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Love? What is it? A foreign little word. A definition so varied and so broad that it confused our sniper. He never knew how to feel about it. Yeah, of course he felt it. For his crew mates, his mother, the villagers, Kaya even. But it was all platonic. Only friends, only crewmates, only a mother, only a best friend who was like a little sister. It was all so foreign yet all around him. He'd never even think someone would even think of HIM that way. The boy who only knew to lie, the boy who was as scrawny as a twig, the boy who's only redeeming quality was his art and his sniper skills. To him, he wasn't someone to love. But he didn't realize how much he yearned for it, how much he wished for it. Until he met Sanji.
Oh that stupid cook, and his stupid hair, and his stupid eyes, and his stupid brows. His legs that were in great shape, his frame, his skin that glistened in the sun. Golden strans complimented with unsymmetrical brows that's your only see through specific angles. The stubble that rest perfectly on his chin, his soft lips that Usopp just couldn't keep his eyes from going to that direction. He was absolutely smitten, the flushed cheeks, the nights of thinking. Fantasizing. Wishing. He wanted to kiss those lips, run his fingers through that golden silky hair, be directed the attention that this stupid cook always gave to the female members of the crew. Oh he so hoped and wished for that.
But he wouldn't get it. For Usopp, there was no possible way for Sanji to like him! Even love him! Sanji liked girls, he wasn't a girl. He wasn't confident, he wasn't beautiful, he wasn't a girl. He had messy hair, his lips were ugly and plump, his eyes were stupidly round, his nose was incredibly long. He was the definition of unattractive. Even if Sanji DID like men, he wouldn't be that man.
Oh but he had hope, he's seen Sanji flirt with guys before, in secret of course. Small alleys, behind bars, he always seemed to pass by him. Was it a blessing or a curse that he seemed to always see him. He always brushed it off though. He constantly wished for these feelings to disinigrate, to vanquish into a cloud of smoke. Just like the smoke the golden haired cook always puffed out from his lungs. Usopp, oh this poor boy, just couldn't stop. He kept giving glances, he kept trying to be near, he kept going at it, hoping and hoping.
And then that hope came crashing into an utter pit of despair and sadness. It was always some random guy on the island, some random guy they'd never see again. But he remembered they all had something in common. Green hair, muscular build, and a horrible sense of direction. Oh he hated it, he was so blind. It had to be the one crew member he looked up to. The one he had seen as a older brother for all these countless years. It was Zoro. Roronoa fucking Zoro.
It was Zoro loving this golden haired man.
Zoro kissing what Usopp could only ever imagine to do.
It was Zoro, holding the man he loved oh so dearly.
They looked happy, content, it was so stupid and drastically different from how they fought with each other. His Sanji was smiling a smile he'd never seen before. One so full of love. Then he looked over and saw this cowardly liar just standing there and his eyes widened. What came next was this cook he loved so much begging for him to keep it a secret. On his knees with fear in his night like eyes. He agreed, he laughed it off with another lie, one to be his downfall. It was for the one he loved, right?
Weeks passed after this incident, Usopp had spent most of his day cooped up in his room sobbing, whether his tears were dry or salty, they were there. If he heard footsteps, he'd suck it hope and hoped no one would come through his door. He was exhausted, he wouldn't even eat, except for maybe a few bites. The crew was always worried, he would just laugh it off saying he hasn't had an appetite lately. That maybe it's just from being on the boat for so long. When the crew was eating, that was the only time he saw Sanji and the moss head. He couldn't stand seeing them any more than that.
A couple more weeks passed, more sobbing. One night in particular though, he didn't hear the footsteps coming towards his room, here popped in Nami asking a question then stopping to see her friend looking miserable. They stared at each other and he just cried even more. She went and comforted him asking what's wrong and what happened and he just spilled everything. Every little feeling, every little secret, his barrier of lies completely shattering. He begged for her not to tell, as he soaked her shirt in snot and tears as she rubbed his back in a comforting motion. She promised not to. And she never did.
Years later, his feelings never died, even as they were separated for those couple years. And when he saw them again, he wanted to go and hug that beautiful blond and scream at him for seemingly getting more beautiful. But he never did, maybe because he saw those two getting also romance with each other, staring into each other's eyes like lost lovers. His heart aches even more, at least Nami was there to comfort him, with a stern arm on his shoulder. Whispering into his ear that it's Sanji's loss, making the sniper giggle a little.
Usopp never plans to tell Sanji, maybe if something happens between the two crewmates, but he doubts it. He will hold onto this barrier of lies and sadness until he is finally released from this crush. Until death strips his lying soul away, he plans to keep it a secret, hidden under lock and key.