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November, 5, 1985. It was Danny’s first year of high school, he wished it was his last.
So far he hasn’t been a subject of harsh teasing like he was in Junior high, But he was being ignored and had heard some people whisper behind his back.
Maybe I should have listened to mom and cut my hair for High school… He thought as he sat alone on the cold bleachers.
looking out onto the football field, he wondered what it would be like to be one of the football players at school, wondering how it would feel like to be so big and strong and masculine…. God, I bet a football player could pick me up… He blushed at the thought, then grimaced for thinking that way.
Danny knew he liked men. And he hated that he knew that. He couldn’t deny it. He looked at guys in a way that most boys his age didn’t. He’s dreamt about men before in ways he wasn’t suppose too and hell, if ever gotten the chance, he knew he would sleep with a guy. He definitely liked the same sex. Danny wasn’t a fool. He was attracted to men, whether he wanted to be or not.
He knew he liked girls too, but that honestly made him feel worse.
Most people saw Bisexuals at the time as nasty and confused people that “couldn’t pick a side”. So the 14 year old decided it was already bad enough if he was just “gay” (Even though he wasn’t “ gay ”). He didn’t want to be seen as some sexually perverted freak. Couldn’t I at least be masculine?
He was lean and skinny at the time, The baby fat on his face still made him look young and androgynous, so the only thing he had going for him was his height (he was 5'7 at the time). He’d been called “Boy George” so many times he now loathed Culture Club .
It also didn’t help that he was dressed and acted in feminine ways too.
Sure other guys had shoulder length hair, but he braided and styled his hair.
And yeah, some guys owned a pink t-shirt or two, But Danny had a closet full of light spring colors and floral print shirts.
And it wouldn’t be that surprising if a guy knew what mascara was (especially if they had 3 sisters like Danny did), but he wore mascara and lip-gloss.
The thing is, Danny wasn’t scared of feminine things, he actually embraced them.
And that made Danny weird.
But he didn’t want to be weird. He just wanted to fit in.
Oh, how much he just wanted to fit in and have some guy friends. It’s not like he would flirt with them (That’s what most guys think he would do, assuming gay men don’t have standards). He would just talk about things like music, clothes, and TV: normal things most people like. Oh how Danny wished someone would just see him for who he was: A normal boy with a few quirks.
Not some feminine queer-
“Are you Daniel Grant?” Danny looked up at the voice. There was a tall chubby dude looking down at him. Danny was a bit puzzled and unsure as why this guy was talking to him.
Is this my first high school bully? He cynically thought. “Uh yeah…do you need something?” He spoke cautiously, gripping his backpack tightly, just incase this person was a jerk.
“Are you gay?” The guy asked casually, it looked like he was examining Danny’s flower patterned vest.
Danny couldn’t help but scoff and look away.
“Why do you care? You want your dick sucked or something?” He knew this could get him beaten up, but he assumed he would get into a fight soon anyways, why not get the first beat down out of the way?
“I have no dick to suck on, I’m a girl dumbass.”
Danny looked back up. The voice was a little more "feminine" now that she mentioned it. And her face did have a soft “girl like” quality to it (if you tried to look past the curly mess that covered most of it). Guess it was the thick flannel shirt, baggy jeans, deeper voice, and height that made him think other wise.
“Oh, my bad…” He awkwardly mumbled and looked down at his shoes.
“So? Are you gay or not?” the girl spoke again. He had a feeling that she wouldn’t go away so easily.
“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged, the girl hummed in response.
“I never met a gay guy before. You ever been with a guy before?” She asked carelessly. Danny could tell that this random girl was just curious and didn’t mean any harm, But it was rude to ask if he had ever had sex with a man before. He expressed his aggravation with a eye roll.
“It’s none of your business, weirdo.”
“I’m not saying it was, I was just wondering what it would be like, but I guess you never have been with a guy before then.” She didn’t seem to be effected by his insult.
“I didn’t say I never been with a guy before!” Danny was embarrassed by her assumption, but he was also a little amused on how relaxed she acted knowing he was “gay”. Most people treated him weirdly when they find out.
“So you have?” She raised her eyebrow at him.
“No…” Danny sheepishly responded and the girl hummed again.
“That's fine, I never been with a guy either.” The girl sat next to Danny and admitted offhandedly.
Wait, is this girl sitting next to me? Danny was shocked. So shocked in fact, his jaw literally dropped as she sat down. The girl seemed to pay no mind to this over the dramatic reaction. “Sorry, what’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you around school before.”
Was Danny dreaming? Was this some sort of prank? He felt bad for thinking this random girl wasn’t really interested in talking to him, but he never had someone sound this easygoing when discussing his sexuality.
“It’s Cory, Cory Washington. And I’m in 8th grade, that's why you never seen me around.”
“Am I really that infamous?” He uttered. Danny was known around town as a “peacock’s child” (he despised that nickname with every cell in his body), but he didn’t expect anybody younger than him to know who he was.
“Well I did hear about you from my cousin, she goes to your school too. Her name is Teresa Moore.” Cory explained plainly and Danny nodded as he reconzied the name.
“Oh yeah… I think she’s in my biology class. I didn’t you were her cousin. She looks way different than you.” Danny didn’t realize how insulting that sounded till the words left his mouth. Teresa was a pretty girl. While Cory on the other hand, had a much more plain "boyish" look to her.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that…” He tried back tracking.
“Nah your fine.” Cory fiddled with her Walkman as she talked. “I know I'm not girly like Teresa…” Her curls veiled her face as she played with her headphone wire. “Actually, My mom always nags me about being more like her. She thinks she’s “failed” as a mother because I won’t wear a dress.” Cory sneered. Danny couldn’t help but chuckle at Cory’s relatable confession.
“Oh tell me about it… Last week, my mom pleaded for me to cut my hair short for the 50 millionth time. But it took a whole year for me to grow my hair out this long! I’m not going to cut it for some losers who will call me gay anyways!” Danny playfully tugged his hair. Cory smirked at the action. She thought it was funny.
“I don’t understand why parents… actually I don’t understand why anyone cares about what other people look like. Especially when there’s much more important things going on in the world other than if I happen to wear makeup every now and then.” Danny ranted as he looked out at the football field. Cory nodded in agreement as she looked at the field too. “You know, I think everybody should wear what they want! And if someone else has a problem with that, then they can go fuck themselves!” Danny declared raising his fists up in the air with passion. Even though Cory didn’t respond to his declaration, he could tell that she agreed with him. Or at least understood what he meant.
“You know, how come you wanted to talk to me? I never had anyone be so casual about Homosexuality before…” Danny put his fists down and looked at Cory with peculiarity.
“Well, since you’re gay and I happen to like the same sex too. I thought it would be smart to make like, a pack or something…”
Cory didn’t even look at Danny as she dropped that information onto Danny. Holy shit, She’s a lesbian! Danny beamed and turned his body to Cory.
“Hold on, you’re… a lesbian?” Danny could of jumped out of his skin knowing someone else could relate to him.
“No i wouldn’t say lesbian . I mean, I like boys too. I think that makes me something else, but I can’t really remember the name for it…”
No way…. There is no way she's actually…
“Bisexual?” He rendered, trying to hide his new found excitement. Cory nodded slowly. “Oh yeah, bisexual . That’s the term.”
Danny’s smile grew wider. He felt like he won the lottery. “No way! This is unbelievable!” He laughed and slapped his knee. Cory noticed how animated Daniel was acting now and she quietly chuckled.
“I’m Bisexaul too!”
There was something relieving to Danny about saying he was bisexaul out loud. For the first time, he could express a side of himself that’s been hidden from the world. In a way, he could almost kiss this strange tomboy for finding him.
“This is awesome! I-I never thought I would find someone like me. Holy shit this is so cool. We have to make a pack then!” He remarked and looked at Cory with a wide-eyed eagerness. She stared back with amusement.
“What's your name again? Connie ?”
“Ew no, it’s Cory, dumbass.” Cory was playful when she corrected Danny. Her smirk showing she wasn’t offend and her insult landed lightly. Actually, it seemed like Cory was a pretty nonchalant person overall.
My life would be so much easier with a friend like me.
“Right, Cory.” He corrected himself. “I’m Danny by the way, Daniel totally sounds like some assholes name.” Danny scoffed.
“Hm, I can see that.” She mumbled back. “Alright, Danny it is.”
It was 4 o’clock and the sun was starting to set. Danny knew he should be heading home soon and Cory probably had one too. So he opened his backpack and pulled out a piece of paper and a chewed up pencil.
“Is it okay if I give you my phone number? Since we go to different schools and I don’t know when i’m gonna see you again.” He carefully wrote on his knee.
“That’s fine.” she simply said.
Danny gave Cory the piece of paper and smiled.
“I hope we can hang out soon, Cory. You seem like a cool person.” Cory could tell his words were sincere and she hummed once again.
Cory stored the paper in her pocket and stood up.
“Cool. I’ll try to call you soon, but don’t be surprised if I call you my cousin on the phone. My parents don’t think I talk to boys.” She warned with a blank stare. Danny raised his eyebrow, but didn’t question it. Most parents didn’t want their girls talking to boys at this age. Especially if they looked like him, oddly enough.
“I gotta go now too. I’m suppose to be home before dark.” Cory added.
“Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you Cory.” Danny sighed. He wish he could’ve talk to her some more. Who knows if he’ll ever see her again? Or if she would ever even call him? This was the only other person he know was queer, let alone bisexual like him. Would he ever even met another person like him?
“Bye Danny.”
Before Danny could overthink some more, Cory said bye and walked away. He was a little appalled by her sudden goodbye.
“She didn’t even say it was nice meeting you too…” He grubbed to himself with confusion as he watched her walk away. Cory didn’t even look back at him. As soon as she stepped off the bleachers, she put her Walkman back on instantly.
Danny started feeling pessimistic about this new found friend ...
She probably won’t call me.
Maybe it was a cruel prank? He could image some kids setting up something as mean as getting him to open up to a stranger just to turn around and make fun of him…
Or maybe he was just that weird?
As he watched the strange girl walk away. His eyes started to swell up.
Is their anyone in the world that sees me as normal? Danny was being very hard on himself again. His tears flowed down easily on his face. That was another thing thing he hated about himself.
But as Danny sat on the benches and silently cried. Cory, with her Walkman blasting The Smiths debut album for the fifth hundredth time, was planning on calling this Danny. She was thrilled to make a new friend today. And she was even more thrilled that he didn’t seem to mind her impassive ways, most people did.
Cory couldn’t wait to get home.