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So, that was Gerrard. Buck reached their table and set his food down before turning to Tommy. “You okay?”
Buck could admit that Tommy – especially in formal, public settings – wasn’t always the most expressive guy. He tended to fall into deadpan mode, which personally drove Buck more than a little insane because it meant he had to key into all of Tommy’s micro expressions which meant he spent a lot of time staring at Tommy’s eyes and lips, which made his mind wander to all the other things those lips could be doing. But this was different. Tommy seemed shut down after their run-in with Gerrard. It made Buck want to turn around and confront the 118’s former captain, but he wanted to make sure Tommy was all right first.
Tommy sighed. “I’ve heard worse,” he said, staring at his plate as though deciding what to eat first. One thing Buck was learning about Tommy was how seriously he took food, how much he enjoyed eating and really seemed to savour every bite. “He technically didn’t say anything.” Tommy picked up his fork.
Buck wasn’t ready to let it go, though. He also hated to think about Tommy having to deal with worse. But Buck didn’t want to force Tommy to dig up his traumas for the sake of satisfying Buck’s curiosity. “We could talk to the chief.”
“Evan,” Tommy gave him a look that said Buck might be crossing a line just a little bit. “We may have just gotten medals, but we all know this is a publicity stunt for the chief. As far as he’s concerned, we’re a bunch of troublemakers who stole a helicopter and disobeyed direct orders.”
Buck shrugged. Tommy wasn’t wrong.
Tommy continued. “Besides, I don’t want to dwell on it. I’d rather spend my time sitting with my hero boyfriend and enjoying my chicken and egg rolls.” A little bit of the smile returned to Tommy’s face and Buck let himself relax.
“You think I’m a hero?” Buck asked, aiming for flirty.
“You’re wearing a medal,” said Tommy in a way that implied he was thinking about Buck wearing said medal in a context that was less public and more naked. Or maybe that was Buck projecting his own fantasies.
“And I’m never gonna take it off,” said Buck biting his lip and tilting his head.
Tommy licked his lips. “Never?”
Buck gave an exaggerated head shake and raised one eyebrow. “Never.”
“Evan.” Tommy shook his head as though he couldn’t quite believe his luck. Or maybe it was Buck he couldn’t believe. “Better eat. Build up my strength.”
“You’re gonna need it,” said Buck.
Tommy grinned.
As they ate, their friends and family dropped by to chat and either offer congratulations or share in their surprise that they’d actually been given medals instead of fired. Sometimes, Buck wondered if the whole thing from the cruise ship sinking up to now was just a super vivid dream. Maybe he’d wake up and Bobby and Athena would still be on their honeymoon, he’d still be freshly broken up with Natalia and thrust into a sexuality crisis by his subconscious’s construct of Hen and Chim’s former coworker. On the one hand, it would mean that Maddie and Chimney still had a chance to get married not in a hospital on the other, Buck really didn’t want this discovery about himself and his relationship with Tommy to be a dream.
He must have been thinking too loudly because Tommy looked up from his food and caught him staring. “What is it?” he asked.
“Really hoping this isn’t all a dream,” Buck said.
“You wanted a medal that badly?” Tommy asked, not in a judgemental way, just in a curious way.
“I mean, kinda,” Buck said, playing along before adding, “but I mean you. Us.”
Tommy softened, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, eyes and nose crinkling as he gave in and grinned. He reached out and took Buck’s hand, squeezing it under the table. “If anyone’s dreaming it’s me,” he said.
From anyone else, Buck would have thought the line cheesy; from Tommy, it made him want to melt. They continued that way, holding hands under the table while they finished eating. “I’m going to get some cake,” Tommy said, pushing his chair back. “You want anything? More salad?”
Buck shook his head and reluctantly let go of Tommy’s hand. Truth was, he did want cake, but he’d finally hit ketosis, and he didn’t want to throw away all his sacrifice and hard work on a piece of cake. Tommy didn’t push or try to tempt him to break his diet, which Buck appreciated. Some people could be assholes about this sort of thing or think that he was judging them somehow. Buck still got flashbacks to that disastrous date with Veronica where he’d been trying not to break his diet by eating a whole slice of cake and she’d thought he was fat shaming her. Sure, maybe Buck could have explained himself better, but she’d seemed determined to take everything he said in bad faith. Anyway, Tommy wasn’t like that.
When Buck had started his keto journey, he’d gotten eye rolls and gentle ribbing from his team, but Tommy had simply asked Buck how he could be supportive, and Buck hadn’t realised that was an option. He’d gotten so used to having to be defensive about his diet choices that it had come as a breath of fresh air when Tommy had just rolled with it.
Still, Buck couldn’t help but stare longing at the slice of cake on Tommy’s plate as he made his way back to their table. He briefly entertained a fantasy of Tommy feeding him a bite off his fork, but quickly told himself to behave. He’d get a taste of the cake when he kissed Tommy later (they’d made the joint decision to keep the PDA to a minimum at the ceremony). Buck was thinking about all the other things they’d do once the ceremony was over. There were so many options between their uniforms and the medals. Good thing neither of them were working a shift the next day.
As Buck watched Tommy, Hen and Karen all but ambushed him. They were probably looking for gossip, which made Buck equal parts annoyed and amused. Annoyed because their relationship was nobody’s business but theirs. Amused because Buck couldn’t remember his friends ever having been so interested in his relationships before. Maybe that was Buck’s fault though for going from being a perpetual over sharer to holding his cards close.
Buck watched Tommy’s facial expressions as he went from confused to playfully annoyed to cheeky and thought about his first shift back after the wedding when Hen had cornered him in the locker room.
“So,” she’d begun, drawing out the “o”. “You and Tommy.”
“What about us?” Buck had played deliberately clueless, mostly to annoy Hen but also because he hadn’t really wanted to disturb the newness of what he had with Tommy. It was theirs, beautiful and tender as a rose bud. He wanted to give it the chance to bloom before he invited everyone in to tour the garden, so to speak.
“Were you going to say anything? How long have you been a thing? How long have you known you liked guys?” Hen had seemed to have a hundred other questions she was holding back.
“It’s still new,” Buck had said, deliberately giving a single answer to all three questions.
Hen had given him one of her trademark looks.“Come on, Buckaroo, give me something. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
“Except Karen,” Buck had pointed out.
The two of them really were loveable snoops, Buck just wasn’t used to having the full power of their snoopery aimed at him. “We’re just figuring things out for now,” he’d finally admitted. “I don’t want to jinx anything.”
Buck was shaken out of the memory when Tommy returned and gazed at his cake with a level of adoration that almost made Buck jealous. “How was the interrogation?” Buck asked.
Tommy laughed. “I tried to play dumb, but they wouldn’t let me.”
Buck shook his head. “Of course not. So, what did you say?”
“That I was letting you set the pace and that I’m just trying to keep up.” Tommy took his first bite of cake and groaned in a way that should not have been allowed in a public setting.
“You need me to slow down?” Buck asked, just in case Tommy had meant it as more than a joke. Buck didn’t think he was being too much for Tommy, at least Tommy had never said anything to him along those lines, but Buck would rather know for certain they were on the same page than start falling into a spiral of self-doubt and second guessing. “I can tone it down if you need me to.”
Tommy put his fork down and took Buck’s hand in both of his. “Evan, don’t ever slow down for me. I’ll speed up for you.”
“Are you sure?” Buck asked. It felt like a sun was slowly rising within him, burning off the fog he’d been stumbling through all his life in his search for who he was and what he wanted. Finding firefighting had been the first step out of the fog; Tommy might well be the final one.
“I’m sure,” said Tommy. And Buck just had to lean over the table to kiss him, professionalism be damned. A short, sweet peck on the lips: blink and you’d miss it.
Leaning back again, Buck tasted frosting on his lips, it spurred a craving in him. “I can’t wait to get you home,” he said.
Tommy quirked his head. “Let me finish my cake, then I’m all yours.”