?”

“Nah, they can wait” Wade says “you okay though? Not spider impulses for eating another’s man fridge?”

“No, just your fridge” Peter snorts “Now help me with the door, I think Daredevil really broke it”

—

“Do you ever think about the future Pool?” 

“Like what? the fact that I will outlive all of you” Wade turns, his legs swinging towards the void.

At Peter horrified silence Wade says “Okay that’s kinda dark, let’s not go there. But if you ever end up in hell, I can visit you-“

“Wait really? Never mind, I don’t want to know” Peter turns to him “what would you be if-  sorry it probably sounds insensitive”

“What my life would have been if nothing happened to me?” Wade finishes, unpacking a box of peanut butter sandwiches.

“Sorta” Peter says, watching as the city wakes up at night.

“I would have died. I mean cancer is a real fucking bitch” he rolls his mask to his lips “but, maybe I would have found you still in this universe or the next, it really depends on what kind of watch Cable has this time”

“You knew of me before?” Peter never really thought about it, but Deadpool must have been a mercenary for far longer than he has been Spiderman. 

“Who hasn’t? you are always here on New York swingling from one building to another and looking sexy” he munches on the sandwich, passing him the other one “I mean I tried to meet you before but canon was never gonna let it happen. What about you baby boy?”

Peter hesitates over his sandwich “I would still be a nerd. Maybe, I would have worked at Oscorp or Stark’s industries. It been so long now, the spider bit me when I was what? 14?”

Wade makes a face.

“What?”

“You were a kid. Wait a minute” He points at him “How old are you Webs?”

Peter rolls his eyes behind his mask “29. You thought I was 14?”

“No!” Wade stops “Maybe? Anyways, thank fuck. Cap would have kicked my ass to the moon. I think he lives there now”

“Idiot” Peter laughs, punching him very lightly on the arm, he doesn’t really want him to fall.

“Yeah, but what else is new?” Wade sighs, glancing at the nightlife slowly waking up around them.

Peter takes a bite of his PJ and thinks of Matt’s new restrain towards Wade and tilts his head.

“Pool?”

“Yes, my favorite arachnid?”

“Have you noticed something different?”

“I mean” he wipes his mouth with a napkin and wolf whistles “you are banging me so hard its making me see puppies everywhere? And the thing we did this morning with-”

Peter slaps him on the leg “Not that! I mean” he clears his throat “Have you seen the Punisher lately?”

Wade stop swinging his legs “that son of a bitch owes me a beretta. He stole it Webs, and tried to stab me with my own damn katana. Who the fuck does that?”

“No, no listen”

Wade turns at him “Does this give me a reward? Like a kinky reward for listening?” 

“Shut it” Peter places his hand on his mouth when Wade makes a sound “I work with Karen Page now right?”

“Right” Wade says muffled.

“And last week- Ew, Wade! you licked me“

“I walked a sweet blonde lady home” Wade continues, showing him his tongue. It had been a sweet gesture but unfortunately Karen thought Deadpool was trying to kidnap her.

“And she threatened you with a gun” Peter reminded him, wiping his hand on his pant. Right until he swung by and stopped her from shooting Wade point blank.

Karen had later apologized profusely and thanked them. Asking to never do that again.

“So, we both walked her home. And?” 

“And now Frank is nice. To you” Is not an exaggeration, Frank simply hates Deadpool’s guts, to the extent of shooting him on sight most of the time. And now he even waved at him sometimes.

“Oh my god” Wade says, widening his eyes.

“Yep”

“Is Karen the Punisher?”

Peter frowned “What? no-“

“Ah, I see Karen bangs him” Wade made a crude gesture with his hands and giggled. 

“Exactly, but maybe don’t say that to their faces or show that with your hands” Peter hurries to add. 

“So you think she will buy me another beretta?” Wade blinks.

“Nope”

Wade sighs sadly “can’t trust anyone these days”

“So maybe” he trails off and nudges him.

Wade lifts one eyebrow “what are you thinking baby boy? Is it about our movie?”

“We don’t have a movie Pool”

“Exactly” Wade whines, dropping his head on his lap “why can’t a Pool like me have his own movie with his sweetumbs. Think about the audience reaction when I roll down your mask and we kiss upside down in the rain, instant classic webs” 

“Sure” Peter tells him, patting him in the back. 

“I’m going to hunt that asshole who scrapped the idea at Disney” Most of the time Peter had no idea what Wade meant but he nodded in support.

“I mean to say, maybe its a good thing” Wade turns his attention back to him “I mean you and me, I worried so much you might seem my interest as- just for the money you spend on me and not you and that’s kinda fucked up, not good at all. You know that right?” 

“Even if you were in for the money baby boy, you forget I’m filthy rich” he wiggles his fingers behind his nose. 

Peter slaps his hands away and Wade returns to his mostly upright position “I mean, I will eventually get out of your hair!”

“Baby, I know you know I don’t have hair” 

“I mean! I can’t keep bugging you” Peter snickered.

“Oh! I know what you did in there buggie” Wade takes his hands, swinging them between them. Amazingly Peter doesn’t mind.

“I don’t mind, doing all that for you. I could even buy you an apartment, get off my dreams of being a Pool Sugar Daddy”

Peter makes a distressed sound.

“But you don’t need to prove that shit to me baby boy. I mean I know you, I might not have known your face but- he sighs dramatically “the signs were all there, you are good, more than good. With that ass you could never be true evil”

He blinks as if remembering something “and also I’d probably kill your boss if you kept working there”

“Pizzas aren’t so bad”

“Baby”

“Okay it was bad. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you for help until it got bad” so fucking bad he hibernated in Wade’s couch for a week.

“I was just embarrassed” he admits quietly.

“Yeah, I guess you were. You were gushing red all cutesy” he pinches his cheeks again and squeals.

“Shut up, I’m still paying you back” Peter says, showing him his tongue. It was probably childish but Wade always brought that side with him.

Wade snickered.

Peter looked at the city lights and the familiar churro cart he helped save a while ago “I probably need a new alibi. Parker can’t be seen too gushy with Deadpool and then as Spiderman” 

“Oh that’s fine” Wade pressed something in his hand. Peter did a double take, it was an image inducer. A real one.

Where did Wade get this?

“Where did you get this?”

“I kinda borrowed them from Shield”

“When?” He had been glued to Wade since he accidentally hibernated. There was no way he lost sight of him like that.

“When you were sleeping duh. I knew you will never give me shit for this”

“I was asleep Wade”

“Exactly”

He turns over the device, he could probably replicate it and avoid the screaming match in the Avengers’s tower about stealing from Shield. Not that Peter thought it wouldn’t happen, dating Deadpool would certainly bring some judgy eyes from them.

“Now, we can be anyone”

Peter looks at him at that “does it get bad?”

Wade turns his mask down and flops onto his back.

“The stares I mean?”

“Yeah, they do” and he sounds so small when he says it that Peter aches for him.

Peter takes his gloved hand in his “let me take you on a date Pool, we can even arrange that upside down kiss if you want”

“Webs-"

“No, please. Just let me, and don’t dare trying to pay for me. I have a job now”

“Alright girl” 

“Really?”

“Why not? baby girl you can do whatever you want with me. I’m your ride or die, except I don’t die” Under the mask Wade grinned at him. But his voice had gone all soft and it melted him from the inside.

“Okay, but don’t call me that” Peter gets up and offers him a hand “Piggy patrol?”

He lifts Deadpool to his feet, wiping the peanut butter from his red suit absently. Wade doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, probably both. “Fuck yes. Let’s show this motherfuckers who rules this city baby boy” 

“I mean not me, I’m still kinda broke” Peter says, jumping off the building’s edge when Wade is safely wrapped to his torso.

“But between you and me, I’m glad its with you in this city” He lets them them fall more than necessary, before webbing another building in the last minute. Wade breath always gets caught and Peter loves it “but if you say something I will definitely drop you”

He’s lying of course. Peter almost had a heart attack when Wade slipped off a building the week before, and saved him by webbing him to a land post at the last minute. Wade had thrown him a kiss.

Realistically, Peter knows Wade can’t die. But he can’t really stand to see him hurt.

“Oh babygirl I know” Wade voice rumbles down his back, his breath ticking in the small opening of his suit. And Peter almost drops them both with the surprise.

“Pool!” he exclaims, rapidly shooting a web to the nearest building. The momentum zapping them both towards an unsuspecting pigeon. They both scream, scaring a group of tourists below.

“Did we kill it?” Peter asks a minute later after they both take a breath.

“Pigeon had it coming, but no. Look there” Peter swings them to the left, catching sight of the confused pigeon.

Wade cooes at it as it flies away.

“I can’t believe we almost crashed into a pigeon, the Avengers would've never let me live that down”

“Yeah, but you know what else they would've never let you live down?” Wade voice rumbles close to his ear “You love it when I call you baby girl, don’t you Petey?”

Peter shudders and hides it by swinging them towards an ongoing bank robbery.

“I neither confirm nor deny” And Wade laughs with him before dropping down.

“Okay bitches who wants to die today?” Deadpool yells, drawing his katanas.

“Not killing, remember?” He makes a somersault, webbing two thugs with guns and knocking another to the wall.

“Sorry baby” Deadpool yells again, kicking a guy who tried to stab him. And punching another in the gut “I meant- ow fuck girl, that’s nasty did you really bit me?”

“Nasty” Peter repeats from the wall “now he’s never gonna stop with the zombies jokes”

The woman glowers at him and Peter webs her to the wall with a flick of his wrist “you were saying babe?” he reminds him.

Wade squeals as he punches another incoming douche in the face “you say the prettiest things to me baby boy. I might even lay off the zombie jokes”

Peter lands on Wade’s shoulders to web their fleeing suspects “Pool”

The secondary group points their weapons at them and Wade readies his katanas at them with a smirk “Oh right, sorry you distracted me with your arachnid wiles” he clears his throat and yells “New announcement bitches, who doesn’t want to die today?”

—

“I’m telling you, Karen is seeing someone” Foggy says “but for some reason she doesn’t want me to know him, is that weird? I mean she’s our friend”

“No, Karen just wants some privacy” Matt says, painfully aware of who Karen sees on a daily basis. 

“Wait, you know who that is?” Foggy earnest curiosity makes him smile.

Matt opens his mouth to deny it but he stops. Foggy stops with him, Matt feels him turning around, probably trying to guess what Matt perceived with no luck.

“Is something wrong?”

Matt feels the image inducer’s strange magnetism first, but under it two strangers stare at each other while laughing. The world around them beats in a slow rhythm, enhanced. If Matt focuses he can feel the heat in their faces, their slightly elevated heartbeats close to each other.

He feels Foggy turning to them. Two strangers eating spicy food and throwing chopsticks at each other while laughing with their mouths open.

“No” Matt smiles and keeps walking “I guess there isn’t”

—----

_

+Bonus

Olaf had not seen the Parker kid in a while. Perhaps it was finally time to empty the apartment for another person.

He turned the key, getting inside his apartment when something caught his attention. The window was open.

He never left the window open. Pigeons loved to make nests there, so Olaf was careful to never give them the opportunity to invade his apartment.

With extreme care, he shut the door and turned the light on jumping at the sight of a masked man in his living room.

A masked man in New York could only mean-

“Spiderman?” Olaf gasped, widening his eyes “Oh my god, I can’t believe it”

Spiderman leaned forward, the batch of homemade cookies half eaten in his lap. Olaf could’ve cried knowing the masked vigilante ate his cookies.

“What? Oh no” Spiderman chuckled darkly “my good cookie-man landlord I’m his bitter half” the man made a reverence “this is Deadpool” 

Olaf tried to remember the name, but nothing came up “I'm sorry, who?”

The masked man sighed “man, that’s shitty you don’t even know my name. But rest assured, you will learn it today”

And in one fluid movement, he was right in front of him taking the keys from his frozen hands.

“What- what do you want?” He swallowed, the curtain of hope that Spiderman would visit him quickly disappearing.

In one rapid draw, a katana was poised right into the space of his neck.

“Please” Olaf sobbed “I don’t know what you want”

“Oh right, I haven’t asked anything yet” Deadpool tilted his head at him “what do you know about acquiring legal rights for a movie?”

“Wh-what?”

Deadpool sighed “it was worth a try” he withdrew his katana “but I still need something from you”

“Anything-“

“I need the keys for a shitty apartment in here. And then I won’t kill you, I even brought you a fruit basket for reasons unknown!” Deadpool cheered.

Olaf swallowed “why do you need-“

“ssshhh, none of your business capisce?”

“Ssu- sure. What number?”

Deadpool blinked “Parker, you know? that nerdy kid with the glasses”

Olaf shut his eyes, he knew that kid was trouble since the moment he brought that stolen Avengers merch. Goddamn it.

“Second floor, 1203” the man took the keys and slapped a packet in his hand, startling him.

“Here’s his rent payment” Olaf was surprised to see two months worth of rent in money. 

Suddenly it dawned on him. He was right not to trust the Parker kid, he was with the mafia. Olaf is never wrong with these kind of things.

“Why?“ He half asked and then shut up. Perhaps it was better not to know, in case the police raided this building.

“Listen to me you good old fashioned reindeer named motherfucker” Deadpool tilted his head with one gloved finger “Parker was never here, I found him first”

“Sure-yes whatever you want” he agreed. 

“Say it back”

“Parker was never here” Olaf repeated.

Deadpool patted his cheeks, placing a fruit basket on his hands that Olaf almost dropped in surprise “there’s a good boy, also kudos on your cookies they totally fuck”

Olaf was finally taking a breath when the masked guy stopped on the way to his open window, his voice loosing the enthusiastic cheer and raising the hairs behind his neck.

“I meant what I said, you know? You tell anyone about this and you won’t live to make another batch of badass cookies. Do you understand? my friend with the fucked up name?”

“I understand. I completely understand“ Olaf voice shook. 

“Great! see you never. Unless you fuck up. BYE!”