Work Text:
If
Percy remembers climbing on a jungle gym when he was six. It was before the monsters he saw changed from yes the monsters, your imagination is so vibrant! to when will this nonsense end, Percy? No one likes lying attention seekers. His limbs flying from rung to knob to get higher and higher to reach the top and chase the last bit of spring sunshine–
“Percy! It’s time to go home.”
The sunshine slips away between the buildings, becoming one of the first things he can remember not being able to hold. The warmth fades and Percy’s hand goes cold as if it never existed. But his mother greets him with a smile, a blue cookie, and her hand. One thing he can hold forever.
Only
When Percy had to go to the first of many boarding schools due to his “behavioral issues” as the adults always called it (because why would mythical creatures be gallivanting around midtown during recess?) he remembers his mother’s hands. Sally Jackson’s hands were always soft, and faintly sweet scented as she started working in a candy shop. Percy loved to run his fingers along the back of her hand, her veins displayed like blue roots disappearing further up her arm. Walking home from school and squeezing her hand three times to say I love you and getting three back.
But Percy doesn’t like how his mom holds his hands at the front of this new school. The building is tall and wider than most buildings in the city, but the iron bars on the window make it seem less like an academy and more like a prison.
Sally grips both of Percy’s hands in her own, the tightness in the touch mirroring the one in his chest. He doesn’t understand why her eyes are shining, a blue that for once he doesn’t like. She finally smiles, a watery one that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Percy honey, it's only for a few months. Holiday break is two weeks and I’ll be here the moment those doors open.”
Her hands tighten more when the principal comes near, but she quickly drops Percy’s hands and steps close to hug him. “I love you so much Percy. I promise everything will be fine here, it’s going to be a good fit, I just know it.”
And with that, she steps back and lets him go. Percy feels the emptiness in his hands and around his body and watches as his mother leaves him alone for the first time.
We
Finally getting to camp halfblood and realizing that he wasn’t crazy, and there were dozens like him was so freeing. The weight of Riptide feels right in his hands, and there’s no place he’d rather be. Percy wasn’t alone anymore. His mother could only be there for him so much between the things he could see and how involved she could be in his world. For the longest time that’s what it was, his world. None of his classmates could see it, making the school year even harder.
But for the first time in his life it wasn’t just Percy anymore. It was Percy and Grover, picking berries and throwing them at each other to see how many they could eat before the nymphs caught them. It was Percy and Annabeth bickering over strategies for capture the flag and ignoring how his stomach flipped when she laughed at his quips. And it was Luke, teaching him how to use Riptide to prepare when the monsters got too close for comfort. For the first time Percy wasn’t just Percy . It wasn’t just “I” anymore.
It was “ we ”.
Could
Percy is covered in sweat and blood.
The aftermath of the battle of Manhattan, as many campers are titling it, is chaotic to say the least.
Dirty orange shirts are scattered, some carrying each other to shuffle to a med tent, others dragging bodies to one of the carts headed to camp for rites. Damage from the battle is spread as well, concrete rubble across the street like a giant sprinkling breadcrumbs, and burn marks from Greek fire inbetween.
Percy finds himself on a surprisingly unscathed bench and watches the groups go their ways. He knows the Mist will fix this somehow–no doubt with a touch of the Gods’ help–but the weight of the destruction rests heavy on his shoulders.
Percy is sixteen and has just finished what will be the first of his major battles.
Percy is a teenager who just had to watch the person who made him feel at home for the first time in his life die. And while it’s true that Luke did destroy their relationship first and went about his goals in the wrong way, the pain of seeing his gold eyes flash back to blue was harder than anything he’d faced before.
A part of him can’t help but wonder, could it have been different?
If he managed to convince Luke to change, to see there was a better way to achieve his goal–something Percy only achieved after Luke’s death–he could’ve saved him.
A hand slips into his, pulling Percy away from his spiral.
“You can’t keep thinking about it.” Annabeth says quietly, holding his hand and watching the people with him. Percy swallows, the lump of grief thick as it goes down. “How can I when I got what he wanted for years in the span of a day?”
Annabeth releases a deep breath, and shrugs sadly. “Fate is cruel Percy.” Percy lets out a shaky laugh, out of everyone he knows just how cruel it can be. “But you did it. You got what every demigod has wanted for centuries. To be seen. Heard. Claimed . Honor him by recognizing you did the impossible. You got the gods to listen.” Annabeth turns to him now, the serious in her eyes killing whatever retort he had building. “Could it have been different? Probably. But if it had been then nothing would be as it is now. Some of the campers who lived may have died. And those who died may have survived.” Percy flicks his eyes over to the med tent down the street, with a cart just outside and growing full before turning his attention back to Annabeth.
“Things could’ve been different, but they might not have. You can’t think about your mistakes and what you could’ve done better. Because what you did Percy,” she grabs his other hand and holds them close. “You did something amazing, and now dozens of kids won’t grow up with the question we had. We have our future to think about.”
Her hands are warm in his own, and are just as grimey with the aftermath of the battle coating each digit. He smiles at her sadly, but the weight of grief is lightened for now, and his focus is on the future. Their future.
Annabeth stands, and offers her hand again, grime and all, and Percy takes it happily, ready to face the future head on, hand in hand.
Hold
Percy can’t remember where he is. Or who. Which, yes is a concerning fact, but it’s not like he has anywhere pressing to be. That is, he doesn’t think so.
He’s been wandering around for a while, unsure of where to go. The only contact he’s had with anything living is the stray dogs that rub against him when he sleeps in parks. He can’t remember when he last touched a person, hugged them or held their hand. But then again he can’t remember much besides two things.
His name, obviously, is Percy. He knows that. And the other thing, also a name.
Annabeth.
Percy knows that he has to find Annabeth and things would be better and make more sense. Then maybe he won’t be getting physical touch from stray animals who want food, but from someone who knows him and can help him fill in the blank pieces of his mental puzzle.
He just needs to hold on and wait a little longer.
On
Things couldn’t be worse.
Percy’s arm strains, and he slips down further.
This was supposed to be a good day. Percy was supposed to go on a nice date with Annabeth for the first time in ages. They both had needed it, after Percy went missing and lost his memory for half a year and Annabeth had spent that half a year searching for him. And then they were stuck on a ship with five other teenagers with no privacy to the point that even holding hands with his girlfriend feels like something they shouldn’t do in front of the others.
Annabeth gasps, causing Percy to try and pull her up higher but Arachne’s web was too tightly wrapped around her legs. It was taking all of Percy’s strength just to keep them both from falling.
“I got you it’s going to be okay just keep holding my hand!” Percy shouts down, trying to ignore the screaming pain stretching through his shoulder and down his hand on the edge of the pit. He can hear the rest of the Argo II crew yelling above him and he prays to any gods that give a damn about the savior of Olympus to give some support in any way.
Arachne snarls from below, and suddenly cracking sounds from around Percy. The little bit of foundation he had managed to grasp to keep the two of them from falling starts to chip away and dread flows down from Percy’s head down to his stomach. He looks down and sees Annabeth looking up at him.
“Just…just hold
on
.” He calls out and tries again to pull Annabeth up higher, only this time his grip in Annabeth’s hand slips and panic fills him.
Annabeth’s eyes are watery as she looks up at Percy after glancing down at Arachne. Awareness tingles at the back of Percy’s mind but there’s no time to react before Annabeth mouths “I love you” and lets go.
Percy screams as she drops down to Tarturus and starts to let go when Jason and Frank are dragging him up.
“No let me go let me–I need to go after her!” He screams, throwing their arms off of him and attempting to run back to the edge only for Piper to charmspeak him to calm down.
~
When Percy wakes up on the ship, he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t eat. He doesn’t leave his bunk. After a few days and many attempts by the others he finally speaks.
“
If only we could hold on.
”