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Chuuya's frown deepened as he cleared out Dazai’s medicine cabinet, anger brewing under his skin as he took more sleeping pills out. The urge to glare at Dazai, but he kept it down, still he couldn’t help but feel sad when he saw the younger curl up tightly in a ball as he tried to keep his sobs down.
Body shaking as the drugs ran its course, another failed attempt. A sign slipped through his lips as he flushed another batch down the drain before he went to sit down next to Dazai, gently running his fingers through the matted hair.
“What happened Osamu?” He wanted to kick himself, he needed to see this, Dazai was getting more withdrawn, but at the same time, he was still his annoying self.
Fingers clawed into his shirt as Dazai settled against his chest, and immediately tears soaked into his shirt. Still, he just gently ran his fingers through Dazai’s hair. Giving him a chance to answer.
“I’m tired.” The words were a mere whisper. “Why did you stop me?” He tried to glare up at Chuuya, but it wasn’t as intimidating as he wanted it to be. Fresh tears immediately rolled down his cheeks.
Before Chuuya had a chance to respond Dazai continued. “It was the only change I had, to stop this vicious cycle, of always trying to self-medicate. Trying to be better. Why did you stop me?” The last part came out with a whimper.
Chuuya was at a loss of words, as he held the sobbing boy against his chest, wondering what on earth happened. This wasn’t the first time he found Dazai after a suicide attempt, but it was the first time he was being vulnerable, normally he just tried to push Chuuya away as fast as possible.
“I stop you because I care about you. What happened, this is the worst one yet?” Chuuya just had a feeling deep in his bones it had something to do with the last mission, Dazai wasn’t the same since then.
“Mori. Punishments were worse than usual.” The words came out bitterly. Dazai refused to lift his head where he was hiding against Chuuya. He could still feel the tremors running through his body.
“I just wanted to be done, Chibi.” He whispered the words as he tried to make himself smaller against Chuuya. Just for a second, he wanted to forget. To just go on with life. Well, do not go on, just die. He didn’t want Chuuya to find him. To be forced to puke up the sleeping pills. It would all have been done.
Chuuya gently hushed him, as he just held him, letting Dazai cry it out against his chest. Pain stabbing against his chest, at the despair that was going off Dazai. But there was nothing he could do at the moment, but hold him whispering reassurance, wondering if any of it was true.
He tightened his hold, wishing he could repair the broken soul.