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“Dean...” Said the angel in a rough, ruffled voice as his blue glimmering eyes gazed into Dean’s forest green ones.
“Let go, Cas.” Replied Dean in an ice cold tone as he tried to shake off Cas’ hand that stubbornly clanged to his sleeve despite the weak state the angel was in.
“Dean, I can’t let you leave.” And with that, he shakily stood up, holding the Winchester’s gaze as he did, without breaking the eye contact for a second.
Dean just stared at him before, without warning striking him in the face with his knuckles, still holding the angel blade in his hand. Cas lost his balance and stumbled backwards, pulling Dean with him as they fell to the floor. The angel stared at the hunter his eyes only displaying pure affection and devotion towards him as he straddled him, pinning his hands above Cas’ head against the floor with his left hand while his right hand still held the angel blade in his tight grip. Even then Cas still held into the hunter’s sleeve.
“I told you to get out of my way.” The hunter growled sending shivers down Castiel’s spine.
He raised the blade in the air ready to strike without hesitation as he observed the angel’s face. Castiel looked straight into the hunter’s eyes holding his gaze, his faith in the older Winchester unshakable. It happened in seconds, that Dean brought down the blade towards the angel, who tensed slightly at the hunters action, but didn’t close his eyes.
The pain didn’t come though, and realization hit him as he let go of the sleeve. The blade was merely inches away from him jabbed into a book beside his head. He felt Dean, who was still sitting on him, tense as he registered what he had almost done. He rigidly removed himself off of the angel, backing off against the wall shakily, stumbling on the way and slid down to the floor, breathing heavily. Cas sat up, noticing Dean’s shocked features as he crawled over to him concern flashing across his face.
“Dean?” He muttered softly as he crouched opposite Dean.
The hunter just covered his face with his hands as if to disappear from the distressed angel in front of him. He slowly let his hands fall into his lap as he turned his head towards the ceiling with closed eyes. His breathing hitched as he felt a gentle touch on his hand. He opened his eyes, and saw Cas looking at him and tenderly squeezed his hand for a second as if to provide comfort and reassure the hunter that he is here for him.
The hunter swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat with little success. He then opened his mouth to speak, but the words just didn’t seem to want to come. Dean let his mouth hang open as his head fell back against the wall. Cas could only witness Dean’s inner battle in silence until the hunter suddenly spoke in a low whisper.
“I can’t do this anymore Cas.” He uttered, his voice threatening to break on the angel's name. “I can’t control it.”
“Dean...” Castiel gaped at him, flustered at Dean’s desperate tone. “ There must be a way-” He tried to reason but the hunter cut him off.
“No, no there isn’t. Nothing that doesn’t destroy the world at least, and you know that Cas.” The hunter explained as he tightened his grasp around the angel’s hand, emphasizing his point in the matter.
Hearing these words, Castiel felt like the earth just opened up below him, swallowing him into cool pitch black nothing.
“Please, don’t say that you want me to...” His voice trailed off at the end as he hung his head, sealing his eyes shut.
“Cas... Hey, bud. I'm sorry about all of this.” He said, touching the angel’s face with his hand and soothingly caressing his cheek with his thumb.
Castiel raised his head, peering at the hunter with his icy blue eyes a miserable expression plastered on his face. He looked like a puppy that got kicked and left on the streets, all alone on a stormy day. It caused Dean to feel a wave of guilt wash over him and he swore, he could hear his heart break at the sight of the angel before him appearing so shattered.
“Look Cas, I can’t stay here. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. Please, don’t make me do that.” He plead, as the angel facing him winced, his face reflecting clear agony.
After an excruciating silence, Castiel nodded and let go of the hunter’s hand. Dean instantly missed his warmth and the comfort the angels hand provided. Cas remained there rigidly, while Dean hoisted himself up from the floor and lingered there for a second as he took a last glance at the angel before beginning to drift away.
He heard a quiet whimper leave from the angels direction, but he didn’t dare look back, fearing that if he did he would be unable to leave. So he left without another word leaving Castiel forsaken in the bunker where the only sound filling the empty place was the angel’s choked back sobs.
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The slamming of the bunkers entrance broke the suffocating quietness that fell upon the bunker when the older Winchester left. The noise was followed by the sound of Sam’s stride which was getting louder with each step as he got closer.
“Dean?! Cas?!” A familiar voice yelled, increasing in volume as Sam approached.
Cas hung his head bracing himself for having to explain how he let Dean slip away so easily, ashamed for not stopping him but at the same time knowing that if he’d have the chance to stop Dean again he wouldn’t do differently. He wouldn't be able to stop him. The torment and sorrow in the hunter’s voice was unbearable for him and he was unable to not let him go.
The loud steps came to a halt, as Sam caught a glimpse of the dishevel angel who was sitting on the floor, hunched over with his head hanging down. Sam felt alarmed by how crestfallen the angel looked.
“Cas?” Sam called out cautiously as he took a few steps towards him. “What happened? Where’s Dean?”
Cas lifted his head up, revealing his tear stained face and eyes which were red from crying. He was still shaking as he bit down on his lower lip telling everything without a word. Dean left.