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Oikawa watched Iwaizumi grow up. He saw him climb his first tree, saw him ride a bike for the first time, saw him watch Godzilla for the first time. Oikawa watched him fall and rise up again and in turn Iwaizumi watched Oikawa grow up as well. Climbing that first tree right beside him, riding that bike next to him, curled on the couch at his side watching Godzilla. They were always together, they did everything together.
Oikawa, in the back of his mind, always knew. He knew in middle school when they did their first successful play together. He knew when they graduated and instead of going to Shiratorizawa, and taking his chance at success, he chose Aoba Johsai to stay with his friend. Oikawa knew when he realized that the girl he called his girlfriend didn’t make his heart beat like his best friend did. Oikawa knew all this, he had to have known. However, they say denial is a powerful thing, and while he knew, he never realized .
When he did, when he finally realized he was in love with Iwaizumi, he was sitting alone on an airplane enroute to Argentina. They had said their goodbyes at the gate, Oikawa hugging Iwaizumi tightly, part of him not wanting to let go. When the other let go he handed him a small box, which Oikawa opened the second he sat on the plane. It was full of milk bread. Oikawa loved milk bread and he loved Iwa-chan so much for thinking to get him some for the trip.
That’s what triggered it, that simple thought of I love him , led to him looking out at the beautiful blue sky one moment and being in the middle of some sort of panic attack the next. A sort of throbbing in his chest. The seat next to him had happened to be empty and it only felt like a sick ironic slap to the face to look at. He felt claustrophobic, he felt like he had to get out of that plane, right then and there. What was he thinking?
He’d never been away from Iwaizumi, he’d always had his friend there to back him up. He didn’t know anyone in Argentina! His whole life was in Japan! He got full ride scholarships to so many universities there! He wanted to go back! He wanted to go back! Go back to his family, his friends, to Iwaizumi! He couldn’t do this, not without the love of his life next to him! And with that thought his mind turned silent.
The love of his life.
And slowly he was able to get his breathing under control. Slowly he was able to find his surroundings again. Because he realized that the reason he was panicking was because it was finally hitting home that he was leaving the love of his life behind in Japan. Oikawa is not quite sure what happened after that, he’s pretty sure he disassociated the rest of the trip. He might have fallen asleep. Next thing he knew he was in the airport with his suitcase and alone.
He wanted to turn back to the main desk and buy a ticket to go home right then and there, to go back to the arms of Iwaizumi. He couldn’t though, he couldn’t go back until he had proved himself. He needed to prove himself to Iwaizumi. Oikawa needed to work hard and succeed and then he’d be ready for the next time he met Iwaizumi. He needed to be ready.
He’d made a promise.
Iwaizumi was there to watch the game, for research purposes of course. If they both won the next two games, Japan and Argentina would meet each other in the finals for the gold, it made sense to scoop out the competition right? Except for two things, first: that Iwaizumi was the Athletic trainer, not a coach so that made no sense. Second: game plans and could-be strategies were the last thing on his mind. He just wanted to watch Oikawa play.
Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa walked into the court from the stands, they’d barely had time to speak to each other at all, granted it was the third day at the Olympics but still, Iwa wishes they could have been able to spend more time together. He watched as the brunette closed in on a teammate and whispered something in their ear. Said teammate then nodded and Oikawa smiled at them.
Iwaizumi’s heart ached at the display. He was reminded even more how every time they tried to be close to each other something came up. And now Iwaizumi had to watch as he shared something with another person that they used to share but never would again. It made him irrationally angry. Jealous. Iwaizumi wasn’t stupid, he knew why, he’d known for years really.
The day Oikawa got on that plane broke his heart. It actually broke his heart, because the moment they said their goodbyes and he saw Oikawa cross that gate he felt… empty. He felt his stomach constrict and it was an actual physical pain in his heart because he realized he had never wanted anything more in his life than he’d wanted to stop Oikawa from boarding that plane. It took him a moment to realize why. It took him looking at that plane taking off for him to realize that he had just let the man he loved walk out of his life.
That night he had laid in bed looking at the ceiling thinking about what his life would even look like now that Oikawa wasn’t going to be right next to him the whole time. He hadn’t realized he’d cried until he was looking at a text from his best friend saying: “Just arrived Iwa-chan!!! I’m going to find a hotel and sleep for the next three weeks, talk to you soon!” with it a selfie of Oikawa in front of a sign Iwaizumi couldn’t read. He chuckled and responded a quick: “Ok crappykawa, just make sure to lock the door after you, it’d be a shame for you to get kidnapped.”
That was years ago. At the beginning he’d expected Oikawa to move on, to find better friends, to make better memories, after all, everyone moves on from high school. Yet, somehow Oikawa and Iwa never did. They texted each other daily, or as often as they could, never more than a week went by without them talking. Despite the time differences, watching a movie together was a must every Saturday, technology had helped with that the last few years. There were snapchats, there were random messages at random times.
Iwaizumi was never not aware of what was happening to Oikawa, and sometimes it felt that even if he was who-knows-how-many miles away from him, he was still the closest person to him. He knew all his teammates, he knew about his roommates, he knew about his school. He knew everything, sometimes Oikawa’s mom would ask Iwaizumi about how her own son was doing. It was something Iwaizumi carried like a badge. It didn’t take away the pain of not experiencing it all with him.
He remembers crying when Oikawa had sent him a picture of himself and Hinata, that redhead from their old rival school. Not because he was jealous, so much as because it was completely unfair that he just happened to run into someone he barely knew by chance and Iwaizumi couldn’t see him when he so desperately wished he could. It wasn’t fair and he hated it with all his heart. At least Oikawa looked happy.
Now seeing him defeat a team as he played on the court below him, Iwaizumi didn’t think he’d ever looked more handsome. Sure he’d seen games online, but it wasn’t the same as seeing it in person. Without realizing time had gone by, suddenly the game was over and Oikawa was being surrounded by his team, his team that was not Iwaizumi’s team. In the back of his mind Iwaizumi cursed him for not playing for Japan, but he also knew that was unfair. Oikawa needed to thrive where he’d always wanted to thrive. He needed to thrive away from Japan and all the meaning behind that. Iwaizumi had to respect that.
Him respecting Oikawa’s decision didn’t mean he had to torture himself watching the man he still loved be happy without him. So he got up from his place in the stands and walked out, leaving Oikawa and his new family behind him. Iwaizumi had to accept that they weren’t in high school anymore. Now they would just be old childhood friends, nothing more.
He didn’t sleep well that night knowing they would have to play against each other soon.
The moment the ball slammed against the floor the crowd went wild. With that final hit the Argentinian team had beaten the Olympic Host Country and taken the gold. Oikawa stood still, with Kageyama and Hinata on the other side of the net, Ushijima on the bench. It was like high school all over again for him, except this time… He didn’t have time to finish that thought because he got slammed by one of his teammates, crushed into a group hug.
That’s not what Oikawa wanted though. His eyes were fixed on the other side of that net. Kageyama, no, Bokuto, no, Hinata, no. His eyes moved to the next person who was staring right back, Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi’s eyes were so soft, and he had a smile and Oikawa felt desperate, he untangled himself from his own team and ran across the net, someone tried to stop him, Oikawa’s pretty sure they thought he was going to start a fight. Instead he ran straight into the arms of his best friend.
Iwaizumi wrapped him in his arms and Oikawa’s happiness won out as they both laughed, he heard Iwaizumi whisper in his ear, “I’m so proud of you! You finally did it, you beat them.” Oikawa knew Iwaizumi wasn’t quite talking about their old rivals so much as the monsters in his head. Oikawa had always dealt with that, the worry of not being enough, not being able to beat his own monsters, but he had. He could only hug Iwaizumi tighter. Iwaizumi who had dealt with Oikawa’s monsters right beside him.
At some point Hinata hugged him too, even Kageyama and Ushijima congratulated him. Iwaizumi never left his side, until the moment he had to go with his own team to line up at the podium. He was there with his team, the anthem he’d learned to love played. His eyes were blurred, but no tears fell, because he was not going to cry on international television no matter how excited he was.
On his way back to the Olympic Village with his team members, he was stopped by a hand grabbing his. He turned to look at who had stopped him to see Iwaizumi there, before Oikawa could question it, he spoke up, “want to take a walk or go out for food or something?” Oikawa smiled and told his team to go on without him and celebrate. Some of them gave him looks but he didn’t care, he wanted to spend as much time as he could with Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi took him to a bakery where he bought him milk bread, and it was then when Oikawa realized how much he’d grown in the last few years. Oikawa didn’t feel lonely anymore. He didn’t feel worthless. He didn’t care about beating others anymore, instead he cared about being the best for his own satisfaction. He wasn’t that same immature kid from high school Iwaimuzmi remembered. Sure they talked so much so he knew but it wasn’t the same as seeing it.
For example, he didn’t love milk bread anymore… Not like before.
“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi was looking at him, obviously Oikawa had spaced out. Oikawa looked up, straight into Iwaizumi’s eyes. One thought on his mind. He didn’t love milk bread anymore. He didn’t love milk bread anymore. He didn’t love…
Oikawa opened his mouth to tell Iwaizumi, to say, “Iwaizumi, I don’t really like milk bread anymore.” What came out instead was, “you’re not milk bread. I don’t love milk bread anymore, but I still love you.” His mouth shut with a click and Oikawa realized what he’d just said. His cheeks flushed. He got up to try to leave now that he’d ruined everything, he mumbled a hurried “I’m sorry,” a second before he heard Iwaizumi from behind him.
“No, wait, please, I’ve been waiting since the day you got onto that god damn plane to be able to tell you I love you.” Oikawa was dumbfounded, it took his mind and body about 20 seconds to get on the same page.
“Are you-really?” Oikawa didn’t want to believe it but at the same time, he hoped it was true.
“Yes,” Iwaizumi’s eyes were shiny, and Oikawa threw himself into the other’s arms, he hesitated for a moment before he leaned for a kiss, which the other reciprocated immediately. He found that Iwaizumi tasted like milk bread, and while he didn’t love milk bread he did love Iwaizumi, so he decided that was more than ok.