Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Are you sure about this?” Pat asked. It’s not that he doesn’t want Sidney to be proud of himself, but that he doesn’t want Sidney to have to go through this over and over. He should just get to be. “You could just make a statement and get it over with.”

“Yes, Pat. I’d rather tell everyone in person. And really, you should be encouraging this. It’s great practice for when you inevitably force me into a million interviews.” Sidney had made his decision and was going to stick to it. He was so ready for this.

“Well, yes. But that’s a lot of people to coordinate telling. Do you really think you’re going to get through everyone before someone lets something slip to the wrong person?” Pat knows hockey players. They’re not the most discreet animal ever, so it’s more likely than not that word will travel ahead of Sidney’s announcement.

“Maybe. Maybe not. But I can try. That’s why I have a list, remember? And I told my family years ago. It’s not like I had ever planned on keeping it secret this long.”

“As long as you’re sure, Sidney. Because once you start, you’re going to have to go through with it.”

Sidney is sure. So sure. “I know exactly who I’m starting with.” This might be the biggest understatement of the conversation. Sidney has a list. Grouped and color coded and everything. It’s a thing of beauty.

Jack is pretty sure that Sid is about to drop news that he’s retiring. There could be absolutely no other reason to force him to fly into Cole Harbour to eat dinner with him, Geno, the Frenchies, and Nate. No other reason to force them all to fly into Cole Harbour in July at the same time. If only Sid would just get on with the bad news so they weren’t forced to eat cheesecake while he spilled. That’s for after.

Jon is under the impression that this is a Team Canada planning meeting. Because that is what the offseason is for. And Sid has really let the offseason go on a little too long before he called this meeting. Especially since the World Cup is scheduled in less than 2 months. However, planning absolutely cannot happen while Jack and Geno are still sitting here.

Geno is so happy that Sid has finally found a boyfriend that he wants to introduce to everyone. Only Sid would think that he has to do it formally. Hopefully they’ll be excited that he has planned to take everyone to the zoo tomorrow to meet the giraffes. Surely, Sid’s new boyfriend will like giraffes.

Duper and Flower and Talbo are ready with so many chirps. So. Many. Chirps. Because, really? Does Sidney have to follow so closely in Mario’s footsteps as to buy the team? And does he realize that they are not paying for dinner just because he decided to blow all of his money on buying his own team?

Nate is terrified. He has no idea why Sidney thinks he should meet everyone officially. Does this happen to all of Sidney’s new friends? Does he have to be vetted and approved by the inner circle before he’s allowed to chirp Sid in public? Did he screw up already? Oh my god.

Chris is late. So, so late. Maureen told him to take an earlier flight, but he got so little time with the girls. He’ll just have to make up for it by scheduling time to let Sid babysit when they get back to Pittsburgh. That should keep the Captain from being too mad.

“Oh, good! Kuni! You’re here! What took you so long?” Sidney has been on edge all through the appetizers. He promised himself that he would tell them all together, so he had to wait for Kuni to get there.

“Sorry, Sid! I cut it a little close with my flight. I wanted to spend more time with the girls. Maureen and I were saying we need to get first dibs on babysitting when we get into Pittsburgh in August.” Sidney’s face melted at that. Success.

Chris took his first look around the room that the waitress had led him to. Holy shit. Sidney is getting traded. There is no other explanation for this kind of last minute dinner in the off season. “Oh my god! Why would you waive your no trade clause??”

“What?!?” Sidney looked pretty shocked at the question.

“Traded?? No! I’m pretty sure he’s retiring…”

“Not traded. Don’t be stupid, Kuni. Sid has new boyfriend he want us to meet. Duh.”

“Mais, non! Sid is going to be our new boss!”

“Oui! Sid now Boss Sid.”

“Oh my god. This is a prank. Sidney, why would you do this to me?? I know we’re only new friends. But, I thought you liked me! Why would you make me sit through dinner with your friends if you don’t like me??”

“Wait. WHAT?” Sidney is pretty sure he’s having a panic attack. Maybe sitting down is a good idea. “None of those things! Why would you even…what? I’m definitely playing this season for the Penguins and I’m not buying the team from Mario and…Nate? Of course I like you! You’re a great kid. Why else would I ask you to be here when I’m trying to come out???”

“So…Nate is new boyfriend, Sid?” Geno isn’t sure he approves of this. Sidney deserves someone who can be with him more than just in the summertime. And he’s pretty sure Nate wasn’t traded. “Was Nate traded? Because he could play my line. I call dibs.”

Everyone was staring at Geno at that comment. Maybe claiming a new linemate before the trade was announced was presumptuous.

“No, Geno. Just…no. And is anyone going to say anything about the fact that I’m trying to tell you I’m gay???”

“Oh, Sid…”

“Sidney…”

“Kid…”

“Who are you calling ‘Kid,’ Jack?”

“Well, kid, pretty sure we all already knew you’re gay. Was this supposed to be a revelation?” Jack is much more relaxed now that he knows all he’s dealing with is a case of overly anxious Sidney Crosby.

“Umm…I didn’t know.” Nate mumbles. When he looks up, he sees the rest of them looking at him pityingly. “What?? Obviously he never said anything!”

“If that’s all this is about, can we still have Team Canada planning while I’m here? Obviously, we’ll have to kick Jack and Geno out, but…Canada.” Jon is pretty sure that this is the most important part of the conversation so Jack and Geno have no right to look so offended.

“But, what… How… Don’t you guys have questions?” Blank stares meets Sidney’s shocked expression.

“Sidney,” Pascal starts, “pretty sure we all, at least us Penguins, knew you were gay the minute you lamented, albeit drunkenly, about how you would ‘totally hit that ass’ in reference to Andrew Ference if only he weren’t ‘so old and so straight.’ I mean, Sid, that’s not exactly subtle. We just thought you decided to marry hockey instead of finding a boyfriend.”

“Ference? Really, Sid? You could do so much better. Although, it’s a distinct improvement over your crush on Justin Timberlake back at Shattuck.”

Sidney is a little ashamed to admit that the idea of marrying hockey instead of finding a boyfriend is pretty much exactly what happened. And, oh my god. This is so embarrassing. “I don’t, I mean, I don’t have some like, unrequited love for the ages with Ference. Oh, my god. I can’t believe I said that. And I am definitely not admitting to having had a crush on JT.”

“Sid? Does this mean no new boyfriend? Because, if so, I know nice boy to introduce you to. Sid? Sid? What wrong?”

Sidney is laughing hysterically into his arms now, because what even is his life? “So, you’re all ok with this, right? Like, I haven’t been punched yet, so I’m kinda taking it as a good sign. And, how many people know about my very unfortunate and short-lived crush on Ference? Because, this might save me some steps in the plan.”

Ok, now Jack is officially worried. Sidney and plan in relation to anything other than hockey usually means something extremely over-involved and drawn out. He hopes to god that most of the Pens are taken care of.

“Well, you see, Sid… We just wanted to make sure no one did anything or said anything in the locker room without meaning to hurt you.” Marc-Andre starts out. “So, we just quietly talked to everyone as they came in. Made sure they knew that it never affected the locker room and that it never left the Penguins. Even if they did. Although, I’m pretty sure Biz had a talk with Ference to make sure he didn’t hurt you if anything were to happen.”

“Wait, wait, wait! Biz talked to Ference. About my very short-lived crush. On him. What the hell, guys? Wait… This makes so much sense now. I can’t believe he didn’t say anything…” Sidney drifts off looking pretty uncomfortable.

Max is intrigued by this turn of events. This must be a good story. “Who didn’t say anything?”

“Ference,” Sid mumbles into his hands, which are now covering his face again. His very scarlet face. “Ference called me a few years ago. Said he wanted to talk with me about this new initiative that Patrick Burke and a few guys were working on. Wanted me to know that he was working on it. That if I ever wanted to get involved, he would get me in contact with Burke. He meant if I ever wanted to come out.”

From there on out, dinner mostly entailed chirping Sid, eating, and chirping Sid some more. Sidney is pretty sure that there is no way this was supposed to be so easy. All of his research pointed to this being something difficult where everyone was shocked and had questions and wanted to make sure that he was sure. Apparently it only meant that now his taste in romantic partners was on the block to make fun of him with. Go figure.

Chapter Text

Sidney opened the front door of Doull Books to the tinkle of the bells above the door. John had called to tell Sidney that he had found a copy of the second volume of the Maple Leaf Route series, Falaise. Sidney could tell it was going to be a good week. Dinner had gone over pretty well the night before, with the exception of how much shit he took for his Justin Timberlake phase, and a trip to Doull’s this morning. He is going to have to take a trip to the zoo after training in the afternoon, punishment for not introducing Geno to a new boyfriend, but sacrifices must be made.

There is no one behind the counter when Sidney passes, so he decides to browse a little before looking for John. Usually he gets the Canadian History section to himself this time of day, but when Sidney turns the corner he sees a brunette bent over a precarious pile of tomes, trying to pull one from close to the floor. This is new. He is new. Sidney has definitely never seen him before. And, fuck, those forearms. No, Sidney, no! And, wow…

“I don’t suppose you’d like to help me with this?”

Those eyes are pretty amazing.

“Hello?”

Sidney realizes that answering might be a thing he’s supposed to do here. “Oh, sure, of course!” Sidney picks up most of the books in the way and Mr. Pretty Eyes and Gorgeous Forearms picks the last few off and pulls out…The History of Medicine in the Province of Quebec. Huh. “History of Medicine?”

“What? Oh! Well, I’m a former med student and current history buff, so it looked intriguing. You could probably put those down now. I’m Alex, by the way.” Sidney sees Mr. Pretty Eyes…Alex…stick his hand out and notices that yes, he probably should put the giant stack of books down. So he does so a little hurriedly and the stack sways dangerously before settling and Sidney takes his, very strong and firm, hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Sidney.”

“So, what are you looking for, Sidney? Am I in your way? Do you need me to move?” Alex says all of this quickly. In fact, he just talks quickly. It makes Sidney blink a couple of times before he answers.

“No! I just came in to pick up Falaise, but John wasn’t at the front so I thought I would see if there’s something else back here while I wait. Nothing in particular. Maybe something World War I era.” Sidney is pretty sure he imagines the interest piquing on Alex’s face.

Alex isn’t so out of touch with his Canadian roots that he doesn’t know who it is standing in front of him, but he is much more intrigued by Sidney’s inner nerd.

“If you like Terry Copp, there’s Canadian Battlefields. It’s more of an overview, but you still might find it interesting,” Alex suggests. “I don’t think I saw it here, but it is definitely worth looking for. I would totally loan you my copy, except that it’s in my apartment and I don’t even live here. So. I guess you’re on your own there. Would you like a cookie, instead?”

“Cookie?” Sidney is a little confused and not entirely sure he’s not supposed to be.

“Oh, sorry! I just. Have cookies. And I thought, since I’m standing here talking your ear off I should at least offer you one. I always bring lots of cookies when I go on a bookstore and park excursion.” Alex knows that offering cookies to supposed strangers is a little outside the realm of normal, but he always packs to many and it kind of looks like Sidney could use a cookie.

Sidney loves cookies. Much to his nutritionist’s dismay. And Alex seems normal. Mostly. And he gave a recommendation for a new book. “Sure. What kind of cookie?”

At this point, Sidney and Alex have started to drift toward the front of the shop and Alex holds out The History of Medicine without looking for Sidney to take it and then digs into his bag as they walk. Alex produces a plastic container full of cookies and opens it up.

“Chocolate chip. I was feeling classic this morning,” Alex states and holds out the container.

Just one cookie and Mike and Andy will never need to know about it. Sidney really can’t say no. That would be impolite. Besides, they look perfect. A little crispy. A little chewy. On the flatter side. Many chocolate chips. Gooey.

“Just one.” Yep. Perfect. Sidney is pretty sure this is heaven in a cookie and “Did you make this? This is amazing!”

“Yes, I…”

“Sidney! It’s good to see you!” Sidney and Alex reach the front of the store and are met by John Doull. “It looks like you found something,” John gestures to the book in Sidney’s hand. For a moment Sidney is confused, but realizes that he still holds Alex’s book.

Glancing down and back up again, Sidney starts “Oh! No, this is Alex’s. I like history, but I’m not sure this one is really up my alley.” Sidney turns his head toward Alex apologetically, but Alex seems to find this amusing as he tucks the container back in his back and relieves Sidney of the book.

“Medical history isn’t really for everyone. I expect this will take even me a while to finish. Hence. Cookies.” Alex slides the book onto the counter for John to ring up, proceeds to pay and is walking out the door before Sidney belatedly calls after him.

“Thanks for the recommendation!”

Sidney turns back around to catch up with John and ask about Canadian Battlefields wishing a tad wistfully that he had gotten more than a first name from Alex. His teammates just don’t understand his fascination—not obsession, fascination—with history books. It’s always nice to meet someone else who gets it.

Chapter Text

All of Sidney’s summer meetings have gone according to plan. For the most part. Unfortunately, it is starting to look like Dutchy might be a lost cause. Sidney is still hoping he will come around, but he knows that Dutchy is having a hard time reconciling Sid, his friend, with Sid, a gay man. Nate has said that he’ll keep working on Dutchy, but it seems unfair to put him in the position of middle man.

So, with the summer meetings out of the way, phase one of the Coming Out Agenda is almost complete. All of his friends know. All of his acquaintances know. Everyone who would be upset at not being told personally knows. Except for one person. Well, family.

It’s not that Sidney hasn’t been meaning to tell Mario and Nathalie. It’s more that. He’s terrified. To be honest, more terrified than when he told his parents. To be fair to himself, he didn’t get a lot of choice in telling his parents.

Sidney was twelve years old and not very interested in the locker room talk about the thirteen year old Emily in grade 8 who had gotten boobs over the summer. Unfortunately for Sidney, he wasn’t as self-aware at the time and didn’t realize that when he asked his dad why everyone was so interested in Emily’s boobs when he found Stevie Y much more intriguing he was pretty much saying he was gay for hockey. Luckily, his dad had sat with him at the kitchen table, looked at him, and said that different people found different things attractive and that it was all ok. This had been followed by a much more awkward discussion with both of his parents about being gay and what that meant and that it was ok to be gay and it was also ok if he wasn’t sure what he was yet. And that if he wanted to be open about it, he should think about how he wanted to handle that with hockey.

Sidney had decided that he’d much rather just play hockey than deal with any more awkward conversations like that one. He had almost told Jack while they were at Shattuck once, but it hadn’t seemed that important. And when he was drafted into the Q, he and Pat had a sit down to hash out all eventualities and Sidney had decided that maybe one day he’d like to be open about it. But only after he had won the Stanley Cup at least once.

And then they had won the Cup. Pat and Sidney had worked on a plan throughout the next season and off-season and had a tentative starting point for Summer 2011. And then Steckel had hit him and there went that idea. There was no way Sidney was going to deal with telling everyone, let alone the media, while dealing with concussion symptoms. It’s taken a lot longer to get here, but after last season’s come-from-behind Art Ross win, Sidney feels like he’s back on track. And he’s seen too many articles about the hypocrisy of a league supposedly ready for an out player without a player ready to come out. If anyone is ready for that kind of media scrutiny, it’s Sidney.

He just has to tell Mario first. And then have talks with all the captains, make sure the players aren’t blindsided by the news. Sidney is going to be the best at being out, damn it. After he tells Mario.

Sidney is really starting to wish that he had accepted Taylor’s offer to come along for this trip. He’s been standing in front of Mario’s front door for a good five minutes now. He could have dinner and let Pat call Mario and tell him later. That would be so much simpler. And then, if Mario didn’t react well, Sidney could just avoid him for the rest of eternity. Sidney raises his hand and presses the doorbell, sees it’s light dim under his finger and brighten up again as he lifts his fingers. The door opens immediately.

“About time, Sidney! I’ve been waiting for you to just come in.” Mario ushers Sidney in a bit impatiently. “Nathalie and Austin are in the kitchen. Lauren won’t be in town for a visit until next week, but I think Stephanie and Alexa are in the family room skyping with Taylor. Nathalie made your favorite, chicken and biscuits.”

“I brought wine. Mom said you’d probably like it and that you might not have tried it yet.” Sidney offers up, and “Why are Stephanie and Alexa skyping with Taylor? They’re going to see each other next week. And they talked this morning. That’s not good.”

“Sidney, you know I don’t ask questions when it comes to those three. That’s just begging to be on the wrong end of things,” Mario admonishes and gestures for Sidney to follow him into the kitchen.

Sidney catches the doughy smell of biscuits and the warmth of the gravy as he walks into the kitchen. Austin is standing by the range, stirring the gravy and Nathalie gets up from the kitchen table to lean in and kiss Sidney’s cheeks “Sidney!” She looks him up and down. “What have you been feeding yourself? You have not bulked up enough. It’s a good thing Austin accidently made more than we planned on. You’re going to take leftovers home.”

“Bonjour, Nathalie.” Sidney blushes a bit at the scrutiny, “I’ve been eating. I’ve just been a little stressed out, that’s all.” Sidney looks over at Austin, “I thought Nathalie was cooking. Is this gonna be edible?”

“Ha, freakin’, ha, Sid. Don’t worry. I’ve been closely supervised the whole time. I just started out with more of everything than the recipe really calls for. I guess.” Austin looks like he might want to tackle Sidney at this point for questioning his culinary skills, so it’s a good thing that there’s a hot stove in between them and that the gravy requires constant supervision. “It’s about done, though, so if you want to grab plates and set the table, that’d be good.”

Sidney takes this as an opportunity to push back the reason for this last minute self-invitation to dinner and goes into the cupboard above the dishwasher to get plates. Stephanie and Alexa both come in at Nathalie’s call to get silverware and napkins.

“Who wants wine?” Mario asks. “Sidney brought a new bottle.”

Sidney, Nathalie, Austin, and Stephanie all chime in for glass as they all work to get dinner on the table and Alexa requests water. Once the table is set, Nathalie and Austin bring in the serving bowls and everyone takes a seat.

“So Alexa and I are going with Taylor to New York next weekend. There’s a clinic that Taylor and I want to go to and Alexa wants to tag along for the New York part.” Stephanie starts out the dinner’s conversation. Sidney doesn’t think the three of them let loose on a city by themselves is a good idea.

“I gather this would be the result of today’s planning,” Mario responds dryly. “What’s the clinic?”

“Mrs. Crosby found out about it; the NWHL is putting it on partly for development and partly for recruitment,” Stephanie explains, but hurries to add “Not that we’re thinking of dropping out of college and turning pro. We just want to get on their radar. And get ready for college to start up again.”

Sidney lets out a sigh of relief. “Good. Because I really didn’t want to fight with Taylor about that. I wish I had gotten the chance to do college.”

Everyone at the table turns to stare at Sidney.

“What? I do! I could’ve studied history.” Sidney defends himself.

Stephanie rolls her eyes hard.

“Speaking of history, did you make another trip to Doull’s before you came down?” Nathalie asks. “I finished the last book you lent me.”

Sidney lights up at this question. “Yes! John found the second book in that series I was telling you about. And I ran into someone, Alex, who recommended another book. Same author. I told him what I was there for and he actually knew what I was talking about. I haven’t been able to find it yet, though. Alex said he has a copy, but obviously that doesn’t do me any good.”

“Wait. Just, wait. Sid. You made a friend?” Alexa asks, like it’s the last thing that could possibly happen.

Sidney blinks at Alexa a couple times. “Well, no, not really. I just know that he has amazing taste in books. And talks really fast. And makes the most amazing chocolate chip cookies ever. But it would be nice to have a friend who doesn’t make fun of my reading material…” Sidney trails of wistfully.

“Dude, as soon as cookies entered the picture, you should have made sure to get the guy’s number. Do we need to practice making friends again?” Austin asks helpfully.

“Don’t listen to them, Sidney,” Nathalie contributes. “I’m sure you’ll find the book soon. And maybe you’ll run into him the next time you’re home.”

Everyone is almost done eating dinner before conversation turns toward giving Sidney the third degree.

“So. Sid. Not that we don’t love it when you visit, but you didn’t need to be back in town for a couple more weeks. What’s the crisis?” Alexa asks.

“Oh, my god! Alexa!” Stephanie slugs her sister in the arm. “Could you be any less subtle?”

“Girls.”

“Sorry, Maman,” comes the twofold answer.

“They’re not wrong, Sidney. What’s going on?” Nathalie presses, albeit much more gently.

“Well, I do have something I want to talk with you about. It’s nothing bad; I swear!” Sidney hurries to assure them. “At least, I don’t think it’s bad.”

Sidney swallows. What if they don’t take it well? What if they never want to speak to him again? He doesn’t think that’s how they will react, but he also thought that Dutchy would be totally normal about it. It’s best just to get it over with. If he can’t tell the Lemieuxs, he has no business trying to come out to the world.

“Umm…I’m gay?” The gravy on the bottom of Sidney’s plate is fascinating.

“Is that it? Because, Sid, man, this is not a big deal. It definitely doesn’t warrant my slaving over your favorite food all day.”

Mario is chuckling. Chuckling. Sidney is a little offended that none of them look even the least bit shocked. Also, “There is no way that you spent all day making this.”

Nathalie stands up, takes her dish, leans over and kisses Sidney on the head. “I’m glad you told us, darling. I’m sure this was difficult for you. We still love you just the same.” She turns and eyes her children, “Now you all get to help clean up. Let your father and Sidney talk.”

Sidney glances over at Mario who is standing up with his wine glass. “Come on, Sidney. More wine?”

Sidney allows Mario to lead him into his study after he gets his wine topped off. After Sidney slouches into the leather couch, Mario crosses his legs in the big chair next to him. “I’m assuming this is more than you just finally deciding to tell us?” Mario asks.

“Yes. I’m planning on coming out. Publicly. I never really meant to hide it from you. I swear I didn’t. I just. Never had a reason. Maybe if I’d met someone I wanted to date seriously.” Sidney tries to assure Mario.

“Oh, kid, I don’t care that you took so long to tell us. I figured you would tell us when you were ready. I thought maybe, after the Stanley Cup win and I got a call from Andy Ference, personally wanting my assurance that the Penguins ownership group would be behind the You Can Play project, that you might be thinking about it.” Mario grins as he sees Sidney do some more blushing. “I assume there’s a story there?”

“You’re not the first one to mention Ference. Apparently it’s how the team knew about me. It’s not my fault that there was so much champagne to drink! I have no idea how we got to me admitting to having a thing for Ference, but apparently it happened.” Sidney is starting to think that he might owe Andrew Ference a call. At least to say thank you for paving the way for a relatively easy coming out. Since everyone already knew, damn it.

“You going to set something up with PR?” Mario decides to give Sidney a break. He looks like he might turn into a tomato at this rate.

“Pat already has something set up for Monday. We already have a plan, but obviously we’ll need to coordinate with the team. The public statement just won’t be for a while yet.” Sidney pauses and looks over at Mario earnestly. “I just really want to do this right. I never wanted to spend this much of my career in the closet. It’s not long I’ve been ashamed of this. I just, well, it’s always been hockey first. And then the concussion happened. I just want to make it okay for other kids. I don’t want other kids to have to decide between doing something they love and being open about who they are. I mean, it’s worked out fine for me, but I know that’s not true for most kids.”

“Sidney,” Mario looks right at him, “you’re doing just fine. There’s not a right or wrong way to do this.”

Mario finishes the last of his wine and stands up. “Now. Let’s go find dessert.”