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Sakura would have never thought that a place and a bunch of people could change him completely.
But now he understood that he had been the luckiest person on Earth to find a place full of love like Makochi. He understood that the people that he has surrounded himself with — or rather, the people that practically ambussed him and came into his life— felt nothing but respect and love for him. For the first time in his life, he was accepted.
For the first time in his life, he felt loved.
And he got addicted to it, so much that he found his mind wavering and wondering about things he believed weren’t meant for him. Particularly, touch.
“The human body is a lot warmer than I thought”, he remembers this thought arising in his mind.
It was. And he had confirmed plenty of times. The people around him were very touchy and affectionate, or at least that's how it looked like to him. Perhaps that was just a normal level of affection. He could not tell with his lack of experience, but the one thing he was sure about was that he was hungry. He was ravenous. He was starving for touch.
He finally accepted he had become addicted to skinship. Every day, he prayed that any of his classmates would slide an arm around his shoulders, or that they would bump into him while rushing in the hallways.
He went from helplessly hoping for something to happen to taking some action. He never did something too bold, he definitely didn’t have the courage for it just yet. But for the moment, he purposely lightly bumped into people and then rested a hand on their arm, shoulder, or back, just for exactly one second as a way to convey reassurance. He’d accompany this gesture with a quick ‘Sorry, are you okay?’. Or when he was patrolling the town, we would walk closer to his friends, brushing his arm against theirs.
He did not want to seem desperate.
Truth is, the others had picked up on their captain’s behaviour and they simply took it as a sign of the boy’s growth and comfortability around them, so they did not make any comment on it. In fact, they let him indulge himself.
For instance, one day while he was out patrolling with Nirei, a cat landed again on Sakura’s face, knocking him to the ground in the process. Nirei offered his hand and Sakura took it. He was back again on his feet, but neither of them let go of the other.
Nirei was curious about how much Sakura could take, so he began walking and pulling the other boy along with him. They walked in silence for a short while, holding their hands. That was the longest time Sakura had ever held someone’s hand.
His hunger took control him and gave him strength to make the bold move of giving a light squeeze to Nirei’s hand. Nirei, surprised and satisfied with Sakura’s action, decided to press forward and brushed his thumb against Sakura’s hand, up and down, just twice. And that was his limit. Sakura let go of Nirei and brought his hands to his pockets. He turned his face to the side to hide his blush and told Nirei to send a message to the group chat and inform the others that everything seemed fine in the area.
After this occurrence, Sakura realised his hunger had grown even bigger. Holding Nirei’s hand shifted something within him. He wanted the physical contact to last longer. He mulled over what he could possibly do and decided that holding someone’s hand was discarded for the moment. He had had the pleasure to savour it, but it had been spontaneous and he did not have the confidence and courage to do it again.
The pondering kept him isolated from the real world. His friends had to pull him out of his thoughts a few times and he had to dismiss some concerned questions about his well-being. But it was just impossible for him to focus on anything else other than his still-to-be-built plan to satiate his hunger.
It was becoming very annoying. This time, he was patrolling the town with Kaji. Umemiya had paired the two saying something about reinforcing their relationship as grade captains from the same team. Hiiragi was supposed to come, too, but some pressing matter came up and he had to leave to attend it, so he left them earlier.
With Hiiragi gone, their patrol became a completely silent walk. Kaji wore his headphones blasting music as usual, so there was no one to talk to Sakura and keep him out of his head. Once again, he was lost in his thoughts.
Since he was with Kaji, it was inevitable to think about him. Had he touched Kaji? In a non weird way, he clarified to himslef. He’s sure the first time the two came into physical contact was during their fight with Keel when Kaji punched him in the face to knock some sense into him. He had trained a lot with him, too, but other than that… he could not think of any other kind of physical contact he had had with Kaji. That was a problem and it needed to be fixed.
To be frank, he quite liked Kaji. He had somehow completely read him, and he even admitted that he understood his feelings. He made him open his eyes and see that the world that was in front of him accepted him for who he was. And Sakura, even if he had never admitted it out loud, was extremely grateful for him. So yes. Kaji was on the ‘list of people he liked’ and he needed more closeness to him.
Before Sakura could think of what he could do to achieve his goal, a sharp pain on his face knocked him out of his trance and he dropped to the floor.
Throughout all this time, Kaji had indeed noticed the boy’s distracted state when he stole a few glances at him. He even called him out and told him to pay attention but Sakura seemed to fall back into his own world. It didn’t surprise him at all when the younger walked straight into a street light. He pulled down his headphones and let out a frustrated sigh.
“I told you to stay focused. Serves you right.” Kaji said.
But at that moment, an idea popped up in Sakura’s mind. After all the pondering to no avail, a great opportunity had presented itself to him. He decided to stay on the floor. No talking and no moving.
Kaji stared down at Sakura, waiting for him to get up.
“Sakura, come on, stand up.” He insisted. But the boy did not move.
Kaji grew impatient and worry was starting to build up in his chest. With his foot, he lightly poked Sakura’s arm. Thoughts were racing through his mind. Did he knock himself unconscious?
Upon seeing no response from the boy, he kneeled down and used his hands to shake him.
“Hey, wake up already.” His voice sounded more agitated.
Sakura was sure that his heart skipped a beat when Kaji placed his hand on his face and lightly tapped his cheek. He was praying like he had never prayed before so that he was not blushing. He heard the older’s breathing get heavier and the warmth on his cheek pulled away.
Kaji got up and tried to take deep breaths. He shook his head around hoping that someone would be walking in the street and could come help them because he did not know what to do.
As it always happened whenever he felt lost, Hiiragi came to his mind. He grabbed his phone and searched for his contact to call him.
“Hiiragi-san!”
The third-grader quickly noticed the anxiety in Kaji’s voice. “Kaji, What’s wrong? Something happened?”
“Uh- Sakura is unconscious. He walked into a street light and he won’t wake up. ”
“Sakura what?! Okay, where are you right now?”
“The street?” He heard Hiiragi sigh over the phone. The answer was very vague and he knew that, but he was too busy walking around in circles and glancing at Sakura, hoping he’d see him move or open his eyes and he could not formulate a helpful answer.
“But more speci- you know what, just bring him to high school. I’m here with Umemiya-" Kaji listened to the third year complain about Umemiya and his plants (he couldn't care less) before he finally hung up and saved his phone in his pocket.
He kneeled next to Sakura and grabbed his arms to pull him up and rest his back against the wall.
Kaji was moving him around, trying to find a way to carry the unconscious boy on his back and Sakura didn’t even know how he stopped himself from gasping or reacting at all.
Finally, he managed to prop the younger one on his back.
Sakura felt his heart was going to explode. His chest was resting against Kaji’s back and he could feel the warmth radiate from his body. He could feel the boy breathe. Whenever he made a sound from the effort or mumbled something, Sakura could feel the vibration in his own body. His arms were hanging from Kaji’s shoulders, and as Kaji walked they would swing very lightly. His legs were wrapped around Kaji and he sustained them with his hands.
And his head rested on Kaji’s shoulder. His soft hair brushed against his cheek and it tickled him and could smell its sweet scent.
He was going to go insane. That was the closest he had ever been to someone. This was way more than what he was expecting. Way beyond his expectations. These feelings, the electricity, the warmth- whatever was going on inside him, he didn’t even know how to describe it with words. He didn’t know something like this existed.
The rocking movement of Kaji walking made Sakura relax and a comforting sense of security soon settleled in him. His thoughts were no longer heavy. He stopped making an effort pretending to be unconscious, and completely let his body relax.
Kaji felt a slight shift from the younger one followed by a soft exhale.
“Sakura? Are you awake?”
But Sakura did not answer. He didn’t even hear Kaji’s question.
He fell into a deep, warm sleep...
…
A bright white light blinded him as soon as he opened his eyes, so he closed them again right away. He thought for a while and he felt… peace. He couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. He slowly opened his eyes again, hoping they would adjust to the light. He wondered if he had woken up too late. He blinked in confusion when he didn’t recognize the ceiling and jolted upright to look around. That was not his room.
It looked like he was… in a hospital?
But why? He thought. He felt alright.
The door opened and he snapped his head towards it. He saw Kaji closing the door behind him.
“Ah. You woke up. How are you feeling?” Kaji walked towards the bed and sat on the armchair next to it. He opened the soda can he was holding.
“Uh… fine?”
“Good,” Kaji said in a relieved sight.
Sakura did not wait any longer to ask.
“Are you… gonna tell me why I’m here or…?”
Kaji took a sip of his drink. “You don’t remember?” Sakura shook his head. “You walked into a street light and passed out”
Sakura frowned. That sounded ridiculously embarrassing. Humiliating even. How could he have let-
Oh.
He widened his eyes as memories started to flash in his mind. His face was burning. He’s sure he had surpassed the record on how red someone can get while blushing if something like that even existed. What was worse than the memories, which in the end were just images, was the sensations on his body, or rather, the lack of them. He could remember how his body felt, and the contrast between before and now was- well, he could not take it.
He needed it again.
He got too greedy, got what he wanted and now he is paying the price.
Cold. Emptiness. A craving impossible to satisfy.
Kaji stared at him with a confused and worried frown. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“No”
Kaji widened his eyes. He placed the soda on the table next to him and leaned forward to Sakura.
“What is it? Should I call a nurse-” He got up, but the two-toned-hair boy extended his arm to stop him. “Then what…?”
Sakura kept holding his arm out, still red on the cheeks. Kaji sat down again and observed, waiting for an answer so he could help the boy, who turned his face to the side to hide from him.
He moved his shaky hand and mumbled something Kaji could not make up.
“What?” He questioned.
Sakura audibly took some air before he spoke louder “Can you hold my hand?”
Kaji’s eyes flashed between Sakura’s face and his hand, and after two seconds he finally registered the other boy’s request.
“Huh? What? Why? ” A light blush coloured his cheeks. What kind of request was that?
“Please if you don’t I’ll die!”
"What do you mean 'you'll die'? That doesn't make any sense!" Kaji exclaimed, perplexed, but the first-grader held his hand out, slightly trembling and completely quiet.
Kaji hesitated, but he finally reached for Sakura's hand and grabbed it.
“I- I only do this because you are scaring me..." he mumbled "And you probably have a concussion or something, although the doctor said you are fine…” Sakura notices the shakiness in Kaji's voice but ignores it.
His embarrassment would have grown bigger if it wasn't because another mix of comforting emotions had already taken over him. Was there really something wrong with asking for affection? Was it that embarrassing? Sakura still wondered but each second he spent surounded by his loved ones, he was more and more sure of the answer.