Work Text:
“Kanda…” A quiet whisper cut through the pounding of Kanda’s heart in his ears.
Lifting his eyes from the blood slowly spreading around Mugen’s hilt, he found silver eyes looking back. Not gold. Not something in between. Silver. And that smile, full of kindness and beauty instead of the malice that had been there a moment ago.
“Bean sprout?” Blood splattered across his face as Allen coughed once, quick. Scarlet slipped down the younger man’s chin. Kanda’s hands shook around Mugen as he stared into those eyes that had become so familiar to him. “Allen?”
“Only for a little bit,” Allen said, the words barely audible. It was only because they were so close, nose to nose, the Kanda could hear them at all. “But you have to do it now, Kanda. This is the last time I can come back.”
“Wait-” Kanda tried, but the words stuck in his throat. It was happening again. Again, he was being forced to kill someone important to him. Again, he was being forced to watch the light leave their eyes. For a moment, he saw a flicker of Alma’s face, saw how similar he and Allen could be at times.
His heart was shattering all over again. He didn’t even know he had anything left of it to break. He startled as a gentle hand cupped his cheek.
“Hey now, what’s with that look on your face, Bakanda? You don’t look like yourself.” Allen dragged a thumb across his cheek, and he could feel as the movement smeared a droplet of blood. “It’s okay. This was always going to be how it ended. Tell everyone that I’m so grateful for everything they did. Getting to work with them, with you, was the greatest thing I ever got to do. I’m- I’m so happy that you were all my family in the end.”
“Allen, wait-” Kanda tried again, but then the hand on his cheek guided him forward. Salt and copper filled his mouth as their lips slotted together. He was stunned, mind silent. Tilting his head, he pressed just a little closer. “Allen,” he said again when the kiss broke.
“Thank you… for that,” Allen said, but didn’t put much distance between them, just enough to look into Kanda’s eyes, “We don’t have any more time. Don’t lose your nerve at the last moment. You promised. We’ll do it together.” Allen’s fingers wrapped around Kanda’s on Mugen’s hilt, stilling their trembling.
“I’m sorry,” Kanda whispered as, together, they ripped Mugen up and across through Allen’s body, straight through his heart.
When Allen fell to the ground, there was still a smile on his face.
For the first time since Alma’s death more than a decade ago, tears rushed hot down Kanda’s cheeks.
That's how Lenalee and Lavi found him, head bowed as he stared down at Allen's corpse and tears flooding his vision. They were covered head to toe in blood that didn't belong to them and desperate. “Kanda!” they called out as they landed beside him.
Even now, he couldn't tear his eyes away as he told them, “I couldn't save him.”
“Oh Allen,” Lenalee whispered, dropping to her knees. She combed his bangs from his bloodless smiling face. “I'm so sorry. We were too late.”
“Dammit,” Lavi hissed, standing beside her.
Seeing them, two other people who were also important to him, their eyes traveling over his failure, Kanda crumbled. His knees gave out beneath him and Mugen clattered to the stones beneath. Twisting his fingers harshly into his bangs, he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. And finally, finally, he folded beneath the weight of his sins.
…..
Kanda was groggy, the image of Allen's face superimposed over Alma's following him, as he woke. Their faces were free of blood, just that same bright smile. The imagine faded fast, each blink wiping them away until all he was staring at was a familiar ceiling.
As he sat up though, Allen sat on the window sill, form incorporeal and nearly colorless. He was smiling just as he had been when he died, the edge of stress and worry gone from his lips. He was dressed as Kanda had seen him so many mornings on missions, loose black night pants and scars on display. There was a new one, fresh and pink, cutting diagonally across his chest. ‘ Good morning, Kanda ,’ he said, just an echo in his mind rather than words spoken aloud.
“Allen,” he said, voice just a croak.
“Yu, you're awake. Thank god.” The sigh came from his side, and it took Kanda long, drawn out moments to turn. Tiedoll was smiling, tears streaming into his mustache. “I was so worried you never would.” Standing, he wrapped Kanda in his arms.
Kanda felt numb, his general's actions barely registering.
When Tiedoll finally pulled back, it was with a clearing of his throat. “I'll get the others. They'll want to know you're awake.”
‘ Remember. Please tell them what I told you. Reever and Johnny and Komui too. Please .’ That whisper in his head again, Allen's voice.
“Everyone,” Kanda said, voice still scratchy and quiet, “The exorcists. Komui, Johnny and Reever. Everyone who can be here.”
Tiedoll was silent for a moment, looking into Kanda's eyes. Eventually, he nodded. “I'll return with everyone.”
He hadn't even closed the door when Kanda returned his eyes to the spector.
‘ Thank you .’
“I'm sorry,” Kanda told him, body heavy with memories. Smiling boys and blood and broken bodies. He dropped his head into a hand. “I'm so fucking sorry.”
The whisper of a touch landed on his shoulder, and Kanda lifted his eyes, despair filling every crevice of his body. Soft silver eyes met his. He could see the window through them. ‘ We made a promise. You kept it. I can't thank you enough. It ended the war .’
“Are you a ghost or a figment of my imagination?” Kanda asked, not sure which answer he wanted more. Maybe neither of them. Either would shatter him just that little bit more.
Allen's hand lifted, moving to tuck a strand of hair behind Kanda's ear, but his hair didn’t move. The touch felt like the breeze. ‘ Does it matter? I'm here until you tell me to go .’
“Don't go,” he croaked out, the words sounding like a plea.
‘ I won't .’
The only indication that time was passing was the changing of the light in the room. Bright afternoon light darkening to evening oranges and reds. They remained where they were, staring at each other, until a quiet knock tapped on the door. It opened before Kanda could respond.
A stream of people flooded in, Lenalee and Lavi rushing to his bedside. Lenalee wrapped her arms around him, breaking his line of sight to Allen. Quiet, faint agitation bubbled in his chest, but not enough to react. Allen would be there in the room when he could see again.
He hooked his fingers across the inside of her elbow, but made no other attempt to move.
“You're awake!” she cried in his ear, her tears wetting his bare shoulder.
“You really gave us a scare there, buddy,” Lavi said, concern cutting the teasing of his usual tone, “You've been asleep for days.”
“Oh.” He didn't have anything else to say to that. It would have been better if he hadn't woken up. His purpose was served. He wasn't needed in this world anymore.
Komui stood beside Tiedoll, smile exhausted and deep purple bruises sitting heavy beneath his eyes. “Tiedoll said you needed us, Kanda. What can we do?”
Slowly, Kanda's eyes scanned the assembled crowd. Tiedoll, Komui, Marie, Miranda, Krory, Timothy, Reever, Johnny, Link, Bak. Even Cross and Chaoji lurked in the back. Lavi and Lenalee on the bed with him. Allen's family. Everyone who had meant something to him, all looking beat up yet relieved. He found Allen by the window again looking so utterly proud as he smiled.
“Allen, before I…” The words stuck in Kanda's throat, and he had to swallow down the bile that threatened to choke him before continuing. “Before I killed him, asked me to tell everyone that he was grateful for everything you did. Getting to work with all of you was the greatest thing he ever got to do. He was happy that you were all his family.” Eyes still on Allen, he added something Allen hadn't said. He hadn't needed to. “He wished he could have stayed longer to continue being a family.”
Allen's eyes were wide as they met his, but not angry. Because Kanda knew him, sometimes better than he knew himself.
Miranda's sob cut through the room, and then everyone was breaking. Everyone but Kanda. There was nothing left of him to break. Sobs, some stifled and others unhindered, filled the room, and Kanda let it all wash over him. Their grief was expected, and he let them remain to grieve together.
Eventually, everyone trickled out except for Lenalee and Lavi. They didn't leave, but they slipped away into dreams, Lavi wrapped around Lenalee and Lenalee with her arms wrapped around Kanda's waist.
Kanda never moved except to keep his eyes firmly affixed to Allen as he flowed through the room, offering words of comfort that only Kanda heard. He came to rest on the edge of the bed, stroking a hand over Lenalee's hair.
‘ Thank you, again. I'm glad my final words could reach them .’
“You should have been able to tell them yourself.”
‘ We knew that was never going to happen .’ His mind was silent, and between one blink and the next, Allen was at his other side. ‘ Get some rest, Kanda, I'll be here .’ Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to Kanda's forehead, just the brush of a feather.
…..
Even if Kanda had wanted to go on living, his body had reached its end. Over the following months, his hair was leached of all color, turning as white as Allen's. Every time he moved, pain was there, reminding him that soon enough, it would give out completely. He refused all treatments Komui tried to offer him.
The Black Order didn't need him anymore. The remaining Exorcists found it easier and easier to track down all remaining Akuma. When the last one had been eliminated, he knew. The presence of the innocence faded until it was barely noticeable at all, that ever present vibration becoming barely a hum.
It didn't disappear. It would never disappear no matter how much Kanda wished it would. As long as evil still lurked in the world, there was always the chance that the innocence would be needed again. Instead, it simply slumbered.
Kanda spent every day the same as the last. He went out to the garden where only he and Allen existed, watching the birds and the trees. Staring into that familiar blue sky. He watched Allen roam the garden from a bench, and the man would describe the things he saw and the plants that he knew. Sometimes, Allen told him stories, some true and some not. Sometimes, Allen simply sat beside him looking out as well.
Kanda ate the food that Tiedoll or Marie or Lenalee brought to him, but he didn't care if they forgot. He wouldn't care if they simply let him crumble to dust right where he sat. He would have preferred it.
At night, the others would come to visit him. Sometimes they read in silence. Sometimes they told him about the missions they had come back from. Sometimes they drank until they fell asleep in the uncomfortable chairs that had always been there. Always, Kanda stayed silent and watched Allen.
Allen loved that the others visited, sitting close to read over their shoulders or laugh at their stories or simply smile. That was the only reason Kanda let them keep returning.
When the lights were extinguished and only the dark of the night remained, Kanda would lie in bed with Allen lying beside him, and wonder if today was finally the day it would all be over. He was so tired. He just wanted to be done.
One night, Allen gazed into his eyes as they were slipping closed and whispered, ‘ I'll see you soon .’
The darkness that engulfed him that night was warm and endless. This time, it didn't release him, and he was so thankful. This death was different from all the others he’d experienced. This death was kind and comforting and welcoming. Fingers laced between his, and there was Allen just as he'd always been whispering, “Welcome home.”
…..
It was Tiedoll who found Kanda, chest still, skin ice, expression serene, arm outstretched as if he’d been holding someone. He cried as could be expected, and had to retrieve Marie to give him strength. Kanda’s body was burned as was tradition for the Black Order, and Tiedoll ferried his ashes away before they could be disposed of. He'd done the same with Allen’s on Cross’ agreement. They were scattered together across the most beautiful places he could find.
Instead of graves, a monument was erected in remembrance of the people who gave their lives for the cause. Their names were carved into plaques that surrounded the base. With the Earl gone, the threat of someone being turned into an Akuma was gone. Too many had died to create a graveyard, but they could do this.
Lenalee and Lavi made sure that when Kanda’s name was engraved, it was beside ‘Allen Walker’. Space was left for their own names beside their two friends for when their times came. Because everyone’s time eventually came, and they were no exception.