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On Hera’s mandatory cleaning days, everyone has to pitch in or else face the matriarch’s wrath. As one might imagine, the one job nobody wanted was always cleaning the fresher. There were five individuals who all shared one facility, so naturally it was the most deplorable place on the entire ship, and Sabine pulled the short straw that day.
It was the usual state of disarray it always was in—Kanan’s hair ties everywhere, Sabine’s hair dye, Ezra’s clippers, Zeb’s fur, Hera’s stray flight caps and head covers, dirty clothing from all offending parties—all giving it a very lived in and crowded kind of feel.
But Sabine was determined to finally get it into an orderly state.
She may be artistic and have her own organized chaos, but she was the most cleanly crew member on board after Kanan and Hera. She could certainly bring some of that into the disaster that was the fresher.
She pulled all the items off of the metal countertop and wiped up anything left behind, she sprayed down the shower and the toilet, and the sink. And finally after hours, she got around to organizing the catch-all cabinet in the corner that was filled with drawers of haphazardly arranged medical supplies, soap, hair ties, medications, and various other miscellaneous items.
Sabine could imagine it hadn’t been cleaned out since Hera got the Ghost. She couldn’t blame the woman though, Hera rarely had time for anything, but the cabinet was one junk drawer full of stuff after another.
Sabine had filled two bags of garbage in the hours of the cleaning day. As her crewmembers finished their own tasks, Sabine was only just nearing the end.
Three hours in she made it to the last drawer, a small one at the bottom of the cabinet, one she rarely ever thought about and had never opened, and it seemed nobody else really had either. The metal was slightly rusted and corroded making it difficult to open, but with a little force she managed to pry it open only to frown and furrow her eyebrows in confusion.
Sabine pulled out a dusty box with writing in Basic and Alderaanian on it and noticed it was completely full save for one stick-like object that had been discarded alone inside the drawer. Sabine picked it up and let out a shocked gasp, she stood and ran to the door.
“Hera?!” She called and within a minute Hera was standing in front of her looking worried, and everyone else followed soon after.
“What’s wrong, Sabine?” Hera asked.
“Yeah, why do you sound so panicked? Since when do you panic about stuff?” Ezra asked, running into the doorway.
Zeb followed swiftly after and Kanan poked his head out of the common area before coming to join them.
Sabine holds the object out to Hera who does a double take and holds it gingerly in her hand.
“I found it in the drawer…Hera, are you pregnant?”
Hera blinks down at the test in her hands and the ruckus of the other crew goes silent. “No, I’m not. Where did you find this?”
Sabine turns back to the cabinet in the fresher. “In the bottom drawer, there’s a whole box of them, that’s the only used one.”
“You’re doing a thorough job of cleaning today, aren’t you?” Hera says absently. She turns over the test in her hands thoughtfully. The little plus sign that indicated a positive was faded and old, but still visible.
“If you’re not, then why is there a positive pregnancy test in there? It’s not mine, I can assure you of that.” Sabine asks with genuine confusion.
“Who’s pregnant? What?” Ezra asks, looking around to Zeb and Kanan who lingered by the door quietly.
“No one is pregnant, Ezra…It was from a long time ago.” Hera says, picking up the unused box of tests and tucking it under her arm. “Good job here Sabine, it looks better than it has in a long time.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
Hera fiddles with the test, thinking intently. Sabine can see the gears turning in her head, then she gasps and looks up to Kanan who looks like he’s subtly trying to slink away from the door.
“Nuh uh, mister! Get back in here!”
Kanan’s eyes widen and he holds his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“I know you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just wondering why you kept it!” She throws the test at him and he fumbles as he catches it and holds it gingerly in his hands.
“I guess I was feeling sentimental back then.” He says quietly.
“I thought I told you to throw it away!”
“I went to throw it away, but…” He looked away, not meeting her eyes. “I couldn’t.”
“‘Scuse me, but what’s going on here?” Zeb asks, watching the exchange back and forth with confusion.
“I don’t know, buddy, I’m so lost.” Ezra shrugs.
Hera purses her lips and doesn’t look away from Kanan as his eyes slowly come up to meet hers. They share a silent exchange, Sabine’s known them long enough to know they communicate without saying things sometimes.
“This test is from seven years ago, when we almost had a baby.” Hera says, taking the test back and holding it in both hands, looking down at it despondently.
She hears the collective noise of shock from the crew and looks up to see wide eyes and confused expressions.
“Almost?” Sabine asks.
“I miscarried. It happens.” Hera shrugs.
“Wait, wait, wait. You and Kanan almost had a kid before any of us joined?” Zeb asks.
“Yes.” Kanan finally says softly after minutes of spacing out.
“You both seem…really sad about it.” Ezra notes.
“It was sad, we both try not to think about it too much.” He says.
“What…happened?” Ezra asks.
“We lost the baby after I got shot in the back. I only made it to fourteen weeks.” Hera says.
“Oh.”
Hera nods, “It was an accident, we weren’t really ready to be parents anyway. Some things just happen for a reason.”
She turns back to Kanan. “I still don’t know why you kept it.” She presses the test to his chest and he reaches up to take it as she walks out of the fresher and toward her room with the box of tests still tucked under her arm.
Kanan sighs and tightens his grip on the test.
“Sorry, I brought up bad memories. I thought the test was recent, though I probably should have known by the way the drawer was nearly rusted shut.” Sabine says, apologetically.
Kanan puts a hand on her shoulder, “That’s alright. I’m sure once this blows over Hera is going to seriously appreciate how thorough you were at cleaning the fresher. We all know it hasn’t been touched in ages. Clearly.” He looks down at the test in his hands and runs his thumbs over it.
“Yeah, if the pile of garbage bags is anything to go by.” Zeb chuckles, “Have fun with that.”
“You know you could at least offer to take some to the incinerator!” Sabine calls after him as he leaves, “Ugh! Lazy Lasat.”
She looks over to Ezra to ask him to help, but he looks lost in thought even as Kanan turns to walk down the hallway, clutching the old test in hand.
“Ezra?” Sabine asks.
He blinks quickly, “Oh sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, can you help me take these out?”
“Uh sure, yeah.” He scratches the back of his head and sighs. “Isn’t it crazy to think that the people we know had whole other lives before we were ever with them?”
“I guess so?” Sabine says, picking up a bag and handing it to him.
“I just mean, Kanan and Hera have been together for a long time. They’ve been through a lot together and so many things could have gone differently for them, but everything ends up where it needs to be I guess.”
“I think that’s the most intelligent thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Sabine teases.
“Hey!”
She laughs in his expense as they carry the bags through the hall and toward the incinerator. “In all honesty though, I think Kanan and Hera would make great parents.”
“I do too. I feel bad for them, they both seemed like it was really something they wanted.”
“Maybe it was for the best, they don’t exactly have lives that are safe for raising a baby. I mean, they lost the kid because Hera got shot.”
“Yeah, I think it would have been nice to see them like that though.”
“You do know they think of us as their kids, right? I mean, my parents are still around, but they practically adopted you already.” Sabine chuckles and tosses the bag away.
“They do think of us like that, don’t they? Well, they may not be my biological parents, but I love them a lot. I don’t know where I’d be without them…I’m grateful they took me in and I’m proud to have been adopted by them.”
“Me too, Ezra. Me too.” She scratches the back of her head, “I should probably go apologize to Hera. I didn’t realize that I would bring up something so sensitive just by cleaning the fresher.”
“Yeah, but you did think it was recent. I probably would have thought that and flipped out too.”
“I’m just wondering why she has an entire box of them.” Sabine chuckles.
“Do you think they were trying to have a baby?”
“No way, she said the test was like seven years old. She would have been, what - nineteen? And they did say it was an accident. She probably just bought a pack of them when she suspected something was up.”
“Yeah, you’re right…but now I’m wondering why Kanan kept the test.”
“Maybe he just wanted to remember the time when he was almost a dad. I’m pretty sure Jedi never really get the opportunity to have families. It probably just meant a lot to him.”
Ezra nods, “Well, I think of him as a dad. I think I might have even called him dad by accident once or twice.”
Sabine nods, “Me too…thanks for helping take the garbage out, I’m going to go and apologize now.”
She leaves Ezra to head off toward the galley for an after cleaning snack and she heads off toward Hera’s room and knocks on the door.
“Come on in.” She hears from inside. She presses the control panel button and sees Hera sitting on her bunk with her datapad in hand.
“Sabine? What’s up?”
“Hi, I just came to apologize. I didn’t really know what was going on and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or have you share something so personal in front of everyone.”
Hera smiles softly, “It’s okay, Sabine. Like I said, it was a long time ago. You’re all family anyway.”
Sabine nods, “Sorry that happened to you guys.”
Hera shrugs, “What can you do about it? There’s no guarantee it’ll go right every time.”
“Do you think you and Kanan will ever try again?” She asks a little awkwardly.
“We’ve talked about it before, but we just don’t really have the time, or the space, or the credits for that matter. And there’s the factor of being actively hunted by the Empire and how a possibly Force sensitive baby would probably make that worse. All around, we do not live a life conducive to child rearing.” She chuckles, “Why do you ask?”
“I dunno, Ezra and I were just kind of talking about it. You guys are already really good parents.”
“Maybe one day. Thank you, Sabine. And thank you for cleaning out the refresher. You did a great job. Might have to put you on fresher duty more often.”
“Oh hell no. Not happening. Bye!”
She heard Hera cackling on her way out the door. Sabine made it to her room with a smile.