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After burning his face, Yul had resigned himself to hiding. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this…not any longer then they already had anyways…
Holding a hand to his face, he glared at the ground. Fucking Grett…that disgusting excuse of a woman…how could she do this to him?! Why didn’t anyone care?! She should have gotten yelled at for what she did! She ruined his beautiful face! He’d heard people laughing too! If he wasn’t suffering right now, he’d have given them a piece of his mind.
But in the meantime…he sat here by himself. Dejected and in pain. It was not a good feeling.
Yul continued to wallow, gaze softening, he sighed and tried to ignore the creeping sense of guilt that gnawed at the back of his brain. No. He wasn’t feeling guilty about what he did. Yul did not feel guilt…he did not feel regret…he did not feel remorse.
But…Still…something in his brain pulsed.
He hadn’t noticed James’ arrival until he heard his voice.
“Here.” James said coolly, holding a damp rag out to Yul. Yul glanced at him, eyes widening for a moment, as he took it. “I told you-“ James started, moving to sit down beside Yul. “Being the asshole doesn’t pay off.” His tone was…softer than usual.
Something about that made Yuls stomach hurt. But not in a sick way…in a…different way. A way he tended to suppress. Yul wasn’t exactly open…about his emotions most of the time. Just dwelled on them…let them fester…infect his skull until he wanted to tear his hair out…Then resign himself to suffer in silence.
It was the knowledge that despite always getting everything he wanted…there was one thing he simply couldn’t have…
“It’s worked for me before!” Yul snapped, his trademark glare coming in clear through the burn on his face. His good eye locking onto James..that handsome face…he shut that thought down, quickly looking away. He couldn’t keep starring like this…he couldn’t give himself away…nobody could know the truth.
He couldn’t comprehend why James was even so willing to come check on him…it baffled Yul. Sure he was literally perfect, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse to him. He needed to know why…
“Besides, what do you even care?!” Yul huffed, arms crossing over his chest. James remained stoic, just staring calmly, looking almost…disappointed…but it was hard to tell.
“Yul, you have to apologize to Grett.” James said, face falling.
What?! Apologize to Miss Piggy?! For what?! Yul was literally just being honest to her! Not to mention what she just did to him, the fucking psycho!
“Are you high on opium?! She burned my face!” Yul shouted, watching James flinch back a little in surprise. The other male sighed, tired look in his eye.
“Maybe if you were nicer…someone here might like you…” James reasoned, which felt like a swift kick to the chest. Did James not like him…? That…stung more then is should have…but…Yul wasn’t about to let that show.
“James, I don’t give a shit who likes me!” He protested. “I certainly don’t give a shit if Grett likes me either, I never cared about her, I never liked her, I never even liked girls period!” He snapped, before falling deathly silent as his words hit him.
James stared at him in surprise, and Yul stared back, mortified. “Yul…”
“Do not.” Yul warned, turning away, his face burning. He’d been doing so well…now sitting here with a camera in his face, it really started to hit him that he just did that. He’d let out one of the ugly secrets he’d kept in for so long. James placed a hand on his shoulder and is sent butterflies up Yuls spine. He hated that feeling. He hated feeling like this…he hated the pining, all of it was fucking stupid. He glared at James, who didn’t retract his hand. Just gave Yul a look of sympathy.
“It’s going to be okay.” He said softly. Yuls face flushed, his eye widening again. “I know…this isn’t…the most ideal of circumstances…but I am proud of you for accepting yourself.”
Yul huffed and looked away, fighting the urge to cry. Yul didn’t cry. “I don’t.” He replied simply. “I’m a fucking freak.”
James gave him a defeated frown. “You aren’t a freak, Yul. You are just…misguided.” He retracted his hand and Yul yearned for it back. His brain screamed for it back. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he such a freak?! Why did that stupid skunk haired loser get to James first? Why couldn’t Yul just get what he wanted?!
James sighed and turned his gaze forward. “I still think apologizing to Grett would do you some good.”
“I am not apologizing to her. I don’t need her, I don’t need anyone.”
James hummed and crossed his arms. “So you enjoy sitting here alone?” He asked. Yul scowled for a moment before it dropped off his face. He really didn’t…he hated it. He was used to surrounding himself with people…being the center of attention…but now…he had nothing. His career was over, his so called friends left him for dead and nobody would want to be seen with him like this! He had nothing.
His gaze remained downward, he was sick so sick…in the stomach, in the head…and James…fucking James…he had no reason to come talk to Yul. He had no reason at all. He had no reason at all to even consider coming to help Yul…but he did…
The other male stared at Yul expectantly, as if he was waiting for an answer. Yul didn’t give him one. Yul just…stared at the pavement beneath him, white knuckling the rag James had brought him.
“Why…did you come find me…?” Yul asked after a long bout of silence. James raised a brow, then shrugged.
“I wanted to.” He replied. “I believe you can be better.”
“I’m already fine, why would I need to be better?” Yul asked, looking up, his own brow quirking. James gave him an unamused stare, eyes rolling. They fell into silence again. Which drove Yul crazy.
They used to work so well together…back during their season they were an unstoppable duo…well…until James poisoned him. That was one of the first times Yul let his genuine emotions show. James was good looking, charismatic, and genuinely seemed to like Yul.
That hadn’t lasted long had it..?
Yul looked at James, eyes scanning his face. “James…?”
“Hmm?”
“Uh…thanks…” Yul said, tone noticeably softer. James gave another hum, looking up at Yul. The younger male studied James’ face, taking in every last detail he possible could. James was…beautiful.
It made Yul feel sick. Sick to his stomach with so many feelings and he hated it. He hated himself. He hated James. He…He didn’t know what he was doing…but before he could stop himself, he was leaning forward, his lips pressing to James’. His head was spinning, his heart was pounding and his face was on fire.
The kiss was three seconds at most before James pulled away, horrified. Yul looked back at him, desperation in his eyes. He wanted to throw up…what did he just do?
“James I-“
James stood up, hand pressing against his mouth. He said nothing, turning to walk away, leaving Yul alone. Yuls face fell.
Fuck…why did he do that?! Why did he let himself be vulnerable like that?! He wasn’t upset that he kissed a taken man, no. He was more mad at himself for publicly kissing a man.
He lowered his head into his hands, regret surging through his system, mixed with pure hatred for himself and the world.
Then the totem hit him on the head.
Well…wasn’t that lucky…? Maybe this would be his second chance to get everything back! Maybe…he wasn’t sure. But it was worth a shot. Not like he had much else to lose…