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Heads.
All around N, so many heads.
They rolled, detached from their bodies, skin of the head and face crawling the surface of the mansion. Some were robots, those who turned away with hostile scowls from him when he waved. The ones V and J ushered him from, insisting he didn’t associate with them.
N didn’t know what the humans did with those other robots. He wasn’t sure he wanted to, as thinking about the life these robots could have kept their grasp on left him with a stab of sorrow gaping in his chest.
Goddamnit, don’t say stab.
The rest of the heads were human- N knew that much, only because Cyn had accidentally killed a visitor for being too touchy with the robots. They both meant well, N knew- the human wanted to learn more about robots, so of course he was so eager that he didn’t even wait to put his hand all over N.
As for Cyn… Cyn just wanted to protect him. Cyn was scared- that’s it, she just scared easily, and reacted scarily quickly, especially for such a small, sweet robot. Cyn was his little sister, basically. She was harmless.
Or so he had thought.
With a grimace, shudder and a little kick, N discarded a pale head- long, thin, and straight brown hair in patches. Equally sickly brown eyes gazed back at him hauntedley with the kick, as though he had just hit somebody with a car.
“Humans don’t look like that,” N said with a squint. Nevertheless, the drone continued onward, eager to collect V, J, Tessa and Cyn, and escape.
As he walked on, tail swinging behind him and occasionally lodging into a human head (don’tscreamdon’tscreamdon’tscreamdon’tscream), he noticed the humans got… sicklier looking. Weaker, if that was possible for a disembodied head.
N was just begging to Robo-Jesus his friends were alright.
After walking past the discolored head of a golden retriever, gentle tongue lolling out of its petite mouth, N almost burst into tears. How was he so numb to this? To his home- well, Tessa’s home- being trashed so horribly? Why had this even happened?
It was a ball, his brain reminded him instantly. A ball, in which Tessa’s parents unfortunately invited almost every family above medium wage they knew. The party was simmering, and the sound of a band quartet wafted up to the robot’s room, where the robots were waiting with Tessa.
Had N even minded the constant exclusion, alienation from the humans? Had it stung? He didn’t know- he didn’t remember emotions. He tried to reach deep inside of himself, but he couldn’t drag a single feeling out.
Even as his body walked and sobbed at the bloodbath, he felt numb and alienated as ever, almost dissociative. It was an emotional necrosis. He couldn’t feel.
He felt like he was underwater, floundering desperately for a single breath of air, just a single feeling. But they were gone. Wrapped up in a miniscule box and stuffed away.
After the first couple screams were heard that weren’t delight, Tessa had gotten up and gone downstairs to tell the guests to shut up. J had been waiting for her by the railing, V picking at her nails, Cyn rolling a loose piece of flooring she found on the ground. And N had been…
He didn’t remember what he was doing; what he was feeling.
He just remembered that when another scream was heard, and Tessa still wasn’t back, J had dashed downstairs, and V and Cyn had dashed into hiding.
Speaking of, N had finally, finally noticed Cyn, standing in the mass of heads and bodies, kneeled over Tessa, who, thankfully, was still in one piece, her human figure slumped and unconscious.
That was good, N thought. He would find V and J, too. Things were going to be fine.
He didn’t feel it.
“N?”
The taller robot groaned, sitting up in a bed and starting back when large purple eyes blinked in his face.
Purple.
Uzi.
A smile spread across his features. “Uzi!” the disassembly drone chirped, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend’s waist. Uzi returned the hug, but hesitantly, patting his back awkwardly.
When N pulled away from Uzi’s slightly limp, robotic grasp, there was blood staining her sweatshirt. Black, sticky, terrible.
“Oh my gosh, Uzi, are you okay?” N asked immediately, inspecting the endearingly emo outfit, to find that there were no cuts or rips… anywhere.
Face crinkling in worry, Uzi shook her head. “No, I’m fine. But, N… you got stabbed.” She hesitated to blurt out the last part, but once she said it, there was no going back. The other robot’s gray hair swished behind him as he darted to the mirror.
A gash dribbled down N’s elongated torso, liquid seeping through his clothes. He could see the hole in his body.
So, with a sinking feeling, he asked, why couldn’t he feel it?
Why couldn’t he feel pain?
N turned to Uzi, eyes wide and hands trembling. Uzi held him with a sigh, rubbing his back as electronic tears came to N’s eyes. “You’re doing that necrosis thing again, aren’t you?” she whispered to him. “Where your body shuts down to everything it thinks is going to hurt you.” Her eyes creased, tortured. “Even if you need to. Oh, N, you can’t feel pain, can you?”
N shook his head, sinking to his knees, hugging them tight as he began to hyperventilate. Even though he couldn’t feel pain, his body felt like it was on fire, and everything hurt.
“I can’t,” N admitted, a whisper shrouded in shadows, alienated and hurting, but not hurting, leading for the hurt to escalate even more. A vicious cycle. “I still can’t.”