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It had been almost a week since Eddie had last spoken to Buck, and it was driving Buck crazy. He couldn’t figure out what he had done to make him mad, but he knew it must have been bad if it made Eddie stop talking to him. Hell, Eddie let him continue to watch Chris after losing him in a literal tsunami for christ sake. Trying to wrap his head around all of the things he’s done in the last week has done nothing but leave him with whiplash, so he decided to try talking to someone else on the crew, since Eddie seems to have no problem talking to them.
Walking upstairs, Buck found Hen reading in the kitchen. He slid into the seat beside her, attempting to not let his uneasiness show.
“What do you want, Buck?” Hen asked, making him chuckle a little.
“What makes you think I want something? Can’t I just sit beside my friend and share in this peaceful moment amongst our busy job?”
Hen set down the book she was holding, giving him what he could only describe as the “mom” look, causing him to sigh.
“Alright fine, I wanted to ask if you knew why Eddie’s been mad at me.”
“Buck, why on earth do you think I would know what’s going on in Eddie’s head? Aren’t you two attached at the brain cell or something?”
Buck sighed, rubbing his face “He hasn’t said a word to me all week, but he’s been talking to you guys so I was hoping maybe he had mentioned something I had done.”
Hen chuckled a little, turning to completely face him. “Buck have you, by any chance tried, oh I don’t know, asking him yourself?” Buck shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, glancing over at her. “Of course I have Hen, but any time I try to get close to him or ask to talk, he beelines it the other way, and it’s starting to get on my nerves.”
“Well Buck, maybe he just needs time? I’m sure he’ll talk when he’s ready. You know he can’t stay mad at you.” She got up, giving his shoulder a squeeze before walking away.
Unfortunately, Eddie staying mad at him is exactly what Buck is afraid of.
* * * * *
Three days. It takes exactly three more days before Buck decided he’d had enough of the silent treatment. He had overheard Eddie tell Chimney yesterday that Chris hadn’t facetimed him in a few days, so he thought maybe Eddie was disappointed in him for not being able to change Chris’ mind about leaving. He decided that after their shift tonight, he was going to go over to Eddie’s and hopefully get to the bottom of whatever mess he had caused with the man and fix it somehow, because he missed hanging out with him more now than he had when Eddie started hanging out with Tommy. Buck looked over as Eddie and Chimney walked into the locker room. “Hey Eddie, you coming out with us tonight?” He heard Chimney ask, turning to glance at the pair without seeming obvious that he was listening.
“Nah, Chris texted earlier and said he’s gonna facetime me tonight but I don’t know what time so I wanna be home.” Eddie responded, pulling off his uniform shirt to replace it with a regular one.
“Oh nice, well make sure you join us next time then! What about you Buck? You in for drinks tonight?”
“Uh, no - no I think I'm just gonna head home, I'm kind of tired.” He answered, hoping he looked as tired as he was pretending to be.
“Alright then, not like you to turn down drinks but I’ll let it slide this time. You have to join us next time though, got it?”
“Yeah, sure Chim I’ll join next time” He said as he turned around to pull a clean shirt on, the awkward tension suddenly feeling like it was suffocating him. He hated lying to his friends, but he wanted to try and talk to Eddie before this silent treatment continued any longer. Buck quickly finished getting changed and grabbed his things, making his way out of the locker room before Chimney could ask him anything else, not risking another glance to either of the men still sitting on the bench.
Later that night, after psyching himself up for what felt like hours, Buck pulled up to Eddie’s house. He took a deep breath before getting out of the car, walking up to the door. As he raised a hand to knock, he took one last moment to run through every possible thing that Eddie could be mad about, trying to pick one to settle on to begin the conversation. He ran his fingers through his hair, pacing a little as he let out a soft groan. “Come on Buck this is your best friend, it shouldn’t be this hard to talk to him” he mumbled, rubbing his face a few times before taking a steadying breath, knocking on the door. He had a key, he knew he could just walk in like every other time he’d been over at Eddie’s, but it felt wrong this time, like he wasn’t welcome anymore. After a moment, or maybe hours, Buck couldn’t really tell, the door opened to reveal a slightly disheveled Eddie. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, clearly not expecting anyone at his door at nine pm.
“Uh, hey Eddie, I was uh - I was hoping - Could I come in for a minute?” Buck looked around nervously before his eyes finally met Eddie’s, shoving his hands into his pockets just for something to focus on.
Eddie was silent for what felt like forever before he visibly took a breath, nodding as he stepped aside for Buck to enter. “I uh - yeah Buck, come on in.”
Buck ducked his hand in thanks as he slowly walked inside, looking around the room for any leftover signs of Christopher being home. “Do you uhm - you want something to drink?” Eddie asked as he walked into the kitchen, not looking to see if Buck was following or not.
“Just water, please” He spoke softly, like he was afraid of his own voice as he followed Eddie into the kitchen, standing awkwardly between the door and the table. He no longer felt like he belonged here, the awkward silence filling the air as he watched Eddie grab a glass and fill it before turning to hand it to him. He thanks him silently before looking down at the glass, desperately hoping that Eddie would just start yelling at him. At least then Eddie would be talking to him.
It felt like ages before either of them spoke, and Buck was a little surprised to hear it was his own voice that broke the silence. “What’s going on here Eddie?” he asked softly, still not looking up at him.
“What do you mean, Buck?” Eddie asked, leaning against the counter as he put his hands in his pockets.
“You haven’t spoken to me in over a week, Eddie. Is it something I did? Something I didn’t do?” he asked, still not daring to look at the man in front of him. He gripped the glass a little tighter, hoping to keep his voice steady so Eddie couldn’t tell just how hurt he was. “Is it because I couldn’t get Chris to stay? Have I done something to make you mad or upset?”
He could hear Eddie take a breath and shift a little before he spoke. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Buck.”
“Then why won’t you talk to me? It’s killing me that you’re ignoring me, Eddie. So many things have happened lately and I haven’t been able to tell you about anything because you won’t talk to me!” He finally looked up at the man in front of him, hoping to god that he couldn’t hear how his voice wobbled a little in the last word.
“Because, Evan -” Eddie cut himself off, rubbing his face as he looked away from him, going silent once again.
“Because why, Eddie? What have I done that’s so bad you won’t even look at me anymore? I tried asking Hen but you haven’t talked to her about it, and when I talked to Tommy about it he just told me to relax, but I can’t relax Eddie I just can’t”
“Because it’s always fucking Tommy, Buck! Tommy did this, Tommy said that - quite frankly I’m sick of hearing you talk about Tommy!” Buck flinched a little when Eddie raised his voice, nearly dropping the glass of water in his hands.
“You haven’t spoken to me in over a week, because I talk about Tommy? Eddie, you talk about Tommy too! You hang out with him too! Why is it only when I talk about him that you have a problem?”
“Because I don’t like that he gets to have you, okay! I don’t like that he gets your attention more than I do. I don’t like that he gets to see you more than I do. I don’t like that you talk about the things you two do more than you talk about what you and I do now.”
Buck had never been more confused in his life, and that was definitely saying something. He set the glass down on the table, watching Eddie pace around the kitchen as he tried to come up with something to say. “But - you’ve never had a problem with me talking about and hanging out with Chimney, or - or Hen or Ravi. Why is it only Tommy, Eddie? I need you to help me out here, I feel like I’m drowning.”
Buck could tell he was losing control of himself, anxiously running his hands through his hair as he watched Eddie stop and turn to look at him. The awkward silence hung in the air like a toxic cloud, threatening to suffocate the both of them if someone didn’t speak soon.
“Because, Evan -” Eddie took a breath, attempting to bring his volume back down to a calmer tone “I want to be the one you talk about. I want to be the one that you get excited to tell people about when they ask what you got up to on the weekend. I want to be the one that you go to the
zoo with, or to the movies with, or literally anywhere you want to go as long as I get to go with you.”
Buck chuckled nervously at that, watching Eddie for a moment. “Eddie, we can do those things any time you want! Hell you can join Tommy and I on Saturday, we’re going to see a wrestling match.”
Eddie shook his head, leaning back against the counter again. “That’s not what I mean Evan, and I think you know that” he sighed, looking up at the ceiling before meeting Buck’s eyes again “Besides I don’t want to be a third wheel on your date.”
Buck froze for a moment, processing what Eddie just said as everything started to make sense. “Date? Why would it be a date?” he asked with a confused chuckle
“Evan, when you and your boyfriend go out to a wrestling match, that is a date. Jeez and I thought I was bad at dating” Eddie laughed, scratching the back of his head in what Buck had come to learn was a nervous habit.
“Boyfriend? No no, me and Tommy broke up like 3 weeks ago. Don’t you remember me telling you that?”
“No, Evan. I think I would remember you saying “hey Eddie, Tommy and I broke up” you know?”
Buck chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, when we were all out for dinner that one night, Hen asked how Tommy and I were doing and I said “oh we’re doing great now that we’ve stopped forcing a relationship.”
“Buck, we’re friends, and that’s why I am going to say this with love, but none of those words convey a break up!” Eddie half-yelled, rubbing his face to hide his chuckle.
“Oh. Well, I can see where the confusion would have been.” Buck laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked at Eddie. “But wait - that still doesn’t explain why you’ve been giving me the silent treatment and avoiding me for over a week if I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Eddie sighed, his smile dropping as he watched Buck for what felt like forever before speaking again. “I guess I just - with you being with Tommy and all - I felt like I was being pushed aside” he shrugged, glancing at the floor. “And I guess I just got tired of feeling like I wasn’t good enough for your attention.”
“My attention? You always have my attention Eddie, what makes you think you ever wouldn’t be good enough for it? Just ask anyone, I’m sure they’re sick of me talking about you and Christopher! I talk about you to anyone who will listen!”
“But not in the way that I want you to talk about me Buck!” Eddie’s voice raised again, causing Buck to jump and look up at the man in front of him. Eddie had rarely ever yelled at him, unless something was really bothering him.
“Then tell me what you want, Eddie! I don’t know how to fix a situation if you won’t tell me what the situation is! Why can’t you just talk to me like we always do?”
Buck watched Eddie pace in front of the counter for a moment, watching him tug at his hair as he seemed to be trying to figure out what to say next. “Because Evan, this time is different!”
“But why, Eddie! Help me understand why this time is so different from any other time we’ve had an issu-” Buck was cut off suddenly, and it took him a lot longer than he feels it should have to process what had happened. He could feel hands on his shoulders, and then it hit him. Eddie had kissed him. Was kissing him still. By the time he had processed what was happening, he could no longer feel Eddie against him. He opened his eyes to find Eddie back against the counter, the only evidence that it had even actually happened was Eddie wiping his bottom lip.
“Uh - sorry I uh - probably shouldn’t have done that Evan I’m so sorry.” He spoke quickly, scratching the back of his head again as he looked everywhere except at Buck. “Listen, we can just forget I did that, and we can go back to just doing what we know if that’s okay with you.”
Buck chuckled a little, watching the man he had come to call family over the past years. “Eddie, do you want to know why Tommy and I broke up?” he asked, taking two steps closer to Eddie.
“You uh, said it was because you were forcing a relationship” Eddie cleared his throat, still refusing to meet Buck’s eye.
“Exactly, because after a few dates, and a lot of talking, I realized it wasn’t Tommy I liked, Eddie” Buck chuckled, taking another step so he was standing directly in front of him. He looked down, tilting Eddie’s head up so that he was now looking at him. He spoke in a whisper, unable to stop his grin “It was you. It has always been you, I just didn’t know it.” He leaned down and pulled him into a kiss, letting one hand fall onto his hip as he kept the other on face. When he pulled away, Buck gave him a smirk as he kept his gaze on him. “Now why are you so red, Diaz?” he teased, pressing him into the counter a little more.
“Because, Evan… I’ve waited for this moment forever.”