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Kuze stood at the altar, stiff as a board in his crisp minister robes. His brow furrowed, his permanent scowl deepening as he glared at the wedding party gathered before him. Ordained minister or not, this wasn't how he pictured his life turning out. Officiating a wedding between two goofballs? He grumbled to himself, flipping through the small booklet of vows in his hands. He wasn’t even sure if he was legally allowed to do this, but here he was.
Ichiban and Nanba stood side by side, hands clasped, smiling ear to ear. Nanba was slightly fidgeting with his glasses, a bit nervous but also brimming with excitement. Ichiban, on the other hand, was beaming like the sun, eyes practically glowing with pride and joy.
“You two idiots ready for this?” Kuze growled, trying to sound all priestly but just coming off as an angry bouncer.
Nanba chuckled, his nerves evident. "You could say that, yeah."
Ichiban leaned toward Kuze, voice hushed but loud enough for everyone to hear. "C'mon, old man, relax! This is supposed to be a happy occasion, you know?"
Kuze shot him a glare so sharp it could’ve cut steel. “I am relaxed, you little shit. Just hurry up and let me do my damn job before I change my mind.”
Just as Kuze was about to begin his makeshift sermon, the heavy wooden doors to the venue creaked open, and in walked Kiryu—stoic, silent, and looking ridiculously out of place in his tuxedo. But he wasn’t alone. Behind him, chaos.
Majima was cackling, already causing a scene as he made an exaggerated entrance, his signature eyepatch gleaming as he leapt through the doorway like a man on a mission. Zhao followed, swigging from a flask and grinning like he was crashing a frat party.
Saeko, Sonhee, and Chitose walked in, whispering among themselves, each of them looking suspiciously like they were up to no good.
Eric was lagging behind, trying to keep a low profile, but even his attempt to go unnoticed was ruined by his tropical Hawaiian shirt and sandals that screamed “tourist.”
And then there was Joongi Han, looking dead serious in his slick black suit, the complete opposite of the circus that had just barged in.
Kuze’s eye twitched. He tried to hold it together, he really did. But the second he locked eyes with Kiryu, a wave of anger rushed through him. Memories of punches, endless beatdowns, and failed showdowns flashed before him.
"YOU," Kuze growled, his voice dropping an octave as he pointed a trembling finger at Kiryu.
Kiryu blinked, completely calm. "Me?"
Kuze slammed the booklet shut. “Of all the goddamn people… at my altar? In my church? You dare show your face here, Kiryu?!”
Majima, already causing a scene, doubled over laughing. “What’s the matter, Kuze? Ain’t you supposed to be all holy now? ‘Forgive and forget’ and all that?” He slapped Kiryu on the back. “Don’t tell me this guy’s still got beef with ya!”
Zhao, barely managing to stay upright, strolled up the aisle with a swagger in his step. "Hey, ain't this the part where we get drunk and make out? Or did I misread the invitation?"
Nanba’s face turned beet red. "Zhao! For fuck’s sake!"
Ichiban, ever the optimistic groom, stepped forward, waving his hands in a calming gesture. “Guys, c’mon! This is a wedding! Let’s not turn it into a bar fight—at least not before the reception, alright?”
Saeko crossed her arms and smirked. “Oh, I don’t know, Ichiban. That’s kind of our thing.”
Joongi Han, cool as ever, leaned against the wall, watching the chaos unfold like it was a theater show. “Is it just me, or do we cause a disturbance everywhere we go?”
Sonhee nodded sagely. “It’s a talent, really.”
Eric, trying to disappear in the back row, raised his hand nervously. “Uh, am I the only one who thinks we should maybe—y’know—sit down and let this happen? Just a thought.”
Kuze’s face was redder than a tomato. He looked like he was on the verge of an aneurysm. “I didn’t sign up for this shit!” he shouted, throwing his booklet down. “I’m not dealing with this!” He jabbed a finger at the now-assembled crew, some of whom had already started taking bets on how long Kuze could last before he snapped.
Kiryu, ever the voice of reason, stepped forward and held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Kuze, I’m just here for Ichiban and Nanba. Let’s not cause trouble.”
“Oh, you don’t wanna cause trouble?” Kuze spat. “You’re the damn trouble magnet!”
Majima, who by now had somehow found a wedding cake knife, was poking Kiryu with the blade like a mischievous child. “C’mon, Kiryu-chan, throw some hands! For old time’s sake!”
Ichiban was laughing nervously, clearly trying to salvage the situation. “Majima-san, maybe put the knife down? Y’know, for the sake of love and all that?”
Zhao raised his flask. “Hey, we’re all here to celebrate, right? Might as well do it in style.” He looked at Nanba. “You cool with this?”
Nanba, exasperated but trying to keep his composure, sighed. “This is already a disaster. Might as well go all in.”
Chitose, ever the troublemaker, whispered something to Saeko, who burst out laughing. “Bet Kuze’s gonna throw the first punch.”
Kuze’s eyes bulged, and with a roar, he ripped off his minister’s robe. “That’s it! We’re doin’ this right now! I don’t care if it’s a wedding—Kiryu, get your ass up here and fight me!”
Kiryu, as calm as ever, sighed deeply. “Can’t we just have one normal event?”
Eric leaned over to Joongi Han. “This is gonna end in bloodshed, isn’t it?”
Joongi Han nodded. “It usually does.”
As Kuze lunged at Kiryu, Majima screamed in delight, leaping onto the altar to join the fray. Zhao was still laughing uncontrollably, and the girls were cheering on the chaos like they were watching a sporting event. Eric tried to hide behind one of the pews, muttering to himself about why he even bothered coming.
Ichiban threw up his hands in defeat, shaking his head as the brawl erupted right in front of him. “So… is the wedding still on?”
Nanba, rubbing his temples, sighed. “Maybe we should’ve eloped.”
---
The chapel descended into absolute chaos, but somewhere in the middle of it all, Ichiban and Nanba still held each others’ hands, grinning despite the pandemonium around them. Because for better or worse, they had their friends with them—and that was all they really needed.