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He could hear her laugh sometimes. Something that occurred so rarely, such an elusive thing, that he kept the memory file on him at all times, something he could play at will. Occasionally, Trainofthought.EXE would play the file at random. Whether it was to torture him or raise his spirits was unknown to him, all he did know was that each time it happened he felt his core shudder so hard he thought he may very well come undone. Sometimes, he did. Just as dawn broke, when Uzi and V were sleeping and the Worker Drones had yet to wake up, he'd visit where she'd last been. Where he found her. Where he lost her.
Sometimes. He saw her. There, intact, core beating as though it never was pulled from her chassis, never ceased its steady push and pull of oil through her systems. When he saw her, she rarely spoke -- something that didn't stand out to him, as she was already not much for words when she was there. Sometimes he'd just sit with her, staring out upon the wastes and riding the high of a lie that kept him afloat even when he knew the truth. Sometimes he'd walk, the sound of her fabricated footsteps accompanying him as he made quiet commentary on the beautiful snowy world surrounding them, occasional remarks from her only made him want to scream more. The only marks in the snow were his, a reminder of the truth.
He'd never been one to deal with grief well. Even when his memories were completely broken, when he was merely an invention meant to represent someone long deceased, he felt that gaping hole in his core, the knowledge that something, someone, a time he didn't know, was lost.
It was worse when you knew how things should have been. Even so, he will never forget her. He never wants to.
He's resting with her on the edge of a building. The air up here is chillier than down below, the abandoned cities unable to block the powerful winds of Copper-9. Stiffly, he turns to look at her. She returns the look with no indication of any negative feelings, her mouth upturned in a tiny smile as it usually was when she was with him.
Quietly, cautiously, like she would disintegrate if he wasn't careful, he placed his hand atop hers. She simply smiled wider at the touch and wrapped her digits around his. He knew she wasn't real. He knew, and yet, and
yet
-
[I'm sorry.]
His gaze, which has become unfocus, snapped back to her. What?
"...What?"
[That I was unable to... say goodbye.]
Her small smile fell flat, and she averted her gaze. Her hand under his began to slip away, but he grasped for it desperately. Turning his entire body towards her to better focus, fearing that she would vanish any moment.
He started, voice trembling, "You- it wasn't your fault, it wasn't." He affirmed, grip still firm on her hands but loosening ever slightly, fearing he would damage her casing. "It's okay! Doll, it's okay. I know you would have said bye if you could." His throat was dry, the nanite repair fluids that usually cycled through his mouth and throat conveniently absent in such a crucial moment.
[You are not upset at me. But I know you are upset.] A vent escaped her mouth, something between a laugh and a sigh. [It is unfortunate. If I were still... here , I would have loved nothing more than to spend the rest of my product lifetime with you.]
A sharp, keening whine ripped from his throat. His digits rattled within hers, the pressure building up behind her visor till it was unbearable.
He leapt forward, arms wrapped around her as tightly as he could without making her feel trapped. He knew she despised that, and he knew he despised when she was unhappy. She was always one to protest, not necessarily verbally, when contact was forced upon her, even from him, which he respected.
This time, however, she returned the hug.
{CONTACT SENSORS: FABRICATION ACTIVATED}
He remembered exactly how she felt. Her arms around him were nothing new, but was very much welcomed at this moment. He felt the pressure behind his visor release, glowing golden trails dripping down his visor screen as he fell apart in her nonexistent arms, joints straining to keep himself propped up against a drone that wasn't there. She shook too, something he wasn't sure was sobs or not.
The wind drowned out their cries, and they sat there till the sun rose.