Work Text:
First Time:
Thinking about it now, aside from a few shenanigans that those people sitting in their comfortable executive chairs decided to turn into a couple of movies, I think my life is actually pretty uneventful.
I mean… Yes, I got terminal cancer that ended up turning me into an immortal cockroach with superpowers — and ruined my handsome face. Yes, I got involved in some…very bombastic, adrenaline-pumping events which included blood, multiple deaths, and explosions, and maybe a few trips to other universes and all that jazz.
But you know what? If we put aside all those stuffs you already saw on the screen, I don’t think there’s anything worth mentioning about my life — the one I’m currently living, that is. Sure, I saved this universe a little while back but in the end, I’m still just a used-car salesman with a toupee who can barely meet the minimum sales target.
Don’t get me wrong, though. This isn’t me complaining about my life being worthless or anything. I’ve discovered my worth; no matter how big or little it is, I know I matter to the people that matter to me. And what better things can I wish for?
Plus, I actually have something great happening in my “uneventful” life right now — or, if I were to use the correct pronoun, I should say “someone.” But whether that “someone” also thinks of me as something great happening in their life or not… Let’s just say I’m still in the middle of figuring that out.
Because, you see, this “someone” is sometimes a tad bit difficult to be honest with others and, I think, with himself, too.
For example…
“Get off me, Wade.”
“Nuh-uh! It’s raining outside and it’s super chilly. Aren’t you cold, Peanut?”
“I’m not.”
“But I am! And I heard wolves have high body temperature.”
“I ain’t no wolf. Besides, what does that have to do with me?”
Just like that, I get shoved to the other end of the bed…again.
Peanut– I mean, Logan, turns around and gives me nothing but his back, just as how he always did the nights before. I can even hear him adding an obligatory grunt. It’s like he thinks pushing me away isn’t enough to make me understand his flat-out rejection, so he gotta make sure he expresses it vocally, as well.
“Aww, come on, don’t be like that…” Refusing to give up, I crawl right back to his side. “There are two of us here and only one bed. Won’t there be trouble if we don’t try to get along?”
“There was no trouble at all until you started trying to ‘get along,’” says Logan, as cold as the biting chill outside, “This is my side and yours is over there. Haven’t we agreed on this before?”
“Hey, I never agreed on anything. I only suggested that we share the bed. I didn’t say anything about space division– Alright, alright. I’ll be over here.”
He sends me a glare, and as much as I want to snuggle into this warm bundle of muscles in the middle of this cold night, I still know when to stop pushing my luck.
Alright, now I know you guys are probably thinking “Meh, it’s that overused ‘there’s only one bed trope’ all over again” but hey, I can’t help it. I’m a poor man and this is the best service I can do so this hunky hairy princess who doesn’t even have a citizen ID won’t hurt his old back sleeping on the sofa every night.
Besides, I also…
Well, let’s get back to that later on after I make some actual progress.
What a tough nut to crack, this Peanut — No pun intended.
Second Time:
“You’re testing my patience, aren’t you, bub?”
“I wouldn’t dare, Peanut. This is purely an accident.”
Another uneventful day, another cold night where the coldness of rejection hits me yet again in the face.
But it really was an accident, okay? I may be good at controlling my limbs when I’m awake but how should I know where my arms and legs will go when I’m asleep? It just so happens that they land on my bedmate who’s sleeping next to me. Can’t blame my body for physiologically searching for something warm when I’m lacking said warmth, can you?
“Well, since I’m already all over you–”
“What?”
“I mean…” I hold back my tongue, spinning my brain to find the right words to say. But what comes out of my mouth in the end is nothing sophisticated at all. “...Can’t we just cuddle once?”
“No.” Logan returns my request with a frown. “Why do you want to cuddle with me so much anyway?”
“Well… You look warm.”
“You can wear double your shirts if you wanna be warm.”
“And squishy.”
“Your pillow isn’t squishy enough?”
“Aww, come on, Wolvie. Why is it that you don’t want to cuddle with me so much? I know I’m not as handsome as I used to be, but I think I still have a lot of charming points, no?”
Logan stares at me for two seconds then snorts; the way his lips curl up into a smile looks more like a threat than whatever positive reaction I was hoping to see on his face.
“Charming, huh? I guess you are,” he says, “So much that my fist is itching to kiss you.”
“Nope, no violence in bed, please. The only rough thing I will tolerate in bed is–”
“Oh, shut it,” Logan rolls his eyes, “Do me a favor and don’t open your mouth again until morning. If you do…”
“...If I do, then what?”
“I’ll stitch it shut.”
He says this, then rolls over to the other side, giving me his back again. Of course, he does not forget to let out his usual angry grunt.
Alright, he may have stopped me from physically cuddling him but I’m free to cuddle him however I want in my mind, right? Man really is emanating warmth even if he just lies there, breathing and sleeping, like a good ol’ fireplace crackling quietly on Christmas Eve. I can only try to imagine how comfortable it would be if he just let me hug him for a bit.
But there’s that and my true motive is another thing.
Not like I’m gonna let him know anytime soon, though. Gotta be patient when you want to catch something, no? Besides, if he finds out my real intention now, I’m afraid he will draw back even further and I don’t think I like the sound of it.
That said, he still can’t blame me if my arms and legs are instinctively looking for him when I’m asleep. I mean, it’s beyond my control if my body just wants to get all over him without my knowledge, right?
Third Time:
“...I’m starting to think that sleeping here may not be a good idea, after all.”
“Huh, really? Why do you think that, Peanut?”
Logan gives me a sidelong glance and snorts.
“Indeed, I wonder why,” he says.
In the meanwhile, I give him a look of complete innocence while further wrapping my arms and legs around him.
Hmm, he sure isn’t as squishy as that giant pink unicorn plushie that Yukio once showed me, but this bundle of testosterone isn’t half bad either. I really was just planning on playing around in the beginning but now that I’m actually cuddling with him (almost), it’s giving me feelings that I didn’t expect I would feel before.
I mean, think about it. Despite all his shows of denial and whatnot, here he is still, lying on my bed, tucked under my blanket, smelling like the cheap soap brand I always use. No matter how battle-hardened my heart is, something like this is sure to make a man’s heart melt, isn’t it?
“If you want to have this much space to sleep, I guess I’ll just go sleep elsewhere.” Yet Wolvie doesn’t seem to notice how his presence is turning my heart, brain, and emotions into mush. “Go ahead and use the bed. It’s yours anyway.”
“W-W-Wait, wait, wait! Where are you going?!”
“Where else? I can’t bother the old lady but the sofa should work.”
“No, no, no. The sofa won’t work. Actually, anywhere else but here won’t work,” I say as I swiftly pull him back before he can take a step down the bed, “I don’t mind sharing the bed with you, Peanut. If I do, I wouldn’t suggest the idea to you in the first place.”
“Does that mean you’re offering your bed to me just so you can annoy the heck out of me every single night?”
“You say that but you never really get seriously angry with me, right?”
“You want me to get seriously angry?” Logan stares at me again.
Usually, this is where I will back off and stop trying to push my luck but I have a hunch that I can still go further this time. I can’t really describe it, but I feel like the look in his eyes isn’t as cold and harsh anymore.
“Now see here, Peanut… Humans are social animals, you know this, right? I mean, yeah, we’re mutants, but we’re still kinda humans. Since that is the case, it’s not that weird if I want to be social with other people every now and then, is it? You’re the person closest to me now so what’s wrong with me wanting to be social with you?”
Logan rolls his eyes again.
“You say ‘every now and then,’ but it’s more like ‘every single time’ with you.”
“Aww, what difference does it make? It just means I want to be social with you more often.”
I half rise from the bed and pat his broad chest several times.
“So lemme just do this every now and then, yeah? If you don’t like me cuddling you, that’s fine, too. Maybe you’re the big spoon type? I don’t mind you doing the cuddling to me.”
“Shut up.” Saying this, he shoves my face back down to the pillow with his big hand. “It’s late. Stop making rackets and let me sleep.”
He closes his eyes and stops talking to me altogether.
But look, he doesn’t push me away anymore. My arms and legs are still around him and he doesn’t rip them apart so this means he’s okay with this, right?
Finally, some progress.
After all, I’m just trying to help but he probably doesn’t realize this just yet, huh?
Fourth Time:
Another ordinary day, another ordinary night.
You might think the next thing I’d say is “yet another coldness of rejection,” but this ain’t it tonight. Rejection is cold indeed, but the coldness I’m feeling right now is so much more tangible than an abstract concept.
“...Whatcha’ doin’ here, Mary Puppins? Where’s Wolvie?”
On the bed, there’s the most beautiful little puppy with the most beautiful bald patches all over her skin and the most beautiful tongue sticking out of her absolutely beautiful scrunched face staring at me with her beautiful little black eyes, which I absolutely adore the most in this world.
But this beautiful girl is one thing and the other side of the bed being empty is another thing. The mattress and pillow are cold. I don’t know since when, but if I didn’t happen to wake up now, it would probably stay cold for the rest of the night.
“So he’s finally had enough, huh?”
The bedroom door is slightly open. Just beyond there is the living room, and I can hear the faint sound of that familiar snoring coming from that side.
It would be a lie if I said my heart doesn’t sink even just a bit, but the disappointment is tolerable. I mean, it’s not as if I didn’t see this coming one of these days. We all carry some sort of burden on our shoulders but this one tough dude is just taking it especially hard on himself.
In the end, I may have overestimated my progress the other day.
“Oh, well… I guess it’s just you and I tonight, sweetheart.”
I take the trembling little grinch into my arms and put her next to me. The adorable creature starts licking my face as if trying to console me in a way a dog only knows, which I really appreciate.
But that’s alright. It may not be now but we’ll get there eventually. This kind of thing always takes time and I know I have to be patient.
“Since he won’t let me cuddle him tonight, let’s just cuddle with each other for now, huh, pretty girl?”
Fifth Time:
There are ringing in my ears.
Someone is screaming. Someone other is crying. There is also someone laughing. They speak of many things and everything, of the things I’ve forgotten and the ones I remember.
Is this real or is it the alcohol giving me hallucinations? Am I hearing their voices or is this just another shitty dream of a drunkard?
There are noises, many noises. The sound of fires burning, the sound of blades crossing, the sound of weapons piercing the flesh of humans, and numerous other sounds I cannot describe.
“Logan… Logan…”
Is this pain theirs or mine? Is this blood theirs or mine?
…No. I shouldn’t ask. I should know who they belong to, this pain and the blood splattered from it.
After all, it is me who they are calling.
It is me who they are blaming.
“Logan… Logan…!!”
I open my eyes and jump awake. Immediately, the fresh smell of iron assaults my nose, the smell of blood, wiping away whatever traces of alcohol still etched in my system. After that comes a familiar sensation from my arm, from which realization finally dawns on me.
I knew it.
I knew it.
I did it again.
I…
“Nightmares again, Peanut? What a rough way to wake up after a nice drink before bed, huh?”
Wade is lying under me, that insufferable smile still plastered all over his disfigured face. On his chest is blood splatter spread all over his body and the bedsheet beneath him, while at the center of that pool of blood…are my claws.
“...!!”
“No, wait, wait. Relax. Relax…” He quickly grabs my arms as I jolt back. “It’s okay, Peanut. I’m a cockroach, remember?”
“Wade…”
“Why the scary face? You’ve messed me up worse than this during our Honda Odyssey trip and I still came out alive and fine after that. What’s a little prick like this gonna do to me?” He laughs. “Though, I must say it’s not very comfortable to have stuffs shoved up into me in places that shouldn’t be shoved in, so if you can just pull them back slowly…”
His words are almost like a spell. I don’t remember how exactly I did it, but I do end up puling out my claws out of him slowly.
Wade lets out a big sigh afterward and dusts off his bloody chest like he would dust off food crumbles. Then, he looks back at me and shrugs.
“Help me wash this tomorrow, yeah?” He says with a nonchalant grin.
“Wade, I…”
“Ssh, shh, not another word on this.” Gently, he pushes me back down to the bed. He wraps his arms around me, ignoring the mess I just created from his flesh and blood. “Shit happens every now and then and sometimes we just can’t help it, you know? It’s alright. If we can’t wash this then I guess we’ll just have to go buy new bedsheets.”
For some reason, I don’t fight him back and let him coddle me. I must still be drunk. Otherwise, how could I…
“...I’m sorry…”
Those words fly out of my mouth before I realize it.
“Apology accepted. But you don’t have to, really.” I heard his chuckle right next to my ear. “I know you’re afraid of accidentally stabbing me one of these days but like I said, I’m a cockroach just like you. You don’t have to be scared of hurting me. I mean, even if you shove Hulk’s fist up my ass I still won’t die.”
“Not that I ever want to know how it feels.” — I catch him mumbling to himself after that last bit of show-off, and strangely enough, all this nonsense that always annoys me on a daily basis suddenly becomes fine.
I’m fine with his ramblings.
I’m no longer trepidating from the dream and the violence.
Wade remains by my side and it is at this time I realize he is still hugging me closely. Even though he usually have a lot to say, he isn’t saying a word this time, and I have no idea what to say to him either.
It’s just that, now that he’s already all over me like this, I realize that he was right.
“This really is quite warm.”
……I’ll just blame it on the alcohol this time.
