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Ever since Peter moved into his shared dorm with Kurt, he's been too embarrassed to use the pacifier he bought months before that. It calmed him down, helped him focus, and it just felt good to suck on, but he was scared to get caught.
Sure, if someone did come in he could wash it and hide it before the handle was fully open, but it would still be mortifying for Peter if he ran the risk of someone walking in. It doesn't help that Kurt could teleport at any moment. Peter may be faster than he can teleport, but he doesn't trust his speed when he's startled.
But right now, Peter needed something. He couldn't stop biting his nails and none of his fidget toys were helping. He kept trying to bite his chew pens, but he caught himself sucking on them. Normally, sucking on the pens would be fine as a way to stim during class, but it isn't good enough right now. Peter's eyes kept drifting to the drawer he keeps his pacifier hidden in. He kept telling himself ‘no’, but he ended up reaching for it anyway.
Peter opened the drawer and took out the little box his pacifier was in. He found a listing for an adult-sized pacifier online, and it's been working well for him. The speedster ran into the bathroom and quickly washed it with hot water before running back to his bed. Peter didn't want to waste any time in case Kurt was coming back soon. He shook it to dry it off and he made sure to squeeze any water that could've gotten caught out of it, per the instructions in the box, and put it in his mouth.
He started slowly sucking on it and laid back on his pillows. He found his stuffed cat under his bed and wiped the dust off of it before hugging it to his chest. Peter was content to finally not be too afraid to use the fidget tool that worked best for him. There was still the possibility of Kurt popping in at any moment, but Peter tried to convince himself he was able to hide it before Kurt could see anything.
Peter turned on his side and curled up, closing his eyes. Every time he used the pacifier, he'd tell himself he can't fall asleep with it. Just in case something went wrong and it broke, he didn't want to be unconscious with something in his mouth. Now, there was that extra level of fear that someone would see him. If he fell asleep, he was sure Kurt would end up seeing when he came up for bed. Luckily, Kurt would sit on the roof every night to watch the sun go down, so he had some time.
He hugged his cat, Sherman, close and kept a slow rhythm sucking his pacifier. Pretty quickly, he started falling asleep. Every time he got close to falling asleep, Peter blinked a few times to stay awake. He stroked Sherman's tail a few times and he closed his eyes.
“Ja, just let me grab my book,” Kurt said to Kitty, taking his dorm keys out of his pocket.
He already knocked and tried the handle, but it was locked so he assumed Peter was either away or asleep. Kurt opened the door and Kitty came in with him. He saw Peter asleep holding Sherman with his back towards the room and he walked over to kiss his boyfriend's forehead before leaving. He put his hand on Peter's shoulder and leaned down to kiss his temple when he spotted the light blue pacifier that was hanging half out of Peter's mouth.
Kitty walked over to Kurt’s desk next to his bed to look at the books he had on the shelves. She picked up his chemistry textbook, since they were supposed to study together that night, and turned around to tell him she found it.
“Kurt, I got the book,” she said. “Ready to go?”
Kurt looked at his sleeping boyfriend’s face, to his pacifier, then to Sherman in his arms.
“Actually, I vill stay here vith Peter, if zhat is alright,” Kurt said, turning around to face Kitty. He was standing between Peter and Kitty, blocking her vision in case she accidentally got a look at Peter.
Kitty put the book down. “That's fine, is everything alright?”
“Yes, everyzhing is fine,” Kurt said with a slight smile on his face. “Guten Nacht, Kätzchen."
“Night, Kurt,” Kitty said, waving goodbye to Kurt before leaving the room.
He got up to lock the door before walking back over to Peter's bed. He came around to Peter's front to look at him, making sure to stay quiet so he wouldn't accidentally wake up the older boy. Kurt saw Peter use his tongue to pull the pacifier back into his mouth and suck on it a few times before he quickly fell asleep again. When Kurt was sure he was asleep, he climbed into bed next to Peter and snuggled under the covers. He didn't disturb Sherman, but he got as close as he could. Kurt laid his head on Peter's chest, comforted by the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his breathing.
Peter woke up to feel the pacifier barely sitting between his teeth. His mouth and throat were dry from having it in his mouth for so long. The next thing he noticed was that the fur his fingers were intertwined with wasn't Sherman's. Sherman got lost at the foot of his bed sometime during the night, and Peter recognized the texture of Kurt's fur before he even looked down. Kurt had his right arm wrapped around Peter's waist while the left one was folded into his chest so it wouldn't cut off the blood flow to his arm. The elf was still asleep with his face pressed to Peter's chest.
The speedster panicked. He got scared that Kurt saw his pacifier while he was asleep. In a hurry to hide the pacifier, Peter accidentally woke Kurt up. He hid in the bathroom so Kurt would leave him alone. It was the easiest place to hide, and he wanted to wash the pacifier before he put it away anyway. Instead, he backed up against the door and slid onto the floor, sucking on it harder to try to soothe himself. His teeth hurt and his mouth was so dry, but he was scared. Peter had a choice between his mouth being uncomfortable from using the pacifier too much, or scratching his arms until they were red. He had no stim toys with him aside from the one in his mouth, so he'd either have to use that or do something else that would only end up hurting him like scratching, biting his nails, or punching his leg.
Peter heard light footsteps come towards the door and his breath got stuck in his throat. “Love, are you alright?” Kurt asked, gently knocking on the door.
“Yeah,” it was muffled. Peter forgot to take the pacifier out of his mouth before trying to speak. He took it out of his mouth and tried again. “Yeah, I'm fine.”
Kurt could hear he was right next to the door. “You do not seem alright,” he said, sitting on the ground and snaking his tail under the door to rest in Peter's lap.
“I don't want to talk about it,” Peter said.
“Vhy not?” Kurt asked, stroking Peter's leg.
Peter pushed his tail off of him. “Because.”
“Zhat is not an ansver and you know it.”
“It's embarrassing, okay? I didn't want you to know about it.”
“I have no problem vith you using a pacifier–”
Peter cut him off. “Don't call it that!” He covered his face in his hands.
“Vhat vould you like me to call it?” Kurt asked.
“Nothing! I don't want you talking about it!” Peter snapped.
Peter stood up and opened the door. He quickly put the pacifier away, Kurt only noticed because he shifted slightly in his stance. He looked down at Kurt, still sitting on the floor.
“I really have no problem vith you using…” Kurt stopped, trying to think of a name other than pacifier, “your binky.”
“Ew! That is so much worse,” Peter cringed.
“Vhat do you call it, zhen?” Kurt asked, standing up and taking Peter's hands. Peter looked down and mumbled something. “Peter, use your vords.”
“...Sven.”
Kurt paused. “Vhat?”
“I didn't want to say ‘pacifier’ or ‘binky’ because those are embarrassing, and ‘dummy’ sounds like I'm trying too hard to not call it one of the first two things, so I called it Sven,” Peter explained, clearly embarrassed.
“O-kay. Vell, I do not mind you having Sven.”
“You should!” Peter didn't know why he was fighting Kurt on this, but he already started. “It's gross and- and bad and there's something wrong with me, clearly, and–”
Kurt cupped his face and kissed him. “Nein, Liebling,” he said quietly. “Zhere is nozhing vrong vith you.”
“Yes there is,” Peter said, quietly starting to cry. He held Kurt’s hand against his face.
“Never,” Kurt said, kissing Peter's nose. “It is still early, do you vant to lie down vith Sherman?” He asked, gently running his thumb against Peter's cheek.
Peter nodded quietly, tears starting to fall down his face. Kurt teleported them into bed and grabbed Sherman for Peter.
“Vould you like Sven?” He asked.
Peter bit his lip. His mouth still hurts and he needed something to drink, but it was a tempting offer. He was so scared of Kurt judging him, but now here they were. The younger boy was offering him his pacifier since he's upset. That's the most comforting thing Peter can possibly imagine right now.
The speedster nodded. “Yes, please,” he whispered.
“Vhere is it?” Kurt asked.
“Bottom drawer,” Peter pointed to his nightstand.
Kurt opened the drawer, not letting go of his boyfriend, and fished out the pacifier. He opened the little plastic box it was on and picked it up by the handle, giving it to Peter. Peter looked up at him, for permission and looked away as he put the pacifier in his mouth. He didn't look back at Kurt while he sucked on it, instead he buried his face into Kurt's furry chest. Kurt let him shy away and opted to stroke Peter's hair and back while holding him close.