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Darwin wasn't exactly sure when he first realised, but all he knew is that once the realisation hit, it didn't go away.
The hushed whispers that he had been blocking out for the past two years, the laughter whenever he walked past, the snickers and quiet looks of judgement whenever he messed up in training.
How did he not notice before?
Alexis and Luis were both training with their national teams. He should be too, but he was banned by FIFA for the situation from last time. He ignored the pitying looks from his fellow South Americans as he bid them goodbye, refused to look at the messages he received from his international teammates about how much they missed him.
He was stuck for two weeks without someone to help him. He knew that he should’ve had a good enough grasp on the language to get through the fortnight, but every burst of confidence he gained from a successful interaction in English was washed away by the mocking laughter of one of his teammates as he stumbled on a word.
He was stuck in a state of limbo; not moving forward, but not being able to go back and change anything.
The first instance that he realised what was happening was on the plane, an away match in a city he had never been in before.
He sat in the window seat, staring off into the night sky, earphones in, but nothing playing. Sometimes the music became too overwhelming, and he just needed to muffled the ambiance around him.
"'Can't believe he missed a sitter like that," he heard someone mutter from the middle aisle. Darwin tried his best to focus on the view outside, the flashing of the lights on the planes wing, the dark clouds that floated by.
"Seriously," another person responded, "what does this guy even offer us? Like, a banger every three months isn't good enough."
He knew they were talking about him, knew they were as disappointed as he was in his performance.
Darwin didn't speak much English, yet he knew more than he could say. He could understand the conversations that his teammates were having, yet he had a hard time responding, the words heavy on his tongue, the shape unnatural in his mouth.
"I hope he's willing to learn Arabic," someone giggled, and Darwin fought to keep the tears out of his eyes, his gaze blank as he stared out of the window. He couldn't let them know that their words affected him, he would never hear the end of it.
"Nah, he can't even learn English," another one cackled, and the group burst into laughter. Darwin's heart clenched, his heart urging him to respond, to defend himself, to prove them wrong, yet he couldn't find the words.
He sat completely still, staring out of the small oval window for the remaineder of the flight.
-
Claudia was a kind woman who worked in the nutrition department. Where as the other staff seemed to only talk to him through Alexis, or just ignore him completely, Claudia often sat down next to him, making conversation in English, the wrinkles next to her eyes appearing when she smiled.
"How are you today, Darwin?" Claudia asked, settling down next to him with a cup of coffee. He smiled warmly at her, his brain working overtime to translate his response.
"I'm fine thank you," he said. "How are you?"
"Great. Thanks for asking. How is training going?"
He hesitated slightly, the words jumbled on his tongue. "Training is buen- is good. I am learning a lot."
"That's good!" Claudia said sweetly. "Are you excited for the Champions League?”
Darwin nodded slowly, taking in her words. "Yes, I am very excited. The Champions League is very fun."
Claudia was about to respond to him, only to be interrupted by the laughter of who Darwin identified as Curtis. The Scouser was sitting with Harvey and Dom at the table across the dining area. Darwin's heart sank, and he hoped that they hadn't heard his earlier mishap.
"Can this guy say anything other than 'very'?" Curtis choked out, and Harvey joined in on his laughter. Dom smiled into his mug as he took another sip of his coffee, and Darwin had to look away, blinking away the tears in his eyes.
Claudia frowned, placing a hand on his thigh.
"Just ignore them," she whispered to him so that they didn't hear. "Your English has gotten a lot better. Alexis has been teaching you, I see!"
Darwin cleared his throat slightly, nodding.
"Yes," he answered, his voice shaky and uncertain. "Alexis has been helping me very much. He likes to help me with my English because it…
also helps him with his English."
Claudia's smile grew wider, and she used a hand to cup his face. "I'm proud of you boys, it must not be easy to learn a new language in such a short amount of time."
She stood up, gently patting his head before turning to leave.
"Well, I've got to go, these diet plans can't check themselves!"
Darwin watched her back slowly fade into the distance as he was left alone at the table. He heard more voices in the room as another group of his teammates entered, and he prayed that Alexis would be back soon.
"It's so hard to understand him, swear," he heard Curtis begin again, and his heart clenched. They probably didn't know that he could hear them, or at least he hoped that was the case. As horrible as it was, he would rather them talk badly about him behind his back than feel confident enough to insult him to his face.
"For real, it actually pisses me off," Dom responded. Before Darwin could process the emotions running through his head, a member of the coaching staff called for them to come outside.
Standing in the cold air of the training field, Darwin looked up from where he was standing alone, meeting the gazes of Mo and Trent. He smiled at them, and tried not to show that it affected him when neither of them returned it. He knew they didn't like him, that they were annoyed by his inconsistent performances, by his bad English.
He looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat as the coaching staff began to explain the drill. He shook his head subtly, trying to get himself to focus. He couldn't afford to not understand what they were saying, he couldn't afford to do it wrong.
Darwin just hoped that Alexis would be back soon.