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“Armin, are you ready? They'll be expecting you in time for dinner.”
Armin heard his grandfather's voice from the next room and sighed. He'd been thinking all day about how he might be able to get out of this, even considering faking illness at one point. But his grandpa knew him well enough to know when he was lying, unless he was really focused. For this, he wouldn't be; he would just be anxious and sad, and it would show through the lie. Even if Grandpa did buy it, Eren would be mad and tell him to get over it. That he'd promised to be there and you don't break promises.
Or maybe Eren wouldn't even care. Maybe he didn't need Armin anymore, now that he had someone better to call a friend. Someone who wasn't weak, who didn't need looking after and protecting. Someone who could take care of him for a change.
Sure, Armin took care of Eren. Mrs. Jaeger had counted on that many times in the past. Armin had always come through, trying his best to keep Eren out of trouble and stepping in with the right words when necessary to avoid Eren getting his butt kicked. But it didn't always work, and in those moments when Eren was being beaten to a pulp, all Armin could do was run for help. He couldn't actually defend Eren, not with his puny arms and weak punches. Then again, Armin didn't believe in fighting anyway—one more thing Eren probably hated about him.
Armin didn't even need to run for help these days, though. It wasn't him Mrs. Jaeger spoke to when she was looking for someone to keep Eren safe. It wasn't him who was told to never leave Eren's side when he left the house.
Now there was Mikasa.
“Armin?” Grandpa's head poked into the bedroom they shared in the tiny cottage. “Do you need help gathering your things?”
“No, I'm okay. Thanks.” Putting on a false smile, Armin shoved his slippers into the bag that already contained what he'd need for the sleepover at Eren's—nightclothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush, and of course clothing for the following day. He looked at the new book he'd picked up on a trip to the market with his grandpa, thinking Eren might find it interesting. Eren always loved to listen to Armin spout off new facts he learned about...well, anything he could find.
Or at least he used to. Mikasa seemed bored when they'd sit around and read. She probably complained about it (and him) when he wasn't around. Probably wondered why Eren hung around with such a lame, boring friend.
“Come on, then. I'll walk you over.”
“You don't have to. I can go on my own.”
“I know you can, but...”
Grandpa didn't need to finish. He was worried that Armin might get cornered by the bullies again. And without Eren around, he'd end up puking on the street after being pummeled by their meaty fists.
Because I can't take care of myself. I'm not strong like Eren. Like Mikasa.
In his mind Mikasa's name was always said with distaste. With anger. With jealousy. And he couldn't even properly hate her because none of it was her fault. She hadn't asked for her parents to be murdered. She hadn't asked for the Jaegers to take her in. She hadn't asked for Eren to save her life. She was lost in a cruel world where bad things happened for no good reason, and she was lucky enough to have Eren nearby when it all went down. Eren was exactly who Armin would've wanted to be there if he'd been in that situation. Eren had been there for him when his parents died. Eren had demanded to sleep in Armin's bedroom for two weeks afterward, practically living with him and Grandpa and bringing them food from home most days that Mrs. Jaeger had sent along. Grandpa had grieved privately. For Armin, there had been Eren to hug him as he cried. Eren had said all the right words. He'd held Armin together, and in a small way Grandpa as well, until they could function enough to start living again. And slowly, day by day, Armin had gained his smile back, his optimism and excitement over the same dreams his parents had shared with him from a young(er) age. Eren put him back together.
He'd done the same for Mikasa, and now Mikasa was entirely devoted to Eren. She wanted to be the one to take care of Eren. She wanted him to pay attention to her. She never said that, being a quiet sort, but she never had to. Armin knew because he'd lived it. Having Eren make you the center of his world was addicting, there was no feeling like it. He couldn't blame Mikasa for wanting to steal it away.
But that didn't mean he had to be happy about it. He was losing Eren, a little bit more each day, to Mikasa. Soon enough Eren might not even invite him over anymore. Or want to hang out. He'd have to learn how to fight his own battles. There would be much pain in the months and years ahead as Armin learned how to live without Eren—both emotional and physical.
Armin didn't bother to argue with his grandfather. He wasn't going to win. Just like he wasn't going to win in a competition with Mikasa, who was all the things he couldn't be.
Well, at least I still have tonight. Maybe my last night, but it's one more night to spend with Eren before I'm replaced for good. It won't be the same, not with her around, but it's better than nothing.
He heaved one more sigh before picking up his bag and following Grandpa toward the front door. He'd enjoy at least being in the room with Eren while it lasted.
+
Mrs. Jaeger greeted them at the door with a wide smile. “Armin, welcome! Come on in. Fred, would you like to stay for dinner? We have enough.”
“No, I need to get back and feed the chickens. Maybe get a little gardening in before we lose the light. But thank you, Carla. Say hello to Grisha for me.”
“I will. He's with a patient at the moment but he promised to be back in time for dinner.”
Armin shuffled past Carla and toward the corner of the main room that housed Eren's bed. He stopped in his tracks, realizing that it was only big enough for two. In the past he'd always slept in Eren's bed when he stayed over. He wouldn't this time because it was now Mikasa's bed, too. He'd be relegated to the cold floor, though he was sure Mrs. Jaeger would do her best to make it comfortable and warm for him.
He blinked back tears. It was no big deal, lots of people slept on floors. His grandpa would do it every time he visited before he moved in to care for Armin. He never complained.
Armin heard the front door close and then Mrs. Jaeger's cheery voice. “Eren and Mikasa should be back in a few minutes, I sent them out to pick up fresh bread for dinner. I didn't have time to bake it myself.”
“It's no problem.” The smile he offered her was genuine. He'd always liked Mrs. Jaeger. She was kind, and had been even more so since his parents passed away. “Can I help you with dinner? Or anything else? Laundry, maybe?”
“You're a sweetheart, Armin, but that's all done. Mikasa helped me chop up vegetables earlier. And before you offer, she also swept the floors and dusted. She's genius with a broom.”
Mrs. Jaeger's smile did little to quell the anxiety her comments resulted in. More things Mikasa was doing that he used to, and she was apparently better at them.
The front door banged open, causing them both to twist toward it. “Hey, we're home!” Eren called out, as if the house was big enough to make that necessary. Armin and Mrs. Jaeger were in what was essentially the same room as them.
Mikasa stepped in behind Eren, her arms full with a paper bag. She reached back to close the door quietly, then approached Mrs. Jaeger with a smile and held out the bag. Her long black hair was loose, hanging down over the pink sweater she wore most often. “Here. They had some fresh apples too, the green ones Dr. Jaeger likes. We had enough left over, so I got a few.”
“Mikasa, you're so thoughtful!” Mrs. Jaeger gushed. “He'll love them, thank you!” She took the bag from Mikasa and set it on the counter, then hugged the girl. Mikasa blushed but was obviously pleased by the praise.
“I don't know why Dad likes those,” Eren drawled. “The red ones are way better. Armin, hey! You finally made it! I thought you were gonna skip out on us again.”
Armin gave a nervous chuckle as if he hadn't considered that very thing. “I'm here.” He smiled at Eren, happy to see that Eren's welcome seemed genuine.
Now Mrs. Jaeger was checking Eren over for damage. She grabbed his chin in one hand and turned his face, eyes roaming it. “No bruises or cuts, that's always a blessing. So no fights this afternoon?”
Eren squirmed out of her grip in annoyance. “Mom, I don't fight every day. Only when those jerks make me.”
“Hmm. Well, at least I know you have Mikasa to protect you now.”
Right. Because he never had that in me.
Armin turned away, pretending to look for something in his bag so they didn't notice he was trying not to cry again. He was also beginning to wish he had skipped out, because he'd only been here five minutes and already felt worthless.
“Did you bring any books this time?” Eren suddenly asked. He crowded Armin's space, digging through the bag.
“Just one. A new one I got about flowers. Did you know you can make a new flower by combining two together and planting it? It's called grafting!”
“No way! Flowers are boring, but it's cool you can do that. Mikasa likes flowers, maybe we can figure out a way to mix her favorites.”
Armin's heart dipped. He'd already been planning to mix his own favorites together and see what would happen. With Grandpa's help, of course. But now, of course, it had become all about Mikasa and what she wanted.
Armin tried really hard not to hate her. Maybe he could fake a tummy ache after dinner and just go home for the night. It wasn't as bad when they all hung out somewhere because Armin could easily just leave if he needed to. He'd been doing that more and more over the past month, since Mikasa had come to live with Eren's family. Here, he didn't have that option. It was why he'd resisted sleepovers until now.
“That would be nice,” Mikasa said, smiling at Eren with big eyes and something like worship in her gaze. Armin's stomach turned. Was that what he looked like when he was in awe of Eren?
“Let's go check it out before dinner!” Eren exclaimed. He pulled the book out and started running toward the front porch, where they tended to sit when Mrs. Jaeger needed them out of the way. “Mom, how much time do we have?”
“Oh, I'd say a good fifteen minutes before your father arrives. I just need to warm up the bread, everything else is ready.”
“Cool! Come on, guys!”
And so it was that Dr. Jaeger found them planted at the top of the steps when he came home, Eren in the middle with the book on his lap while Armin and Mikasa sat on either side. They got up to make room for him to pass. Eren followed in his wake, rambling on about all they'd learned and how they were going to pick flowers in the meadow the following day to graft together and plant. Armin and Mikasa stood awkwardly on the porch and looked at each other before looking away. Then Mikasa scurried inside. Armin followed, dread pooling in his stomach. Would it be Dr. Jaeger praising Mikasa now, going on about how thankful he was for the apples? Would Armin have to sit through an entire dinner listening to them all talk about how amazing she was?
Maybe the tummy ache would come on during dinner.
But conversation over dinner took place mostly between Eren's parents. When Eren's mouth was full he was less likely to rant or rave or just talk, he was too focused on getting food into it. Armin tended to speak only when invited to by the adults, though once that was done he could wax on about an exciting topic for hours. Mikasa kept to herself as well, taking care to pay attention and refill plates when empty or offer more bread. She even tried to do that for Armin, but he shook his head. If he wanted something more, he'd do it himself. In truth his appetite was non-existent tonight anyway.
Once dinner was declared over, Mikasa and Armin stood up at the same time to gather empty dishes and put away leftovers. They shared another look over the table, both freezing in the act. Mikasa was the first to look away. Armin's face turned pink.
“Well, I need to work on things downstairs for a bit,” Dr. Jaeger stated, standing up to stretch before turning his back on them.
“Don't stay up too late, dear,” Mrs. Jaeger admonished. “I know you put in a long day and you're tired.”
“I promise, Carla, no more than an hour tonight. Because you're right, I am tired. You kids have fun.”
“Oh, we will!” Eren grinned. “We're gonna play cards! Hannes showed us a new game yesterday and we need to teach Armin!”
Great. One more thing Mikasa knew and he didn't.
The door to the basement closed behind Dr. Jaeger. Mrs. Jaeger said, “You can do that after your bath, Eren. Go on.”
“What?! Mom, that's not fair! Armin's here tonight!”
“Then you should've taken your bath last night when I told you to. Instead you promised you'd do it tonight.”
“But...I'm not even dirty!”
“You are, you're filthy. I can see the dirt behind your ears.”
“You can't see that!”
“I know it's there. Your ankles are a mess, too. Did you play soldier in that abandoned building again?”
Eren had the nerve to look offended, then glared at Mikasa. “You told her?!”
Mikasa's cheeks burned. “I only said I was worried because you cut your elbow on a nail. I thought your dad should look at it.”
“It's fine, it doesn't even hurt anymore!”
“Let's go take a look at it.” Mrs. Jaeger steered a protesting Eren toward the tiny bathroom. “Could I ask you two to—”
“Of course, Mrs. Jaeger!”
It came from both of them at the same time. Their eyes met before they looked away.
“Thank you, you're both such blessings. And Mikasa, I keep telling you to please call me Carla. You're family now.”
Mikasa's face lit up. She smiled and nodded.
Armin wanted to throw up. He might not even have to fake the tummy ache; it was coming on strong now.
“Armin? You practically live here, you might as well do the same. It's Carla, sweetheart.”
Armin's breath caught. He tingled with something that touched his heart. “Um. Okay, sure!”
“Now Eren, I don't want to hear any more arguments! Get those clothes off now!”
The door closed behind them, leaving Armin alone with Mikasa in the large space that constituted the majority of the house. Awkwardness settled over them like a heavy blanket. Mikasa stood next to the table, unmoving as she stared down at the remains of their dinner. Armin did the same, sneaking a glance her way. Why was it always like this when they were alone? True, that was a very rare thing, but the second it was just the two of them, silence fell and they barely looked at each other. They just...let the time pass until Eren was back, and Armin could breathe a sigh of relief again.
Well, Mrs. Jaeger had just made it clear that he was as welcome in this place as Mikasa. That counted for something. So Armin went first. He reached for the nearest plates, stacking them on top of each other. That seemed to kick Mikasa into gear. She went for the glasses and silverware. Armin gathered all the plates together, then added soup bowls in a pile on top of that. It was a little heavy, but he had it under control.
Or at least he thought he did. He was almost to the sink when his stupid shoe got caught on...something. Nothing, really, it didn't take much for him to trip. Probably a tiny splinter sticking up from the wood. It broke his stride. The bowls began to topple. In an instant he saw what was about to happen, heard the crash of glass as everything shattered at his feet, felt the shame and embarrassment of being scolded by Carla. Being laughed at by Eren. Being judged by Mikasa, who was so much cooler than him.
The crash never came. Mikasa had beat him to the sink. She was just setting down her dishes when Armin's gasp caught her attention. With lightning-quick reflexes, she spun back and managed to catch the two bowls that were heading for the floor. Her elbow steadied the remaining plates and bowls in Armin's grip until he could regain his balance. He gasped again, freezing with his hands and arms tight around everything, his body trembling with the knowledge of what had almost happened.
“You got it?” Mikasa asked softly.
“Y-yeah. Thanks.”
“Sure.” Without asking, she took the entire load from him, gracefully setting it in the sink. Armin watched her precise movements and wished his body listened so well to his commands. Now he was afraid to even touch a dish, the slippery soap might make him lose control again.
“I can wash them, if you'd rather dry,” Mikasa offered.
That was probably safest. He'd only be holding one dish at a time and with the aid of a towel for friction. Defeated, he hung his head and nodded. He wanted to leave now, but he'd promised Carla he'd help. So he'd do that, and then get out of here. It was still light out, he could probably make it home before dark so that nobody had to walk him there. The last thing he needed was to look like a baby who needed an adult to go with him everywhere.
Armin stood to Mikasa's left and waited with a towel at the ready. She was careful in her cleaning, as he was, making sure to get every smudge until the dish was spotless. He had to admire that. She passed over a glass. Armin took it gently and finally said, “You have really quick reflexes.”
“Oh.” She blushed, just the hint of a smile gracing her lips, before she added, “My mom said I get that from my dad. He was fast too, and really strong.”
Thinking of the times he'd seen Mikasa lifting heavy burdens, of how she always seemed to best anyone she fought with, Armin could see that. But now he'd brought up a subject that was probably sore for her, and he felt bad. He remembered how hard it had been for him to talk about his parents in the first month. Maybe time to change the subject. “My grandpa says the same thing about my brain, that I get my smart side from my dad.”
“Oh really?” She seemed interested. Was Mikasa just being polite? Pretending to care about him and his family? “He must've been really smart, because you're a genius.”
Heat suffused Armin's cheeks. “You're listening to Eren too much. I'm not that smart.”
“Yes, you are! I've seen it. Eren does talk about you a lot and how big your brain is, but it's not just that. I can tell by the way you always say the right thing to get Eren out of trouble.”
“Me? You're the one who comes to his rescue all the time.”
“Sure, but only when I know talking won't work. You've saved him lots of times before it gets to that point. He just doesn't know when to shut up.”
Armin broke into a shocked laugh. “I know! Why can't he ever just back down and let someone else be right? Even if they're wrong, he doesn't have to fight about it. Just walk away.”
“I don't think he knows how. I kind of like that about him.” Mikasa handed over a plate. “I kind of hate it, too.”
“Yeah,” Armin chuckled. He focused on drying the plate, turning it around slowly to absorb the water. “I admire him but sometimes I wish he'd just...”
“Shut up,” Mikasa finished.
It was a full laugh this time. “He's ridiculous, isn't he?”
“The worst.”
Armin had added two more plates to the stack before Mikasa spoke again. “But he's also the best.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he is.”
They smiled at each other, the first genuine smile they'd ever shared. They were different, but they shared one important trait—they loved Eren above all else.
“Your parents...” Armin started. “I'm sorry. Eren told me what happened, and I'm glad he was there but I'm so sorry.”
Her face changed. Her eyes lost some of their light. “I'm glad he was there, too. He saved me.”
Armin nodded. “I bet you miss them.” When she started to look away, he added, “I miss mine, too. It's been a whole year and I still miss them every day.”
Mikasa stepped back from the sink, dishes forgotten. She wrapped her arms around herself, looking tiny and scared. “So that never changes?”
“No. I'm sorry.”
“It's hard, but...it's better that way. I was afraid I'd forget them. I don't want to forget them.”
Her chin started to tremble. Her eyes turned shiny with tears. Before he knew what he was doing, Armin had her in his arms and was hugging her tightly. “You won't. You'll never forget them. We have to keep them alive by talking about them, repeating the memories. The good times. The happy things that make us smile. You can talk about them with me anytime.”
“Really?” She was crying now, little hitching sobs that were quiet but made her body quake.
“I promise. Anytime.”
“Okay. Thank you.” After a few moments she said, “You can talk about your parents, too. I'll listen.”
Now Armin was about to cry. How had this happened? Five minutes ago he couldn't stand Mikasa. Now they were hugging each other and baring their souls, and why? All because they loved Eren? Because he was the glue that held them together? Because he'd saved them both, time and time again, and they understood each other?
“Thanks,” he whispered.
Eren's voice carried to them through the bathroom door. “That's enough, Mom! I'm clean already! I can bathe myself!”
They broke apart fast, both wiping at their eyes. Armin used the towel, which was damp and not very effective, then laughed and passed it over to Mikasa. She dried her own eyes with a corner that was dry. “So um...are you leaving soon?”
Armin froze. Did she want him to? Was that why she was asking? “What?”
“Sorry, I just thought you might since you always leave us early. But Eren's really happy you're here, it's all he talked about today. He said you haven't stayed over in a long time and...can you stay this time? Please? For him? He'll be really hurt if you leave again.”
“Oh.” So...Eren had noticed? He had missed Armin? “Um...”
“It's because of me, right? That's why you don't come over anymore? I'm sorry. I know things are different now, I probably annoy you because I'm always here. If I had a place to go, I would but—”
“No!” Everything coming out of Mikasa's mouth was completely true, but suddenly it was imperative that Armin convince her otherwise. “I don't mind! It's kind of nice to have someone who can beat up those jerks when they attack us. It's...at least I don't have to worry about him as much.”
“Are you sure? I'd stay home when you guys play together but then I just sit here and worry, and it makes me crazy not knowing—”
“Mikasa, it's fine. You can hang out with us anytime. And...I'll sleep on the floor tonight. I know there's only enough room for two in the bed, and it's your bed too now so—”
“No, Eren already said we're all sleeping on the floor. He likes having us close.” She hesitated, but then said, “Both of us.”
“He...said that?”
Mikasa nodded shyly.
“You don't hate me being here?”
“No. I always thought you hated me being here.”
I did. I did hate it. Things had changed, though. It didn't seem so bad anymore. “It's your home now. It's where you belong.”
A hopeful gleam sparkled in Mikasa's gray eyes. “So you'll stay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay.” Armin couldn't stop smiling.
“Thank you. He'll be so happy. He's been dying to show you that stupid card game since yesterday.”
The bathroom door opened, Eren stepping out with his hair still dripping and his night clothes sticking to his body in places. “Did you even bother to dry off?” Armin teased.
“Barely,” Carla answered with a roll of her eyes. She was carrying Eren's dirty clothing under one arm. “But at least he's clean now. Go on and get changed for bed, you two. I'll finish up the dishes.”
They both gasped when they realized they hadn't done so themselves. “Sorry, Mrs.—uh, Carla.”
Mikasa joined in. “We can finish! We were talking and...I guess we forgot about them.”
“It's fine, since Armin's here you all can have a night off from chores.”
“All right! Hurry up, you guys!” Eren urged. “I'll get the blankets and pillows set up over here, just go get changed so we can play cards! Mikasa, I bet Armin beats us in the first hand. It won't matter that it's a new game for him, he's such a genius he'll figure out how to win anyway.”
Even though Eren said it as a jab, Armin heard the pride behind the comment. Eren did love his brain. And did still want him around. Even better, Mikasa did, too.
He wasn't being cast aside. It was a new dynamic, Mikasa in their midst, but that didn't mean he was losing everything. In a way, he was actually gaining something.
Now it wasn't just him and Eren against the world. It was all three of them. They were stronger for it.
With a huge grin, Armin rushed over to pull out his pajamas. “Mikasa, do you want the bathroom first?”
“No, you can go ahead. I'm gonna help Eren set up our bed stuff. Otherwise it'll be all over the place.”
She knew him well already. Armin laughed and went in to wash up for the night and change. When he emerged, there was a large fluffy blanket spread over the floor near the bed. On top of it was another blanket—just big enough for all three of them to snuggle up under. Eren's pillow was in between the other two, meaning he'd be in the middle.
That way Mikasa could cuddle with him, but Armin wouldn't be left out. No, he'd be right there pressed up against Eren's right side, since Eren always slept on his back. Mikasa could take the left.
Eren would be safe and protected on both sides, and that was all that mattered. He'd find a way to hold on to them in their sleep, Armin already knew that.
He nodded at Mikasa in passing as she headed for the bathroom. She nodded back, a warm twinkle in her eyes.
“Armin, get over here! Let me tell you the rules so we can start playing when Mikasa comes back.”
Armin jogged across the room, eagerly dropping his clothes on Eren's bed in his excitement to get started. He loved learning new things.
What he also loved, he'd discovered, was learning new people.