Chapter Text
As soon as she put the keys to the lock of her apartment’s front door, she felt her mask fall off and tiredness seeping through her entire body. It had been an exhausting day- well, if she were being honest, it had been an exhausting month, actually.
No matter what, if you’d asked her just a few months ago how she would imagine her life to be like now, she would never be able to guess. Not with the 180-degree turn her life had taken.
At the start of the year, she was simply an actress with a few roles in her curriculum but nothing major. She was getting by and doing what she loved, and that had been enough. She never thought that her last audition would result in this.
She was now Lingling Kwong, a well-known Chinese-Thai actress. One would think that she would just be known in Thailand, the country that she had called home for the last decade, but now she had people all over the world knowing her name. Not a lot of them, no, but her name had reached other countries in Asia, in Europe, and even in the Americas, and to her, that was absolutely insane.
She was ecstatic that so many people now knew and liked her work and loved her. She’d been getting letters and gifts from fans who loved her, and she could still not fully grasp it.
Being a shy and basically introverted person and a famous actress wasn’t always the best combination, and Lingling was just now discovering that. The amount of energy that it took for her to carry out events, fan meets, or even just come across fans on the street was immense, and that made her entirely exhausted.
It’s not that she hated it, no. She loved her fans, and getting to do what she loved and working with her partner.
That was the best part. Getting to work with her.
When Kornnaphat “Orm” Sethratanapong first came across her life she didn’t pay her that much attention, she was simply her junior who shared the same profession and company. She remembers meeting her a few times in the years between then and when she got into the workshop room for her latest project. Even so, those times could not have prepared her for the somersault her heart did when she first set eyes on 21-year-old Orm.
Maybe it was the lighting or the way she was sitting on a bench looking out the window, seemingly so calm and borderline royal-ish, regardless of her not showing signs of wearing makeup. Or maybe it was the nervousness Lingling was feeling due to the nature of the project, and really, no one could blame her for that.
Playing a queer character was not something she imagined herself to do, but when she first read the script, she instantly fell in love with the story and the characters, and she dared think she might have something akin to Dr. Fahlada’s personality.
Getting to tell a queer love story made Lingling feel an ounce of responsibility more. She had never identified as queer – at the time – but she was a huge ally, and she was knowledgeable about the struggles and hardships that queer people faced. She was happy that Thailand was opening doors and minds with the investment of entertainment companies in the production of GL’s, even though the underlying reason for it was mainly capitalist.
Their chemistry was immediate, as all the people in that room liked to point out every chance they got. Even a blind person could tell. If someone didn’t know they were simply acting, they would probably think they’d been a couple for many years, despite looking so young.
And maybe Lingling saw – and felt – that chemistry from the start. She knew Orm did, but Orm seemed to be wise beyond her years, especially regarding them and their dynamic. Looking back, Lingling would always feel silly for not realizing sooner what Orm had realized from the start.
From the day of their first workshop, Lingling felt like something in her had shifted. Being in Orm’s presence made her feel things she couldn’t quite pinpoint for the better part of a month. That was until they eventually started filming. Embracing Dr. Fahlada’s love for Earn considerably helped Lingling understand what was going on.
When she had to play a lovesick Fahlada caring for Earn, she was able to find parallel situations in the way she sometimes dealt with Orm. When she had to play Fahlada looking at Earn like she held galaxies in her hands, she summoned whatever it was her feelings for Orm were, and that seemed to work. When she had to play a Fahlada yearning for Earn, she simply thought about how she was constantly needing to be around Orm. When she had to cry and play Fahlada going through the worst pain she had felt, she thought about what it would be like if Orm was no longer in her life.
In all honesty, portraying Fahlada didn’t seem to Lingling like she was acting. It came so easy to her, and she kept questioning herself as to what the reason was.
The answer came to her on a day when Orm was at her apartment, and they decided to act out some of the scenes for one of their last days of filming. Usually, they simply acted out their lines and simulated actions or kisses, but that day – and Lingling is still not sure what happened – the acting out of a kiss between Fahlada and Earn became a kiss simply between Lingling and Orm.
It had caught Lingling by surprise, when she felt Orm’s lips on hers, but something in her brain must’ve been waiting for that, because the urgency with which she kissed back came out of nowhere. When their air ran out, they were forced to separate, and if Lingling’s face was purely shocked, the simple, hesitant smile in Orm’s lips and the twinkling, albeit fearful, look in her eyes was enough to make Lingling realize Orm was much more aware of whatever was going on between them than Lingling ever was.
Lingling is embarrassed to this day about how she reacted. She remembers how the sparkle in Orm’s eyes died when Lingling moved back so hastily that it seemed like she’d been electrocuted. She remembers the smile leaving Orm’s lips when Lingling simply said no.
She’d asked Orm to leave, and while Orm still tells her that she fully understood Lingling at the time, she was aware of how much pain she had caused the blonde woman, even though she had wanted anything but. She’d probably continue her entire life trying to make up for it.
It didn’t take more than two days for Lingling to finally come to terms that what she felt for Orm was more than what she had signed up for. And that scared her shitless. She had never felt this type of attraction towards a woman in all her 28 years of life, but Orm had apparently come to prove everything Lingling thought she’d known about her sexually wrong.
They started dating not long after, just shy of a month before the premiere of their show.
They were both cautious and careful and entirely too afraid of ruining whatever it was they had been building before and what they were building now. Their jobs were at stake. Their careers were at stake. They had to take it slow, step by step. They had to be honest, with themselves and with their team. They had to treat each sentiment, and each struggle with the utmost care.
They couldn’t, and wouldn’t, let anything ruin this for them.
In hindsight, Lingling was leaning more towards terrified than scared. She vowed that she would not lose Orm, or this job and role that now meant the world to her.
It amazed her how easily Orm took the shift from co-workers to lovers. To her it was as simple as breathing and, to be honest, not a lot changed in the way she acted with Lingling. She had always been the cuddly, clingy, touchy one of the pair, even before they were dating, and that is what the fans were exposed to from the start, so they took it as being purely a personality trait of Orm’s.
Lingling had always been more reserved in all aspects of her life and that translated to how she acted with Orm in public. She was aware that she could only do so much acting and that she always looked at Orm like she hung the stars in the sky, and she had come to terms that that was the one thing she would be unable to change, but all the rest, she tried to be conscious about.
It was hard when Orm provoked her and was a bit too clingy at times. She always tried to downplay it and make it seem like they were joking around, but she could tell in Orm’s eyes when she was joking or simply showing the world how much she adored Lingling, even though no one could tell exactly to which extent.
She tried, for the sake of fan service, to be more open and touchier with Orm, but every time she tried, she had to reign in her beating heart and the goosebumps on her skin, and she had to keep telling herself to get a grip. She knew that what she felt for Orm was so big that it could burst out from her at any point, and she was deeply afraid of that.
She’d almost put everything at risk once, and it took a long time and Orm’s soothing and reassuring words, for her to stop berating herself.
She could blame it on the few hours of sleep she’d had before that morning show. The wake-up call for getting ready was too early and she’d been up most of the night talking to Orm about anything and everything. She could blame it on the dizziness that Orm’s scent made her feel every time. She could blame it on the playful pressure of the staff and presenters. But she only blamed herself.
She was the one kissing Orm on the lips in a show on national television. It was her who moved her head just right to kiss Orm for the briefest second. It took everything in her to start acting at that moment and play it off as a simple joke, but she could tell everyone was shocked. No one more than her, but still shocked.
Thankfully, that moment had done more good than bad for the promo and for their fanbase, so Orm was able to reason with her and help her shake off the guilt. Deep down, Orm had been elated at Lingling’s public display of affection for her. She knew that it had happened because whatever feelings Lingling had for her had been too hard to control at that moment, and that warmed her heart. She’d even rewarded her with a kiss to her temple and her - now iconic- I love you, Lingling.
Orm had never once doubted how Lingling felt for her – that it was mutual, what they felt for each other, but it pained her to see Lingling struggle with keeping her feelings in check and not letting anyone get even a deeper glimpse of them.
The younger woman knew what was at risk for the both of them really, but she knew she had it easy due to her personality. No one would bat an eye when she smelled the brunette’s hair or when she put her arms around her waist, wanting to keep her as close as possible, while also trying to stay grounded and not give anything away. However, Lingling had been raised more conservatively. Orm’s sure that even if they had nothing to hide, she would still not be as open and carefree as she was. And that was okay with Orm, truly.
Orm knew that that didn’t sit right with Lingling, though. She was right.