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Mogari Shishikuno had woken up in the middle of the night freezing his ass off.
Okay, it's not that cold but allow him to be a bit dramatic while he's cold in his own damn house. Despite feeling his bones ache from the abrupt awakening, he sits up and pats around for the familiar fabric of his quilt; begrudgingly, opening his eyes when he doesn't feel it at once, realizing that the tufts of white hair just next to him seem to be cozied up to his quilt.
Earlier in the day, Tamon and Mogari had all been over for Korekishi to cram knowledge into their desolate and wandering brains, Kanzaki just behind them. When they got to it at the end of the school day, Mogari swore up and down that he might die after the second algebra question. Tamon had been struggling alongside him, but Kanzaki held out much longer than them. Korekishi only kept them nailed down with his daunting smile, Mogari hasn’t felt so in line since he was back home under his family’s watch.
Mogari let his eyes wander halfway through his math sheet to sneak a peek at Tamon's sheet, but he hasn’t made any progress past the multiple erased formulas left behind on his paper, to the left the frost haired boy on his right has made more progress with minimal erasure. His eyes however wander from the paper to the person writing on it; it is no surprise to anyone that Kanzaki has a hauntingly beautiful charm, but to Mogari he thinks his friend is much prettier than any of the girls he hears Tamon talk about.
With how he grew up, he doubts that his tastes are conventional, but it's not like they’ve been disapproved of either. Life in the city had allowed him to be freer than ever, no chain and ball was held to him as his family sent him out to collect spirits. He’d have to seriously be blind to not see what others may not, the pink iris with the green rim reminded him of mid-summer watermelon, and when they were brimming with tears, they resembled stained glass. Lately, there had been the tell-tale of sleepless nights under his eyes, but he won't pry just yet.
He finds himself staring much longer at the other boy than he intended to when he’s suddenly snapped out of it by the rasp of Kanzaki talking to him.
“Mogari, what are you looking at, is there something on my face?” He begins to wipe around his mouth, his gaze straying before coming back to Mogari who shrugs gluing his eyes back onto his paper. He might not understand math, but he understood that his spirit seeing friend was beautiful. It left him puzzled, and he’s never had friends before, but he doesn’t feel this way about the other two. Relationships are hard.
Korekishi makes his best attempt at helping Mogari and Tamon understand the formulas of each equation, he feels his headache with all the information that Korekishi drills into them. Luckily, the former student council president feels merciful enough to give them a break, Mogari slumps back in his chair and Tamon wearily sighs and cradles his head.
“Why is math so complicated?” Tamon's head thuds on the table.
“My head is gonna split open.” The phantom eater lethargically slumps further dragging his words.
The white-haired boy beside them sighs before turning to Mogari with slumped shoulders, “Hey, can I stay over? I don’t really want to be home if my sister's boyfriend is there.” The request falls out of his mouth unnaturally, Mogari nods as he stands up - his hands reaching over his head as his shoulder blades pop, “Sure, you can use the guest futon I just bought.”
He groans quietly to himself as he recalls Kanzaki beside him on the only guest futon he's saved up for so far. The sleeping boy beside him trembles with ragged breathing and he suddenly sobers up. He wafts the air for the pungent smell of a spirit, but he smells nothing. He doubts that with Ren in the room next to his, any spirits would be in their apartment unit. Quietly, he calls out his friend's name, when he doesn’t respond he calls out again slightly louder. Kanzaki only tosses at that, so Mogari nudges his shoulder again and again in cadence while calling out his friend's name.
Louder, “C’mon Zaki, wake up.” And the other boy jerks awake, the severity of it makes Mogari flinch back but he is still upright and near. He makes sure to align himself within the other's line of sight before speaking again, “Hey, you're okay.” Kanzaki looks out of it but forces himself to take a few deep breaths before settling back down into the futon. A silence settles between them, only the sound of Kanzaki’s abnormal breathing. Mogari however, can’t help but want to help his friend, so he decides to pry.
“Can I ask you something, Zaki?” And he knows Kanzaki is aware of his train of thought, the way his meticulous hands carefully cover his face. There doesn't seem to be a spirit bothering him. Mogari may not have the best self-preservation, but if it kept his friends – kept Kanzaki safe, he would accept every cut and bruise if it meant the other's worries had been taken care of. The exorcist watches as Kanzaki nods, the shadows from the outside streetlamps casing his hands.
“Is Hikari’s boyfriend really staying over?” He crosses his legs and looks down at the spirit-seeing boy. He’s only met her once, she’s kind and considerate of her younger brothers’ feelings - from what he knows Kanzaki lives there most of the time alone while Hikari stays at her boyfriend's place. The exorcist watches as his friend's hands drag the skin of his face down with a shaky sigh, his peculiar eyes don’t glow, rather the light hits them at a certain angle that makes them sparkle.
“No.” He turns his head away like he’s ashamed, but he doesn’t try to hide himself.
So Mogari shifts, patting where he assumes are Kanzaki’s knees. “Sit up and tell me about it?” Hell, he’s already awake at who knows what time, might as well get Kanzaki to talk about what's bothering him.
There's a bout of silence before Kanzaki sits up with a sigh.
Maybe it's because it's just the two of them, the two of them in that space where Kanzaki can confide in him about the things he can only tell Mogari. Lethargically, Kanzaki pulls himself up and mimics Shishikuno’s position. They’d only recently redirected the spiritual pathway that ran through the Kanzaki family home, but Mogari can only assume things are still difficult for him, being back in a home where he was ostracized because of what power he was born with.
“I've been having this same dream for a while now,” Kaoru brings his legs to his chest, and avoids eye contact. His hands are restless and grab onto the pants lent to him effectively cradling himself. “It mixes middle school and that one night with my mom,” The sound of his sudden shallow breath makes Mogari outstretch his hand toward Kanzaki who looks at his palm and then his face before taking it. “It just turns into these scenarios where worse things happen to me, where she's saying more than what she did.” A stray tear drags itself down Kanzaki's face and Mogari is close enough – quick enough to swipe it away gently.
Kanzaki's eyes pool with tears, “I can hardly look at her, Mogari. She's my mother and I can hardly stomach the sight of her.” He tries to fight it, but the crimson-eyed boy watches as he slowly succumbs to his sorrow.
Mogari has never had friends before, and he's never experienced how to comfort someone I'm his life.
But damn it if he doesn't try. He holds out his free arm hand motioning inward as he offers his friend a hug. The other hesitates before falling forward shoving his face into the crook of Mogari’s neck, his hand still interlocked with the exorcist the other finds purchase on the back of his shirt. His sobs grow louder and his body shakes with each cry. He can only sit and hold Kanzaki as he shakes with tears, and it breaks a part of him when he can’t find the words to say something. Anything.
He’s never had particularly strong emotions toward the way he was brought up, he has only accepted things as they were. He puts up his front of being the eccentric and carefree teenage boy, but he has his serious side too. Sometimes he forgets himself, and maybe his friends see it as him being vulnerable when his gaze casts a somber and wistful mist over his eyes. In his eyes he can’t even pinpoint what exactly curates those feelings, maybe it is the fear of being born into his family, the weight his family name holds, and how he could care less if he’s the one who inherits the mantle. He can’t pretend that he doesn’t get how Kanzaki feels, but he can’t claim to clearly understand them either.
Unlike Kanzaki, he was born into a lineage of exorcists who used to wield spirits to kill the living, and unlike Kanzaki, he didn’t have a typical family dynamic, all he knows is that if someone hurt the main family, he’d hurt them - never forgive them. It's just what he knows.
“It's not your fault.” Tears rolled down his neck, some absorbed into the hem of his shirt, others he lost track of. The sobs continue, despite Kanzaki trying to keep quiet. “It can’t have been your fault, you didn’t ask for the power given to you.” Mogari’s hand travels up to the other's nape, swiping his thumb across it idly. The tears continue to pour a little while longer, he does his best to offer comfort however he can. He remembers reading somewhere that sometimes presence is better than words, so he continues to hold Kanzaki as he empties out his sorrow.
The white-haired boy gasps slowly and turns into steadier breaths, Mogari lets his hand run in circles around his friend's back.
They sit like that for a bit longer, just until Kanzaki’s head lies on his collar bones, still and empty. His hand goes lax, but Mogari still holds on. “Thanks for that, and sorry about your shirt.” His voice is raw and ragged, whatever it is ignites a warmth somewhere in Mogari.
“Don’t worry about it Zaki,” He’d never had someone outside of the Shishikuno family particularly close to him, but this life has changed that. All his friends changed him; he could talk about stupid things and stay out with them until the sun was gone. It's good, he thinks. It beats wasting away and training on a mountain isolated, never knowing how fulfilling these connections made him feel. “Are you okay?” He’s not so sure why his connection to Kanzaki is specifically different - was it their vulnerable connections? How could they see through the other?
“I’m much better now,” He readjusts himself, so his hand comes up to where his face had just been, wiping away the leftover dampness. “I don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel like,” He pauses, “I can just say what's bothering me, you’ve done a lot for me, thank you.” He cranes his face upward, meeting Mogari’s eyes who’s already staring down at him. He’s about to comment on how weird the other is but Mogari cuts him off.
“I promised, didn’t I? That I’d keep you safe?” A smirk tugs at his face, his fang pokes out from behind his lips. “I don’t plan to break that promise, Zaki.” Despite himself, Kanzaki’s eyelashes flutter and burn a bit after crying so much.
“That was about spirits, not my baggage.” The boy with multi-colored eyes scoffs, looking at their connected hands, his heart picks up just a pace.
“Hm, I think that's the same, we tell each other what we can’t tell anyone else; things that hurt, what you can’t tell your family, I guess that's my rule with you.” The exorcist heir leans forward to look at his friend who is burrowing his face into the other's sternum. “Don’t you get embarrassed saying things like that?” He’s hunched over uncomfortably, burning with embarrassment up to his ears.
“Was it embarrassing? I swear there are worse things I’ve said.” He drags out his words playfully, he idly wonders to himself how conventional any of them were, but he supposes he and Kanzaki are the furthest from conventional. “I wouldn’t hold it to you, you know,” That pulls Mogari back in, “If you didn’t keep that promise,” Uniform nails mindlessly pick at the hem of Mogari’s shirt, “It was a bit of a selfish request for me to ask, especially since you said they don't taste good.”
It’s true that spirits don’t taste good at all, and there are various other things he’d like to try instead of consuming them, but up till now, he’s done it to help his friends. Urahime was a different story because she wasn’t vengeful, nor did he have to eat her. When Kanzaki looked deep in thought like this, he would take note, he’d like it if his friends would just speak their minds.
“I don’t know if you’ve read it, but there's this manga called Jujutsu Kaisen,” Oh. “Suguru Geto, his ability worked a little like how yours does, he would eat the curses and summon them to help him fight,” He shrugs against Mogari, “I’m not saying I’m worried about you turning out like him, but I just worry about you consuming them like you do.” He should’ve seen this coming, in hindsight. Kanzaki hasn’t asked Mogari what manga he’s been reading, but Mogari can confidently say that he’s done his research.
He’s only very recently caught up on the latest chapter, but he sees why Kanzaki would worry about something like that. “I don’t think I could think the way he does,” he says offhandedly, Kanzaki turns to him. “I couldn’t hate humans for making someone recently departed so vengeful, it's a part of life - someone's suffering, it's just something I have to do to help them move on.” He doesn’t secretly resent his ability; he wants to exist now and feel everything pleasant or stressful. He won’t always have this freedom. “Like things are now, I want to feel things to the fullest extent just as they are, and I won't run from it.”
That seems to be enough for Kanzaki as he nods, content. “You’ve been reading Jujutsu Kaisen, anything else?” He thinks for a moment, Kanzaki probably knows about everything being printed... If what he has at his sister’s place is just a fragment of everything, he owns…
“I started reading Gokurakugai, I bought some secondhand Yu Yu Hakusho just last week I’ve only made it to issue 24 though, cuz I had to cram for a test,” He shifts their connected hands a bit, “Though I’ve been eyeing Kagurabachi and Sakamoto days.”
And he feels the way Kanzaki begins to shake from his core with excitement, the outer rims of his eyes glow. “You’ve got quite the radar, if you’re looking for Sakamoto Days I have up to 17, I haven’t had the time to get the latest one, yet they should be in the magazine, but I’ll lend them to you.” He starts spewing information like he’s reading a website article, he knows about pretty much everything being serialized right now, it's honestly impressive. The glow of Kanzaki’s eyes doesn’t waver at all as he talks into the space between them, Mogari is just happy to hear his thoughts.
He listened to every word, Kanzaki’s passions felt like an extension of his own. He leeches off the others' excitement when he mentions his favorite part in something he had been reading, and he can’t help but take all of Kanzaki in. His jagged scars, how they accentuate his puffy eyes, his pierced ears, and the curve of his lips. He presents himself with such stoicism, but he has seen the cute pout of his lip, or the intimidating quirk of it when he tries to be scary.
Amidst his info dumping Kanzaki fully leans into him, one of his legs slides under his, and his rambling dies off when he looks back at Shishikuno. “I like your eyes, they’ve got a glow to them, you know.” The night has run its toll, and his tone is flat when he speaks. That glow softens but doesn’t disappear, “I didn’t know they did.” Mogari’s hand comes up from the curve of Kanzaki’s back as it brushes away a few strands of hair from his face. “Yeah.”
The air between them doesn’t shift as it would in some shoujo manga, they’re not suddenly flustered nor leaning in for something to connect them. Instead, Mogari lets his head fall on top of Kanzaki, who protests and begins squabbling with the exorcist to lie down.
Kanzaki shuffles around under the covers, fluffing out his quilt, before addressing the other.
“Are you, like, okay with this?” Mogari, who finally gets his quilt back, hums at their arrangement, legs entangled under their connecting quilts, hands readjusted for a comfortable sleep, and Kanzaki reclaiming his space at his friend's shoulder. With the addition of the other's body heat, he had never felt this warm even with his quilt.
But also, this way Mogari is almost positive his blanket won’t be stolen again.
Mogari stifles a yawn before turning toward the blanketed mass next to him, “G’night, Zaki.” He only gets a hum, and a squeeze of his hand for any sign that he has been heard.
He falls back asleep, with an undying warmth in his chest, and the tenacious hold of another.
Bonus
Nestling birds chirp on the roof as the sun rises, and life slowly resumes out on the streets with the sound of bicycle bells and the distant thudding feet thudding down the flight of stairs. The spirits eater's snoring is quietly interrupted, and his eyes scrunch into reluctance before he begrudgingly opens them. It’s a routine from childhood that he can’t seem to shake, but he doesn’t get up right away. There is a weight on his chest, it's not crushing but makes his breath intake shorter and less comfortable – and he can’t feel his arm. He wants to stand, stretch, yawn, and brush his teeth but is afraid of moving.
Soft snores and a tandem of the rise and fall completely alien to his own, he only briefly moves his head to look at the weight of his sleeping friend. Kaoru remained in a still position, his two arms still wrapped around Mogari’s, he's surprised that their hands are still connected. He takes all his features in while he can, and even now he thinks his friend is breathtaking despite his frazzled hair and drool dried at the corner of his mouth. There is something that makes him feel so full at the sight of his friend who catches up on all his missed hours of sleep, and despite not understanding how exactly their friendship works he’s perfectly content with what they have now.