Work Text:
Make no mistake. I’m a psychopath. Fuck, that sounded evil. Rewind that.
I grew up all over coastal America. House after house, after restraining order, everything just kinda blends in.
If the divorce rate is 50/50, my dad landed on tails 8 times.
Get this, by the time I was 14, I moved from seven different houses and attended six different school districts.
At some point, making friends was just a waste of fucking time.
Vitamin C graduation song? Yeah, no.
But then, one year, all of that almost changed?
For the first time in my life, I was lucky enough to stay at the same school for two years, going on three.
And then I got hotter, taller, a month into highschool. Having girls hit on you does wonders for your confidence. Or ego.
The popular guys would hang out around me all the time.
And they were just RETARDED.
They’d always fit the standard.
Never left out, never alone.
And when I think about it…all the thinking I ever did was when I was alone.
I was nice about it and thought I always would be.
Might as well not fuck what I finally got up, right?
And then life said FUCK THAT!
My piece of shit pampered ass sister got us evicted after getting caught stealing a metric ton of generic brand, shitty makeup. Not even the good shit!
Anyways, Dad was trying really hard to hold it in, packing up the moving boxes and that’s when he told me we’re moving out of state!
And I JUST got settled!
I said “FUCK YOU I’m living with Mom” she’s only a neighborhood down.
I put the boxes down.
go over
knock on the door and…
BOOM! A gunshot!
My second Christmas killed herself!
I walked in, flooring looking like a whole ass video game, just blood everywhere.
And get this, her suicide note was stuck on the fridge with a miss Piggy magnet.
All she wrote on it? “NICK’S FAULT”
I’m Nick, by the way, hey—
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO HER?
Maybe I missed the bring your kid to work day? Women are so into the silent bragging thing.
But fuck it.
It doesn’t matter.
Nothing matters.
I’m moving. Again.
City, county, state;
All the same fate.
But I’ve always said that while leaving.
This time…
It’s on arrival.
Nick walks into his new school; a shitty, run down slump of one, anyway. As soon as he steps inside, he hears an annoying, pitched up voice. It’s seemingly coming from a tall, well built blonde white girl who is no doubt on some kind of sports team, if her oversized red jersey was anything to go by.
Kylie: “Hey so for the senior prank this year, what if we like, sprayed perfume into the vents!”
Adrian: “That’s so fucking funny.”
Kylie: “Heh, yeah. Math class this year with Ms. Burleday, like fuck Ms. Burleday dude ha ha ha ha!”
Nick looked at the interaction in disgust. The guy had red, longish hair, and was around the same height as him. He looked a little gay to him, but as long as they didn’t get involved, it didn’t matter.
Nick: ”God they’re always so fucking unfunny. It’s like guys laugh just to get in their pants.”
Kristen: “Hey there! You new to this educational prison?”
A brunette-ish girl came up to him, wearing the most garish looking galaxy leggings known to man, topped off with a loose Nirvana T-shirt that told Nick that she was trying too hard to impress guys. She looked up at him expectantly.
Nick: “…”
Kristen: “Not the talkative type? That’s cool— anyway, you know anybody here? I can help you find your classes!”
Nick: “Yeah, I think I can figure it out by looking at the numbers on the doors.”
Kristen: “No no no no no. I can show you around. Like a school tour? Does that sound okay? Do you want to do that?”
-Humor the school tour
Kristen: “Yeah, so like, my friend got the DLC, that’s downloadable content. Oh yeah, I play games, I’m not like, like other girls, you know?”
Nick: “Yeah, I could tell when you said that the first time. Why the fuck are you talking to me about video games?”
Kristen: “Um, I thought all guys played them.”
Nick: “I’m hot. I can show my face in public. I’d rather be an alter boy for the pope.”
Kristen: “Oh… well.. yeah y’know.”
Nick: “Know what?”
Kristen: “Did… did you hear that Mountain Dew makes guys sterile? I’m lucky it doesn’t make girls sterile, ‘cuz I drink a lot of it!”
Nick: “Do I look like I care? This isn’t going to make you seem more interesting to me.”
Trixie: “Ha! Nice rollie backpack you got there you fuckin’ four-eyed double dick suckin’ slut!”
Nick looked up into the distance at the sound of the loud voice, and noticed two figures, one significantly bigger than the other. The taller of the two looked similar to the girl he saw at the beginning of school, but with shorter hair; almost a pixie cut, while the shorter was skinny— the type of skinny that was all bones and no curves— with shoulder-length black hair. She also had large, round, fogged-up glasses that didn’t do her already pimpled face any favors.
Jenny: “Hey! Stop insulting it! I’ll have you know that it holds priceless reading materials!”
Trixie: “Oh yeah? Like what? The Bernstein Bears make eye contact?”
Jenny: “We’re not in fourth grade. These are some of my favorite manga books.”
Trixie: “Manga…? Is that like, Asian or something?”
Jenny: “Japanese, thank you! Some of them become extremely popular television shows.”
Trixie: “Wait, can’t you watch half of those on cartoon channels? Why the hell would you buy books you have to read?”
Jenny: “Ahhhhh! That’s it!”
Nick: “Dude how the fuck do you care about anything this much?”
Jenny: “Huh? What do you mean?”
Nick: “Why would you go out of your way to defend your stupid little Chinese cartoon books because someone thought they were… stupid?”
Jenny: “Stay out of this you… you normie!”
-Watch her get beat up.
Trixie: “I should, like, hit you for liking anime.”
Jenny: “Uh-um, what are you talking about?”
Nick: “Do it. I’m bored.”
Kristen: “Yeah, yeah, what he said!”
Jenny: “Please don’t pull my hair!”
Trixie: “Shit I broke her glasses, I have to go!”
Kristen: “Oh yeah me too. I have unserved detention. I’ll see you later!”
Jenny: “Why aren’t you following them?”
Nick: “Girls are pussies. I love watching someone grovel in pain.”
Jenny: “Well they’re all just assholes! That girl’s been making fun of me for liking anime since the 6th grade!”
Nick: “Then just stop liking anime?”
Jenny: “You don’t get it! Anime is my favorite thing ever. My life!”
Nick: “How are you emotionally invested in consumption? Do you wanna make anime? I don’t get it.”
Jenny: “Kinda, I make doujinshis based on the works of Sento Takahashi.”
Nick: “What the fuck are dungeon shits?”
Jenny: “Doujinshis! They’re manga made by fans based off the original manga!”
Nick: “…You know that anime, manga whatever, will exist with or without you, right?”
Jenny: “No! Wait, what do you mean?”
Nick: “Senki Takimokey whatever the fuck his name is wouldn’t care, or even fucking know if you died.”
Jenny: “And?”
Nick: “How do you give a fuck about something that doesn’t give a fuck about you?”
Jenny: “Hey! he said thank you to all of his fans in a translated new letter, that means he said thank you to me too!”
Nick: “Oh, he writes in English?”
Jenny: “N-no, his fan club translated it from Japanese.”
Nick: “Fuck he has a fanclub? Anyway, that’s my point. He wouldn’t even understand you, and you think he cares about you?”
Jenny: “Well, uhhh…”
Nick: “Whatever. I’ll let you keep getting beaten up because you’re into children’s media.”
Jenny: “Wait!”
Nick: “What?”
Jenny: “…Thanks for talking to me. Nobody really pays attention to me unless they’re being mean.”
Nick: “…was I not fucking mean enough to you?”
Jenny: “No… you weren’t mean at all! I’m Jenny by the way! What’s your name?”
Nick: “Ugh. Nick.”
Jenny: “Wow.. okay… bye Nick!”
Nick: “Whatever. Okay.”
-Double down on the verbal abuse
Nick: “What the fuck you greasy bitch I was trying to help you.”
Jenny: “I don’t need a guy who misnationalizes my Japanese manga books to help me!”
Trixie: “Japanese manga books” That’s literally you. You sound like that.
Nick: “First time a hot guy tries to help you and you correct him on the origin of your backwards comic books.”
Jenny: “They’re not backwards! You just have to read them from right-to-left!”
Trixie: “Nobody cares!”
Jenny: “I do! And so does the anime community on Youtube! NaruParty123 has 1,000 subscribers, do you have that many?”
Nick: “Why would you make Youtube videos?”
Jenny: “How else do you think videos get there?”
Nick: “It’s for watching dumb ass shows and shit. You don’t fucking make them yourself. What, am I gonna go use the videos to digitally molest someone?”
Jenny: “No, auhghhhhh!!!”
Trixie: “Ha ha ha, did having a hot guy insult you make you hot and bothered?”
Jenny: “Whatever! Everything’s fine! My dad said to ignore the bullies and focus on myself!”
Nick: “What he’s telling you to focus on is your how you act, your grades and your looks. Otherwise you’re going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere and your mom will have to give speeches at anti-bullying assemblies in order to make a living.”
Jenny: “Wha-! Why are you so mean!”
Trixie: “Little bitch.”
Jenny: “Wahhhh!!! I’m not a bitch!”
Trixie: “Haha hey, you’re like, pretty cool. What’s your name?”
Jenny: “Well my last name’s “You.” Most people just call me that.
Trixie: “You? Is that Asian? That’s pretty hot.”
Nicole: “Yeah sure, grandpa had yellow fever.”
Trixie: “Yeah… cool… So, what’s your first name?”
Nick: “Fuck.”
Jeckyl: “Oh, you look new. The lunch line’s on the other end there.”
Nick: “What?”
Jeckyl: “You’re tryna find where the lunch line starts, right? You got here late so it’s pretty long now.”
Nick: “Oh! Shit! I just thought everyone else was skipping too. My bad.”
Jeckyl: “Where’d you come in from?”
Nick: “Right outside. There was a weird kid getting her shit handed to her.”
Jeckyl: “Weird how?”
Nick: “I don’t fucking know.”
Jeckyl: “Is she “uptight prude” weird or “psycho bitch” weird?
Nick: “Uhh.. first one”
Jeckyl: “Oh, glasses, pimples, that’s Jenny. I don’t think she’s all there. She’s too socially awkward for the normal people but too smart for the sped kids.”
Nick: “Figured. He called me a normie.”
He just sits, no asking.
Nick: “What’s your name? I’m Nick.”
Jeckyl: “Jeckyl.”
Nick: “Jeckyl? That’s on your birth certificate?”
Jeckyl: “Obviously not. My real name’s Jesse but that sounded really fucking gay.”
Nick: “Cool. Pretty punk for someone who dresses so…”
Jeckyl: “Preppy? My dad works in a Tommy Hilfiger store so I get expensive shit for free. Trust me, I don’t give a fuck.
Nick: “Cool yeah same.”
Jeckyl: “Nick! You ready for day 2?”
Nick: “Somebody gonna snipe me day 2? Cuz if so, yeah.”
Jeckyl: “Why? What happened?”
Nick: “Waking up in general hurts. And I gotta deal with my sister who’s still up from the night before eating a family-sized box of anything.”
Jeckyl: “She can eat family sized meals? How old is she?”
Nick: “Twenty fucking six. She freeloads off my dad.”
Jeckyl: “I mean we kinda freeload too but we’re 16, it’s fine when we do it.”
Nick: “Exactly. I have to tell her when I’m woken up by loud chewing noises.”
Jeckyl: “She fat?”
Nick: “Know what slim-thick is?”
Jeckyl: “Yeah sorta.”
Nick: “Well she’s an obese monster. I just wanted to know if you knew what that was—- she’s not that.”
Jeckyl: “Good to know. Hey, I’ll talk to you at lunch, I gotta get to class.”
Nick: “Dude fuck class just skip with me.”
Jeckyl: “I told you already. If I skip any more my dad’s gonna start giving me disciplinary tattoos.”
Nick: “Shit you were serious? What does he even write on you?”
Jeckyl: “Some gay shit like “I LOVE SCHOOL” on my fingers.”
Nick: “I think that’s child abuse.”
Jeckyl: “He’s the only dad I’ve ever had, wouldn’t know.”
Nick: “…huh.”
Jeckyl: “Where you gonna go?”
-Gym class
Coach: Look, it’s the first day. No funny guys! No comedians! No bringers of the ha ha, okay? This year’s gym class isn’t last year’s gym class. We’re really gonna buckle down on physical fitness.”
Nick: “I’m fit as fuck I ain’t buckling shit.”
Coach: “Young man, what’s your name?”
Nick: “Nick, you want my phone number too?”
Coach: “This is only the first class, Nick. I hope you won’t be a problem all year.”
Nick: “I won’t, sorry”
Coach: “Great! Now, everybody better dress out every class. If you don’t, you’ll get a zero. Now, go to the locker rooms and come back in ten minutes.”
-Go to the locker room and change
Nick: “Where the hell is my shirt at? Why do we even need to wear the school logo? I’ll just bring my own shitty shirts.”
Coach: “Having trouble, Nick?”
Nick: “Are… are you supposed to be in here?”
Coach: “Don’t be so alarmed, Nick. You were late, so I thought you might need a spare shirt.”
Nick: “Um. Thank you. Can you.. please get out now?”
Coach: “Y’know Nick, You’re mature. I look for that in my male students.”
Nick: “I have a feeling you like looking at them too.”
Coach: “See? You just bounce off me like that. I like it, it’s hot.”
Nick: “You are saying this to a 16 year old in the boys’ locker room.”
Coach: “C’mon, look at you, boys like you are mature enough.”
-Shout as loud as you can
Nick: “SHIT! THE GYM TEACHER’S TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS!”
Coach: “Sweetie, quiet down there, I need this job!”
Nick: “She won’t get her hands off this minor dick!!”
Adrian: “What the fuck are you doing down here!? Were you really grabbing some minor dick?”
Nick: “Minor as in ‘underage’. I think my dick is pretty major to be honest.”
Coach: “I’m a woman and you’re a teenage boy! If anything, they’ll think you groped me!”
Nick: “As if any teen boy would grope.. you. You can’t beat the security cameras.”
Coach: “I knew installing those spy ca- security cameras would screw me over!”
Jeckyl: “This might sound fucked up, but I’m almost happy our gym teacher was a pedo.”
Nick: “I’m definitely happy our gym teacher was a pedophile, look at all this cool shit we bought!”
Jeckyl: “True, the settlement money’s pretty awesome.”
Nick: “Dad was complaining about how it was ‘hush money’ and how ‘real men needed to earn it’ and like, whatever dude. Cash is cash.”
Jeckyl: “Who needs drive when you have designer?”
-Humor a literal pedophile
Nick: “I mean. Sure. What’s up?”
Coach: “Just wanted to chat with a smart boy..”
Nick: “About?”
Coach: “Oh, I don’t know uh… I just like lookin’ at ya.”
Nick: “Why do guys go for milfs? You’re not even good looking.”
Coach: “I could show you a fun time you wouldn’t be able to have on your own.”
Nick: “Like what?”
Coach: “It’s a secret~ Hang out by the back entrance and I’ll pick you up after school.”
-Date your gym teacher
Nick: “You have cash to spend on me? At least a couple hundred?”
Coach: “Oh I got more than a couple hundred.. like $370.”
Nick: “Shit I’m just a kid. That’s a lot for me, I’m down.”
Coach: “Sounds like a date sexy. Can I call you sexy?”
Nick: “The news would probably call me a victim, but they don’t understand that what we have is real, right? I’ll see you tonight, sexy.” (He’d flirt to get shit)
Coach: “Nick, Nick, could you call me… ma’am.”
Nick: “See you tonight, ma’am~•
Coach: “Well, uh how’s your drink so far?”
Nick: “My non-alcoholic Sprite is just wonderful. You said you’d do something fun, could you get me high or something?”
Coach: “You want some of my Screwdriver?”
Nick: “Sure thanks… give me some more.”
Coach: “Some more? Sure, how many?”
Nick: “How many sips would equal four glasses?”
Coach: “Uh uh, I can’t have wasted when you’re here with me, people will know something’s up!”
Nick: “I’m 1/3 your age, that ship’s sailed ma’am.”
Coach: “I know… It’s always such a rush! Are you feeling it too, Nick?”
Nick: “Yeah… Sure… When can I get money?”
Coach: “Not quite yet, sexy~ Maybe if you came to my place, we could come up with a deal?”
-Go to her house alone
Nick: “Sure, I can handle myself.”
Coach: “Good boy… Just so you know, you’ll have to earn it.”
Nick: “I’m down for whatever ma-ma’am, the money outweighs the trauma.”
Coach: “C’mon sexy, let’s go back to my place.”
Nick: “Ladies first, ma’am.”
I came to this new school with the full intention of fucking around.
Life was hopeless, so sleeping with my gym teacher was just a drop in the bucket…
You could say the major mistake was going home with a stranger, but most strangers are fine as long as they’re not into FUCKING necrophilia.
The second I heard the door click behind me, she was already strangling me with a rope.
The last thing I remember was the rush in her eyes while the life slipped from mine.
I thought I would be fine. I had a few inches on her anyway. What I forgot was that she had more than a few pounds on my skinny ass.
I didn’t know him that well, but tell Jeckyl he’s cool for me.
As for my family, they can fuck off and burn in hell with me.
I’ll see ya soon, mom.
-Make a scene
Nick: “Fuck yeah, I’ll go home with you!”
Coach: “You just earned yourself an A for the year, young man!”
Nick: “Hey, why don’t you touch me? Get a sample before buying the whole thing?”
Coach: “I bet your muscles are lean and tight…”
Nick: “Everything’s tight when you’re 16.”
Coach: “Oh don’t remind me… That’s nice…
Of all the students I’ve dated, you’re my favorite…”
Nick: “FUCK! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! FUCKING CREEP!”
Coach: “What the fuck are you doing!? Nobody will believe you!”
Nick: “AH! WHERE ARE YOU TOU- IS THAT MY DICK? SOMEBODY!”
Cop: “Ma’am, get away from the boy. What seems to be the problem here?”
Nick: “This is my gym teacher! She just started getting all sexual with me out of nowhere!”
Cop: “Is this true, ma’am?”
Coach: “No— I mean yes, but they’re having the gym teachers do sexual education now!”
Nick: “What does sucking dick have to do with sexual education?”
Cop: “Is that true? Did you tell him to suck your dick?”
Coach: “Obviously not- I wanted to suck his— I mean..”
Nick: “My bad, officer. False alarm.”
Coach: “Yes! Thank goodness!”
Nick: “She only told me she wanted to squirt all over me. No big deal, right coach?”
Coach: “WHAT!”
Cop: “Well, I don’t think a boy like yourself would be so desperate for sex or money… Coach, you’re going to have to follow me downtown.”
Coach: “You fucking bitch I’ll kill you and your whole family too!”
Nick: “Free of charge? Say less.”
Jeckyl: “So.. are you gonna tell me or nah?”
Nick: “What?”
Jeckyl: “Don’t act dumb. What happened at the barcade yesterday?”
Nick: “Wow, that’s what they call those things? It wasn’t enough for them to exist they had to call it that too?”
Jeckyl: “So it’s true. What happened? Did coach promise you a good grade or something?”
Nick: “Hold up, why do you even know I was there? I didn’t press charges or anything.”
Jeckyl: “A guy who goes to here got a picture of you at the table with her.”
Nick: “He wanted to call her out or something?”
Jeckyl: “Nah, dude was probably jealous you took his spot as her boy toy.”
Nick: “Alright… I kinda… baited her into touching me.”
Jeckyl: “Nick! We’re actually gonna get fucked one day and nobody’s gonna believe you cause of that! People already don’t believe guys on this type of shit!”
Nick: “Nah, the cop actually believed me pretty quickly. One of the smart ones or something.”
Jeckyl: “Must’ve been some hardcore groping for that to happen, what’d you get her to do?”
Nick: “I know I was being a whore or whatever but I have standards. She just touched my arms and I shouted.”
Jeckyl: “Damn, premeditated, huh?”
Nick: “Mostly.”
Jeckyl: “Why’d you even go out with her in the first place if you knew it would end in a shitshow?”
Nick: “I just did it to fuck around, I guess. I knew I had the leverage there even if something happened.”
Jeckyl: “She’s massive, like, she could’ve jumped on you or something and kill you.”
Nick: “Hey, I’m not that weak. Other people were there too, experiencing a middle aged woman try her hand at courting a 16 year old boy, only to lose her job, her friends and just her entire life in general.”
Jeckyl: “…and if someone tried to blame you, they look…”
Nick: “Stupid. And pedophilic, exactly.”