Work Text:
“... I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
The applause and cheers came right away. Each one of the guests at that small, private ceremony looked so happy to see the bride and the groom sharing their first kiss as a married couple, that Utahime for a moment forgot that she felt awkward.
She had accepted the invitation when Kugisaki Nobara called her a couple of months ago and personally invited her to the wedding. ‘It'll be a small thing, but I'd like you to be there’, was what the girl said after a long back and forth between visits, chat messages and a lot of memes on LINE over the years.
She couldn’t believe it'd been six years since then.
Utahime had taken a liking to the girl after the incident with Sukuna in Shinjuku. It seemed that the affection was reciprocated regardless.
However, Utahime had been reluctant to attend such an event, despite having RSVP'd since the invitation arrived.
She was there nonetheless, trying to fit in the middle of the many ex-students and sorcerer colleagues. Whatever Nobara had in mind when she said it would be a small wedding revenue, she clearly lied. The chapel was full of people, and surely there’ll be more to come when they move to the reception.
And Utahime had sworn she wouldn’t go to a wedding anymore.
Of course, there were things more awkward than attending a wedding when she clearly wasn’t fond of them anymore. For example, meeting people she knew would be at the party, but she didn’t want to see them again.
And then she would berate herself for the umpteenth time for agreeing to be there, despite Shōko never leaving her side.
(Like a hurtful reminder of what she had resigned herself not to have. Like the friendly reminder of what couldn’t be.)
Gojō Satoru was among the people.
Utahime surprised herself at seeing him among his past students, like a devoted father next to them, accompanying them during the ceremony as if there wasn’t anything more important than them at the moment.
She thought she wouldn’t see him anymore— not in a non-official setting, at least.
When things within the sorcery society calmed down, with all the changes in the world due to the end of the Culling Games, the end of the battle against Sukuna and the return of Gojō Satoru from the dead; the first thing that shook their world was the resignation of the latter and strongest sorcerer of the present time, to the sorcery hierarchy.
And she dreaded meeting him above everything else during her stay at the party.
(Because whenever she imagined herself in a setting like the one she was in at that moment, she could picture herself all dressed in white, and a man in a groom suit waiting for her in the aisle, eyes bluer than the sky and the ocean fused together and white hairs like the snow—)
Utahime had given up on that dream years ago. When men ran away as soon as they realized she was scarred. When she saw the years passing by and not a single man she dated sought anything serious. When most of her friends got married and joked about how Utahime would remain a bachelorette if she didn’t find the right one soon.
(But she was doomed in that regard because the man who would love her despite her scar, probably didn’t exist in the country anyway.)
Shōko was still single, but she wasn’t interested in the romanticism or the life as a couple and what it entailed anyway; so Utahime didn’t feel pressured by her. And she knew Mei Mei and Kusakabe had a situationship for an unaccounted amount of time and they were very private about it, so Utahime wasn’t daunted by them either.
But when she looked at Gojō Satoru, who was the closest to Yūji and Nobara as they took pictures, and saw him taking pictures as well of the bride and the groom without fail; she couldn’t help but smile at how lively he was.
She once thought all of her past dreams could be with him. In the past, before she got that ugly scar that showed her imperfections as a woman and as a sorceress, but she bore with pride. It was the ultimate proof she was strong enough to survive and lived to tell. He once told her that the scar didn’t change who she truly was, it was just a reminder of how alive she was.
But still, she didn't let him stay closer after that.
Now, for the look of his behavior in the distance, Utahime assumed he hadn’t changed a bit since the last time they spoke properly and out of work-related stuff.
Shōko teased her about being a recluse, as none of those kids— now tasting the waters of adulthood— had seen her for a while. She didn't hide from anyone, they simply didn't reach her anymore.
Shōko also accused her of being an avoidant, as she hadn't had the guts to meet Gojō face-to-face for some reason Utahime never said.
Still, whoever she met during the ceremony and followed after to the reception, was lovely and she responded in kind. Every single ex-student greeted her with emotion and joy to see her again.
Shōko was a bit unfair putting the blame entirely on her. They were adults living their own lives. Exactly the same as her.
She wasn't supposed to know Okkotsu and Maki-san were expecting a baby so young. Or that Megumi-kun was now dating Kurusu Hana, as well as Nishimiya and Kamo-kun. All of them were fine sorcerers with lives outside school, fully supported by the constant patronage of the Three Great Families, whose only function nowadays was to keep the fund coming.
Miwa —now working as a teacher assistant— hadn't mentioned any of that whenever they met to review the teaching plans. Neither did Nobara during the passing years. She was supposed to be left behind.
So why, all of a sudden, did they treat her like they wanted her back again?
She was so different from Gojō, whose life seemed cautiously threaded around those kids. Utahime always had the hunch that he decided to stick with them, and everybody welcomed him because they all shared something in common.
Loneliness.
She wasn't lonely at all. She had her students and the assistant managers, and Kusakabe, above his management of the sorcery world as a whole, was considering appointing her as the Principal of both sorcery schools.
It wasn't the same for Gojō.
(Yes, a part of her, deep inside, wished for years to be the reason he didn't feel alone anymore, but she had already accepted her fate.)
(And that's why she refused to go to weddings— to stop herself from daydreaming about things that wouldn't come.)
“Sensei!” Nobara yelled with emotion when they met at last. She was glowing with happiness, her fluffy wedding dress moving gracefully with her as they met in an embrace. “I’m so happy you could come!” Her eye was sparkling with love and joy, and Utahime was utterly convinced she had never seen a bride this ecstatic before.
“I said I would!” Utahime forced her best smile toward the bride, and Yūji, following close, reached for them as she received him as well in her embrace. “I hope you both know what you're getting into!” She admonished them with a light and teasing tone before letting them go.
It would be unfair to make them regret their decisions when she was truly happy for them. The problem was within her, and she was wiser than to burden them with it anyway.
“Again with that?” Nobara huffed with a teasing pout as well, and then she giggled back at Yūji, taking his hands between hers.
“No wonder Gojō-sensei is-!” Yūji wondered for a moment before Nobara stomped a hand in his mouth to keep him shut, and Utahime just looked at them with a smile, all weirded out.
“You better treat her well, you hear me, Yūji-kun? You too as well, Nobara-chan!” She looked at them with certain pride in her eyes as the newlyweds broke free from the sudden small wrestling match they were fighting in with a dazzling smile, the thrill of the future opening before their eyes.
“Of course!” Nobara said with certainty, hurrying to hug her again. Then, with the loudest voice she could conjure inside her embrace, she spoke— she rather yelled, “And I really wish you could find someone charming and nice who treats you nice as well, you hear me?”
Utahime failed to understand why some people in the crowd made a fuss about the word she had just said, but Utahime just patted her on the shoulder, smiling.
“You don't have to yell, I’m right here.” She chided the bride with tenderness.
“I’m yelling for that idiot one to hear me and come here to find you.” Nobara retorted back, and then she curled up inside her arms.
Utahime felt moved to her core to have such a strong woman falling apart in her arms, touched by her soft remarks and composed demure. She could still remember her energy as a teenager carrying a heavy burden amidst the battle of Shinjuku and how she endured everything to the very end.
And now she was a woman. And now she was married. And despite her wariness about their decision to marry this young—
(When she couldn't imagine herself tying her life to that someone at such a young age…)
Utahime just knew they would be okay.
“Thank you, sensei. Thank you.” Nobara repeated it again and again inside her hug until her guests and Yūji ripped her away from her to keep greeting people and move onto the party.
The reception was lavish, beautiful.
An expensive restaurant was chosen for such a beautiful wedding; and Nobara and Yūji seemed the happiest when Megumi— the groomsman for the couple— threw his toast speech with a little tease and a lot of tears.
“... and surprisingly, all of this— you getting together, you getting married— it was all thanks to Gojō-sensei-!”
Everyone applauded when said man stood from his chair to let them know he was the main sponsor of the newlyweds, his smile gracious and perfect like it always had been. And just for the flash of an instant, Utahime felt the blue of his eyes over her, just to disappear like a ghost when he turned to take a seat.
“Now, Gojō-sensei, on behalf of the groom and the bride, and all our friends here present,” Megumi stared directly at her for the briefest of moments before turning to his mentor and benefactor, sitting a couple of places close to him. “When are you-?”
“CHEERS!” She could see Gojō raising his glass and everybody following behind and toasting at last, interrupting Megumi's speech without any remorse.
“Gojō-sensei, don't be a coward!” Someone in the crowd yelled from a table, making everyone laugh.
Utahime didn't get the joke, but Shōko elbowed her with a laugh in her mouth after finishing her champagne while she smiled uncomfortably. Why did it seem that she was left behind in a place she wasn't meant to be to deal with a joke she couldn't understand? It felt rude, and now she wanted to leave.
The party was warm, full of laughs and smiles, and everybody seemed so happy. The food was top-class on its own, and Utahime felt like indulging herself in tasting some fine wine when the music started to play and people started to move towards the dance floor at last.
Shōko stood from her seat to go to the bathroom when Utahime finally felt it.
She wasn't sure that feeling was there all the way into the night, but she could feel the pressure building steadily on her shoulders and her face, making her breathless.
The heavy stare of Gojō Satoru came from the table where the closest friends and family of the groom and bride were.
Utahime tried to ignore it, but it was particularly hard when she felt the intensity building as a tall figure she knew all too well moved among the tables and the people appearing on his way towards her.
She focused on her wine, trying to move her attention to something else.
“Utahime!” She felt the voice before she finally heard him in her ears, when the prominent presence of Gojō Satoru stood next to her seat at the table. “How nice you decided to come! What are you doing here all alone?”
“Hello to you as well, Gojō.” She said, her fingers gripping her glass tightly as she greeted him with her most polite tone. As if he didn't know her most unhinged side.
(But she was trying so hard to keep the trembling on her hands at bay.)
Considering he seemed so immersed in the wedding and his kids, Utahime was convinced Gojō Satoru hadn't noticed her at all.
Until then.
But now, his direct approach made her question how attentive he had been of her all this time.
“How come you’re so gloomy when a wedding’s supposed to be happy and fun?” Gojō took a seat in the chair Shōko was using minutes ago, crossing a leg above the other one, and Utahime did her best to hold the urge to scowl at him.
(It was easier to be mad at him than to feel vulnerable at all times. But she was having it hard to keep everything contained inside.)
“I’m having plenty of fun in my wine glass, thank you.” And now her instinct to fight or flight was tingling in her ears desperately, urging her to tackle the unexpected meeting or run away as fast as she could.
“C’mon! You come to a wedding to get drunk? That's not nice at all.” He said with a chuckle, his tone teasing. That's when she realized it was still pretty easy to fall for his chit-chat and follow along.
“I didn't ask your opinion.” She answered without thinking.
“Rude.” He smirked before something in his gaze lit up. “Hey, why don't you dance?”
She took her glass for another sip of wine before she explained herself. “A shame, I brought no partner.”
“So, wanna dance with me?” And Utahime almost choked out with her own spit right after she drank her beverage.
“What?”
“Do you wanna dance with me?” He offered a hand to her, a straightforward invitation according to his words. Plain, simple. No hidden intentions.
Utahime saw him with distrust, her hand still holding her drink as she retrieved it from her lips, but now she didn’t even try to hide the soft quiver on her fingers. “Why?”
They hadn’t spoken in a while— at least, she hadn't coincided with him at any of Mei Mei’s or Shōko’s parties in the past months— and she had just assumed his new life’s schedule didn't meet theirs for the time being. This was the first time in years they had a conversation this long.
And besides, this felt like being too close to someone she wasn’t that close to anymore.
(But when they had been close, anyway?)
“Well, considering you look so bored, I thought it would do you a favor to be taken to the dance floor by the most handsome man in the party.” He smiled and she rolled her eyes while the flutter in her stomach lit something inside.
“Why don't you go and ask Shōko to dance with you instead?” She proposed.
“She made a binding vow to never dance with me in her life. It's been going on since we were in school.” He replied with a chuckle, the gesture of his arm stretching towards her still suspended in the space, waiting for her.
“Eeeh, what a shame.”
“C'mon Utahime, just one song. This one is nice and catchy.” He insisted.
She turned around and she could see how a bunch of couples were already on the floor, moving according to the rhythm of the music with its soft tone and the melodic voice of the singer chanting loving words for them to dance.
She realized then that she had never done something like this with Gojō Satoru, who was still waiting for her, seemingly deciding to stay right there until she relented.
(Why was he this insistent, if not to tease her about something later?)
That used to be their dynamic in the past, when they were both teachers and the sorcery world was different, wicked, gloomier, worse.
She stayed with another purpose besides the nurturing of the youths, but to keep the barriers in check until they figured out something better than Ryōmen Sukuna’s remains to contain the cursed energy inside Japan.
After he renounced the sorcery world and disappeared from the radar for a while, he appeared from time to time in the news when the system structure began to take shape.
She was convinced he was reshaping the sorcery world under the wraps. And she was too involved in the world he left behind to even meet again under normal circumstances.
(When did they drift apart, then? And why did it sting somewhere inside?)
Utahime finally looked at him, wary. “Just one?”
The smile that bloomed in the corner of his mouth took shape quite fast as she finally accepted his offering and gave him her hand to take. “I promise.”
As he walked alongside her towards the dance floor, Utahime felt her hand tingling at his touch. He didn't turn to see her, his confidence showing in every step, until they were in the middle of the hall.
That's when he adjusted the grip on her hand, while the other one moved cautiously towards her waist, grazing slightly the naked skin of her lower back, her skin searing at his touch, and she swore between teeth, regretting immediately deciding to use a subtle backless dress.
She felt like blushing, but he didn't say anything as she put her hand on his shoulder and they began to move.
Utahime wondered if perhaps he hadn't noticed the tension growing in her body as they moved along the music, following the slow rhythm of the cords. But they were too quiet, and her thoughts were so loud.
So, Utahime tried to distract her own thoughts by focusing on him.
On him, who was moving skillfully among the people, taking her carefully around people without crashing. It was slow enough so she could keep up with his rhythm until they finally adjusted to something comfortable for both.
He was still charming. His hair was tidy and made it look mature, refined and handsome, and his eyes, despite not matching anymore, gave him those mystic vibes whenever they crossed paths with hers. The scars didn’t matter at all when he was the embodiment of beauty.
And then he finally acknowledged her in front of him, looking at her with curious eyes, the blue left eye melting in the milky mist of the right one, gleaming with a mischievous spark. “You’re staring, Utahime.” He said with a smug smile, and Utahime felt suddenly too exposed to his accusations.
Utahime felt her throat dry and her thoughts growing louder and wilder. And so she spoke. “I was just noticing they seem better.”
“The what?”
“Your stitches’ scar?” She ventured, as her heart was pounding on her chest, gauging carefully the nonchalant reactions of him, trying to find out if he was noticing the way her mind just went to a faraway place, where they met under different circumstances.
“Oh, thank you for noticing!” He smiled at her with pride— Utahime remembered that smile very well— before adding. “The creams you recommended truly did miracles! Wish I could say they worked the same for you.”
There he was. Some quiet among the turmoil inside her mind. And she felt somehow insulted— and somehow stupid— by expecting their first non-official meeting in years would be held in a different mood.
But she felt angry then, and she reacted the quickest she could by kicking him in the shin, the Infinity off as her tiptoes met his skin and bones and he flinched for a second.
“Utahime! I thought you excelled at dancing!” He retorted immediately, a short laugh in the back of his throat, without stopping their waltz.
“You fucking prick! We’re just starting and you are already making fun of me!” Utahime complained instantly as she heard him chuckle.
“C’mon, it’s been a while since we saw each other. Are you gonna tell me you didn't miss my teasing?”
(Yes, yes, she missed him dearly.)
But then, “No, I don't. I really love my peace and quiet.”
“You're gonna break my heart, Utahime.” He feigned a pout as he turned around with her in his arms and they changed slightly in the direction of their dance steps.
Somehow, she felt some tension building on the dance floor, but as she turned around to look at the couples in there, dancing to the soft music, Utahime couldn’t find anything.
And so she turned again to her dance partner, and asked. “So, how have you been?” She asked suddenly as he kept his smile plastered on his face.
“Great. Life has gotten simpler since I left!” He announced without putting much thinking into his response. “The kids are doing great as sorcerers, they don't need the Great Gojō Satoru anymore, and it’s nice to have a much-needed change of pace.” He explained, prideful. “Kusakabe hires me from time to time, though; when the kids are packed with missions and they need someone more... experienced.”
“Yeah, I know.” She saw the reports, the news as well. He wasn't that experienced for his age, but he was the expert on sorcery and cursed energy, even if he failed at explaining to others. And he had a way to charm the government with whatever requests Kusakabe could think of when she or Mei Mei didn’t have the time of the agenda available to aid him with those.
“Oh, so you’re checking up on me? What an attentive senpai!”
“Even after you’re retired, I’m obliged to check on every non-active sorcerer, you know?” She explained while rolling her eyes, and Gojō just smirked some more.
“Okay, if you say so, I’ll keep your secret.” He winked at her, and Utahime huffed with disdain as they swirled around the chorus, their rhythm calm and demure as they moved in synchrony across the dance floor.
Utahime was getting comfortable with the pace, and she somehow felt her head a little clearer as they danced, so she could concentrate on keeping a conversation going without growing awkward again.
“So, what are you doing now?”
“You forget I’m hella rich? I can do whatever I want.” His smile stayed on his lips.
“Right.” Utahime could see to perfection the exact same Gojō Satoru from the past, when all he did was test the patience of everyone in the sorcery school, now directed at her since those days were long gone. “Well, I’m glad you're doing fine.”
“Were you worried about me?”
She felt the churn of emotion as his teasing tone reached her ears. Her face grew hotter at the implications, but her eyes kept locked on him.
(Was it just a figment of her imagination? Or was there some yearning in his tone?)
“No.”
“You keep saying those cruel things.” He said, turning around to see the dancing couples around them, his facial gestures along with his smile twisting quickly into something different she couldn’t exactly identify. “But it’s fine. I like the challenge.”
“Ha?” He shook his head, trying to brush his comment off, and Utahime left him be.
“So, you still teaching?” He turned again to see her, and his face looked at her differently.
“Yeah.” Utahime felt uncomfortable no more. And she was glad the churn in her stomach had calmed at last. She could be like herself without the embarrassment painting her every reaction or movement. She could confront their dance at ease, relieved they were just dancing and not talking about things.
“Doesn't it get boring?”
“You tell me, you were a teacher as well.”
“For two years, I don’t think that’s enough insight for me to answer that.” Utahime felt her smile appear as the corner of her lips curled upward at his humbling comment.
“Every student is different from each other, that makes it kinda refreshing.”
“Eeeh.” He sounded genuinely interested, but he wasn’t looking at her anymore. “You know, I have visited Kyoto School sometimes, but I haven't met you.”
She’d been doing that on purpose, anyway. The less they saw each other, the better for her and her mind.
(And her heart, she was sure.)
“I have other responsibilities as well.” She simply said without going into too much detail.
“Oh. So now you are extra busy?” He turned again to see her, the smirk back on his lips, along with a faked concern in his tone. “Are you taking care of you? I’m starting to see the wrinkles growing in your eyes-...”
And Utahime huffed, leaning her head back with irritation. “You see why I didn't want to dance with you? You can barely keep your mouth shut, so we can finish this quickly.” She paid some attention to the music, but she couldn’t recognize if this was the song they were dancing in the first place. “Is the song not over yet?” She asked with frustration.
“Nope.”
“Fuck.”
They kept dancing in silence, Utahime trying to focus on the song as their dance steps found each other to perfection and in the right place as he guided her, and she followed. Her thoughts were running away in her mind as he made her swirl a little, her inner self chastising her for being so rude with him after properly talking after so many years.
But right when she was about to conjure a proper apology for her blunt remark, he spoke.
“I can't believe it.” Utahime saw him, he wasn't looking at her. He was watching Megumi and Nobara dancing together as Yūji danced along Kurusu Hana, the beginning of a soft smile blooming on his lips.
(The kind of smile he always had for the people he deemed close, but never for her.)
“What?”
“My kids had just married, Utahime!”
She smiled at him gently. “I know. Gods, they are so young. Are they gonna be okay?” She followed his sight to see his students laughing at the groom as he embarrassed himself dancing with the blonde girl.
“I think so, yes.” He assured her, still focused on the kids.
“Didn't you try to coax them into waiting?”
“I did.” Gojō explained right away. “At first, I thought Yūji knocked Nobara up, but she smacked me when I suggested it.” Utahime giggled at the image he put in her mind. Seeing this almighty man let himself get slapped by a girl that wasn’t as strong as him was kinda hilarious and gave her a reminder of the kind of man Gojō Satoru truly was. “And right then, I saw it. They were deeply in love, I could see it in their eyes.” Utahime noticed there was some kind of longing in his eyes as he explained himself. “And I just knew it would be impossible for them to be apart and it would be cruel of me if I separated them.”
Again, the longing in his voice made her stomach empty. Like her body expected something from him as the emotions bubbled up around them, floating around and waiting for her to accept it.
“And besides,” he continued a moment later, his tone lighter and bubblier, “I wouldn't like for them to end like us.”
She clearly got it fucking wrong. This man was just trying to rile her up. So she couldn’t calm herself and kicked him again.
“Asshole!” She accused him, and Gojō laughed.
For an instant, because his laugh died the moment someone on the dance floor broke the mirage of harmony around them, when Okkotsu Yūta and Zen’in Maki walked— not danced, but walked— straight to them, the woman scowling hard at her dance partner.
“Utahime-sensei, is this half-blind idiot making you upset?” She pointed a finger towards the white-haired man as they stopped their dance to pay some attention to the younger couple.
Behind the woman, the always embarrassed Okkotsu Yūta tried to coax her, but to no avail. “Maki, please-!”
“Seriously, Satoru? Just at the grasp of your hands, and you decided to screw it-?” There was something weird in the wording of the Zen’in twin that Utahime failed to understand, but she realized the girl was furious— and her pretty little baby bump reminded her she must remain calm for the sake of her baby— so Utahime urged herself to intervene.
“Everything is okay, Maki-san, don't fret! We were just talking and I wronged my footwork.” Utahime smiled, trying to ease the anger boiling inside the impatient girl, when she turned to see her with a frown, and then she pouted with the wariness in her eyes before returning to Yūta’s arms, throwing a glance full of contempt to Gojō.
“I’m watching you.” She finally said as they moved far away from them.
“Scary~”
Utahime felt the tension again over them. As if they were being watched at all times, and couldn’t help but wonder if Okkotsu and Maki were part of the people attentive to Gojō and her.
(That could be the only explanation as to why they got close that way. But then again, there must have been other reasons.)
Still, something was weird about the recent encounter, and Utahime saw him studying the people around them instead of looking at her. “What was she talking about?”
Gojō didn’t look at her for a moment, but his smile was mysterious on his lips. “Hmmm? I wonder?”
For a moment, she felt in the eye of a hurricane where everybody was acting odd around her, and she didn't get anything. And somehow, she had the hunch that Gojō knew something and was letting her out of it willingly.
She tried to shake her thought off again, trying to distract herself from the uneasiness creeping around, when she tried to change topics and spoke again.
“I saw you crying during the ceremony.”
“Yeah? Well, I'm just happy they are happy.” He said, his smile back again on his lips, but this time it didn’t reach his eyes. She wondered why.
“Nobara-chan looks so beautiful.” She pointed out.
“Of course she does. I paid for that gown, I paid for-... I paid for everything.”
It was Utahime’s turn to smirk. “You sure love those kids, huh?”
“No. Nobara just coaxed me into paying everything after I thought they were pregnant.” And Utahime saw him roll his eyes. She didn’t realize until then how funny it could be to see him doing it.
“Was she the one who chose the Bvlgari?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. She has fine taste.”
“Expensive taste.” He corrected her, his tone bored and unimpressed.
“And yet, you let her have her way.”
“Because she's my kid.”
“So, you really love these kids.” She insisted again, and this time, the smile sparkled something in his eyes.
“Hmmm.” He wondered for a bit. “Yeah, I guess I do.” His smirk was kinda appealing, as the smile curled up to one side alone and she felt dazed for a minute, looking at him. “Still, they let me choose the cake.”
The horrified look she must have given him at that very moment made him bite back his laugh. “Oh no-”
“Yeah!” He continued, proud of himself, but still holding onto his laugh. “Under that sugary deco, there's the best Devil’s food cake you’ve ever eaten!”
Utahime saw him intently.
That was her favorite cake, ever.
He knew it.
“Really?”
(Was it on purpose?)
“Yeah! They let me pick since I was paying!” He bragged about it, proud of himself.
“Oh, are you trying to show off your money?” Her tone was teasing as she tried to calm the confusion that stirred everything inside her body, blurring the ideas in her mind. A dam inside her kept everything in order for her to think coolly.
“Not at all.” He said with a nonchalant tone and she continued.
“Well, it was a nice gesture from them. And Nobara-chan looks so happy.” She commended him for that.
“And so does Yūji.”
“Did you see Megumi-kun was smiling all the time?”
“Really? I never noticed.” He sounded so surprised for her to notice something like that.
“Probably because you were crying like a baby next to him.” It was now her time to smirk at him, but Gojō just followed her along, smirking back at her.
“Aha, yeah. Not because he was seated next to my right.”
“Yeah, definitely nothing at all with your blind eye.” She rolled her eyes, the tease at the tip of her tongue, as they moved gracefully to the center of the dance floor again. She then paid renewed attention to him, and he returned his gaze to her. The way their eyes clashed against each other set a wave of sparkles through her body, and the intensity with which his eyes burned on her made her all weird inside. “Besides, you- you look good.” She said without thinking, and just a second later, she dreaded his reaction as she realized what she had said.
“Handsome?” He tried, out of jokes or teasing, and Utahime relaxed for a moment.
“Yeah, I guess?”
“Thank you! You look fine as well, Utahime.” He replied in kind, and Utahime appreciated it.
“Thank you.”
“In fact-,” he added a moment later, something different in the way his voice sounded as he spoke, “you look perfect, tonight.”
She felt like blushing and held her breath at his earnest compliment, but didn't say anything. Instead, she turned her eyes around to study the couples dancing around them.
She could see Yūta trying to guide Maki around, but she seemed too clumsy and grumpy to keep trying.
Farther away, Nishimiya Momo looked troubled trying to follow the quick lead of Kamo Noritoshi-kun.
And then she met the bride and the groom. They were still glued to each other on the dance floor, smiling, shining, happy.
The thoughts came back to her, rushing intensely as she tried to keep her focus.
She thought one day she would be smiling like that, but it was all gone. With her age, with her scar, with the lack of time she had now. She was happy to see them, though. “They are so lucky.” So happy that the fleeting emotions got the best of her, and the thought slipped from her lips.
“Yeah.”
“They found each other amidst the chaos, and they stuck together.”
“Yeah. What a lucky pair.” He conceded, and Utahime realized just then that his voice sounded so far away. As if he were picturing himself away from the present, in a better setting. In a happier place.
He was... “You sound like you're longing for that.” She finally pointed it out.
“Hmm? Maybe I do.” His smile right then looked so mysterious, she felt the weird churn of her emotions considering the possibility he was longing for someone amidst all of that and she was just hindering his possibilities to reach them.
Still, she tried to keep calm as she spoke, trying to sound unimpressed and disinterested. “What? The Great Idiot Gojō Satoru, longing for love?”
“Haha! As if you don't.”
And her teasing came to a halt, the smiles and jokes dying in her throat as the seriousness of his reply burned her flesh from inside. What could he possibly know?
“I don't. I don't need something like that, I don't look for it.”
“You liar. You sure binge-read all the romantic novels you can and end up crying and wishing for a love like those! Are you scared that the love of your life is too much for you?” He teased again, but she didn’t feel like teasing anymore.
(If that man existed— which she was convinced it didn't— she just knew it would be unreachable, like him.)
It was always all about him. It was always his mere existence orbiting around her, like a constant reminder of what she wanted but couldn’t have. “Excuse me? I’m not-!” She stopped right then before clearing her throat. “Better than pretend I can't charm people instantly to get whoever I want.”
“Ha? What are you implying?”
“That you can't get a partner, not because you lack means, but because you simply fear commitment.” She said, pretty convinced of herself.
“You wound me, Hime.” He replied with a fake tone of pain. “Then what's your excuse?”
There he was, insolent as only he, pushing her to the edge, forcing her to face her faults and misdeeds along the years right then, when all she did was come to a wedding she truly didn’t want to attend, just because she feared he’d be there and make her do exactly this, when she was resigned, sad— and somehow, scared as well— to even put into words her inner turmoil.
“Gojō-” she warned him.
“No, seriously, I'm genuinely curious.” He insisted, the tease in his voice gone, the flame of the questions coming to him, growing restless by the second.
She sighed. “Well, after my ‘accident’,” she removed her hand from his shoulder to signal her face, particularly the scar in her right cheek across her nose. “I guess men don't find me ‘pretty’ anymore.”
“No fucking way. You can't believe that!” He said with solemnity, and Utahime felt the throat constricted with something similar to the lack of pride.
She felt humiliated. “Gojō, please-”
“Well, has nobody told you how pretty you are?”
And her heart leaped just then.
It shouldn’t be legal for him to say things like those to her. Not when her chest had begun to ache and she felt like she could faint any moment now, thinking of the endless sea of possibilities she lost along the way for the path she chose somewhere in the past. “Can we talk about something else?”
“You started!” He defended.
“Now I want you to stop pushing through this.” Her voice was losing strength as the last words were out of her mouth, soft and painful.
“Okay, okay.” He conceded without putting on a fight. “But just for the record, I don't think I have commitment issues. I've been absolutely loyal to the one.” He announced with conviction, and now Utahime felt utterly bitter.
Of course, he would find someone to love. He had everything on him to woo whoever he wanted, to make them fall for him hard and deep. The looks, the charm, the means. And she was so damn sad all of a sudden for not being able to say she got something like that for her.
(So this is how it’s supposed to feel heartbroken?)
“Oh? So you're in love?” She entertained his announcement, trying to hide the sour emotions gurgling in her throat.
He smiled proudly. “Yeah.”
“Then why isn't she— he— whatever, here?”
And the world stopped spinning around when Gojō entertained his eyes, full of warmth and endearment for her, watching her as if she were the most precious thing he would set his eyes on in the whole world.
Something wasn’t right-
“Gojō-?”
“I’m seeing her right now.”
And Utahime broke the rhythm right there and pulled out from his grasp, in utter shock.
“What?”
“Utahime-” The repentant sound of his voice made her snap.
“No, don't ‘Utahime’ me!” She pointed a finger at him, making him almost flinch.
But he didn’t relent. “Listen-”
“Eighteen years. We've known each other for eighteen years.”
“And seven months, eleven days, and four hours.” The counting caught her off guard as she looked at him as if he suddenly grew another head.
“What!?”
“Utahime-”
“No, Gojō-”
“Can we keep dancing? You said only one song, and it's not over yet.” Why did his voice sound like a plea? His eyes softened as he looked at her, as if she were made from glass and would break any moment now.
She was trembling, but she didn’t feel cold. Utahime was still in shock as she came back to his arms, they readjusted their position and restarted dancing.
Still, she had something to say. “You're lying.”
“No, I'm not.” He assured her.
“You must be.”
“Why?”
“Because-!”
Because what? Because he took that much in saying it? Because she lost so much time thinking he would never lay eyes on her? Because she felt so pathetic ruminating about him and the endless possibilities of what could be and what could not all those years?
And then, she started. “Why now? Why?”
“Utahime, do you remember that time, when I asked you to lend me your strength before Sukuna's battle?” Utahime didn't expect him to address her this quickly. She ultimately thought he was just pulling a prank on her, that he just said all that in the wake of getting a reaction from her. But instead, it seemed he had known this would come eventually and was actually prepared.
“Yes, I remember.” She conceded him.
“Do you remember my exact words?”
Just before she could answer, her mind rushed to dust off the memories ingrained in the deepest parts of her body and her heart. And Utahime could picture it with utter clarity— the way he took her hand, saw her straight in the eyes, and with the most solemn voice, he spoke. “I need you.”
And she understood right away. He wanted her cursed technique to fight Ryōmen Sukuna. What else would he need from her anyway?
(Now, that had her wondering. Perhaps she had misunderstood his words just then and she was just denying him the possibility of being honest and true to himself.)
But then, she responded in kind. “Well, we'll have to practice the synchronization, since I have never boosted you before.”
He blinked in disbelief, his mouth agape in surprise, quickly turning into a grin. “So, Utahime needs to warm-up like an old lady?”
She came back from her reverie, kinda breathless. “Yes, I do.” She finally said.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Utahime, you didn't even let me say what I wanted to say then.” He argued, a tinge of exasperation surging in his tone as he took another turn and they changed the direction of their dance.
“But I understood you loud and clear. You wanted my technique. I gave it to you.” She reasoned.
Gojō then sighed heavily. “Yes, I wanted it. But I wasn't asking for it then. I was trying to tell you that I need you, like I need the air to breathe-” And the sudden reality punched her in the lungs as the words she’d been yearning for years were finally out of the mouth of a man, directed to her.
And from Gojō Satoru, no less.
“Stop.” Her voice wavered, but that didn’t stop him.
“Like the sun to the moon-”
“Gojō-” No, she couldn’t weigh the implications his wording was having inside her body, her heart sprinting desperate as her breathing hitched and he looked at her with total abandonment.
“Like the blood on my veins-”
“No-”
“Utahime, I've been in love with you for eons and you still keep pushing me away.” His voice was soft, but he clearly felt distraught, judging from the tension in it. “And I'm done waiting.” He finally said.
“You didn't say anything before.” She rebuked.
“Yeah, because you didn't let me.”
“You had plenty of time. Before.” As if her life was already over and it was truly too late for them to start anew. As if the endless possibilities were only for the young ones, for the teenagers, not for them, still young but already growing tired from life's onslaught.
“Were you afraid?” He asked, ignoring her reproaches.
‘Yes, you were preparing to die and would break my heart’, she felt like retorting back. But instead. “No-”
“Utahime, why are you trying to evade me?” His tone was growing tired and she just felt scared about what that meant for them, so she just tried to push him away.
“Because you’re a fucking coward.” She said without processing the words.
“You're not any better than me!” He accused her as well and she gasped with surprise.
“Excuse me?” Her voice sounded higher than she expected it to, but she didn't back off.
(He must have been lying all this time. He must. Because if he didn't, where did that leave her?)
(In an embarrassingly pathetic place, full of wasted time.)
“Utahime.” She looked at him, his facial gestures were soft and loving, the look of his blue and white eyes set her skin ablaze with an unbridled urgency. “I love you.”
Utahime flinched.
“Liar.” Her chest was burning, all of her was burning. But was it from anger, or was there something else? She saw the determination in his eyes as Gojō tightened the hold on her hand, his fingers in her waist, touching her back with a certain pressure that made her whine softly.
“You know I’m not lying.”
She tried to break free, but he refused, making her spin as they danced once he recovered the lead and the rhythm. “Unhand me right now, Gojō Satoru!”
“The song is still ongoing.”
“But I don't wanna keep going!” She felt the anger pilling in her throat, following behind.
“Is it so hard to believe me?”
She refused to answer that. Not for lack of trust, but because she was afraid of what it would entail for her, for him, for both of them at the same time.
They’d been apart for years, and he all of a sudden confessed to her? How dare he? After all the years of yearning for his company, he deemed it was now or never? When she had finally assumed it would never happen?
“Don't you realize I came back to life because of you?”
His voice echoed in her ears, and Utahime felt her legs were finally giving up; but Gojō’s hold was firm and careful, and he dragged her all the way around the dance floor as the music drowned them with its soft melody.
“What!?”
Utahime was on the verge of crying.
She still had nightmares about that time. She couldn't forget the pain in everyone’s eyes when they finally retrieved his body, realizing he was truly dead.
How she couldn't help but cry and mourn him when she was left alone with his dead body, how his hand twitched in the wake of her pain.
And how he took a seat in the bed to look at her, his right eye suddenly turning milky as the vision and the blessing of the Six-Eyes abandoned him at last, and then the way his hand cupped her wet face as she mourned him in complete solitude.
“Utahime, are you crying?” There was some kind of sad tremor in his voice when she stood, in utter shock, and hurried to hug him as if her life depended on that.
She was in shock by the time Shōko came to retrieve her from his corpse, very much alive now.
“Right when I was about to accept my fate and transcend, I remembered you.” He then cupped her face, exactly like he did when he woke up after being dead for a couple of hours, and Utahime shed a tear at the emotion he showed in his eyes while seeing her. “Utahime, I realized I couldn't die when I hadn't told you that I love you.” He said again, and Utahime held her breath once more, trying so hard to hold herself back. “Have I misread the signs all these years? I can accept if you're not heads over heels for me like I am for you, but you weren't indifferent to my attention all this time. All I can think of is that you're afraid of me hurting you.”
(Well, he wasn't wrong. But the thing was, she was more scared to have made him waste so much time waiting for her when she was still refusing to accept he was basically yelling she was worth the wait.)
“But how could I? When all I want is to hold you closer until the day I die?”
And her legs failed her again, but then Gojō Satoru held her by the waist with an arm, so close to him. Utahime could barely think appropriately after hearing all of those words. The velvet of his voice caressed her soul as she held tighter to his hold, trying to support herself to prevent her fall.
The devotion, the authenticity of his tone.
He loved her.
Utahime felt like crying.
Because she-...
She loved him as well. Why would she entertain his tease and banter along the years if not? Why would she entertain any stupid antics otherwise? Why would she bother to stand next to him all those dark years he thought so low of him for his lack of determination when Suguru left them? When the sorcery world treated him like a weapon, not a person?
He was right. He had always been right.
She knew it all along, but she was running away from his rejection. He was like that with everyone, when would she think she was any special? And all of a sudden, she realized it wasn’t like that. There was a layer of banter he only had with her only. And then she saw him trying to make a move on her and-
And she remembered.
“Utahime, there's something I need to tell you.” He reached for her during the lunch break. Utahime flinched at his words when he took a seat at her table and saw her with determination painting his face.
Utahime knew exactly what he was trying to say.
“I'm leaving on a mission in a couple of minutes.” She said as she stood from her chair, without sparing a single second for him to try to get close. “Let's talk when I'm back, okay?” She asked before turning around and taking her leave.
But once she was back from her appointed mission, she avoided him long enough after that to make him relent.
.
“Utahimeeeee!” There he came again, his bubbly self sparkling as he reached for her, smiling. “There's something we need to discuss!”
But she couldn’t entertain his thoughts, not even for a minute. She was so happy to even pay attention to whatever antics Gojō Satoru could have that day. “Not today, Gojō. I'm leaving.”
The shock in his voice didn’t wait for him. “Wha-? What?”
“They hired me as a teacher in Kyoto. Gojō, I'm gonna be a teacher!” The joy in her voice was telling, and she saw Gojō baffled as he processed her words slowly.
“Oh. Oh, wow! Cool! So, when do you leave?”
.
“Utahime, I need you.” He said all of a sudden, his voice more like a murmur she heard loud and clear.
"As if.” She rolled her eyes.
“Utahime, you're not listening.” He sounded so desperate, despite the calmness in his tone.
“Of course I am. Are you trying to pull a prank on me again?”
She knew what he was talking about and she couldn’t help it, so she avoided the topic the only way she could think of. And Gojō must have picked up the cue, because he took his chance and diverted again.
“I'm trying to tell you there's a mole among us, and I need your help uncovering them.”
.
“So, is Utahime finally gonna give me honmei choco this year?”
“Keep dreaming, Gojō.”
And he kept dreaming, asking the following year and the next one as well.
.
“She's going out with someone, so I don't think it's a good idea for you to get close. She'll think you're trying to ruin her date and you’ll win her contempt.” Shōko explained to him in the clearest way possible, but she only got a groan in response. “I know, buddy. I'm sorry.”
Utahime wasn't supposed to hear those words, so she kept herself hidden behind the door, expecting them to come out of the classroom any moment now.
She was happy. She had met someone. They liked each other. And they were dating. But somehow, hearing that conversation left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. What should she make of all of that?
She didn't last long with that guy anyway.
.
Still, he was the one picking up the pieces every single time she was heartbroken.
“Why does nobody want me?” She cried in his arms as he carried her along the sidewalk back to her apartment. He thought she didn’t remember anything of what happened when she was drunk, but she did. She remembered how bad her lack of self-control was and how embarrassingly bad she behaved, but she couldn’t change anything at all.
Once drunk, she let the alcohol do its thing.
“Because they're not the one.” He answered simply.
“Then when? When will I find him?”
“Utahime.”
“Hmm?”
“I'm right here.”
“I know. You're super shiny. And pretty.” Why did her heart feel tight, though? The same as the way he was staring at her at that moment, but she felt so dizzy to even realize.
“Utahime, I-” He said, seeming to consider his options for a moment and then, “Fuck, it must be pathetic to confess to a drunk woman.”
“Hmmm?” The following day, she would remember all of that and think she must have misheard everything, as she was absolutely wasted on beer.
Now she knew better.
“Let's go back home, okay?”
Utahime felt the tears pooling in her eyes, coming at last down her cheeks as she stared at him in disbelief, his eyes gleaming with something so familiar. Like the stares he gave her along the years, full of longing, but now they were tinted in something else as well.
It was hope, endearment. Love.
And the dam inside her, keeping her feelings at bay, finally broke, letting her emotions run wild through her body, which trembled at the feelings drowning everything inside her. And when she broke free from his grasp around her hand, Utahime slid her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her face.
Utahime felt the urgency in his eyes as the proximity became heavy amidst the music and the doubts spiraled in her eyes.
And so- “I love you, Utahime.”
He set her free at that very moment. A soft reassurance she had run away for so long, now stomping the unavoidable truth in her face.
And with her body trembling and her legs weak, almost clung to him to keep her composure, Utahime leaned in closer and put her lips against him at last.
It wasn’t intense nor deep, but Utahime felt the softness of his lips as he adjusted briefly to her sudden kiss and then a careful hand touching her naked lower back to keep her steady and sending a furious jolt of electricity through her body.
It was still there when she pulled out, noticing he was still frozen in a daze in his place due to the sudden way she had touched him just then. And Utahime felt clumsy, thinking they were both adults acting like a couple of teenagers right there.
But she couldn’t deny him anymore.
(As she couldn’t lie to herself much longer as well.)
The change in his demeanor occurred immediately once he regained control of himself. He straightened his back with a smirk on the lips, a soft tease in his mouth as she moved her arms from his neck and down his shoulders, trying to keep together her act to remain calm.
“So, is it safe to assume you feel the same way that I do?” He finally asked with a soft caution and the playful tone he used made her blush.
“Sh-shut up! You’re so loud!” She mumbled as she leaned against his chest, trying to hide the furious shade of red covering her entire face at the moment.
“Oh, are we getting shy now?” His smirk grew wider then, but she not only couldn’t see it, but she also couldn't bring herself to pretend she hated his antics anymore. “It’s okay though, we'll have plenty of time from now on for you to say it, so you can do it on your own terms.” He added a moment later, while kissing her forehead.
She would say it, though. Later that night, under different circumstances.
The song finally ended and Gojō Satoru, true to his word, took her hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling out of her with the softest caress, and took her out of the dance floor, back to her table. She felt then all the callous and shameless stares of almost every person she knew in the party, studying them as they walked out of the floor.
“Just so you know,” Utahime came to a halt for a moment as Gojō turned around to see her, the bewilderment still imprinted on his glazed eyes, shining like she had never seen it before, “I wanna get married. And I wanna have a child.” Utahime locked her eyes on him, and then she could clearly see how the rush of adrenaline ran through his veins in that very instant.
Utahime had the impending feeling that he would surely kneel on one foot and pop the question right there, if not because it would be rude to steal the spotlight from the groom and bride.
“Sure that'll be enough to scare you, huh?” Her smile was teasing and he felt like smiling for the umpteenth time of the night, following her example.
“Not in the slightest, Utahime.” He kissed her hand with utter devotion and she felt like blushing at his gentle show of affection. “In fact, I think the future sounds more appealing when you put things that bluntly. I would concede whatever reckless wish you could have without thinking.” He assured her.
Utahime felt the heat taking over her face again, the earnest of his voice so warm and embarrassing. “Well, I guess we'll have plenty of time from now on to talk about it.” She assured him with a little stutter in her voice, squeezing his hand back with tenderness, and Gojō looked at her with the emotions stuck in his eyes.
Burning with love, the recognition of her feelings was reflected in the way her arms entangled around his arm, or the way she leaned onto his shoulder later that night, once they were back at the table and she felt a little bit tipsy for the alcohol, letting him enjoy her closeness in a way he’d only dreamed until then.
“And just so you know...” He suddenly said, whispering in her ear, the promises tingling in his voice like never before. “You want all of that, and so do I. So you better be prepared, Utahime~”