Work Text:
The envelope on the counter called to him in a mocking tone. It was white, long and short. Were acceptance letters that small? Was it supposed to be in a giant manilla envelope if it's good news?
Atem frowned, scrunching his nose in annoyance. It was his own mind acting as the inanimate object's voice. He was torturing himself, he knew. But he had promised himself he would wait to open it. Yugi was just as much a part of this as he was. He would wait as long as it would take for him to come home.
If only it didn't feel like a fucking eternity.
"Are you biting your nails?"
Atem ripped his fingers away from his mouth. "No."
"As a model, you need to take better care of your body," Mahad reminded him with a smirk.
"Are you here to help calm me down or not? Because I have no patience for it right now."
Mahad held up his hands in teasing surrender and took cautious steps toward the living room. "It's all going to be alright no matter what it says. Yugi will be home soon."
"Not soon enough." Atem's polished fingers returned to his mouth and his feet resumed their pacing across the open spanse of the kitchen.
Yugi had been working longer assignments since his promotion beyond the occasional feature piece. While Atem was beyond proud of him for his hard work, it was not helping him at the moment. His phone sat next to the sink, but even scrolling through social media or videos wasn't helping him in the least.
He needed a distraction until Yugi came home.
The click of the front door was the greatest sound in the universe.
He raced across the tiled floor in his socks to take Yugi into his arms.
The other man shouted in surprise and then burst into laughter. "What a greeting! Do you plan on doing this every day now?"
"It's here."
"What's he-" Yugi pushed away with his eyes wide and mouth agape. "It's here?"
"I waited for you to open it."
Yugi took a quick moment to examine Atem's face, noticing every shade of red in his cheeks, worry in his eyes, and a hint of what could be winkles around his eyes. Atem noted that Yugi didn't voice the fact he was developing crow's feet.
"You didn't have to do that," Yugi insisted. He dropped his messenger bag on the floor haphazardly and pulled Atem by the hand to the kitchen. "I wouldn't have stayed late if I knew. You could have told me before."
"You're working on that story about the school program against drug use, I wouldn't want to distract you."
Yugi held the envelope out to him, cheeks flushed with what Atem hoped was optimism. "Either way, it's time."
"Together."
Yugi nodded. "Together."
Yugi's warm hand grasped his arm as Atem tore the envelope open to reveal a single piece of paper inside. He unfolded it, glancing only momentarily at the letterhead that read Schroeder Publishing in fancy calligraphy.
"'Dear Mr. Sennen…" he muttered out loud, "Thank you for the submission of your manuscript. Our editors have reviewed it and, at this time, we regret to inform you…"
He stopped reading at that point. There was no use in continuing. It was always the same thing. This was his fifth rejection letter and it was always the same polite spiel.
Yugi wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in close. "I'm sorry."
Atem stared silently at the letter for a long moment. "I am too…" His eyes drifted up to Yugi's worried face.
It was a leap of faith that was turning out to be a complete waste of his emotional energy.
Yugi had warned him when they began this endeavor that it was not going to be easy, and that writing the book would be the easiest part of all of it. But behind his naive self, Atem charged into the challenge heard first. Then again, t wasn't without Yugi's guidance every step of the way.
Atem was no writer, but when his birthday came and went, it left behind thoughts of time. And age. Especially age. He wasn't going to have his looks forever. Yugi didn't mind, but his agent certainly would. Photographers, magazines, fashion designers would all care. Eventually, the phone calls would stop coming.
He couldn't be a model forever, so he began to think about what would come next in his life.
Once he got the idea, he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner. Naturally, he ran it by Yugi first and his boyfriend was as supportive as ever. After going through the struggles he had, Atem thought it would be a great thing if he could help others who had struggled with drugs and alcohol as he had.
Together, they began to think about how he could do that. Mahad had laughed at the idea of Atem going to university to get a sizeable degree in social work that would take years to work up toward. He didn't have the patience for it.
The book was Yugi's idea in the end. It was something a lot of other celebrities did when they hit a lull in their careers. Atem could help others struggling by telling his story. And who better to help him than his journalist boyfriend?
They tag teamed on outlining the structure of the book, Atem providing the details and Yugi providing the prose to put it on paper. Yugi's edits were never unapproved by Atem and not a single idea wasn't run by Yugi. Atem had worried it was best to separate work and his personal life, but Yugi had proven time and time again to be the perfect partner in this project. He had no idea why he doubted that's what would happen in the first place.
Yugi kissed his cheek tenderly. "What did I tell you with the other rejection letters, hm?"
Atem held his cheek to Yugi's. "It's just one more step towards a 'yes?'"
"Exactly."
The arms around Atem tightened, and he reciprocated in kind, both men nearly squeezing the life out of each other.
"Did you want to order in tonight, then? Takeout is good medicine when I'm sad."
Atem sighed, letting his bones turn to mush in Yugi's arms. "Sure. You pick."
"Chinese food it is," Yugi said with a happy but tired turn in his voice. "I just didn't feel like cooking or going out, anyway."
"Paparazzi have been really hounding me lately with the rumors of my retirement," Atem lamented.
Yugi wiggled in his arms. "Are you ever going to let me go? I need to get to my phone to order and I need to change. I stink."
"You do not," Atem insisted, now burying his face in Yugi's neck. "You're just fine. We don't need to eat. You're staying right here with me. Forever."
"Let the man feed us!" Mahad yelled from the living room.
Yugi giggled, which turned out to be the spell that broke Atem's tight hold on him. The smaller man broke free immediately and practically leapt toward the bedroom. "I'll be right back."
Atem's face fell despite his best efforts to put on a brave face. "Okay."
"I wanted to make some edits to the third chapter, anyway," Yugi reassured him gently. "I'll rework the proposal letter, too. This will happen."
"I know."
He didn't.
His modeling and Yugi were the only things he got right in his life. Very little outside of that ever worked out.
Yet, this book thing felt like the next big thing in his life that he needed to make right. If he was incapable of that, he didn't know what was going to come next in his life. Or if he'd be able to call himself worthy of Yugi and able to give him the life they wanted.
"I promised you, right? We'll make it happen. Sometimes these things take a few trial and error attempts with agencies."
"I know."
Yugi smiled. "You want your usual?"
Atem nodded and managed a small smile. "Sure."
Yugi ran down the hall, his feet echoing loudly on the floor like a child. It usually made Atem happy, with that warm feeling in his chest, yet tonight he felt empty. The letter had taken him down a few pegs on the state of his emotional well-being. He hadn't expected it to weigh so heavily on him yet he was allowing it to.
He slumped down at the dinner table. The legs of the chair squealed loudly as they scraped the floor. His face fell into his hands and he rubbed his eyes to force the tears back into his ducts.
"It's just another setback, right?"
He didn't have to look up to know that Mahad was giving him that same old pitying look he always gave when things went to shit. Usually they were Atem's own doing, but this felt different. He had no idea what was wrong with his manuscript. Yugi was perfect. Flawless, even. His work was, too. He had no idea what he had to feel sorry about, yet all he wanted was to break down.
His forehead hit the table. "How much longer can this go on?"
"Editors are assholes. Even the most prolific writers go through dozens of rejections before they get a yes for even a little bit of money." Mahad took the chair across from him in front of the window that looked out on a rainy afternoon.
Atem couldn't look up at him. "I'm holding Yugi back."
Mahad's chair shifted. "Is that what this is about? Yugi's your co-author and you think your story is hindering him?"
"I always have, haven't I?"
"I'm telling you, it's the editors."
"My story scares people away. I've known it for years. It's why I preferred sleeping around rather than remaining monogamous. I told you before, anyone is better off without me. Yugi especial-"
"Do you hear yourself right now?"
Mahad's voice was harsh enough to coax Atem's head out from its place burrowed in his arms. He stared his friend down, completely confused. Mahad's eyes were narrow, his brow furrowed with the greatest frustration. "The hell did you say?"
"Yugi loves you, and he knows this business. You think he'd take this on if he didn't believe in you? He wrote an entire book with you. Yugi loves you, but at the same time he is honest with you. If your story wasn't meant to be out there and help people, he'd say so. It's not your fault, I and it's not his fault. This shit takes time. You can't beat yourself up over every rejection or you'll never get it published."
Atem resumed his gloomy position with his face buried in his arms. "When did you get so wise?"
"Watching you and learning what not to do with my life."
"Hardy har-har."
"I'm going to head out for the evening but," Mahad stood slowly, stretching his arms as if he'd had a long nap, "I'm sorry you got another rejection. I know it'll happen, you just have to be patient. There's a reason they say it's hard to make it as a writer."
"Thanks." Atem kept his chin on his arms but revealed his eyes. His fingers wiggled in a small wave. "Have a good evening. Got plans?"
"None whatsoever."
"Same."
Mahad patted his shoulder. "Maybe get back to work on your book for the next publisher. Promise me you won't give up?"
Atem's only response was a grumble of sounds that, what indistinguishable, was completely translatable for Mahad. He left with a laugh and went out the door to enjoy his evening. Ever since Atem moved into Yugi's house with him, he figured he didn't need Mahad around as much to complete his manager and bodyguard duties. He had insisted Mahad get a life for himself and not just living by his schedule all of the time.
It was good for him, Atem knew. It was good to move on with life and find things that brought fulfillment.
That's what this book was supposed to be. To be vulnerable with his fans and help others find that spark to go into recovery and reinvent their life. Maybe some of them could be led to their 'Yugi' if they read his book.
None of this life would be possible without Yugi. Yugi who didn't seem as heartbroken over the rejection letter, though. Yugi was from that world. Atem was used to fans and photographers calling his name, giving him anything he wanted.
Yugi brought him back down to Earth. He kept him grounded in what was important.
Maybe for once, Mahad was wrong. He shouldn't listen to him. He should listen to Yugi, instead.
Still, the evening felt empty with the arrival of the letter.
Yugi would let him pout for a while longer.
"Food is ordered. Wanna pick out what we're watching on TV tonight?"
Atem stood up with a widening smile. "Sure."
*****
"Where are we going?"
Yugi cheekily grinned at Atem from his spot next to him in the back of the car. "That's for me and Mahad to know, and for you to find out."
"Please?"
Atem wrapped his arms around Yugi's arm like a koala on a tree branch, much like he had done the previous night in his sleep. Yugi hadn't complained once, but Atem knew it wasn't the most comfortable position to sleep in and often led to one or both of them being sore in the morning. It wasn't often him, though, as Yugi was the world's softest pillow.
"Just wait. You'll love it."
Mahad drove them through the city to the center of town with a bustling shopping center where Mahad stopped in front of a large mall with glass walls.
"I have plenty of clothes, babe," Atem chuckled. "I'm pretty much paid in clothes."
"Not what we're here for. Thanks, Mahad." Yugi hopped out of the car at top speed.
"He's not following us?" Atem asked.
"You and Yugi can take care of each other. I'll meet you at dinner," Mahad promised. "Now get out of my car. You have places to go."
Atem hopped out and grasped Yugi's hand on the curb. Other shoppers gawked at the car as Mahad pulled away, leaving Atem on his own, sending him into a mild sweat. It was unusual to be left without his protection.
The hand in his squeezed. Yes, he had Yugi to protect now. He could do that just fine. He'd do anything for Yugi.
"Care to lead the way?" he asked.
Yugi settled in close to him. "Come on. We have plenty of time. It's a nice day to walk."
"Are you sure you're…comfortable doing that?" Shoppers passed by whispering to each other and pointing.
"Yeah. We're here to make you feel better. I'm sure about this."
The sun wasn't beating down too hot for Atem's taste, so he let Yugi lead him around the outdoor shopping center. Brick buildings and trees lined narrow streets and windows showed off clothing and the latest electronics. A souvenir shops here and there showed off t-shirts and picture frames.
Atem realized that while he had plenty of professional pictures of himself, of course, he and Yugi had never gotten any pictures done of them as a couple.
He put a pin in that idea, making sure to remember it for later. Perhaps Yugi deserved a surprise of his own. He could picture it now, a large portrait of the two of them walking on a beach at sunset over the mantle in the living room.
"Here we are!"
Atem looked up at the brick bookstore with large letters and shelves blocking the windows.
"What's here?"
Yugi held the door open for him. "After you!"
Atem slowly entered the store just to be met with the smells of old paper and coffee. The space was silent as people sipped on their respective drinks while perusing the shelves or a book in their laps at the couches spread across the floor.
"What are we doing here?"
Bookshelves went all the way to the ceiling, but Yugi navigated them like he lived there. Atem kept a tight hold on his hand.
The store was refreshing. Everyone was so wrapped up in their books that no one was stopping to stare or point or even ask for an autograph from him. Atem took another breath in. Why had he never thought of this before? He enjoyed reading from time to time. It made his lengthy flights go by faster. Perhaps he should come back here.
"Ok, right here. Stop."
Out of the entire store of shelves packed to the gills with books to the ceiling, Yugi had brought them to a bare shelf. Probably the only empty shelf in the entire store.
"What's this?"
Yugi stood behind him and covered his eyes. "Here. Close your eyes."
Atem would follow Yugi into battle against a giant god-like monster if he had to. "Okay," he said quietly while complying. He let the world go dark.
"You saw that shelf in front of you, right?"
"Yes."
"Imagine it's not empty."
Atem raised an eyebrow and tried to turn his head to eye Yugi skeptically, but the man held his head still so he kept his eyes closed. "Okay…"
"Picture our book. Your book. It's on the shelf. And the cover is a picture of you and your mother, who inspires you every day to make something of your life. Imagine you come to see your book on the shelves. Imagine how the pages smell. How they feel under your fingers.
"Picture yourself looking at your book right here and there are people flipping through the pages, seeing your pictures, reading the words of wisdom that you have to share. You are going to change lives. You will inspire so many people, Atem. I promise."
It was enough to elicit a tear from Atem's eye. His mind's eyes followed Yugi's muse, but there was one thing missing from the vision Yugi was creating for him.
"We can do this," he said through a soft exhale.
"Yes, you can."
Atem took Yugi's hands in his and lowered them so he could turn to him with open, moist eyes. "You fail to remember that you and I are partners in this project, don't you?"
Yugi sighed and pulled him close, his body heat warming Atem like a comforting blanket. "No, I just wanted you to remember how much good you're going to do. It will happen, but patience is the name of the game. I'm used to this. Writing is hard, even for the greatest stories."
"I don't want to keep you from being published like this," Atem lamented, his walls crumbling like wet cardboard as they always do with Yugi. His boyfriend was always able to make his defenses disappear even despite his best efforts. He had since the first time they met, even when it was "just another interview."
Yugi tucked Atem's head under his chin. "This isn't about you or me, this is just the nature of this industry. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't. But I promise you, I will make this happen for you."
"You don't have to stretch yourself thin for me. I'll be fine if this doesn't work out. I can find something else to work for when the cameras go away."
"No," Yugi insisted. "You were meant to do this. To help people."
"Or maybe this is a sign I'm not meant to retire-"
"Atem," Yugi pulled him back to look him in the eye, "Promise me you'll keep going and I'll be right there with you every step of the way. Your dreams are my dreams. Just as you've supported me in my career, I want to help you as you redefine your future."
Yugi was as far from his ex as anyone could be. Yugi's eyes were made of the strongest steel. It was clear from that one look that he was prepared to go to the ends of the earth for this cause, and there was nothing Atem could do to stop him.
"Are you sure?"
Yugi kissed him, his soft lips pressing into his like they were the source of all oxygen. Atem held his face, tracing his perfect cheeks with his fingertips.
"I offered to write for you and with you because I want this so much for you. You deserve only good things, Atem. No matter what you've done in your life, you deserve this. I'll pave the way for your dreams so we can go there together."
Atem kissed him again. And again. Over and over again until he was sure they were going to go dizzy from it.
He wrapped an arm around Yugi's shoulders and admired the empty shelves again. It was a wonderful notion. The idea that one day, his book would be on these shelves for people to read, buy, and change their stars with. His life story was a cautionary tale, but also one that proved that dreams come true. As long as one has people that believe in them.
"I will miss modeling."
"I'm sure you will. The free clothes have been nice."
Atem smirked darkly at him. "And you won't miss coming to my shoots?"
Yugi's cheeks flared red. "Let's go to dinner. I figured we'd go to your favorite to cheer you up."
Atem tapped his boyfriend's butt playfully. "You're my favorite."
"Hands off," Yugi took Atem's hand in his and wound his fingers through.
"I love you."
"I love you too, even if you're a pompous model who has no public decency."
"Do you think we could christen these shelves another way when they're mine?"
"Not how it works, smart guy."
Atem gave chase when Yugi ran away with a squeal at his next attempt to grab at him. They practically ran all the way to dinner before falling against each other and almost merging into one person with kisses and laughter. As they were always meant to be.