Chapter Text
Ugh. This one sucks too. The knees are fucked.
Time to redo the entire lower half, I guess. The dress looks like shit too. Oh well, the whole body it is.
This might be my worst piece so far. I swear to whatever god must be laughing its ass off at this, if I can't even get the basics of the pose right, this stupid ass tablet WILL be launched towards the wall at Mach speeds.
...
...
Nope. That's not right.
...
Not that either. Fuck.
"...nome...an..."
Shut up. I've almost got it.
"...onome-san? Shinonome-san?"
Ena snapped back into focus as her name was called by the teacher. Her head practically snapped up, being met by the teacher's gaze, and a few stares from her classmates. Right, she was in the middle of class. English class, at that. Her English fucking sucked.
"Could you please read the sentence on the blackboard?"
The teacher seemed a bit impatient, if not concerned. Had she really been called that many times? How embarrassing.
Ena stood up, taking a look at the sentence, clearing her throat to read it out loud.
Huh. What the hell does that even say? Had they even reviewed this topic yet? Not that she was paying much attention, but it did look a lot more complex.
When the hell is she even gonna use this in her life? English was useless if she wasn't good at drawing. What's the use of a different language if you're never leaving Japan?
Judging by the way her talents had seemed to stop developing around her middle school years, there was no way in hell she'd ever make it overseas as an artist.
Why in the actual fuck did she even think her career would ever make it past her bedroom? She was useless for this. She knew it. Her dad knew it. Her fellow circle members probably thought the same, and just kept it bottled up to avoid the hassle of getting a new illustrator.
The art isn't awful. The artist is. I fucking suck. I'm such a piece of shit. I'm-
"...inonome-san, are you alright?"
Crying. I'm fucking crying in English class. When did I start crying? Fuck. Fuck.
She tried her darn best to compose herself and focus her gaze enough to read that stupid sentence. She couldn't even understand half of it, and she'd have to guess the pronunciation of practically all of it, but she really didn't have any other choice.
...
...
Why isn't the teacher saying anything? Did I fuck it up that badly?
Everyone is staring. I definitely fucked it up. God I'm shaking so much. Like I didn't do this to myself.
Oh well, it can't be helped. I fucking suck.
After a ridiculously long day at school, she finally made it home. Oddly enough, she was met with an eerily quiet house. The only one that was around was her mom, chopping up carrots for dinner. She knew neither of her kids liked them —they'd both been quite vocal about it— and yet, she still used them regularly. Great.
She just steered clear, dragging herself up the stairs and entering her room immediately. She just laid down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She let her mind race, perhaps too much.
Today was shit. Why do I have to be so useless? I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm better off dropping out. I'm better off abandoning art altogether. I'm better off ending my lif-
A knock on the door. Great. Just great.
"Oi, Ena! Dinner's re-"
"What the FUCK do you want, Akito?!"
The girl snapped, albeit subconsciously. Ena heard a bit of a hitch in his breath, despite the distance and the door between them. Fuck, she did it again.
"Damn, calm down already..."
Akito's voice sounded hurt, and he seemed to pause for a moment. She heard the sound of his hand letting go of the doorknob. He probably felt like shit now. Nice going, Ena.
"Just wanted to tell you that dinner's on the table. Hurry up, it'll get cold."
His voice just sounded defeated now, not even trying to fight back anymore. Now she felt like sobbing. Great.
"Fine, I'm going!"
She was not going. She couldn't really bring herself to do anything right now, let alone eat. She took a glance at the mirror in her wall, and immediately felt sick to her stomach. Had she gotten fatter? Her face was rounder too. Skipping meals it is. Maybe that'll keep it in line a little.
She simply walked up to the mirror, took it in her hands, and flipped it towards the wall, no longer wishing to see her own reflection. God she should get rid of that mirror.
It disgusted her to no end, to see the way she turned out. She was once talented, and pretty enough to not cringe at her own reflection every time she saw it. She disappointed herself so much. She was probably a disappointment to everyone else too. Her hands lingered on the frame of the mirror as it now faced away from her.
Turning the mirror towards the wall had become a sort of habit in the past few weeks— no, months. It's been months of this. Sometimes she just wanted to slam the shit out of it into the floor with all the force her gross body could muster, but she knew better than to do something so stupidly dangerous.
Huh. Ironic. Stupid, even. She was worried about the danger of breaking the mirror, even though danger means nothing to someone as worthless as her. She had no value, at all. Her forearms and her thighs could say as much.
So why did she find herself hesitating? What did it matter if she hurt herself some more? She deserved it anyway. She was a piece of shit. She'd never be good enough for anyone, or herself.
Before she could process or control it, she was tightening her hold on the frame of the mirror. An overwhelming sense of... something similar to rage washed over her, as the events of the day came back to her in an instant. Whatever she had blocked out from earlier that evening had suddenly become clearer than ever.
The way her father just seemed to love throwing poisonous jabs at her every single time he could, even when it hadn't even been five fucking minutes since she'd left her room. The way her mother simply ignored it, not even trying to defend her anymore. The way her brother wouldn't stop being an annoying fuck, telling her she's gotten pale and whatever.
The way she was so pathetic, so useless, that a single attempt at participating in class was too much for her. She was so awful that she couldn't handle school. She couldn't handle her home life. She couldn't handle anything. Everything was too much for her.
She was so pathetic that being alive was too much for her.
As those thoughts filled her, the shaky hands that were holding onto the mirror started to grip it tighter. And tighter. And tighter.
In a split second, a horrid, enraged scream ripped through the silence of her room. She raised the mirror above her head, and slammed it against the floor, shattering it completely. Glass flew everywhere.
The sound echoed within the room, mixing with Ena's screams and groans as she grabbed the shards that were still too big and bashed them against the floor. The remaining pieces were too small to be broken, but she was nowhere near done.
She felt so much anger. Was it anger? That didn't matter. She wanted to break more. To break everything.
She stumbled up to her desk, sweeping it with her arm and shoving everything that was on it off the surface. The sound of art supplies and paper being scattered all over the floor mixed with her blood-curdling screams.
After a groan, the chair joined the supplies on the floor. With strength she didn't even recognize in herself, she grabbed at the edge of the desk, pulling towards her. It fell forward, crushing the chair under its weight, snapping the arm supports off.
She just stood there, breathing heavily. She didn't feel satisfied at all. She was so desperate to lash out more, to break more, to break it all.
Her eyes darted to her easel. No, that was expensive. Way too expensive. She had to count pennies for months to buy a single, half-decent easel. Her cheap ass father simply refused to spend a dime on Ena's art supplies, so she just couldn't afford to break it.
In such a haze of anger, however, she barely registered that she was already kicking it down, tearing each piece of it apart with sheer force she didn't know she had.
She kept growling and screaming as she reduced it to a mere pile of wood. She noticed blotches of red on some planks, though she didn't pay them much attention. She even grabbed the canvas, falling to her knees and ripping it apart, despite the fact that she'd already started sketching on it.
Suddenly, she felt arms wrap under her armpits, Almost instinctively, she swung her elbow blindly, hitting whoever was behind her, but that didn't make much of a difference, as the hold didn't loosen. However, she did hear a grunt of pain as the hit connected.
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
She was screaming at the top of her lungs, as she desperately tried to break free from the arms that tried to stop her, limbs flailing around as she was lifted to her feet. Immediately after being made to stand upright, she was hugged.
She tried to shove whoever it was away. She was still seething with so much rage. She wanted to break, to destroy, to tear it all apart, to ruin, to-
Cry. She wanted to cry.
As her anger slowly dissipated, her surroundings came to her once more, though they felt somewhat blurry, like an unfocused, weary camera. The mirror was utterly destroyed, shards scattered everywhere, and her easel was no more than a bunch of planks now. She'd made a mess of her room, and most of her supplies were ruined, some of them opening and spilling on the floor.
The one holding her so tenderly, yet carefully, was Akito. Makes sense. Mom doesn't do shit, and dad doesn't care. Who else would've come to her and hugged her like this? Only Akito was kind— no, stupid enough to try to help someone as broken as her.
She tried to bring herself to speak, but her throat burned. She'd screamed so much. She was shaking so much. She could only let out a choked sob, and before she knew it, she was crying into Akito's chest. She did try to stop herself, to pull away from him, but she had no strength left in her.
"It's… It's okay, Ena... I'm here... Just breathe, alright...?"
Akito just kinda stood there, holding her close to her. He wasn't the best with feelings, but his presence did wonders for Ena whenever these outbursts occured, and he hoped this was no exception.
Eventually, Ena let herself collapse to her knees, and he kept holding her, easing her down carefully.
After what felt like an eternity, Akito slowly pulled away, trying to gauge Ena's state by her expression. She just looked blank, devoid of any life, gaze completely lost, lips slightly parted. He cleared his throat awkwardly for a moment, and tried to speak to his sister.
"Uhm... Do you... need a tissue?"
Akito made a face of concern, and then he realized just how stupidly out of place his question felt. His features took on an expression that channeled the energy of a thousand facepalms, and he looked away for a moment.
Ena, despite being barely present, wanted to slap him for breaking the moment with the stupid ass comment. However, upon lifting a hand, she realized something. Her hands stung. Badly. She'd been distracted by the pain in her heart, but despite how horribly she was hurting, she finally noticed that the red stains from earlier came from her.
She looked down at her hands, and- oh. Oh.
Her eyes widened at the sight of blood all over her palms, as she lifted them to chest level, staring at them in horror.
"A-Akito... Akito!"
Her voice was full of terror as she stared at the damage. She was genuinely freaking out now. Her hands looked awful. They were full of cuts. Both of them. Did she cut herself with the mirror? Did it get worse when she tore down the easel?
My hands are bleeding. They're bleeding so much. It hurts so much. It hurts it hurts it hurts it hu-
"Ena, breathe. Look at me."
A stern, yet wavering voice broke through her panic, hands gripping her shoulders and squeezing shakily. Her head shot up, eyes wide.
Ena hadn't realized she wasn't breathing. She was just gasping for air, staring at her damaged, trembling hands. Akito looked just as panicked, but he wanted— no, scrap that, needed to steady her. She was literally bleeding, and he couldn't afford to let it get to him right now. Besides, if he panicked, Ena would definitely follow.
"Shit, this is... Fuck..."
Despite trying to stay calm enough to deal with this, his eyes were full of fear and guilt. Maybe he felt bad he hadn't noticed these injuries before. He was way too focused on stopping Ena's outburst to check her hands.
Akito struggled to fish his phone out of his pocket, trying to call an ambulance, but Ena looked up at him with almost desperate eyes.
"N-No! M-Mom and dad, a-and– And I-"
Akito put a hand on her shoulder, looking down, into Ena's horrified eyes.
"Ena, no. This is serious. We need to get you help."
Akito's eyes locked into hers, trying to both steady her and get her to shut the fuck up. Besides, she was an adult. She could go to the hospital without their awful parents even being notified.
He dialed the emergency number, but was put on hold. Stupid healthcare system. Akito sighed shakily, his hands trembling as he dialed another number. A call and a brief explanation later, help was on its way.
He just waited for it to arrive, trying to comfort Ena and keep her from spiraling further. After a few minutes, Akito got a text, and he helped Ena stand up, letting her lean on him.
He led her down the stairs, discreetly. Despite how dire this all was, even he knew that if either of their parents found out, Ena would never hear the end of it. Plus, their dad would probably find a way to make Ena feel even worse about it. He wouldn't let that bastard hurt her if he could help it.
As they left the house, Ena was met with...
...a car?
Huh. She expected an ambulance or something, but a regular car? It seemed that the driver knew Akito by name too, and for some reason, An was on the passenger seat. Must be her dad, then.
Ena felt slightly out of it, even though she was, for the most part, lucid. Had she lost that much blood? Probably not. Sure, her hands are fucked, but she hadn't bled that much, right?
She had, apparently. Poor An passed out immediately in her first attempt to look back at them. She really couldn't handle anything scary. Also, they'd entered the car. Ena hadn't really processed that.
Everything became a bit of a blur. Just a bit, just enough to make her feel weird. She felt somewhat awake, but if she blinked too hard, time would kinda skip. She'd find herself in different streets every time she blinked. It was both really unsettling and mildly amusing to her clouded mind.
A few blinks later, she was at the ER. She blinked some more, and she was getting stitches. Some blinks more, and she'd been bandaged. One last blink, and she was being escorted to the waiting room.
She was led back to the waiting room by a nurse. A single fact made her freeze up a bit: Mizuki was in the waiting room with Akito and An's dad. Mizuki looked terrified, eyes just as empty as Ena's had been earlier. Had An called her? How long had they been sitting there? She didn't have time to wonder why she was there. She was there. She was probably worried sick about Ena's health.
Even as she was being taken back to the two most important people in her life, she couldn't bring herself to think clearly. Everything was foggy. She tried to think, but it was hard to cut through the haze. She wasn't ready for it to lift all at once.
And then, everything came back to her. It hit her like 25 freight trains. She just realized that all of this actually happened. She'd done this to everyone, to herself.
As a panicked Mizuki and a worried Akito rushed to her side and began speaking gibberish to her, she couldn't really bring herself to answer. Or focus. Or think. It all felt so distant to her, and the distance just kept growing by the second.
She felt Akito tug her gently, guiding back to the car along with Mizuki, while An's dad talked with the doctor that treated Ena's injuries. Ena blinked, and the car was going. Things were going way too fast, or maybe she was going way slower. Neither of those prospects really bothered her.
After mere minutes, Ena's mind was a thousand light years away. She wasn't really paying attention to anything in particular. It all felt like one huge haze, the voices around her wavering and fading in and out.
She heard Mizuki talking to An's dad, and she could only make out something about sleeping over and Shinei not finding out. She heard the man talking on the phone, probably to her father, but the contents of the conversation escaped Ena's perception.
Still, the muffled voice of her father pulled some memories back from the depths of her mind. Her dad wasn't as harsh back then; before Ena chose to pursue art. An's dad reminded her of that version of her own dad. Perhaps the best version of him; the one that she wished was here with her, instead of confined in his studio most of the time, and obliterating her self-esteem whenever he had a minute to spare.
Every now and then, a slight clarity hit, and she could briefly process the words that rang around her, before being swallowed by that numbness again. From what little she understood, though, Akito had already agreed to stay at An's place. Despite how well he handled everything, he was shaken beyond belief, trembling during the whole wait at the hospital, and the whole car ride. He'd been a second away from breaking down himself the entire time.
She could tell. She knew Akito better than she knew herself. That face he made when he was troubled was an expression she was familiar with, and she'd always tried her best to comfort him when it did appear. He hadn't stopped making that expression since they got to the hospital.
Ken went and dropped off Akito and An first, since Akito needed to rest. He was beyond exhausted from all of this, even if he didn't dare voice it. Ena could tell he was overexerting himself. It made her sick to think of her brother being the one to take care of her. Had she really fallen that low? To make her little brother take this responsibility? The thought went and shelved itself, for the time being. She couldn't really think much, so she couldn't dwell on it either.
After making sure An helped Akito in, Ken took off. As he drove silently, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she noticed Mizuki was speaking to her. It was definitely her voice, but the words weren't clear at all. She wanted to respond, to try and make Mizuki worry just a bit less, but not even her own thoughts were clear. She just drifted away again, waiting. And waiting. Then waiting some more.
The warm, gentle pressure on her shoulder brought back a few more memories. She remembered the times where she'd get a good grade, or make a decent drawing, and her mom would pat her shoulder with a tenderness that made it all worth it. She hadn't done that in years, now that she thought of it. She was just so detached nowadays, even if she did cover her responsibilities as a mother. As much as she was still looked after, she wouldn't do anything about her dad's words. She just steered clear of their arguments, and never really tried to defend her properly.
Shortly after, the car came to a halt, and Mizuki’s door opened. A few seconds later, Ena's door opened too, and Mizuki helped her step out of the car. Ena's steps were weak, wobbly, almost as if she didn't remember how to walk in a straight line. Mizuki said something to An's dad, and he drove away.
“Come on, let's go in…”
Mizuki's voice was distant, and it felt kinda muffled, like the both of them were underwater. Her mind drifted to a distant memory of an aquarium visit with her family. That day was fun. She remembered how excited Akito seemed. How her mom would smile at them as they had fun. How her dad would seem content with her as she pointed out what she saw. That memory was warm, unlike anything she'd felt in the past few years. Her house was no longer the place she longed for it to be.
Now that she realized, she'd been thinking a lot in the past hour. She'd lost herself reminiscing, and it was a bit stunning to be hit with clarity, effectively dragging her out of that trance, only to be pushed back into the depths of her own mind shortly after.
She wasn't all that aware of her surroundings, but she was with Mizuki, so it didn't worry her too much. Everything around her had that same camera-like blur. Even Mizuki's face was but a smudge. She did make out the sound of keys as Mizuki opened the door before them, so she assumed it was Mizuki's house. It was both funny and extremely embarrassing that these were the conditions for their first sleepover, but Ena didn't voice that thought, nor did she show any signs of discomfort. She wasn't showing signs of anything, really.
Ena blinked, and she was no longer at the entrance of the Akiyama household. She was wrapped in a blanket, sitting at the edge of Mizuki's bed, as the seamstress paced back and forth in her room. She looked so distressed, her labored breaths being the only sound echoing through the room.
Ena's focus was caught by something in Mizuki's room. She'd rarely gotten to see it, since Mizuki's camera wasn't the best during video calls.. Her mirror was covered by what seemed like a small cloth, or some sort of blanket. Huh. She did that too. Sort of.
That's exactly when everything just hit. The fact that she'd lashed out like this, the overwhelming guilt for putting everyone through this, and most importantly, the thoughts that took her to this point in the first place.
Before she knew it, her eyes were wet with tears once more. She couldn't really stop them, but her expression hadn't quite changed either. She just looked stunned as the tears rolled down her cheeks, falling to her lap with an imperceptibly quiet thud.
Mizuki seemed to notice the change in Ena's demeanor, walking up to her and kneeling in front of the artist. With a deep, albeit shaky, breath, she asked.
"Ena, what... What happened?"
Mizuki looked so worried, so scared, so out of sorts, so utterly distraught. She shouldn't be. This was all Ena's fault, after all. Why would Mizuki even have to worry about her? Sure, maybe she was her girlfriend, but she didn't deserve the attention, let alone the concern. What did she ever do other than worrying her?
As Ena tried to speak and explain herself, she just couldn't bring her voice anywhere above a whisper. Whether it was from destroying her vocal cords during her fit of rage, or from the fact that she was close to sobbing again, she wasn't entirely sure.
Still, she tried to speak, for the sake of easing Mizuki's troubles even slightly. It's the least she could do for ruining everyone's day with her stupid choices.
"I-I was just... a-and then I was... and m-my-"
Mizuki seemed a bit confused, but the warmth in her gaze didn't waver one bit. Mizuki appeared understanding, and she seemed to be willing to be there; to keep looking at her girlfriend with those loving eyes. even if Ena's eyes were dull and shineless in return. Ena knew she could never deserve that.
Perhaps speaking wasn't the way to go right now. Ena knew she'd just break down into sobs if she tried to say anything else. She needed to calm down and make sense of what actually happened. Time for a mental timeline of sorts, she thought.
With a deep breath, Ena tried to calm down enough to stop stumbling over her own words so badly. After testing her voice with a small "ah", she spoke.
"I was... upset... Really, really upset, you know...? It's just that... Today sucked, and I just... I dunno, snapped...? Is that the word for it...?"
Mizuki gave her a small smile, but it was noticeably sad. Their eyes met, and Ena could see the way Mizuki's eyes had reddened slightly. She probably made her cry. She was such a horrible girlfriend.
"I guess that's the word, yeah… Scooch, will ya...?”
Mizuki sat down next to Ena on the edge of the bed, tucking herself under the blanket she'd covered her lover with. She wanted to take her bandaged hand, but she hesitated, worried that she might mess something up. Instead, she settled for wrapping an arm around Ena's shoulder and scooting just a bit closer.
"I get it, in a way... You don't have to explain everything right now, but... I'm still worried, love..."
Mizuki rubbed some small circles on Ena's back, trying to soothe her. Ena hadn't realized it, but she was shaking. Quite a bit, actually.
"Do you wanna talk about it? If you want, we can just... go get some rest, and talk it out tomorrow. You can even sleep on my bed with me! How generous of me, huh?"
So that's where her Mizuki had went. She just couldn't go a day without being sarcastic or teasing, could she? A small, gentle smile tugged at the corner of Ena's lips, and she leaned into Mizuki just a bit more. The fog in Ena's eyes seemed to lessen, just a bit.
"Generous my ass, honey... I'll take the offer, though..."
Mizuki's smile seemed to widen at Ena's sligth improvement, and she matched the mood lift by patting Ena's shoulder a bit, standing up.
"And speaking of honey, let's get you some tea. Your voice is fucked. Like, fucked fucked."
After a glare (an affectionate one) from the artist, she stood up, and they huddled to the kitchen, careful not to disturb Mizuki's parents with the noise as the seamstress made some tea. She put lemon and honey in it, in hopes of it doing something for Ena's throat. Even if it didn't, tea was nice for this weather.
Shortly after, they just went back to Mizuki's room. Ena's mood was slightly better, but Mizuki knew not to trust it. Her mood wasn't better; it was just unstable, and on the better side right now. It could easily be pushed back to the edge and beyond with the slightest change of pace, or a misplaced comment.
Ena sat down, staring at her cup of tea for a moment as Mizuki lifted it to her lips. She felt pathetic for being unable to even hold her cup right now. Hesitantly, she took a sip. It was warm, which was good for the both of them, since it was quite chilly that day. It did soothe the ache in her throat just a little bit.
Ena let out a weak exhale after her cup was emptied. It took her a while to finish it, but it was worth it. She seemed satisfied with the beverage that her lover had prepared for her. However, she still felt a bit distant, the world around her lacking some focus, even after all this time. Clearing her throat just a bit, Ena spoke.
"So, uhm… Can we just... lie down for a bit? I don't feel like talking about it yet…”
Ena still sounded pretty ashamed of herself. Mizuki wanted to both kiss that doubt away and slap it out of her mind, but neither of those options would guarantee an answer, so she complied.
"Sure! Let me turn off the lights for a moment."
Mizuki tiptoed towards the light switch, and flicked it quickly, dashing towards the bed and jumping in. Ena was mildly startled, but mostly amused.
"The hell was that for?"
"Don't wanna get caught by a monster, y'know?"
"Don't worry, Mafuyu's mom lives far enough from here."
They chuckled just a bit, and at the mention of Mafuyu, they remembered that they had friends. Friends they were supposed to call later that night.
"Hey, do you wanna talk to Yuki and K? I mean, we were meant to meet at 25:00. We should probably let them know you can't meet tonight. I'll leave them a message if you want.”
Ena hesitated for a moment, pondering briefly, before giving Mizuki a small, weak smile.
"Sure, we can do that...”
Mizuki went for her phone, stretching a bit too much to reach the nightstand, and almost falling in the process. Shortly after, she got on Nightcord. Surprisingly, she immediately started a call with the other two, even though it was way earlier than their usual meeting time by a few hours.
Ena kinda stared at Mizuki for a moment, not expecting a call, especially without warning. Mizuki's expression was indecipherable, avoiding Ena's confused gaze.
Almost immediately, Kanade entered the call. Upon seeing that Mizuki had her camera on, she let out a small “ah”, and the sound of soft ruffling could be heard as she set up hers.
Kanade's webcam was activated, showing the state her room was in. It was surprisingly clean, especially her desk, at least for Kanade standards. On the rare occasions they video called, it was littered with empty cup noodle cups and energy drink cans, and her background was dark and full of random boxes and papers. It was spotless today. Even the lamp was on, illuminating her room with a gentle, golden glow. Benefits of having Mafuyu at home, Ena assumed.
"Sup, K!"
<"Hey, Mizuki... Wait, is that…">
Kanade leaned in, squinting a bit, trying to figure out who it was next to Mizuki. Her eyes widened in recognition after a whopping thirteen seconds.
<“Ena…?”>
"The one and only! She's staying over tonight. Also, she can't really work tonight. Girls night, you know?"
Ena noted the way Mizuki danced gracefully around the truth, not revealing the real reason behind her stay, but not lying either. It was really considerate of her to let Ena be the one to make the choice of sharing any of what happened.
<"Sure... Hold on, I'll go get Mafuyu...">
Kanade walked out of frame from her webcam, and returned with Mafuyu, holding her by the hand. Mafuyu seemed to brighten up just a little at the sight of the two, but being Mafuyu, that wasn't much. Her face was still deadpan for anyone that wasn't well-versed in the art of reading a wall's emotions.
<"You're together.">
"How observant of you, Mafuyu,"
Ena mused sarcastically, cuddling up to Mizuki some more. Mizuki's smile widened a bit at the gesture, and a slight blush graced her cheeks, too.
“What were you even doing before this?"
<"The dishes.">
Mafuyu was dry, as always, but she didn't seem harsh at all. She seemed just a bit brighter with every day that she spent living with Kanade. It was working wonders for her, really. Mafuyu had come so far since that painful night at their Sekai.
"So, uhm... I might not be able to work tonight. Well, it's not that I might not. I physically will not be able to."
Kanade's brows seemed to crease just a bit in concern.
<"I-I see... Did something happen, Ena...?">
Ena hesitated, quite heavily, remembering the events that transpired earlier today. Swallowing the lump that started to form in her throat, she spoke.
"Long story short, my hands are fucked. They're all bandaged for now. Sorry about that."
At that, Kanade's eyes widened just a bit. She could swear she noticed Mafuyu's expression shift ever so slightly, but it could be a result of the camera's quality or something similar.
<"I-It's okay... T-Thanks for letting us know...">
Kanade seemed genuinely worried, almost shaken at the prospect. Sensing this, Mafuyu placed a hand on the composer's shoulder, kneading it just a little bit, in the way that always seemed to soothe her nerves. Kanade relaxed into the touch, lifting a hand to meet the one massaging her, and giving it a tender squeeze.
After a moment, Mizuki struck a conversation with the other two, while Ena simply lost herself in her own mind. Whatever the three were talking about became a blur almost immediately.
She started to think about everything that happened. How couldn't she? This was a horrible situation. She worried Akito so much, bothered An and her dad with the hospital trip, and even got Mizuki roped in, somehow. This sucked. All of this. Despite being next to the love of her life, sharing her warmth, she wished she wasn't there. She wished she wasn't alive.
After a bit —or maybe a long while, she couldn't tell—, the call ended, leaving them both in a somewhat comfortable silence. Mizuki's hand gently reached for Ena's, but it flinched upon feeling the bandages, and once more, it had to settle for a different place. She placed it on Ena's shoulder, kneading it the same way Mafuyu did to Kanade's shoulder before. It helped, just a bit, but not enough to soothe Ena's nerves.
"Hey..."
Mizuki's voice broke the silence. Ah, she'd forgotten how perceptive Mizuki was. She'd chosen not to say anything about the way Ena dissociated, but she definitely noticed it. She was waiting for the call to end to mention it. That was considerate, if anything.
"I know you don't want to talk about it, but... I can't go to sleep without telling you that I love you. You were just stressed, and you lashed out... It's not your fault, love..."
Ena's eyes welled up with tears once more, and Mizuki took note of the way her lover tried to hold the tears back. She really had to stop that stupid habit of bottling things up.
"It's okay to feel like that, you know...? Your house isn't the best place to be in, and... I know it's complicated…”
With a heavy sigh, Mizuki gave Ena a small kiss on the cheek. And another one. And then another one, which lingered for a few seconds longer than the previous two.
“I wish we could just be here forever... In my room, cuddled up to each other..."
The idea of moving in with Mizuki had crossed Ena's mind more than once. If Mafuyu could pull it off despite her horrible mother, then what stopped Ena? The answer was, most certainly, Akito. She just couldn't leave him in that hellhole. It would be dooming him to be the sole focus of her dad's venom, since she knew he'd attack him for choosing music as his future. More than he already did, anyway.
However, this time, the thought hit her at a different angle. Akito wasn't as defenseless and weak anymore. He had great friends, a supportive boyfriend, and a billion ways to fight back. They weren't kids anymore, after all. It wasn't 100% out of the question. She shelved the thought for later.
The hold on her shoulder slowly morphed into a hug, and Mizuki gave the hugs, so Ena couldn't complain much. However, even though she was trying really hard not to cry, Mizuki wasn't making it easy. They both knew she'd break down soon.
Just as her defenses crumbled, Mizuki leaned in, whispering in her ear.
"It's alright, Ena... You can let it all out..."
Stupid Mizuki and her extensive knowledge of seams and strings. She knew exactly which strings to tug to make Ena cry like a child.
Ena couldn't hold it back anymore. She burst into tears, burying her face into Mizuki's chest. Her breath hitched as she poured her grief out, no longer trying to keep it bottled up at all. Mizuki just held her close with her left hand, her right scratching gently at Ena's scalp, just like she liked it. Ena was sure Mizuki was crying too, since those hands were shaking a bit, but in such a gentle presence, she couldn't help but let all of her emotions loose.
It felt liberating to cry like this. Being held so lovingly, so tenderly, even as the worst of her was laid bare before the one person she didn't wanna mess things up with. Mizuki's hold never wavered one bit, even as they were both reduced to trembling messes.
After Ena finally settled down, Mizuki cupped the artist's cheek, stroking it with her thumb, and with a gentle smile, she brushed her bangs off her face, tucking some strands of Ena's hair behind her ear. Ena's breathing still hiccuped every now and then, but she wasn't crying anymore.
Mizuki took a deep breath, and smiled at her lover, looking like she was about to say something important.
"Ena... Do you want a tissue?"
Ena just stared at her, baffled. Then, she chuckled. Before she knew it, she was laughing like an idiot.
"Huh...? D-Did I say something weird?"
"N-No, but I-"
She was genuinely laughing her ass off, and she leaned in some more, giggling against Mizuki's chest. She felt safe there.
"I just... I'll explain tomorrow..." Ena said, the laughter dying down, replaced by a long yawn.
"Whatever you say, you weirdo... Let's just rest for now, alright?"
Ena smiled fondly, looking up at her lover for a brief moment, eyes no longer lifeless. "Sounds good to me..."
She was tired from the ordeal, so she closed her eyes for a bit, nuzzling into Mizuki's chest again. It was warm and cozy, so why wouldn't she?
Mizuki just plopped down into the bed with no warning, pulling Ena along, and the seamstress cradled the artist with an infinite gentleness. Being held like this, nothing else mattered. Did the rest of the day even matter if it ended like this?
So many things happened that night, and most of them were horrible. She'd fucked up her hands for god knows how long, she'd put her loved ones through copious amounts of stress, and she'd even halted the group's activities for as long as it took her to recover. They couldn't illustrate without her.
They couldn't illustrate without her.
They needed her there.
Mizuki needed her here.
The thought made a small smile form on her lips, and all of a sudden, the day wasn't as horrible as she remembered.
The last thing she felt before dozing off was a gentle kiss on her forehead, and the last sound she heard before falling into a deep sleep, was a "sweet dreams" from the love of her life.
Ena slept peacefully that night. She was exactly where she belonged.