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If I Survive, Can I Go Home?

Summary:

No one has ever liked Izuku, in any way. The only person who seemed to actually care about him is his mother, but he's not sure that really counts.

Everyone has always been cruel, no matter who they were or what quirk they had.

Could UA really be different?

--

or i'm bad at summaries and i thought of this like two years ago-

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Izuku is... confused, to say the least. He is also happy... and scared... he's not actually sure what he's feeling.

He'd gotten notes like this before, back in junior high. They were always jokes though. And they always worked.

He believed, again and again, that someone in his school, somehow, liked him in a way no one else truly had. Of course, every single time, they ended up beating him. Or pouring water or soda on him. Or just leaving him standing behind the school until it was dark out because they were just late, they didn't forget, they're being held back by a teacher or friends, they're trying to find an excuse to leave so they don't seem rude for just leaving.

That was never true though.

Why would it be? No one could ever actually like someone with his 'disability' in that way. No one could ever actually like a quirkless freak.

So that is why he is currently sitting at his desk, note in hand, not moving.

He's just not sure how to react, he doesn't know if this one is real. So far, UA has been different from Aldera, and every other school and public place. But that didn't mean it would be different forever.

It's not that Izuku didn't like this person but... he knew that people pretended to be his friend in the past to do this. He just hoped it wouldn't happen here.

Most things that had happened at his old schools haven't happened at ua, not yet at least. He's still scared though.

Sure, he's never been tripped in the hall, then laughed at by everyone for a couple minutes until a teacher showed up to tell everyone to get to class, and yelled at him for distracting the other students. Sure, he's never been shoved into broom closets or locked in empty rooms with no windows after school has ended. Sure, none of his things have been taken out of his bag or locker by classmates nor has anything 'incriminating' been put in. Sure, he hasn't had to stay after class and clean up after a student (not him) or the teacher makes a big mess. Sure, he hasn't been treated like he's 10 years younger than all his classmates, despite obviously being in the same grade as them; nor has he been given worksheets meant for first graders or worksheets meant for graduate students.

Sure, he hasn't been ridiculed openly in class or even called out directly by the teacher as a subtle way of making fun of his stutter and social anxiety. Sure, he hasn't been completely ignored by his classmates and teachers at any point in time, or used as moving target practice. Sure, he hasn't come into school to find his desk written on in sharpie marker or carved into or covered in red spider lilies, all of which he had to cover or clean up before the teacher came in and yelled at him for it. Sure, he hasn't had any teacher come up to him saying he should "think of better options" or tell him that they need an assignment he knows he's already turned in, one they've likely just thrown away.

But, just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it will never happen. There's always an adjustment period at the start of a new year, usually it's maxed out at a week before one of the other students gets bored and throws something at him in the middle of class. Maybe it's just a longer adjustment period now, cause instead of a new grade it's a whole new school? That sounds... plausible.

Or maybe it's because Izuku has a quirk now. Because he has something that makes him... something. He's not a useless piece of nothingness anymore, he has a quirk, a powerful quirk at that. He's in line to be the 'next Symbol of Peace' (whatever that means), so of course none of that shit has happened. No one would let anything like that happen to someone with such a heroic quirk. It's not like anyone but All Might and Bakugo even know that he's only had a quirk since the start of the year anyway.

Regardless if they know or not, Izuku can't help but feel like this is a trap. Like maybe they found out and want to ask him, away from everyone else first, save him the embarrassment or save themselves the embarrassment of asking someone so heroic if they used to be quirkless. Maybe if he shows up they'll just show him proof, so he can't deny it even if he tried, and they'll say they're going to show the whole school. Get him kicked out of the hero course and out of UA entirely.

It wouldn't be very difficult to get proof either, he wears the damning crimson red shoes every single day. He has to, no other shoe fits comfortably.

The bell has rung, it's the end of the day and classes are over. Students can stay after to work on projects, or get help with homework, or use the gym with supervision. Izuku is stuck in his seat, dreading his upcoming meet up behind the school.

He can't just... not go. Can he? No, of course not, that would be mean and rude and that's not who Izuku is. He has to show up, even if it is a trap. That's why he always showed up during junior high really, even though he knew back then that no one could ever possibly like him as anything other than a moving target. They didn't even think of him as human. He was less than human, less than dirt.

The note told him to go behind the school after classes let out for the day, around 3:20 at the latest cause sometimes students get held up by teachers or their classmates. The note doesn't say much else, just a "meet me here at this time," which is... suspicious and a little creepy? Maybe worrying is a better word.

It doesn't actually have a name but, well maybe Izuku is the creepy one because he can recognize the handwriting. If this had been typed out, Izuku would  be having a full blown panic attack not knowing who might be demanding asking to meet with him.

Izuku takes a deep breath. It'l be fine, it'll all be fine. He has a quirk now, he doesn't have to worry about anything that happened in junior high or before then. He doesn't have to worry about being assaulted or threatened when he goes behind the school. No one would do that to him. Not anymore, not here, not while he has a quirk.

None of those thoughts overpower the thoughts running through Izuku's head that this isn't real, that it's not even really happening. There have been too many times when he was younger when kids would gaslight him (because there's a word for what they did, and it wasn't just light teasing no matter what the teachers or parents said.) into believing that he didn't get a note or little 'gift' from them. Or that he was already handed food at lunch and must have eaten it all already.

Izuku's footsteps are light, quiet, as he makes his way through the halls and out of the school and behind the building. His pale yellow backpack (it used to be vibrant, when he first got it. Now it's covered in stains and rips and has been bleached by the sun) is slung over his right shoulder. He doesn't like things pressing on his left anymore, not after a searing handprint was scarred into the skin.

Unfortunately, ever since his amazing and heroic quirk destroyed his right hand, he's had trouble gripping things in that hand for long periods of time. Meaning, if he can use his left hand to hold it, he will. Long-winded way of saying, Izuku has his bag-strap over his right shoulder but is holding the strap with his left hand. It makes for a pretty awkward sight but it's the most comfortable.

He couldn't actually explain any of that to anyone because, well, they wouldn't understand how he could have gotten so injured even before being allowed to use his quirk. Everyone growing up must have known he would be a hero, so why would they have burned him like that? And it's his fault he broke his fingers and arms and legs, he should have known how to use his quirk by that point in time since he's had it for over a decade, obviously.

He hates lying to his friends but, he just can't tell them most of the things on his mind. And he can't truthfully answer most of their questions without them having more.

Izuku stops walking suddenly when he realizes that he's almost behind the school. All he has to do is turn the corner. He can feel his anxiety getting worse, it had been getting increasingly worse the entire walk but it seems to have tripled just standing here at the corner.

His chest feels like it's constricting, like Aizawa's capture weapon is wrapped around his torso and it's being pulled tighter with no escape. His stomach feels empty and too full at the same time, it makes his head hurt. Izuku closes his eyes and takes three deep breaths. He's fine, he's just meeting a classmate behind the school where no one else is, that's all. Nothing to be scared of.

Opening his eyes, Izuku's sight is blurry, he blinks a few extra times and wipes his right hand across his cheeks. He's fine.

Izuku takes one more deep breath before walking around the corner (steadfastly ignoring the slight trembling in his hands, how his left hand has started gripping his bag tighter, how every little cut or bruise he currently has started burning like molten lava being poured on him; he's fine).

He lifts his head, looking away from the horrid crimson shoes on his feet, to see the person who wrote the letter he found earlier. They actually showed up, though somehow this made the slight nausea Izuku had been feeling hit him much harder. He nearly stops walking, feet stuttering slightly under him as the nausea makes his abdomen ache. He's fine.

Izuku just has to get through this conversation, then he can leave UA campus and head to the train station. Hopefully he doesn't have to wait there long, he's not sure he'll be able to handle having to stand on a crowded platform for very long, he knows he'll just barely be able to manage the suffocating weight of the actual train. He has a 15 minute-long ride then he can get to his apartment and hide in his room and process... whatever is about to happen.

He's fought villains and survived, he survived junior high, he'll survive this conversation. He'll be fine. He is fine.

Notes:

"Hell is Empty and All the Devils are Here"

alternate title ^

i started writing this like 2 years ago so i don't know if i had an actual plot for this? no clue but there's no real plot now so
who knows i may write an alternate ending with an actual character instead of just "yeah someone wrote the note, who? oh... y'know... someone."