Work Text:
“Right. Okay. Yes. So…” Crowley blurted out and took a moment to collect his thoughts. “We’ve known each other a long time. We’ve been on this planet for a long time. I mean- you and me. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We’re a team, a group. A group of the two of us.”
Aziraphale looked at her, confused.
“And we spent our existence pretending that we aren’t.” The demon continued. “I mean- the last few years, not really…” She looked away from Aziraphale, scared to look him in the eyes. “And I would like to spend-“ He groaned in frustration and took a deep breath. Why is putting emotion into words so hard? “I mean if Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can! Just the two of us. We don’t need heaven, we don’t need hell, they’re toxic! We need to get away from them, just be an us.
Aziraphale shook his head.
“You and me, what do you say?” Crowley asked.
“Come with me… to heaven! I’ll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference!” The angel argued, stepping closer to the demon.
“You can’t leave this bookshop…” Crowley said, now looking her angel in the eyes. She can’t say love yet… Not yet.
“Oh Crowley…” Aziraphale kept the eye contact. “Nothing lasts forever…”
Oh.
“No… No, I don’t suppose it does.”
Crowley could almost hear his heart break into as many pieces as many lovely moments they shared.
This can’t be over. But it seems like it is.
He put on his glasses, he will not show his angel this pained expression. She will not show herself this pained expression. He passed by Aziraphale, shooting a “Good luck.” as she walked.
“Good luck..? Crow- Crowley! Crowley! Come back!” Aziraphale pleaded.
The demon turned around at those words, still hopeful that this won’t be the end.
“To heaven… Work with me! We can be together! Angels! Doing good…” Aziraphale was at the brink of tears at this point. He does not want to be without Crowley… “I need you!”
Crowley didn’t give him any reaction.
“I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.” He’s offering Crowley his happiness back. He wants her to have that same spark in her eyes that he saw when they first met in heaven. He would do everything for Crowley and to him, he’s really offering what he thinks is best for them.
“I understand. And I understand a whole lot better than you do.” To Crowley, Aziraphale wants to make her good enough for heaven. As if he’s not good enough now. He doesn’t need heaven… She just wants to spend all the time in the world with her angel. But not in heaven. He can’t go back.
“Well… Then there’s nothing more to say.” The angel tried to seem like it didn’t affect him, but it was far from the truth. He could feel himself falling apart. He can’t do this… do anything without Crowley.
“Listen. Hear that?” The demon suddenly asked, leaving Aziraphale confused.
“I don’t hear anything!” He answered, frustrated.
“That’s the point. No nightingales.” And they both knew what she meant.
“You idiot… We could have been… us.
Then, Crowley walked back to Aziraphale, grabbing the collar of his coat and pressed their lips together.
It felt as though the time had stopped.
Crowley’s lips were so soft, so were Aziraphale’s. Crowley had longed for this for such a long time. And in that moment, Aziraphale realized he had too.
And it was the nail in the coffin, the coffin which heaven custom-made to his measurements.
When Crowley pulled away after what felt like the time span of their entire existence, Aziraphale was breathing heavily, his mind racing with thoughts so fast, he couldn’t even make out one that was coherent.
It was too much. He tried to keep his composure, but it was all too much.
He broke down, completely bursting into tears, his legs suddenly unable to hold his weight. Crowley caught him, getting him safely to the ground. The touch made Aziraphale cry even more. But Crowley still held onto him, now in a tight embrace. All he could do is cry. He tried to say something, anything, but all his attempts were futile.
“Shh, don’t say anything. Just let yourself cry, angel.”
And he did. He cried for a long while, neither of them knew how much time had passed. It didn’t matter, though. Crowley stayed by his side the entire time, having miraculously closed the shop and prevented anyone from walking in or looking through the windows. She run soothing circles on the angel’s back, reassuring and saying it’s alright and that he’s okay from time to time.
Aziraphale calmed down eventually. Crowley miracled him a couple tissues that he gladly used. He then shifted his body to be able to actually look into the demons eyes. When she saw that, she took off her glasses and reciprocated the eye contact. They held it in silence for a moment, Aziraphale needing to sort his thoughts before he could speak.
“I… I’m so sorry for reacting this way-“
“No. Don’t be sorry. You had every right to be overwhelmed.” Crowley cut him off.
“Okay… Yes, I suppose so.” He paused again. “This offer… Do you remember when we met for the first time?”
“When I asked you for help creating the nebulae? I do remember.”
“You seemed so happy then… Your eyes shined so brightly, your smile had me looking at you, not at the stars you were creating. I thought that with this opportunity, I can take you back to heaven, and make you happy again… because you deserve to be happy, Crowley.”
So, she totally misread what Aziraphale meant by inviting her to heaven.
“Okay… I- I see what you mean, angel. I assumed… I assumed you thought I’m not good enough now.”
“No! No, that’s not what I meant at all, Crowley! You are everything and more to me… It’s exactly the opposite, I wanted to make heaven good enough for you.”
“You don’t have to, I don’t want to go back. I don’t need heaven to be happy… but I need you.”
“I don’t want to be apart from you…” Aziraphale could feel himself tearing up again.
“Answer me truthfully now. Do you seriously want to go to heaven? To be an archangel? Because the offer you got was just that. An offer. You can make your own choice. And Metatron has no say in that. Both of us are independent from heaven and hell now, you don’t need to feel obligated to fulfill their wish. Heaven is so deeply flawed, you can’t make a difference without convincing others to change their ways too. It’s honestly a lost cause. What do you think, Aziraphale?”
The angel looked down and thought deeply for a moment. Crowley took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly, Aziraphale squeezed it back.
“I always felt like I owe something to heaven. But now… you’re right. I don’t have to do this. It’s not my responsibility to fix everything… and I want to stay with you. I love you, Crowley.”
He… He said love? He loves Crowley? He felt so flustered, he felt his heart piece itself together and beat faster than ever.
So it’s not over.
“I- I love you too angel. I always had. I promise, we can get through everything together, just like all the other times.”
Aziraphale laughed softly and a few tears escaped the corners of his eyes. Crowley smiled at him, failing to stop tears from falling as well. The angel then cupped her cheek and kissed her again. This time, it was full of love and filled both of them with warmth. It doesn’t matter what heaven and hell throw their way. Nothing else matters. It’s just them, on their own side.