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Kylo wasn't really sure how he'd found himself at a staff Life Day party, of all things. He vaguely remembered Hux nattering on about employee morale, but he was at a loss how his presence would raise anyone's morale.
It was possible he had been sent here as a punishment, but for whom? For himself, who had to suffer the indignity of standing alone next by the punch bowl, pretending that he didn't notice the defaced Kylo Ren poster right behind him, or for the personnel, who all were all cowering in fear in the opposite corner of the cafeteria?
Or perhaps Hux had finally lost what little sanity he possessed.
He was starting to get uncomfortable flashbacks to the cocktail parties his mother had dragged him to as a child. He had spent them in much the same way, hiding in a corner and waiting for the blessed moment when he could return to the sanctity of his room. The only difference was that here his helmet prevented him from pretending to be focused on the snacks.
Five more minutes, then I can go, he thought. Just five more minutes. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his clenched fists, glad that no one could see his face. As far as these peons were concerned, he was glaring menacingly at them, and certainly not closing his eyes and pretending that he was somewhere else.
Wide open fields, Kylo, wide open fields, he thought.
Someone cleared their throat, and Kylo startled.
A terrified-looking officer stood before him, hands twisting his uniform hat nervously.
“I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, sir,” he said, and he did look suitably sorry. Kylo decided to spare his life for now.
The officer threw a glance over his shoulder, seeking the eyes of a portly-looking stormtrooper who gave him the thumbs up. This seemed to embolden him, because he squared his shoulders and looked straight up at Kylo's mask.
“Well?” Kylo said.
“It's just. I have this colleague, Matt, who is a huge fan of you, sir. Huge.” He moved his hands to illustrate how huge a fan this colleague was. Very huge, apparently.
“I think he'd really like a chance to talk with you, only he's a bit shy, you see?”
“I see,” said Kylo. He did not see.
“Would it be okay if he came over here? It would really mean a lot to him.”
“Very well,” Kylo said. He was actually a bit curious about this Matt person. No one ever willingly sought him out, and, after all, he was here to raise morale.
The officer gave him a relieved smile.
“That's wonderful, Mr. Ren, sir!”
He saluted, and turned back to the throng of people. His stormtrooper friend was trying to push another man out on the floor without much success, but the officer intercepted them, and between them, the stormtrooper and the officer apparently managed to convince the mysterious “Matt,” to walk over to Kylo.
The first thing Kylo noticed about Matt was that he was tall. He was used to towering over most people, but Matt appeared to be his own height.
The second thing he noticed was the hair. It was a blond and unruly mop of curls that looked out of place coupled with his dark eyebrows.
The third thing he noticed was his eyes. They were just an ordinary shade of light brown, but the way they were focused on him was almost disconcerting.
Kylo wasn't used to being disconcerted by anyone, but this... Matt was somehow succeeding to get under his skin just by looking, unblinkingly, at him.
“You're Kylo Ren,” he said.
“Yes.”
“I'm Matt. I'm a radar technician.”
He was talking in a monotone and standing really close to Kylo. The shyness that his friend had alluded to had dissipated completely.
It was not a reaction that Kylo was used to getting from people.
“My buddy told me that you had an eight-pack. That you were shredded.” Matt said, in that strange monotone of his.
Kylo's eyes widened under his mask.
Matt took a step closer, crowding Kylo against the wall. This close to him, there was something strangely familiar about his face, but Kylo couldn't pinpoint it. Surely he wouldn't forget meeting someone with hair like that?
“Tim told me that you were a punk bitch,” Matt said. Kylo blinked.
Slowly and deliberately, Matt raised a hand and placed it on Kylo's chest. Kylo could feel himself tensing up, his mind screaming at him – he'd force-choked people for less, but somehow he was frozen under Matt's intense gaze, like an X-wing caught in a tractor beam.
Still, staring into his eyes, Matt pushed, and Kylo allowed it, letting himself be pushed up against the wall by a lowly radar technician, and this was all wrong, this didn't happen to him, but somehow he was caught in the thrall of this strange, intense, man.
Matt's hand was practically caressing his chest now, and Kylo could almost see a hint of a pleased smile on his face.
“You are shredded,” he said. “I knew it.”
“Take off your mask,” Matt said.
Kylo shook his head. No, no, he couldn't do that. He shouldn't even be doing this much. They were in a public place, for Force's sake; Matt's colleagues were all in the room with them. This madness had to stop.
Matt's other hand cupped his helmet where Kylo's cheek would be. He leaned in closer.
“I've heard your face is awesome,” Matt said, still in that damnable monotone, like he was stating a fact, and Kylo avoids mirrors when he can, but he knows his face, his too pale, too long face with too many moles and a too large nose and lips and ears, Force, his ears were the bane of his existence before he was Kylo Ren and looks no longer mattered, and Matt thought his face was awesome and Kylo's strangely afraid of disappointing Matt all of a sudden.
It had just been a very long time since he was touched, that's all. He'd been kissed once, before, on a dare, the Twi'lek girl, a student of his un– of Luke Skywalker, pressing her lips to his and running away to her laughing friends, giggling.
Matt wasn't doing this on a dare though. Matt wasn't giggling. He's touching Kylo, and looking at him, face completely serious.
Kylo could just watch, helpless, as Matt reached up and unfastened his mask, and then he wasn't watching him any more, because he'd scrunched his eyes closed like a child hiding from a lightning storm, his hands pressed into fists, and now he couldn't see Matt remove his mask, couldn't see the disappointment on his face.
He could still feel Matt pull of his mask though, his hands gentle, the angle strange and a bit uncomfortable. Kylo's only ever removed the mask on his own before.
Then there was a soft 'thunk' as Matt placed the mask on the floor, almost reverently, and Kylo could feel gentle hands on his face for the first time since childhood.
He froze up completely, afraid to open his eyes, afraid to speak, afraid to even move, and he'd never felt more like Ben Solo and less like Kylo Ren than in that moment.
“I knew it,” Matt said. He's so close that Kylo could feel his breath on his face. “Your face is awesome,” and then there were lips on his, and Kylo's eyes flew open in astonishment.
Kylo had no idea what he was doing, but it didn't matter, not with Matt's large and generous mouth on his. He kissed back, as well as he could, allowing Matt to coax his mouth open with a few nibbles to his lips, his helpless gasp being the only invitation Matt needed.
Without conscious thought, his hands migrated to Matt's shoulders, helplessly hanging on to them as Matt pushed him further against the wall, grabbing Kylo's thigh and bringing him completely off balance, and there were people there, but Kylo didn't care about that any more, would have done anything Matt asked of him at that point, as long as he never stopped kissing him.
He heard moaning, and he was pretty sure it was him, but he didn't care, didn't care. Didn't even care when someone jostled him as they were getting punch.
“Way to go, Matt!” The Someone shouted, jovially, and Kylo felt Matt grin against his mouth. His grasping fingers were like brands against Kylo's thigh.
“We should go to your room,” Matt said. “You can show me your eight-pack.”