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Misaki watches.
He sees the sharp arch of a dark brow and the cruel twist of a mouth. He sees hands on hips and legs placed in a confident stance. He sees a face and frame that is reminiscent yet also so very different from one that is familiar and special to him.
He sees the way Saruhiko tenses, how his shoulders hunch and he seems to try to cave in on himself. He sees the flash of something in Saruhiko’s eyes, something that he instinctively knows he would never have in his own eyes when he looks at his mother, even if he doesn't have a word for it. He sees the way Saruhiko moves his body between them, blocks him from sight. He sees the way Saruhiko’s chest moves more rapidly, pulling breath in and pushing it back out at a pace faster than normal, faster than he was before.
He sees the front door close before him, every time, as he is rushed out with feigned excuses. He sees Saruhiko take a deep breath once they're outside. He sees Saruhiko’s hands shake for a moment, barely seen before a tight smile appears on his lips. He sees Saruhiko reassure him, tell him it's fine, tell him he'll see him at school tomorrow. He sees Saruhiko hesitate just a moment, every time, before he goes back inside alone.
He sees Saruhiko at school the next day, like he promised, looking more tired than usual. He sees the dark circles under his eyes, the shorter temper and the way Saruhiko is less talkative than usual, which is saying something. He sees the way Saruhiko is more likely to skip class, spend time in the bathroom or on the roof instead, distracting himself with his PDA or his music.
He sees how Saruhiko looks anxious then angry whenever he tries to bring it up. He sees how Saruhiko changes the subject immediately when he tries to bring him up. He sees Saruhiko trying to shut down and withdraw and he thinks it's best to drop it, to distract Saruhiko and try to make him smile or laugh instead. He sees the relief on Saruhiko’s face when he does and he can't help but think that was the right call to make.
He sees the familiar-yet-not face more often than he would like, though it's not often at all. He sees the way brown eyes light up in amusement when he is noticed, though it is a different light than the one he likes to see in blue ones. He sees the way his lips twitch, as if he has a secret joke only he knows, but one he wants to share, whether anyone likes it or not, a joke that you're the butt of. He sees the way those taunting lips form innocuous seeming words, ones he never quite understands, either plainly or the deeper meaning behind. He sees the smirk that forms when the words dip from seemingly harmless to seemingly taunting, things he's never heard an adult say to a child, a parent say to their son, and he isn't sure if he's heard them right, he must be mistaken. He sees the look in his eyes which seem to belie that train of thought.
He sees the look on Saruhiko’s face when he walks in on them, realizes it's not only the two of them in the big house again. He sees the way Saruhiko stops, unsure of what move to make, feet hesitating to move without knowing the outcome of such an action. He sees him turn his gaze into Saruhiko, his lips curling up even more, eyes narrowing in further joy. He sees a hand grabbing his as Saruhiko pulls him away again, to the familiar front door. He sees a repeating scene play once again and he wonders if this time he should say something, do something different. He watches the door shut in his face, his words brushed off again, as if the loop of this scene is unable to be altered.
He sees Saruhiko's eyes widen in surprise when he tells him he doesn't need a home like that. He sees the small hidden smile that crosses Saruhiko's lips. He sees Saruhiko look at him and agree to move in with him, to create their own secret base. He sees Saruhiko fall back into their old patterns, talking about how they will build a rocket and make impossible things possible and it makes him grin wide in return.
He sees the way Saruhiko freezes with the coke halfway to his lips when he mentions him being sick. He sees Saruhiko's blank face from the corner of his eye as he skirts the topic, changes it completely. He sees Saruhiko relax when he talks about his failure at gaming instead and lets it go.
He sees Saruhiko sleep, brow furrowed with a deep frown on his face in their new apartment. He sees the frown become less and less pronounced every week, every month they live together, every week, every month Saruhiko doesn't see him, until it disappears completely and all he sees is a peaceful face. He sees Saruhiko tense less often, look around suspiciously less as time goes on. He sees the Saruhiko he loves most, the fun, sarcastic, capable of anything Saruhiko more and more the more time they are alone in their small world. He sees himself smile in the mirror every day that he could help bring out this Saruhiko.
He sees the look on Saruhiko’s face when he gets the phone call. He sees Saruhiko's hands tense and tighten their grip, the way his face goes blank. He sees the carefully composed look on Saruhiko's face when he tells him he died. He sees how Saruhiko does not seem sad, but also not particularly happy, more like he can't decide how to feel, what to show, though there is obvious anger present in Saruhiko's eyes. He sees it's better for him not to say anything except to tell Saruhiko he's always there for him. He sees Saruhiko's eyes flash with surprise before he brushes it off, changing the topic as usual. He sees Saruhiko's shoulders relax.
Misaki watched and will always wonder if he should have done more than that.