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Bucky was sitting on the porch with a cigarette in his mouth while he watched the boys play outside. He picked up the smoking habit about 2 months into living with Sam
"You know you will get ill from smoking those" Sam slowly walks up behind him
"Hmm. Well I heal pretty quick so I think i'll be fine"
Sam sits by the side of Bucky
As he watches the boys play, Bucky rubs his metal arm through his long-sleeved shirt. It gives off an anxious vibe to Sam and he picks up on it
"You alright?"
"Hmm? Oh I'm fine"
"You seem a little on edge"
Bucky looks at him
"I'm good, fine... I'm fine. I miss being a kid and having no care in the world like your nephews"
"Yeah well, we all have to grow up sometimes. Especially you. What are you like 500 years old?"
"Wow Sam"
"300?"
Bucky pushes him away playfully and stands up
"I need to go shopping. You coming?" Sam looks at him
"Yeah just let me get changed"
"Changed? You're fine with what you have on"
"I- well I just want to get into something warmer"
"Buck... You are already dressed for winter and have told me many times that you don't feel the cold anymore. What's going on?"
"Nothing Sam just drop it"
Bucky walks away and grabs a jacket, he looks in the mirror at his metal hand through his long-sleeved shirt and decides to go with gloves. He walks out to Sam and Sam looks at him with a knowing look but doesn't say anything. As they walk out and head towards the town, Bucky seems more on edge and is pulling at his jacket sleeve with anxiety. Sam has dealt with PTSD and anxiety patients before and knows the signs of heightened anxiety and stress.
"You sure you're ok man?" Sam looks at him
"Fine"
A few people look at them both as they walk. People know Sam obviously but a few recognize Bucky from seeing him on the news a few years ago and from being a friend of Sam. A few come up to them, especially kids
"Hey! Could my son get a picture with you two?"
"Uh, sure! Why not" Sam smiles and stands next to the kid
Bucky follows
"Could I see your metal arm? It's so cool and scary!" The kid pulls on Bucky's sleeve
"I uh...S..sure" Bucky takes off his jacket and rolls up his sleeve to show the kid his arm
The child touches it and it whirs a little which makes the kid jump
"I uh I'm sorry it does that" Bucky looks anxious
"Have you ever hurt someone with it?"
Bucky looks at the kid and panics a little
"I uh... I can't remember" Bucky lies and feels the tug on his heart
Sam looks at him and notices the panic
"I think you could probably hurt me with it. It looks pretty scary"
"Alright, I think the big old Winter Soldier here needs to get back home for some rest yeah? See you around kid"
"Byeee"
The kid and his mother walk away and Bucky puts his jacket back on and is having a silent panic attack trying not to make it obvious but his breathing is very frantic under his breath.
"Hey Buck, everything ok?"
Bucky nods but feels his heart racing
They keep walking and Bucky is tugging on his sleeve
"Buck?"
Bucky doesn't respond, his eyes are cast downwards and his breathing is all over the place. He has tears in his eyes
"Hey, Bucky. Bucky stop for a minute" Sam holds his arm
Bucky is having a full-blown panic attack and is breathing heavily and dissociating
"Bucky breathe. You are here with me, you are alright"
Bucky is completely out of it and is staring
"It's alright Buck. Breathe with me, in and out"
Bucky's eyes land on Sam and he realises that Sam has been stroking his metal arm with comfort and sympathy
"That's it just calm your mind and focus on me"
Bucky calms down a little and sighs
"There you go. You alright?"
Bucky nods
"Wanna talk about it?"
"N...not here"
"Alright well you can talk to me about it when we are home"
Sam and Bucky do a bit of shopping and when they are finished, they walk home. When they get back, Sam invites Bucky to his room
"Sit down. Wanna talk about what happened earlier?" Sam sits on his bed
"I- I think I'm uncomfortable with people seeing my arm"
Sam is surprised he told him but then again he has been seeing a new therapist after his last one was not great
"What makes you uncomfortable about it?"
"It's um. Look at earlier... that kid asked me if I hurt anyone with it. People see it as a weapon and not as part of a disability. I don't have an arm so I use the metal one as a sort of prosthetic. Sure I use it when we fight people or when I'm in battle but when I'm not in some fight, it's just my arm. I don't want people to be scared of me because I don't look like everyone else"
"Buck... I get what you are saying, I do, but not everyone is going to see it like you or I do, especially kids. Cass and AJ love you and love your arm too, they aren't scared of it"
"I have seen them look at me before when I've had my shirt off or I'm showing my arm, Sam. It makes them uncomfortable. It's not the prettiest sight"
"Take your shirt off" Sam says quite bluntly
"W...what?" Bucky is caught off-guard
"Take your shirt off" Sam reiterates
Bucky does as he is told and sits there feeling anxious
Sam looks him in the eyes and smiles and then looks at his torso. He looks at the scarring on Bucky's shoulder and where skin meets metal. He does also notice that Bucky has some self-harm scars around his arm which Sam feels sad while looking at. He brings his fingers up to touch the skin and Bucky flinches
"Sorry. Is this ok?" Sam looks at him
"Y-yeah sorry I just... no one has ever touched it without causing me pain after"
"I promise I won't hurt you and if I do you can tell me to stop"
Bucky nods
Sam brings his fingers to his scars and feels the rough skin, he then lightly feels where his skin meets the metal arm and smiles
"What?"
Sam looks at Bucky
"You don't seem scary to me, Buck"
Bucky looks at him with something Sam can only describe as love which is unnatural on the older man's face
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah... sorry it's just that no one has said that to me before"
Sam takes off his shirt
"Just thought it might be a little strange for you to be sat here without your shirt on so I thought I'd join you" Sam smirks
Bucky looks at Sam's torso and sees that Sam also has scars and is proud to show them off
"I- uh you um-" Bucky is flustered
"I look good? Why thank you, Buck"
Bucky blushes and looks down
"I've never seen you blush before. It's cute"
"Shut up"
"I have a question" Sam looks at him
"What?"
"Do you like me?"
"Do I- I like you?"
"Yeah"
Bucky doesn't meet his eyes and takes a deep breath
"I do"
"In what way?" Sam smiles
"I really like you"
"Oh yeah? You really like me? Well I really like you too, Buck"
"You do? Why?" Bucky's self-loathing comes into full effect
"What's not to love Bucky" Sam uses the word love and Bucky's heart flips
"Many things"
"Like?"
"You know me, Sam. You know what I've done"
"I know but your past doesn't define you. You are free"
Bucky keeps his eyes on the bed
"You know my name isn't actually Bucky yeah?"
"Yeah it's James isn't it?"
"Yeah... James is my first name and Bucky kind comes from my middle name. Steve started calling me Bucky when we were kids and it kinda stuck. He was the first guy I ever..."
"Loved?"
"Yeah..."
"How did you find that, living in the time you were in?"
Bucky sighs
"I didn't say anything. I didn't want to be an outcast or to be looked down on. I was a sergeant in the war so I had to have some level of normalcy about me otherwise who would follow me? I still kind of don't know what to feel about it. I missed out on a lot of years I could have used for some experimentation. Instead, the experimentation was forced on me and not in the way I would have liked"
"Oh, Bucky... hey you know Cass and AJ see you as another uncle. If you would like to do some experimenting, in the fun way, you know where to find me" Sam smiles
Bucky chuckles a little and nods
"Sure"
"Right let's go down for some dinner, I think Sarah has made something for all of us"
"Sounds good" Bucky looks at his shirt and decides to leave it to put on a vest instead. Sam looks pleased
They go downstairs and greet Sarah and the boys
"Uncle Bucky!" AJ and Cass run to him and hold his metal arm
Bucky looks at Sam with a questioning look
"I told you"
"Uncle Bucky? Well I guess that fits" Sarah looks at the two men and smirks
Sarah notices that Bucky is not wearing his usual long-sleeved shirt to cover up his arm and looks at Sam. She drags Sam into the living room
"So you managed to get him to stop wearing those shirts huh? Good because I keep getting hot thinking about him wearing those multiple layers to cover that arm of his"
"He is testing out being a bit more comfortable with showing his arm"
"He was self-conscious?"
"Hmm. Plus he said he liked me"
"What?! Really?"
"Yeah" Sam smiles "Didn't expect that either. Especially not from an over-100-year-old man who I thought would have the views of his generation"
Sam and Sarah look through to the kitchen to see Cass and AJ sticking magnets to Bucky's arm and smile
"Well he is great with kids"
"He thought that the boys were scared of him but look at them in there. He is the perfect uncle, well aside from me"
Sarah smiles
"So you two together?"
"Working on it" Sam smirks
Sam and Sarah walk back into the kitchen and eat their dinner. Sam watches Bucky as he talks to his nephews about their new video game which the older man gets a bit confused by but he still looks like he is enjoying the conversation
After Sarah puts the boys to bed and goes to her room, Sam and Bucky stay in the living room
"You know you don't have to sleep on the sofa. You could sleep in my room"
"I don't know. I don't know if it would be a good idea. I wouldn't want to wake you up"
"If you do, that's fine"
Bucky looks at Sam
"Where would I sleep?"
"You could sleep in my bed or the floor, I don't mind"
Bucky looks at him with a raised eyebrow
"Yes Bucky, I said you can sleep in my bed" Sam laughs
"I don't know why you would ever want to share a bed with me"
"You put yourself down a lot, Buck you know that? You are like MAJORLY attractive and if you are sleeping in my bed, it means I get to be closer to those abs"
Bucky blushes and awkwardly laughs
"You sound cute when you laugh"
"God stop"
Sam smiles and grabs his hand. They run up to Sam's room and Sam gets on the bed. He takes his shirt and jeans off so he is just in his boxers and gets under the duvet. Bucky looks at him and wonders what to do
"You aren't going to be sleeping in that many layers Buck surely"
Bucky looks down at himself and still feels self-conscious
"Want help?" Sam smiles
Bucky nods and stands there as Sam wanders over from off the bed and stands in front of him. He gently removes Bucky's tank top and then slides Bucky's cargos down so that he is standing there in just his boxers
"See that wasn't so hard now was it?" Sam smirks
Bucky blushes as he realises that they are both standing there in their boxers
Sam reaches his hands out to touch Bucky's torso and down to his abs
Bucky breathes out deeply and closes his eyes
Sam smiles and goes to kiss the scars on Bucky's shoulder which elicits a gasp from Bucky and a sound that Sam smirks at. He then looks at Bucky's face and sees the bliss in it
"Do you like that?" Sam smirks
"I- uh. Yeah" Bucky opens his eyes and looks at him
"Mmm I can tell" Sam pulls a little at the waistband of Bucky's boxers
"I um... I've never..."
"I gathered. It's fine, we can take it slow"
Bucky looks down at himself and still feels very self-conscious and he looks like he is trying to cover himself up
"Hey" Sam cups his face in his hands "I love every part of you, Bucky. Nothing will make me feel scared of you"
Bucky smiles and kisses Sam which takes Sam by surprise. It's gentle which Sam also wasn't expecting. It was nice
"Sorry"
"What for?"
"Kissing you, I don't know it just came over me"
Sam smiles at him "I liked it"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah"
Bucky rests his forehead on Sam's shoulder and smiles
Sam kisses Bucky's neck and Bucky moans a little
"Hmm I can see you like that"
"Shut up"
"Does it feel good?"
Sam sucks at his neck a little, leaving a little bruise that slowly starts to heal. It makes Bucky shiver
"Wanna lay down?"
Bucky nods
They lay down on the bed together and Sam gets on top of Bucky and straddles his waist. He runs his hands down his abs and then starts kissing them while his hands rest on Bucky's waistband
Bucky is moaning and Sam can feel him getting harder
"How long has it been since anyone has touched you like this?"
"A long time"
"Well let me make you feel good then"
Bucky smiles at Sam and watches as he plays with Bucky's waistband and then puts a hand on his cock. It makes Bucky gasp and moan. Sam starts playing with his cock and delights in watching Bucky's face and how flushed it's getting
"Sam... fuck"
"You sound so pretty when you make noises like that"
Bucky looks at him and smiles
Sam makes Bucky feel good and then lays down on the bed and smiles
"Come here"
Bucky lays down beside him and snuggles up to him
"You are adorable"
"Shut up"
Bucky lays his metal arm across Sam's chest and snuggles up to him, resting his face on his neck
Sam lays there and in 5 minutes, Bucky has fallen asleep
Sam watches as Bucky slightly talks in his sleep and snuggles closer to Sam
"How have I never seen this before?" Sam smiles
"You are adorable"