Work Text:
Taehyun didn’t plan on dying.
He doesn’t fully realize what exactly is happening, standing amidst the dark green forest before,
“What an unimpressive death.”
He looks at the young man (a spirit?) sitting on the stairs under the Torii, playing with a matchbox. The fog slowly fades away, shaping the relaxed silhouette and glowing amber eyes, slowly looking up to meet the questioning gaze. “I’m sorry?”
“I’m not.” He stands up, a ripple of jiggling sounds to accompany an apathetic tone. “Anyway, you’re welcome to the Ghost Town, in other words, Jeoseung, or—” He studies Taehyun for a moment. “Are you Catholic?" Any religious preferences?”
“No.”
“Then you don’t need to know the rest.” He catches Taehyun’s eyes wandering around the surroundings and smirks. “Do you like our rebranding? Giving off the Spirited Away vibes, you know? Before, humans used to freak out when they were just faced with nothingness. Your brains apparently can’t comprehend such a majestic concept.”
Taehyun slowly nods, a little bit freaked out, and at the same time insanely curious about what the actual fuck is happening. The only thing he knows is that he’s, well, dead. Before he can jump to the hyperanalysis and build up dozens of theories on how he feels himself very much human if the soul is supposed to be just an energy substance wandering the endless cosmic vastness, the young man speaks again.
“Don’t stand there like you have any other place to go. Follow me.” He raises an eyebrow and sighs. “Oh no, you have questions, don’t you?”
“Actually, yes.”
“I will grant you one answer while we walk.” He mutters something under his breath; something weirdly sounds like whereisthatjerk
“Are you Death?” This time it warrants a resounding laughter, messing with the fallen leaves, crushing under their footsteps. “What? You sure are not an angel or something.”
“Just remember that my name is Beomgyu.”
Taehyun can only see the disbelief in the shake of Beomgyu’s head, omitting to ask another question because, clearly, the only answer wasn’t granted. “Okay, Beomgyu-ssi, then—”
“The rest you will know from your husband, where the hell is he—” Another rumble of leaves. Beomgyu’s shout spreads throughout the space. “Soobin!”
“Oh my god, is it really necessary?” A deep, rich voice enters the space, followed by the tall figure emerging from the cloud of fog.
“Yo, Soobin, this is your husband,” Beomgyu nods in Taehyun’s direction. “Be nice. Say hello.”
“Wait a minute.”
Taehyun’s futile attempt to come down from neverending shock is interrupted by a very loud indignation. “HUSBAND? You didn’t tell me that it wasn’t a traditional marriage! Isn't that thing happens only between man and woman?”
“Do you have a problem with that?”
Taehyun crosses his arms and stares at the man—Soobin—who is not backing out from the piercing eyes. He mulls over him for a second, taking a proper look at his, supposedly, husband. He can’t read his expressions well. Yet. The guy is tall, blonde, and beautiful. Taehyun unwillingly notices it, alongside the same bored expression he caught on Beomgyu’s face before. Still waiting for a reply, he cocks an eyebrow.
“Do you?”
Soobin offers him a disbelieving smile, leveling Taehyun with his stare still.
“Woah.” Beomgyu whistles. “What a match.”
“You don’t have to look so rattled. I was just asking. This whole thing is confusing to me as well, and I was dead first.”
Taehyun turns his eyes to Beomgyu. “Care to give some explanations?”
Beomgyu rubs his face. “Look, if someone dies unmarried, then the balance between Ying and Yang will be distorted, so you will be lonely for eternity, and it is highly unpleasant because when you’re close to the cycle of rebirth, your soul will be burdened with all of it and stuff, so your family, I'm guessing, married you to the first person they found available, which happened to be, well, him. But this tradition is not popular anymore, so you two are a bit of an exception.”
“This is the first time I see you actually sharing something to another person.” Soobin scoffs. “Are you that special– What’s your name again?”
“Taehyun.”
Soobin rolls his eyes and waves a hand around. “Whatever.”
“Soobin.” Beomgyu hisses.
“Are we ghostly married?” Taehyun cuts it through without breaking an eyecontact.
“In short, yes.” Beomgyu looks back and forth between the two and sighs. Again. And mutters under his breath. "What did I do to deserve this? Why does it have to be my shift?”
When no other words are spoken, he claps his hands and asks for everyone’s attention. “Can we please start moving? There are still several hundreds of steps ahead of us.”
To everyone’s relief, the rest of the walk goes in complete silence. Soobin and Taehyun walk next to each other in the nearly perfect, compatible rhythm with the excellent arm's length. All of it, of course, breaks into pieces as soon as they reach the one-storey house and Soobin opens the door.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Taehyun really tries his very best not to sound too mean.
“Clearly, it means that we are living together.” Soobin rolls his eyes, and Taehyun thinks this habit just skyrocketed to the most annoying one in the mental list of “what’s-so-annoying-about-the-husband.” If only he could rant to Kai about it. “Do you not know how marriage works?”
“I’m not living with you.”
“Sure. Then live on the street and let yourself be familiar with all the other restless souls.”
“Do you just have to be a bitch?” One step closer.
It almost looks like the whole of Soobin's existence starts to flare up, not only his face. “Me? A bitch? My soul has been violated and married to yours, and I’m the bitch? I was here first. I was dead first, and now I have to rearrange everything just because someone didn't want you to be lonely.”
“Then let’s just get a divorce.” Two steps closer.
“Divorce sounds like a perfect option.”
“Oh, darlings, that’s not possible,” Beomgyu says, observing his freshly painted nails. “This thing exists only among the living.”
He feels the weight of two pairs of eyes burning holes into him and finally looks up only to find Soobin and Taehyun a few centimeters apart. “What? Not everything is mirrored here, so get your shit together and get used to it.”
They sigh in unison. Taehyun pauses, a note of disappointment twinning itself on his lips as he looks inside the house. He shifts, still feeling the weight of Soobin’s gaze—one that now reminds him of an apology and sadness—and steps inside. The last thing he hears before hiding himself in the nearest room is,
“At least you have someone caring about you.”
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
No one has warned him that being dead is going to be that exhausting. Taehyun doesn’t think that anyone has ever talked about death with him—not when he was supposed to enter the blooming stage of his life and experience everything in his twenties.
But eventually, he figured out several things. The afterlife was perfect for those who lost their hunger for life a long time ago. It was a perfect peace that was driving him crazy.
Any attempt to reenact the life was quite amusing if it wasn't not that desperately sad and frustrating. The Ghost Town reflected everything he could have wanted through the broken lens—lovely bright strolls with meals he couldn’t smell or taste; neon signs of clubs packed with other souls he couldn’t touch; long embankments dotted with pine trees with no scent. All he could feel was his own emotions and peace that were driving him crazy.
It’s almost like being a vampire, but without a fancy benefit. He thought yet another time, rotting in the bed where he never needed to sleep.
No one has warned him that death is going to be that lonely either.
A gentle knock on the door pricks his scheduled sessions of self-pity. “Taehyun?”
“Come in,” He grumbles into his pillow without bothering to make himself presentable.
“Hi.” He waves a hand dismissively. “Um.. Are you okay?”
The hesitation seeping through the voice that sounds, for whatever reasons Taehyun notices, caring. Such a simple question. Is he?
“I’m dead.”
“Well, that we know. Doesn’t mean anything.”
Taehyun finally looks up. His eyes find Soobin’s equally gentle and equally worried expression, and suddenly everything seems like too much. All because of a stupid, simple question. So unmistakably human and plainly alive.
“Not like I can die again. Although it would be a nice thing.” He sits on the bed and studies the wooden floor where everything seems so real—his feet look exactly like when he wasn’t dead; his clothes fit all the same.
“Do you, maybe, want to watch the living?”
A pause. Wait. “What?”
“I did it for the first few months, I guess it was months when I just died. Came downtown and just watched if someone ever visited me. Somehow, when I realized that they were letting go, it felt easier.” Soobin stands there, nervously playing with his hands, talking about it as if this is a normal thing, nothing unusual.
“We can do that? For real?” Taehyun immediately stands up.
“Wait, don’t tell me that when you were walking around, you just explored the nearest areas.”
Taehyun gawks at him in complete silence.
“Oh my, Taehyun, the Ghost Town is huge. Didn’t you see the tram?” Soobin suddenly laughs, a smile reaching his eyes, and Taehyun just can’t help himself to keep staring.
“I thought it was for decoration!”
“Dude.” Soobin blinks, and Taehyun steps forward. “We are definitely going to watch the world of living, and then I’m showing you the rest.”
Taehyun doesn’t hesitate when Soobin is walking outside, immediately caught up with him, listening to all the descriptions and rumbles from how big the town actually is, and Taehyun, with all his hunger for experiences, hasn’t had a single idea.
“I have a question.” He receives an encouraging nod and continues. “Isn’t it weird that there are no clocks?”
Soobin laughs mirthfully and quickly covers his mouth with both hands, suddenly shying away from Taehyun. “Imagine if we were able to track the time. Do you actually want a Mad Ghost Town?”
Taehyun bites down on his own smile for the first time.
It’s a door.
Taehyun expected.. He doesn’t actually know what he expected, but definitely not the real door in the middle of an empty room with white walls.
“What?” Soobin asks after studying Taehyun carefully for a few seconds.
“It’s a door.”
“Yes?”
“It’s not a window to watch, not a glass ball, not a mirror, but a door.” He states dumbfounded.
“Oh.” Soobin’s eyes widen. “No, we can see the living only in their world, so we need to be, you know, among them.”
“Are we going to be transparent and stuff? Like in the movies?” Taehyun perks his head up to catch a glimpse of Soobin’s expression.
“I have no idea. It’s the first time I’m doing it with someone else. And besides, they can’t see us, remember?” He steps closer to the door and opens it. “After you.”
How badly Taehyun wishes he could hold Soobin’s hand, stepping in the flickering darkness.
Everything around him is flooded with light. He gets used to it after few beats, almost as if nothing happened, almost as if he hasn’t just crossed several dimensions to find himself in front of the columbarium. He can see his own name engraved on a plate and fresh flowers laying still. A nauseous feeling rises from the pit of his stomach, suffocating him around the solar plexus—until he sees the second urn next to his own.
Choi Soobin. Date of birth: 05.12.2000. Date of death: ■ ■ ■ ■ ■
His vision blurs.
“Ah, this is how they married us.” A soft chuckle brings him back. “I guess they invited some special services.”
“What do you mean?” His voice is shaky, but he grounds himself with Soobin’s presence next to him. He still craves the contact he can’t have.
“I was right next to you all this time.”
He hears the words, but they are fading. Taehyun hopes Soobin is still next to him.
He doesn’t trust many things—least of which his sense of fate and time—yet he finds Soobin standing on his left, and it touches something in Taehyun that makes him unable to feel scared, and Taehyun dares to look around.
It’s a familiar room, and even more a familiar voice. Too recognizable and a little bit too real for his imagination to play vile tricks. He couldn’t just cross the time and space into his little room. He certainly couldn’t be seen by his roommate.
Could he?
“Taehyun?”
Hueningkai stands in his eternal gray hoodie, frozen. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even blink. Taehyun can feel a pair of brown eyes burning holes in the middle of his chest, and a second later, his voice is carrying over to him.
“Oh my fucking god.”
A wave of emotions crosses Kai's face at the same time—his wide eyes are filled with tears and surprise at the same time, but he’s still smiling, almost as the same as on the day when Taehyun came earlier than he planned to spend a Christmas weekend with his best friend.
Taehyun finds himself unable to move.
“Do we look transparent?” Soobin elegantly breaks the magic of the moment.
Kai’s eyes shift to the unknown figure, and he squints at the tall man before his voice comes out suddenly very firm. Taehyun has missed it more than he can admit it. “In fact, half transparent.”
“Kai-ah,” Taehyun whispers and catches himself before he makes another mistake and tries something stupid like hugging his alive best friend. He is still smart. He knows he can’t.
“You didn’t mention that your friend is psychic.” Soobin drawls with a slow smile, still on a mission to avert the attention, and Taehyun finds himself endlessly thankful for that. He can’t’ afford to break apart right now.
“I was trying to do that for so long. But how–”
Taehyun is the last to come to his senses, stepping in between the silent conversation two other men were probably having. “You were trying to do what?”
“Of course I was trying to summon you or talk to you, I don't know. Oh my god, Taehyun.”
“And here I thought you liked to binge-watch all mystery TV shows for the sake of entertainment.”
Kai gifts him a round of his remarkable contagious laughter. “I had a pretty good reason for that.”
“I miss you.”
Taehyun has imagined it—meeting with his family, meeting Kai just for one more time, just to tell them that he’s sorry and tell them everything he’s been afraid to say prior, to express himself more openly, to give just a little bit more love. But nothing comes even close to this—and he doesn’t think he needs to say something when Hueningkai is smiling at him with acceptance and buried grief, deep beneath the wrinkles, hidden in the faint dark circles.
Kai blinks his tears away one more time. “I miss you too.”
Soobin coughs, and now Taehyun really wishes he could smack him.
“Right. Kai, this is Soobin. Soobin, this is Kai, my best friend.”
Soobin stops studying the ceiling with a lot of interest and offers a very polite smile. “Nice to meet you, Kai-ah. I’m his husband. A lot of time must have passed, huh?”
“Hus- What? And yes. It’s been.. Around a year. Less?”
“Did you just have to mention it?” Taehyun rubs the bridge of his nose. “Wait, what did you say?”
“The time flows differently for us. It’s faster in the world of living.” Soobin whispers to his ear, but it’s useless because Kai still perks his head. But he doesn’t freak out—he doesn’t even bother to—and Taehyun suddenly finds himself feeling strange.
“Interesting.” Hueningkai suddenly mutters and explains himself immediately. “That I can see you without focusing much.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” They ask in unison.
“I heard that your parents arranged a ghost marriage, but I didn’t think that I would be able to see your—” He waves at Soobin. “Partner that easily. It is not how it usually happens.”
Ah, he did it before..
“Oh.” Soobin swallows. Taehyun can’t decipher the emotion he wears, but before he can press further and figure out the meaning behind the avoidant look, Soobin speaks again. “I will try to occupy myself with something. You two probably have a lot to talk to.”
On the way back, Taehyun says only one thing.
“Kai said he would try to find a way to divorce us.”
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
Soobin brings up the topic of divorce out of nowhere when Taehyun stretches in the middle of the room. “Should we ask Beomgyu if there are some souls with psychic abilities who could help us?”
“You think there are souls like that?” Taehyun loudly exhales. Soobin’s gaze feels a little intense, so he goes back to his arching position. Not like he has to do it because something hurts, he just likes the feeling of it.
“We won’t know if we don’t try. I just hope he doesn’t burn us from asking all the questions.”
“He can do that?”
Soobin doesn’t smile when he speaks again. “He’s a demon.”
Taehyun doesn’t hide his surprise this time, stopping all his movements at once. He averts his gaze to the wall, suddenly unable to compete with Soobin’s eyes on him.
It’s not like Beomgyu is hiding. He just doesn’t like when people bother him. Especially when two of them have a goal in mind to ask a number of uncomfortable questions. But as always, he’s not the best at hiding when his competitor is Choi Soobin, who studied every corner of the Ghost Town as soon as he got there.
“Beomgyu-ssi,” Taehyun’s sweet voice really doesn’t mean anything good. He speeds up his walk. “I have one absolutely innocent question.”
“You can’t break an afterlife bond.”
“We were just curious if there are any oracles or magicians in the Town, Beomgyu, relax.” Soobin catches up easily, winking at Taehyun, taking side to Beomgyu’s right.
“No.”
“Not even sinners with forbidden magic?” Taehyun cocks his head with sparkling eyes.
Beomgyu abruptly stops and glares at them in the manner close to “if I could stab you right now, I would.”
Soobin leans to Taehyun and whispers carefully, “Not every soul has a chance to be in the Town. People who do something and pay for their ability with someone’s lives or misery of someone’s lives are executed.”
Taehyun straightens up in surprise, “What? Who executes them?”
Beomgyu turns around and looks down at them. “Me.”
Before they ask any questions, Beomgyu quickly vanishes in the cloud of smoke.
“Why is he so mean?” Taehyun pouts.
“Just to think about it, he’s been here longer than any of us, not by his own wish.”
Eventually, Taehyun is slowly going insane.
Soobin doesn’t take him out, and he strangely sulks from it even more. Not like he really wants to spend more time with him. It’s just because his mind is driving him crazy from not having anything to do—he walks, he exercises, he does it four times a day, then he lays down and rests. Surely, it is not because Soobin is always here and there, sometimes reading a book without giving him proper attention. Where did he even find a book?
Soobin finds him in his anguish lounging on the sofa in the guest room. They even have a guest room but no guests. It’s ridiculous.
“Get up,” Soobin finally, finally pays attention to the little suffering soul.
“Are we going somewhere?” Taehyun jumps from excitement. He was just considering giving up and asking Soobin to show him some more places around. It would be nice. Taehyun will admit it. Spending time with Soobin is really nice.
“To the library.” He replies easily.
On the road to the tram, Taehyun keeps looking over at Soobin, at his relaxed posture and lazy smile. It feels strange, but there’s something so charming about him, so Taehyun mirrors the smile.
“How did the books even get here?”
Soobin hums. “You know when people burn something to ashes, it should go somewhere? The memories and energy that things carry within itself?”
Taehyun nods but doesn’t let go of it yet. “So?”
“So imagine how big the Library is.”
To be honest, he did not expect the place to take up a whole district. He can’t help himself when his mouth opens and closes at the entrance, looking around like a child with a new favorite toy. He looks at Soobin with a mix of gratitude and offense for not telling him sooner of this paradise.
Soobin shrugs. “I didn’t think you would love it. Anyway, I will grab some games for us to play at home, you go forward.”
Taehyun tries to not blend into the background as he wanders around, still waiting for Soobin to find him among the endless bookshelves, so he stays on the main line, fishing out a guide on his way. The Library is probably the lightest place in the whole Ghost Town—the light streaking through the glass ceiling, gracing rows and rows of books awaiting to be explored and tell a story, maybe even more than before. This is one of the rarest times when Taehyun lets himself be driven in his natural instinct to learn more.
“Found something interesting?”
He stops looking around and turns around to meet with Soobin, smiling directly at him.
“Do you have some recommendations?”
He is taken to the deeper place of the library, reading names of the section after section, before he catches “Library of Alexandria” and quickly puts a hand over his mouth.
“You’re not serious.”
“Oh, I’m absolutely serious. Told you, burned books are the most frequent visitors.” Soobin instantly laughs.
“I wouldn’t think that I would be that happy to have something to read because I wasn't really big on doing that before. But this whole thing is just… absolute heaven.” Taehyun pauses, gaze hovering over a certain shelf. “Thank you.”
Soobin can’t help his genuine smile, especially when Taehyun turns around and meets his eyes. It’s growing even wider, and he leans against one of the bookshelves, cross-armed, and just watches.
They spend too much time in the Library. If he was alive, he would probably start being anxious about it—afraid he would miss out on something else, but here he finds himself satisfied and calmed from the silence of books.
Taehyun slowly learns how to navigate through the time flow without any visible indicators. He also learns that time pass differently here, it’s much slower than in the world of living—one day sometimes can be a week, sometimes it can be two. The sky here sometimes is different too. It’s either dawn or night. Only two burning colors follow the eternity—flaming orange and deep dark blue.
Once a year, the Ghost Town witnesses the event that turns the canva above them into the dance of blue hues and silvers. The starfall of reincarnation. As Soobin told him during one of the times when Taehyun couldn’t rest and asked him one hundred and ten questions about the Ghost Town.
He’s yet to see it.
“You like music?” Soobin suddenly asks when they walk to their shared house.
“I used to.”
“Did you write music when you were, well, alive?”
Soobin touches his hair, gaze trained on Taehyun.
“I tried to. It was one of the things that would captivate me so fully I couldn’t think about anything else, but I abandoned it eventually. Thought it was too silly.”
Something catches Taehyun’s eyes from how Soobin shifts in the places, and he maneuvers around—walking backwards and forcing Soobin to look at him properly. Taehyun watches as Soobin fixates on him with utmost attention. He doesn’t say anything, and yet they both know that he’s asking the question.
“I have something to show you at home.”
Apparently, Soobin is full of surprises.
Taehyun holds the notebook so hard his hands start shaking. So far, he didn’t have anything that would so pointedly show him that he lost something, that he might gain something. He goes through every page over and over again. It’s his handwriting, it’s his notes, it’s his music, but it doesn’t make any sense. He burned it several years ago after another rejection, burying the little dream forever, swearing to never look back, and right. He burnt it. Everything manifests from the flames.
“How?” Taehyun flicks his gaze up to Soobin, gauging his expression.
“I found it in the section of new books in the LIbrary. Couldn’t pass by for some reason.”
“But why did you—”
“Stole and kept it? I honestly don’t know. Something kept telling me that it would have a special meaning.” Despite the soft tone—the warm eyes—something about that implication makes Taehyun shiver. The expression is honest, but the small things hidden in the corner of Soobin’s eyes murmur to him that he wishes for something different. Taehyun doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the sudden ghost of sadness hovering above them, the presence of an unsaid wish, and he doesn’t want to dive into the ocean of his own regrets. He doesn’t want Soobin to think that if fate were different, then maybe.
“You shouldn’t have stopped, Taehyun. I wish I could hear it.”
“I wish I could show you too.”
Taehyun closes the notebook and calls it a day. And like that, they were out to their separate rooms. Turns out, Soobin brings the special meaning, and turns out Taehyun wants to keep it.
The next day, he finds the pen next to the notebook.
***
Just as he grasps the stream of time, Taehyun feels that his days are now flooded by the presence of Soobin. He comes out to find the other person waiting for him patiently and ends his day saying goodnight even if they both don’t sleep—but Soobin always plays along. It’s not like anything could be different. They live together after all. Or perhaps it is unusual because Taehyun has begun to think about him differently. Everything feels much more significant, more intent for things to happen.
It’s been some time since Taehyun has started noticing the small things about Soobin—how his eyes form little crescents when his smile finally extends to his eyes from laughing at some silly joke Taehyun masters; how he can bottle up an argument and then start rambling at the intense speed, explaining something to him, finishing only when he’s out of breath; how he always plays with his hair, neverending blonde, when he’s especially nervous.
But he thinks about Soobin’s eyes on him and, again, how they never leave him.
It feels like more or less a message he can’t decrypt.
The moment he opens the door to take a walk, he’s met with Soobin’s figure. He stands there, a small leaf sitting on the top of his head, and he looks devastatingly beautiful.
“It took me a while,” Soobin stumbles upon his own words and breathes in. “I found an LP recorder and some recordings, Taehyunnie! I kept asking around if something like this would end up in our place because usually some stuff just appears out of nowhere, but no one had an idea until one grandpa told me he had them. After I mentioned that I’m searching for it for my husband, who adores music. We totally should take a walk next to the downtown, by the way, to say hi. He kept asking about you. But woah, imagine. You said you wanted to listen to some music. So. Ta-da!”
Soobin shows proudly his possessions, and all Taehyun can do is swallow a limp in his throat. His eyes are glued to Soobin’s features—he takes in his sparkling eyes, the subtle glow of his skin under the muted light of his room. He listens, but words just don’t come through with the actual meanings. He stares, he knows he should stop, but he can’t help himself. Just a little more, just one more glace so he can picture Soobin in details with his eyes closed.
“Taehyun?”
How lucky. How did I get so lucky?
“How have you been alone all this time?” He asks instead. It’s rather rhetorical. Taehyun doesn’t need to know the answer. He can tell from the waning shadows of the feeling in the corner of Soobin’s eyes.
Soobin shrugs. “Let’s go to the garden?”
Taehyun never would have imagined the cherry trees blooming after death. But when the pink petals slowly fall down, stopping for a moment only to brush against Soobin’s skin in the feathery kisses, he drops the thinking.
After all, there are only a few things that can be as divine.
Soobin sticks to Taehyun in the most natural of ways. He’s kind of the scent of fresh flowers under the rain that would follow you every time you inhale, but it is too light of a feeling compared to the shape of Soobin that’s being carved under Taehyun’s ribs—the one that would tear him apart or save him, and Taehyun is pretty sure that now it’s going to be a former.
He still hears Soobin asking about divorce people they meet at their evening walk, as they call it. They develop this habit just because. They even wear the scarves to roll with a certain vibe. They don’t need it, but that doesn't mean they can’t have it, right? There are plenty of things Taehyun is not sure he can have.
The reminder comes with an invisible wound on his back from the words spoken in the air of their guest room. It just all feels a little ironic, considering the never-ending questions from Soobin and the everlasting lack of them from Taehyun.
“Should we visit Kai? He probably should have found something about the divorce thing.”
“Okay.” Taehyun prays his voice didn’t falter.
They appear in the same apartment as before. Taehyun notices different blankets, more things, a pair of earrings and some stylish clothes, most likely not belonging to Hueningkai, but opts to swallow the prying questions for later.
“We should set the boundaries for your random visits.” His best friend says half-naked, fresh from the shower. “What if I had someone over?”
“You have someone?” Soobin and Taehyun ask together, and Kai just rolls his eyes on them, throwing on a t-shirt from a couch. Taehyun has never seen it before.
“Do you have some updates?” Soobin speaks first, and Kai instantly looks at Taehyun’s shadow.
“Actually, yes. You’re still up to that?”
It’s a tricky question, thrown rather into Taehyun’s direction, but Soobin answers instead. “I mean, it would still be nice to have authority over the decisions we make? Especially after being dead, which wasn’t a choice.”
Kai tries to stifle his amused laughter, but he does a pretty poor job of it. He looks between them, openly judging the solid fact of asking questions.
“Whatever the reason. Some girls in a spiritual club—”
“You go to a spiritual club?” Taehyun finally finds his lost ability to speak.
“It would be hilarious if I didn’t after you two just randomly pop out like that. Anyway, as I was saying. There is no information about how to break apart a ghost marriage, but there is an interesting thing.”
There’s a moment of pause. He hears Kai take a deep breath.
“You kind of got married in the period when the special bonds are formed. It’s, like, a special marriage season. People are literally fighting for a chance to get married. Here, I mean.”
“A special season?”
Soobin raises a brow. Taehyun honestly doesn’t want to know any further. It’s bad as it is. Soobin still wants to divorce, and Taehyun doesn’t want to help with it even a little bit. What should he expect? Some arrangement that would set them apart from the course of friendship that’s been forming so well? An offer to be just friends? Each and every one of the scenarios is more likely to leave him bitter, dreaming for more, and he’s honestly scared of the intensity of it. He had considered the prospect of Soobin propositioning him to anything but what he actually wants.
And he realizes it only when Kai finishes the explanation.
“You need to find a way to break a bond before the crimson moon, which will happen in a month.”
"And if we don't?"
"You will be bonded forever. If reincarnation exists, with every reborn you will be destined to meet. In a way, you will be like soulmates."
All Taehyun can hear is Soobin's heavy sighs. He doesn't want him to speak.
Even after death, he’s still running out of time.
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
It becomes his special mission.
Taehyun decides that if Soobin wants to divorce him that badly, he will be the one to put an end to that. He will find a way to change the course of fate and liberate Soobin from his existence, whatever it takes. Even if it means to spend all his time in the library, searching for an information over and over again, tiring himself out, even if it was rendered impossible.
It’s still better than looking at the grim expression Soobin wears even when Taehyun tries to erase it with everything what’s been working before. It’s better than the suffocating silence between them.
And then there is it.
“I have good news.” He makes it simple. Even if Soobin avoids looking at him. He still plays it out as simple as he can. “There is a place that’s called the Silent Land. We can go there and break our marriage, I suppose.”
“You suppose?”
He knows this intonation, the brimming storm under the control of Soobin’s hand, and his heart further betrayed him by running faster. Something makes him conscious of the weight behind this question—the opened possibility of an end. Looking up, he meets Soobin’s eyes—and through his clear vision, he still can see the doubt.
“It says that this place can erase everything no matter what it is.”
“It doesn’t sound like a good thing.”
For a stretch of slowed anxious heartbeats, Taehyun stares at him. He almost thinks that Soobin might be worried that it would end too. Shaking his head, Taehyun speaks again.
“I think we should give it a try.”
“I don’t want to do it.” Soobin catches himself, removing the supposed dot. “If it’s dangerous.”
“We might not have another chance. We don’t have time.”
Soobin frustratingly grabbles for words. His eyes are dark, and Taehyun wants to throw up from the intensity of amber burning beneath. “And what, if we don’t make it in time?”
“Soobin, do you want it or not? I honestly don’t get you. You act like you’re against it, and the next moment I hear you asking everyone how to get a divorce. You bring it up every chance you have, and when I have an opportunity to free you from this misery, because clearly, you still wonder how to end it all, you act like you don’t want it.”
“Isn’t it what you wanted? You offered it first, remember?” Soobin takes a menacing step in Taehyun’s direction but misses a chance to come closer when the other just steps aside. A muffled laugh escapes his lips before he can even hear anything else.
“You still don’t see it, do you?”
“What am I supposed to see?” Soobin huffs and runs a hand through his hair. He looks tired, like he wants to go away from the scrutiny of Taehyun's eyes. Like he doesn’t even want to have this conversation, like he just wishes it never happened in the first place.
Taehyun’s voice is quiet when he speaks, but it carries more sadness than he was willing to show. “Is it that bad? To be married? Am I that bad you want to divorce me that much?”
Soobin’s quivering lips are holding back the words, but not his terrified eyes. The desperation clouding his vision is close enough to break him apart, Taehyun can’t take any more of it. He probably should have stayed and listened to whatever would come next. He probably should have given a chance. He probably shouldn’t have turned his back away from Soobin. But not when his body is aflame.
He doesn’t even know where he’s going—he just feels himself giving in to the wandering. Just how little did he offer that Soobin still didn’t consider the other option? Would it ever be worth the chance to actually say what he wanted?
Truthfully, Taehyun doesn’t know an answer to this. This is why, as he lets himself roam, he feels the dark feeling of regret creeping into his heart.
The first into Silent Land is disturbingly soundless. He’s aware that the name the place carries is given for a reason, but it doesn’t calm down his nerves even for a second. Taehyun still decides to go further.
And then there is a feeling tickling the back of his head. Almost as if someone is watching him, almost as if someone is following him.
“If you’re going to hide like this, then you might just come out as well.”
“No matter what, you’re not doing it alone.”
It’s awful to hear Soobin say that when he’s the only reason why Taehyun is even here.
The place itself is too tranquil to be at peace—it’s surrounded by this gray fog, too heavy and too thick to see anything. He can’t feel anything either. Taehyun tries to wave his hand and doesn't even realize that it's moving. Every part of his body feels too light. Nonexistent. He takes a careful step and stumbles upon nothing.
They are in. It's.
Absolute and endless nothingness.
“Soobin?” Taehyun knows it’s his voice. It feels weird.
“Yes?”
“Soobin?” He calls again.
“What? What is it?”
Suddenly, it clicks. There is no echo. He can feel how his chest rambles from the words, he can hear the short response, but it doesn’t last, doesn’t prolong into the space; it isn’t carried by the wind, it doesn’t reach the other.
He turns around and widens his eyes in pure, absolute horror.
“Soobin!”
Taehyun doesn’t know what happens. All he can remember is his own hands reaching for Soobin in the desperate attempt to hold him. He lunged onto him so fast that nothing else mattered, not the cacophony of screeches and howls pierced by the forceful command and rise of flames. He closes his eyes and hopes with all his might that even if he makes a mistake, it won’t touch Soobin; it won’t taint his existence.
“What the fuck do you think you were doing?”
He opens his eyes to find Beomgyu standing in front of them. Eyes are flaring amidst the darkness of the cursed place. He doesn’t bother to reach out for them, calmly blowing on the remnants of the fog until it vanishes just the rest of other's presence.
Beomgyu looks at them, studies them under the harshness of his blaze, and it all becomes clear to him. The sharp cracks of his roaring laughter leap and circle back to them.
“You got a unique chance.” He spits the words out. “You got a once in a million chance to spend the most pathetic time of your existence when nothing has a meaning with someone who makes it all worthwhile, and you just wanted to throw it away?”
Soobin opens his mouth, but with a swift movement of the hand, Beomgyu silences him. “No. I don’t want to hear any explanation. Putting yourself at risk of your soul to be gone just because you can’t be honest with your own feelings. You, humans, really don’t know how to treasure anything.”
This time, Taehyun finally looks at Beomgyu. Something gets in his eyes, and he tries not to look away from it, even if it's a quick moment, gone in one blink. He still catches this remarkable twinge of sadness in the corners of Beomgyu’s mouth—so unabashedly human that Taehyun wants to apologize. Eventually, he turns to Soobin and realizes.
All this time they were holding each other. And he can feel Soobin's warmth.
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
Soobin doesn’t say anything. He leaves the room the moment Taehyun enters; he disappears between the fleeting passages of the words daring to be said. At any moment, Taehyun is sure to get to him and finally acknowledge that they have something.
Whatever it is. Whatever it could be.
Taehyun stares at the wall, counting every blink when he has to focus on figuring out how to stop the sand seeping through his fingers, how to catch Soobin, and how not to let him go. But Soobin has been like that all this time—unpredictable and self-preserving.
Taehyun takes his mind on a walk.
The river is still. It’s always still. It’s calming in a way, even if Taehyun wishes it would erupt in small waves and turn into the storm so, at least, his racing thoughts would be matched with the furiosity of the chaos outside, but he’s still trapped within the small box of decisions and consequences.
Taehyun melts down on the grown, completely lost.
“Why are you sitting here like a wet cat?”
It’s Beomgyu. He heard him from the footsteps—the only sound that’s different from the calmness of surroundings.
“It’s you.”
“Don’t make that face. Still trouble in paradise? And here I thought that after my passion speech you would make out and acknowledge your undying love to each other.”
Taehyun looks up to meet Beomgyu’s playful eyes and then smiles, “Why are you even here? Like, here.”
“Ah,” Beomgyu takes a seat next to him and watches the water. “I once saved someone from death. He was destined to die, but I went against the law of order because... There was something about that boy. Something special. Now, he is trapped in the cycle of reincarnation, dying a little bit later every time until he reaches ninety, and I serve my punishment as a guardian of human souls.”
“What an unimpressive story. I thought you killed someone.”
“Ya!” Beomgyu bumps him in the shoulder. “Returning the favor?”
“He’s been avoiding me.” Taehyun draws circles on the sand, playing with it. He opens and closes his palm over and over again. He tries to touch the wind—it’s silly—it reminds him about the touch of Soobin’s hands. “I guess I’m being ghosted.”
Taehyun isn’t looking at him, so when the silence stretches, he has to turn his head to be faced with gagging expression. “I’m sorry, were you trying to make a joke?” Taehyun smirks, and it instantly elicits a laugh from Beomgyu. “Oh my, you’re so bad at it.”
“Soobin laughs at my jokes. You just don’t have a proper sense of humor.”
“It’s because he’s in love with you.”
For a second, Taehyun forgets how to act like a human, he forgets to breathe. His eyes widen in distinctive shock. Beomgyu is laughing it off and teasing him at the same time.
“And here I thought you were the smart one. Did you like the cherry garden?”
“What?”
“Did you like the cherry garden?” Beomgyu repeats when he tilts his head and leans on his knees. “Soobin chose it. He chose the house too—he said something like if he writes this kind of music, he would want to see the bloom— he was sure even. I wonder if you would prefer the original place.”
“You mean–” Taehyun chuckles and chokes on his emotions, eyes are still full of disbelief. “Oh my god.”
“Well,” Beomgyu stands up and pats himself on thighs. “My job here is done. See you later. Preferably with your husband. He owns me that much.”
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
Taehyun runs.
He could be lost in another round of trying to dismiss Beomgyu's words, his own feelings, decide for Soobin what he wants and doesn't, but all his senses and his whole nature tell him only one thing. He needs to find Soobin. He needs Soobin. He needs to tell him. He needs to hear from him.
He needs to.
On seeing the house, he crosses the rest of the distance, suddenly out of breath. The overhead open window is lit up, enough to make Taehyun hopeful. He finds Soobin pacing around relentlessly and locks the door.
It might be a trap, but it’s the only one he’s going to make.
It’s still oddly silent in the middle, and he contemplates taking a risk of clashing with Soobin’s words because what if they suddenly start talking at the same time and Soobin’s says everything he’s not ready to hear.
The moment Soobin meets his eyes, he lets it all out.
“I don’t want to get a divorce. And even if you come up with yet another plan, I will sabotage it. I won’t know. I will play dead.”
“We are already dead.”
“Yes, I know. Seriously?” It causes a breathless laugh that cascades down Soobin’s lips. His eyes narrow as he locks gaze with Soobin. There is the familiar glint of something there, but there is no hint of dishonesty. “I”m trying to say— You better start liking me or fall in love with me big just like I did with you. So, yeah. Come up with another plan now.”
On the cue of his drumming heart, Taehyun shakes his head and beams at Soobin. “We are so stupid. My stupid husband.”
And there it is, the slow yielding of his hesitation. Taehyun is drowning in the muted light of their apartment—drowning in Soobin’s presence. He is kissing Soobin, and he is no longer just a soul; he’s the most alive he’s ever been. They mold together with everything they are. Taehyun’s hands gripping the side of Soobin’s face and Soobin’s grabbing the back of his neck, leaving no room for a distance to grow. It’s a blessing in a way nothing would compete, and all that Taehyun is just a want—but it keeps him afloat; he tastes the love on Soobin’s lips atop the desperate need and clings to him as though there could be an only source of reminders that this part of his existence is worth experiencing.
Taehyun feels dizzy, and he erupts in the waterfall of giggles when Soobin is chasing his lips.
“Oh. Oh wow. So we can do that too.”
“Let me show you how much I like you already, my dear husband.” Taehyun’s voice is a little rough, but the smile is all over his eyes when he leans in to reconnect their lips, just to be interrupted by Soobin’s drunken words.
“If you’re going to kiss me again, it’s better be a different type of kiss because I was dying to have a chance to do that.”
Taehyun hums when he places feathery kisses on Soobin’s skin everywhere he can reach. “Please, never say things like that again.”
“How about we just catch up on what we’ve been missing trying to get a divorce?”
“What a perfect plan.”
And Soobin shouldn't be told twice. The need has been here for long enough to be freed from the chains of restraint, and it just has been given permission to go wild.
Never in his world has Taehyun ever tried to ask for what he wants. But he does because all he wants is Soobin.
And for all eternity of their afterlife, he can have it.