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When Jeonghan had separated with his family to join Pledis, it was the hardest thing to do. He had cried, his father had shed silent tears, his mother had snivelled in a heart-wrenching manner and Subin had sobbed, ugly.
Even after all these years, after growing so much, after becoming wise and mature, separation isn't the easiest thing to do.
Although, he isn't crying. Neither are others. Well, most.
The night had ended one hour ago, they are just dragging it now.
Prolonging their goodbyes.
"Jeonghannie hyung", There it is. It's happening. There's an obvious trembling and vulnerability in Dokyeom's voice. He's going to cry again, Jeonghan knows. So, he crosses the room and is there by the younger's side before he does.
Jeonghan has a record of always being there when he's needed by someone. Till now.
"I'm going to miss you", The younger hugs him and says between sobs and Jeonghan says it back, "I'm going to miss you too".
Before he knows it, they are engulfed by Mingyu, then Junhui, then Minghao. Their tears soak Jeonghan's clothes and his heart soaks them in.
As much as he'd love to stay there, locked in that tight embrace, there are not just four but twelve of them.
He leaves them to each other like he's going to do to all of them, from now onwards, for some time.
Woozi, Wonwoo and Hansol approach him, teary-eyed. Not like it hurts any less to see others crying but it hurts more to see these three crying.
Seungkwan stays stoic, Jeonghan expected that. He just hugs him and gives him his wishes and then he's leaving the apartment. Dino does the exact same. Tsk, birds of a feather.
Joshua falls somewhere in the middle. He's not crying but he's not hiding either. He smiles, like Jeonghan expects him to, like he wants him to. "I won't let your evilness die", They both chuckle and this time, Jeonghan doesn't get hugged. He hugs; hugs Joshua. Tight, so tight. He wishes he could use, If you leave, I leave card for military as well. He wishes he could whisk Joshua off with him.
He might be a sadist for this but in this moment, he wants Joshua to cry, just a bit would've been fine but the other doesn't. This punk- Welp, okay. He'll cry in Seungcheol's arms when Jeonghan's gone.
Seungcheol.
His eyes move around now an almost empty apartment and settle on the two figures standing on the farthest ends. The other one being Hoshi.
He moves in the direction of Hoshi, feeling guilty because he didn't want to move in the other direction. He wanted to but also didn't want to.
"Hoshi-ya", He calls out. "Hoshingie", A lump in his throat and he freezes. There are tears pricking at the back of his eyes and he blinks repeatedly, pleading them to stay the fuck there.
"No", Hoshi turns the other way. "Don't wanna say goodbye", He avoids Jeonghan.
Jeonghan would've tittered at the adorable usage of their lyrics if he wasn't avoiding the other man present in the same way, Don't wanna say goodbye.
The members, even though not that younger in age, are still his kids. He calls Dino his baby doesn't mean the others aren't his babies. And he loves all of them equally but Hoshi, oh, Hoshi makes him commit the sin of favouritism and Jeonghan feels guilty of not being guilty about it at all. He doesn't understand why he feels this inclination. He just does.
And Hoshi reciprocates it all with the same intensity.
"My cute baby tiger", he coos as he slides into the covers under which Hoshi has now buried himself. An evil thought of Seungkwan finding Hoshi in Jeonghan's room, accompanying him on his last night and not liking it one bit crosses his mind and he silently giggles.
"What if we run away?"
"Where?", Jeonghan entertains Hoshi's idea. He always does.
"Where it's just you and me", Sorry, members but he wouldn't mind that.
"It's just you and me here", He cuddles Hoshi and closes his eyes.
It isn't, when he opens his eyes again. There's a presence in the room, strong and heavy. Seungcheol is sitting on the wing chair right in front of him.
He expected him to leave.
Jeonghan doesn't remember a time he was ever mean to Hoshi, in any way. He has been mean to every other member, even Joshua, even Dokyeom. He is always so, so mean to Seungcheol.
But he wanted him to stay.
Seungcheol waited all night, patiently. He didn't approach Jeonghan. He gave Jeonghan time and space with the other members, is still doing that. The least Jeonghan could do is give him a proper parting but here he is, not even acknowledging the other.
But Seungcheol is still there, waiting. Seungcheol isn't demanding when it comes to Jeonghan. If he was, he would've kept Jeonghan all to himself for the whole night and Jeonghan would have let him. But he isn't. He stays satisfed with where he is just like he stays satisfied with whatever Jeonghan gives him.
God, these two people present in his room tug at his heartstrings so bad. In different ways but it hurts just the same.
Even though he promised Hoshi it's just two of them here, he can't help but invite Seungcheol. Seungcheol, like a dog waiting eagerly for permission, gets up and moves towards the bed as quickly as his fragile knee lets him at Jeonghan's one signal.
He settles on the other side of Hoshi but there's distance between the two as Hoshi has snuggled into Jeonghan's chest like a baby seeking for the mother's warmth.
Hoshi has fallen asleep so he and Seungcheol don't talk. They could, it wouldn't matter but they don't. They just stare at each other and that's enough.
Seungcheol is tired, so tired and he's going to be more tired and Jeonghan isn't going to be there. The thought worries him, scares him.
He can't leave Seungcheol to other members.
He doesn't trust Seungcheol with them, not because of them but because of the man, himself. Seungcheol is dependent on Jeonghan the way he is not dependent on anyone.
How would Seungcheol manage?, The question eats him from inside. But what has his feet cold is, how would he manage? Because he is as dependent on Seungcheol as Seungcheol is on him, if not more.
His breath shudders and he shuffles closer to Hoshi, even though they are already very close. He just does that in an attempt to be closer to Seungcheol. Upon seeing the movement and understanding the action, Seungcheol does the same.
"Hyung, don't go", Hoshi whispers so softly in his sleep, it breaks Jeonghan's heart.
There's a tight fist somewhere gripping the sheets; Jeonghan's fist. He fears he'll break the moment he releases it and all the contained emotions will gush out.
I don't wanna go.
He keeps it in, makes his fist tighter than before.
"I won't be gone for long", He whispers back, bends his head slightly to place a kiss on Hoshi's head and rests his head there.
I don't wanna go.
Like Jeonghan needs the reassurances he keeps giving to others and like Seungcheol knows it, he whispers, "You won't be gone for long", places the softest kiss on Jeonghan's head and rests his head there.
Like an anchor in the storm.