Work Text:
Nirei couldn’t reach him.
The distance between them grew even wider, as if the invisible thread that held them together was quickly becoming thinner. Now, with Sakura so far ahead, that delicate connection barely clung on, ready to snap at any moment.
Nirei couldn’t keep up, he wasn’t able to stand beside Sakura like he planned. He wasn’t able to shorten the distance between them as it only became greater overtime.
He couldn’t be with Sakura anymore.
“W-wait!” Nirei rasped out, his hand plunging forward, trying to grasp onto Sakura who was already yards away, only able to catch the crisp wind swirling through.
His steps became unbalanced, faltering as his legs were dragged by gravity.
His teary eyes locked on the blurry image of Sakura’s back—a back that he was so used to seeing.
“Please!” Nirei pleaded, his knees buckled, falling onto the soiled ground. “Can’t you slow down?!”
Sakura halted his steps, his back still turned to Nirei. Despite this, Nirei could already sense the frigid aura surrounding the dual-colored boy.
"No, I can't," Sakura stated. His voice was detached, yet a slight crack etched his words. "I can't slow down for you. So stop—stop following me. It's… annoying."
“I-…” Nirei croaked, his voice convulsing as he tried to steady his words, sniffing back his tears. “I’m sorry…, but can’t you… wait for me..?” His words were barely there, too meek to be heard, yet the wind carried out his desperation.
There was only the gushing wind, wrapping the silence around them, giving Nirei the freeze of his life as the next words that came out of Sakura’s mouth made his blood run cold.
“I can’t wait for someone who can’t catch up…” Sakura sighed, “You can’t be beside me, you can’t help me, you can’t help me reach the top, no—you can’t reach the top with me.”
The invisible thread between them finally snapped, its echoes reverberating through Nirei's mind.
The jarring distance between them always terrified Nirei, it always gave him nightmares that one day Nirei wouldn’t be able to keep up. He wouldn’t be able to stand with Sakura, that one day Sakura would only see Nirei for who he was, a burden.
The dreaded day finally arrived. All of Nirei's desperate attempts to catch up—running, chasing, crawling beside Sakura—to be with him, to be his guide and friend, came crashing down. His delusion that he'd one day be important to Sakura was just that—a delusion. It was a dream with no chance of becoming reality.
Sakura was surpassing everyone, transforming and growing stronger with each passing moment, shattering boundaries and advancing light years ahead of Nirei. Unable to keep up, all Nirei could do was desperately chase after him, clinging to the fading hope of closing the ever-widening gap between them.
However, it was impossible. It was impossible from the start, but Nirei had false hope to catch up with someone like Sakura.
A raging ball of fire, a light so powerful and bright it could burn the world if touched. The sun—a star that can only be admired, never to touch. And if you look too hard, it’ll hurt.
It did hurt, it hurts to want to touch the sun, to be near him, yet all Nirei could do was circle around him, like the earth who depends on the sun like a god damn leech. And the sun—Sakura who got nothing in return except for a pest like Nirei.
It’s no wonder Sakura wanted to abandon him.
Nirei took in a shaky breath, frost air enveloped his lungs, making his body numb.
“I-… I’m sorry,” Nirei whimpered out, his bottom lip quivering, tears stained on his freckled face. “I’m sorry for slowing you down…, for being weak, but please don’t leave me behind.”
Sakura flinched, his shoulders elevated a bit before falling. A loud swallow could be heard from him, then the words, “You aren’t strong enough to be next to me, to stand with me. You won’t ever be able to do it, so… just give up now.”
Nirei squeezed his eyes shut, more tears sliding down his cheeks. “I know… I know… I know…” Nirei muttered more to himself, his head held low.
“It’s impossible for you,” Sakura told, his pitch slightly higher than usual. “Stop trying to catch up to me, please.”
Nirei weakly lifted his head, wiping his tears, trying to grasp a better look of the boy far in front of him.
"Sakura-san... why are you doing this?" Nirei whimpered, struggling to his feet, his heart hammering against his rib cage. "Why are you pushing me away?"
A beat of silence, only the rush of air whistling between them was played, a dragged song that peaked Nirei’s anxiety.
Sakura exhaled a breath before speaking, “ You’re… exhausting,” another beat of silence. “I just can’t have you with me… I can’t…”
“W-why?” Nirei took staggering steps, trying to get closer. “I-.. I can get stronger, I can be more helpful, I can memorize anything you need me to… I’ll do anything..!”
“Anything?” Sakura chuckled weakly, “If that’s true, then I want you gone. I-…. I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want to see you, hear you, or have you around me, I don’t need you.”
Nirei’s breath hitched, his lungs constricted as he couldn’t breathe.
Right, Sakura never needed him. It was the opposite, Nirei was the one who needed Sakura.
All along, Nirei was just baggage that Sakura had to drag along…
A sharp ringing blasted in Nirei's ears as he felt his heart shattering, bleeding from Sakura's words. A dark, disturbing pain crawled across his skin. It was as if his whole body was being torn apart, yanked in every direction—his organs ripped from him, his limbs barely clinging to his frame.
“Is that what you really want?” Nirei whispered, all of his senses stupefied. Warm, stinging liquid gushing down his face, he felt utterly numb, unable to feel anything at this point.
“Yes,” Sakura breathed out, his back still the only thing Nirei could stare at, and it was like déjà vu, just like in the beginning of their meeting when Sakura saved him.
Nirei saw Sakura's back, and from then on, he longed to see his face. Sakura's back felt like a barrier between them, and Nirei yearned to have Sakura's face be the only thing in his view. He wanted to know the face of someone like Sakura—to memorize every itch of his face in detail.
To have Sakura's face be the only thing Nirei could see. If that were the case, it would mean Nirei had finally caught up and could stand proudly beside him, rather than trailing behind.
Nirei forced a wobbly smile, “If that’s what you want, then that’s what I’ll do.”
Nirei turned his heels and took shuffling steps away from Sakura. He moved in the opposite direction of Sakura's path—the wrong direction, because Sakura was no longer his destination. There was no need to run anymore; no back to look forward to.
Walking away from Sakura, walking away from the person Nirei admired and loved with all his heart. It was difficult and so incredibly agonizing as his steps felt heavy, he could barely move.
Nirei might not have had a space in Sakura’s heart, but Sakura took total capacity of Nirei’s own beating organ.
Now, that space became hollow, a light extinguished. Nirei had nothing to look forward to, no one to chase, no one to love with such intensity. He had never not loved Sakura; it was an emotion he couldn't suppress.
Truly, Nirei was at a loss, the ties between them severed. As the distance grew ever wider, only the echoes of his anguished cries could be heard as he trudged away.
—
Sakura doesn’t cry, he learned young that crying would only cause more pain and abuse.
Tears were a sign of weakness, something Sakura had learned to suppress. He'd mastered holding back the core emotion of sadness, preventing the floodgates from opening.
Yet, as Nirei's footsteps faded and silence enveloped him, liquid rushed out his eyes.
His hand clutched onto his chest, wrangling his Furin jacket, low whimpers escaping his lips as the flood of tears refused to stop.
Fuck!
Sakura hated this, he hated what he said, he hated having to do this to the one person who accepted him.
To the only person who loved him.
The only person Sakura loved.
Everything he said, he never meant. He could never mean it, reality was, Sakura needed Nirei, he was the one falling behind when it came to Nirei.
Nirei was a bright glow, a small light that guided him to safety. Nirei was a lighthouse that brought a stray ship—Sakura himself, back to shore, back home, back to Nirei.
Sakura was the one who couldn’t catch up, he wasn’t able to grab onto Nirei and hold on tight, he let him slip through his fingers and now, he was back in the same position he was before—alone.
He lost his light, his haven, his home.
Sakura took in weak breaths, trying to steady his breathing, wiping away his tears. He had to stop, he had to stop bawling his eyes out like a child.
It was weak, pathetic, and unlike him.
Sakura harshly rubbed his eyes, grunting out a breath before he began his trek forwards. The place he was going to, the path he’s been running forward would only hurt Nirei.
Sakura wasn’t strong enough to protect him, he knew he wouldn’t be enough for him.
Sakura couldn’t bare the thought of Nirei getting hurt again because of him.
He doesn’t like the idea of Nirei getting hurt, to see Nirei with any indication of pain. It surges a hot erupting anger that scorches his veins, making his loose control—a wild animal on the hunt.
The thought of releasing that version of himself petrified him, it scared Sakura into thinking Nirei would run if he saw what he was capable of doing.
Sakura only knew one rule when he was on the streets; kill or be killed.
It was the only rule Sakura followed, no mater how much he hated it, Sakura wasn’t going down without a fight, even if it meant the opponent had to be six feet under.
Sakura legs began to bring him closer and closer, reaching to the person he despised the most, the raw feeling of loathe when it came to this person was the only emotion Sakura could feel.
Yamato Endo.
There he was, sitting peacefully on the edge of a bridge, his hands smacking against another, making the loudest applause to mankind.
“You finally came,” a shrill laugh came from Endo, jumping down onto the concrete, a twisted smile on his face. “I thought you were going to chicken out.”
Sakura’s face was pure anger, his brows burrowed together, teeth glaring out, a bulging vein popping out his forehead.
“What an ugly face you have there,” Endo chuckled, slicking his hair back. “Seriously, it’s unattractive.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Sakura hissed, raising his fists, eyes solely focused on Endo. “Let’s end this.”
“So impatient,” Endo rolled his eyes, taking drunk steps towards Sakura. “What’s the rush? We have all the time in the world.”
“I don’t have the time,” Sakura growled, taking quick paces closer to Endo. “This ends today, now!”
Sakura wanted to get this over with, needed to get this over with. He had to win, he will win… and when he does, he’ll get on his knees and apologize to Nirei, praying he’ll accept him back.
“God, so feisty,” Endo snorted, cracking his neck side to side. “Now, remember your promise, if I win, you’ll follow me, understand?”
“You won’t win,” Sakura told, his arm raised in the air, about to lock his fist onto Endo’s jaw. “I don’t plan on it.”
Truthfully, Sakura doesn’t know if he’ll win, he desperately wanted to—no, he had to.
He wanted to save the town, to save his friends, but most importantly he wanted to save Nirei.
He wanted to see Nirei, to hold him, to laugh with him, to cuddle with him (it was an accident on the bus that Sakura can’t seem to forget), to be with him.
Sakura will do anything for Nirei, even if it meant showing a side of himself he hadn’t in a long time.
Endo's crazed smirk was enough to madden Sakura.
That smirk was all it took for a flurry of fists to fly, feet punted at each other, and for blood to run down their faces. Heavy panting filled the air as their eyes, reflecting pure bloodlust, locked onto one another in a fierce standoff.
Sakura will win.
Sakura will come home.
Sakura will go back to Nirei.
He will… right?