Chapter Text
He knew it was wrong, he knew it was all a big mistake and that he would be in trouble if his feelings became known.
Pac was terrified, he had loved many people before, why was it different with Roier?
No, he never really loved anyone with the same intensity as he does with Roier, those romances were merely fleeting, a relief, like an ointment for the wounds of his hurting soul.
And Cellbit would kill him
The Cell of the past would return, if he knew the thoughts that appeared in Pac's mind when he saw his husband.
Pac knew more than anyone that Cell was a deranged psychopath (his metal prosthesis was a daily reminder of the hell in Alcatraz), he knew that no matter how many years Cellbit had been in therapy, his demon and identity that tormented him was still somewhere waiting to be released.
Loving Roier was distressing, it burned because of the intensity of the sin he was committing and the guilt of his silent feelings became daggers that pierced his heart.
It hurt to love Ro, it hurt to love someone who saw him as a family member and that his appreciation would not cross that line, it hurt like hell to be aware of it and not be able to do anything about it
He hated the fact that his feelings were so notorious, but he could not be blamed for it, he lived a complicated life without really knowing what it was to love.
Mike was always by his side since the orphanage, their bond was merely brotherly but it was the closest thing to love, until he met Roier.
Mike has even raised an eyebrow and questioned the increase in Roier's mentions in the smallest things.
"Devíamos construir uma minifábrica de cimento para Roier, porque da última vez ele não teve muita sorte em vir ao Chume Labs."
"Temos que convidar Roier se ele quiser nos ajudar em alguma construção."
"Estou muito louco para ficar assim, esperando a chegada de Roier?"
"Ele virá, ele virá... Em qualquer momento... A qualquer momento... Em... Qualquer... Momento...."
"Peqi, não se machuque por causa da sua imprudência, eu me importo muito com você" It was the advice Mike gave him, he knew, he knew everything.
After all, he was always the only one who could read it as easily as a book.
But Pac wouldn't get hurt, he's faced Cell before, losing his leg but not his life. And now that he was better equipped and with burning vengeance spreading from his chest to his entire body, he was sure that this time he could finish him off.
No...
what?
Was he thinking of killing his friend just for an old revenge?
No, he would kill Cellbit for Roier, for the sake of him and Richarlyson, both of them shouldn't be around a madman like Cell who could hurt them.
Roier would be safe with him and Mike.
Or so Pac thought, but he was alone once again.
Mike was kidnapped, Richarlyson disappeared, and Pac wanted so badly to go back to the deep waters where the Federation drowned him, because dying there would have been better.
Everyone always ends up abandoning him.
And Mike, his best friend since the orphanage, with whom he ran away, with whom he committed hundreds of robberies to survive, with whom he went to prison and with whom he arrived on this damn island. Even Mike was taken away from him.
JV, Walter Bob, Mike and now Richarlyson.
Pac could not take it anymore, all those with whom a hope to continue existing was born, were no longer there, as his will.
He felt so alone, so vulnerable, useless, so weak.
That night Pac went to sleep, in the smallness of his bed, where there were still traces of tears from when Mike disappeared and Richarlyson played soft music to calm him down.
That memory only made him bury his face in the pillow and cry even more, and, at some point in his bitter and silent crying, he fell asleep in the fetal position clinging to the only thing he had left: himself.
He heard, still in a light sleep, restless footsteps coming down the acacia wood stairs.
His eyes opened, hoping the intruder was Mike or Richarlyson and wishing it had all been a dream. But the intruder was neither of them.
His heart beat as he saw Roier in the blue door frame, Roier looking at him, with sad eyes and a thin smile he could barely hold.
"Are you okay, Pac?" the words floated in the silence he was never used to. "Roier..." Thin tears began to spill from his eyes and Roier, noticing that, crossed the room, while the smile on his face disappeared and concern lit up his pretty face.
"Pac..." The coldness of his bed vanished as the other man sat on the edge, looking at him with those dark eyes that shared the same feeling as his.
"We're all having a hard time with Richarlyson and the other eggs disappearing, Forever has gone mad and is about to blow everything up, Cellbit is disheartened and just recently disappeared without telling me." Roier's soft hand ran slowly down his arm, offering the comfort he needed.
"I was worried about you and I came because I wanted to see how you were, Pac," he admitted.
"I... I don't know what else to do" Pac cried, clenching the sheet in his fists. "I can't continue now that I have lost everything, I don't have reasons to continue without Mike, without my son"
Roier held his face, with a gentleness and care that made him cry even more "You're not alone Pac, you have Cellbit, Felps and me, everyone on the island is in this fight together" Pac didn't consider Cellbit his friend, not after Alcatraz, he would never forgive him.
But he would never confess that to Cellbit's husband, so he decided to silence the acidity in his chest as he remembered the past he wanted to forget, to focus on the man in front of him, the man for whom he had forbidden feelings.
Roier looked fine, a far cry from his shattered appearance when Bobby died, but then again, the disappearance of a son was not the same as witnessing death and being unable to do anything but watch.
They were both the same, both had lost people important to them during their entire stay on that hellish Island.
Roier had lost Bobby and now Richarlyson and Leonarda, while Pac had lost Mike, Walter Bob and Richarlyson.
Roier had lost so much, but he still had his husband, Pac only had his fantasies with Roier as the protagonist.
The man Pac loved always smiled, even in heartbreaking moments, he did it to hide his pain, to preserve hope and to incite the people around him not to do it either.
And without thinking about it any more, he kissed him so hard that it was easy to notice the pain of his torn soul begging for comfort.
With his eyes half closed he could see the surprised look of his beloved who never moved away from the forced kiss.