Work Text:
"Shauna had sex with Jeff," Jackie says, pulling Misty down to sit next to her.
Misty's expression morphs into her faux-sad face. Jackie recognises it from the two group sleepovers Misty got invited to. Sometimes she'd catch the girl examining faces, mimicking emotions while they watched movies.
"He doesn't deserve you."
Confusion furrows Jackie's brow. "What are you talking about?"
"He cheated on you," Misty says, uncertainty creeping in. Had she misunderstood? When this results in Jackie looking even more confused, she tries, "Your boyfriend." There's no recognition in Jackie's face. "Jeff?"
"Oh, right. That guy.” Jackie waves a hand dismissively. “Do whatever you want to him, but please keep up. This is about Shauna."
"Sorry, Jackie. You're right. What should we do to her? We could probably make her death look like an accident."
At least she's on her side in this. "We can't kill her. Everyone would suspect me. And anyway," Jackie remembers Shauna's tears spilling down her cheeks, “she was bragging to me about being pregnant.
"With Jeff's child," Misty points out, edging Jackie closer to the murder plot.
Jackie hums, considering, but eventually shakes her head. "Put a pin in that for now. Too risky."
"Some light poisoning? Break her fingers? Frame her for murdering Jeff?"
"Better… especially that last one. But I had another plan in mind.” Jackie leans into Misty, whispering in her ear, “We make her jealous.”
Misty pulls back, confused. “Jealous? Of what?
"Jealous of us dating, of course."
"Jackie, I'm not...umm, you know. Like that"
Jackie rolls her enormous eyes (it takes a while), clearly exasperated. "Misty, you idiot. Neither am I. It's about making Shauna jealous. We won't actually be dating."
"Oh… Okay, I guess that makes sense? But why would that make her jealous?
“Because she's obsessed with me. Duh.”
"What about all your other friends?” Misty tries. “Couldn't you ask them?"
Other friends? Jackie scans the cafeteria, spotting a few familiar faces; Tai and Van, sitting on opposite ends of the room with their respective friend groups, making eyes at each other through the crowd, otherwise dead to the world. Lottie, towering over a sea of nondescript faces, and a beacon of bottle blonde hair pressed in next to her. And then there's the skank sitting next to whatshisname, a beautiful scowl etched into her face. It makes Jackie's blood boil. She's supposed to be the one making Shauna miserable.
“No. I'm asking you because you have the best hair in school. Who else would I ask? Stella split-ends? Be real.”
Misty beams at the compliment, but she rallies herself quickly. “What if I dated Jeff instead?"
"Who? Geez, Misty, stop poking holes in this. I've known Shauna since we were kids. It'll work."
"I'm surprised you're not more hung up on Jeff. You didn't even get to sleep with him yet."
Jackie crosses her arms. "Are you calling me a virgin?" No, she isn't a Virgin. She even double checked with Van and they said hand stuff counts. But still, all the stuff she'd done with Jeff didn't feel like it counted. Shauna wasn't supposed to beat her. They were supposed to lose it together– at the same time– They were supposed to tell each other.
"Sorry Jackie. You know best," Misty relents. Her face drops a moment later. "But I can't date you. The guy I like will think I'm,” her voice lowers, “a lesbian, if we do this."
"Ew, a guy? It's not Flex is it? You know he had a rib removed so he could suck himself off. I heard it didn't even work because his thing was too small."
"It's not Travis, it's Coach Scott! …and I think he likes me too. He barely flinched yesterday when I stood next to him."
Jackie gently places her hands on Misty's shoulders and looks at her with those huge eyes. "Misty, I need to tell you something. Don't shoot the messenger, okay?"
"Okay?" Misty tentatively agrees.
"Henry Millar said he saw Coach Scott at Powerhouse Gym and when he was changing he took his hair off. He's bald.”
Misty looks distraught for a moment, but rallies quickly. "Maybe he was lying? Or he could've seen someone else?"
"Okay, fair. Henry is unreliable because he's always roided out." Jackie sighs, "I didn't want to say this because I'm a fucking ally, but you deserve to know. Jessica Price's cousin's best friend, Terry G, that guy with the soul patch who got suspended for selling fake weed to middle schoolers. Well, he saw Coach Scott and Coach Martinez leaving the equipment shed together, and he said on the floor there was an extra-small condom.
“And I know that one's true because Jessica P hardly ever lies, unless it's about her fake New York musician boyfriend, or that time in fifth grade when she ate an apple core and lied about it and had to get her stomach pumped after school."
"No, Misty gasps, “please, Jackie. He can't be– He wouldn't do that to me!"
Jackie slaps the distraught girl, forcing her out of her hysterics. A few people at their lunch table flinch. "Misty, listen to me! I'm telling you this as your new best friend. You're kind of a psycho, and even if none of that was true, he's way out of your league."
"Even if Coach Scott is like that, there might be other guys who like me."
Jackie sighs impatiently, arms crossed. "Who?"
"Well, there's Brian from chemistry. He smiles at me sometimes in class."
"Brian Boykisser? He's not even in the closet."
"Steve Frost said he liked my glasses once."
"Steve Frost as in Brian's boyfriend?”
"Jeremy–"
"Gay."
"You didn't wait for which Jeremy!"
"Jeremy B and Jeremy O are both gay, Jeremy H is bi, but he's dating Stella Split-ends, and even you can do better than Jeremy Smells" Misty looks defeated, eyes watering. Jackie manipulatively pulls her victim in for a hug. “Shh, it'll be okay. Listen, I'm the least gay person in school, so fake dating me is the most straight thing you can do. All the guys will be after you then."
"But–"
Jackie tightens the hug and says through gritted teeth, "Don't overthink this, Misty.”
Misty sniffles. “Oh…”
"Hey, hey, it's okay. Shh. Don't cry," Jackie says, arms tight around the other girl, poofy hair tickling her nose. "You have me now." She blows the invasive hair out of her mouth. “Only me.”
After Misty calms down a little, Jackie continues in a condescending tone, "Now. Will you help me make that beautiful bitch jealous by being my fake girlfriend?"
Misty slumps into the hug, a little short of breath because of the tightness Jackie is gripping her with. "Okay, Jackie."
The bell rings,
Trays clatter as people start getting up from their lunch table. Jackie swivels around to the girl sitting directly on her other side. “See you in Maths, Stella,” Jackie says brightly.
“Whatever, Jackie,” Stella huffs, standing up from their crowded lunch table. “Stop talking shit about my hair. Good luck, Mindy.”
~~~
Jackie flips through pages, frowning.
~~~
Hi my name is Shauna Shipman and I have long luscious brown hair thats as silky as the sea (that's how I got my name) that reaches my mid-back and cool brown eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Melanie Lynskey (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to–
~~~
“Take me, Jack,” the beautiful brunette princess said to the thief. “Plunder my–
~~~
Jackie finally snaps the book shut, having read enough. After debating with herself for a minute, she hucks Shauna's journal into the woods, hopefully never to be found again. She has a lot to think about.
No wonder Shauna didn't get into Brown.