Work Text:
Saburo hadn’t realized how intimidating fashion could be.
It was something she ignored her whole life. After all, she was more than content to just be in her school uniform, or comfy hoodies. Aside from special occasions, she didn’t think much of other kinds of clothes.
…Well, maybe it was because thinking about other clothes too much made her think about thing she didn’t want to consider.
That she was different from her brothers. Different to the point that she wasn’t even a “brother” herself.
Not that they even knew that about her yet.
Saburo carefully placed everything she needed into the yellow duffle bag. It had all been hidden in the back of her closet for weeks now. If today went according to plan, the small hoard would grow, and she would probably have to get rid of some things to make room for more space to hide…
Or I guess I should just tell them before it gets to that point…
She grabbed the bag and left her bedroom. She started walking down the hallway to go downstairs, hoping she wouldn’t cross paths with either of her brothers.
Unfortunately, she saw that Jiro was at the kitchen table, looking at his phone while a Cup Noodle was heating up in the microwave.
“Oi, where’re ya goin?” he asked without looking at her.
“Nowhere.” Saburo briskly walked away from him.
“You’re sure in a big rush to get to ‘nowhere.’ I’ll tell Aniki if you’re goin’ somewhere weird!”
Saburo just clicked her tongue and kept walking, soon walking right out of Yorozuya Yamada.
She sighed as she got outside. She clutched her bag close as she walked away from the familiar building to head to the station. She wished she could have been able to just say where she was going…Well, it was Jiro, so she wouldn’t have told him anyway. But if it had been Ichiro, the guilt of hiding would be stronger. She and Jiro had just gotten on him for hiding stuff from them, and now here she was hiding things too…
It wasn’t like she thought they wouldn’t accept her. Jiro was trans too, after all. But he was a trans guy, and he’d been that for so long and it fit right into the status quo. But for Saburo, coming out felt like it was too different; it would be a disruption to the unit she and her brothers had been a part of. Making such a change would be rocking the boat too much. Deep down she knew it was silly to worry about something like that, but…
I’m just not ready for them to know…for everything to change…
But somehow, there was one person she had been able to tell.
The train ride was a good chance to clear her head. There was a lot of chatter from the passengers around her, but that was fine. She let her anxieties about this trip and what she intended to do get swallowed up by the overwhelming crowd.
When she arrived in the Shibuya Division, it didn’t take her long at all to find the Empty Candy building. But before she made her presence known, she stopped and stared down at the sidewalk.
“What am I even doing?” she asked herself.
She didn’t need to do this. She had absolutely no real reason to do this. She could just as easily turn around, go home, and forget she even considered this arrangement. Just keep living the way she always had. Everything would be just fine like that.
But would she be happy?
Does it even matter if I’m happy?
Despite asking herself that, she still found herself knocking on the door, which was soon answered by an absolutely ecstatic Ramuda, who was wearing a frilly pink and white dress and had all sorts of cutesy clips in his hair.
“Sabu-Sabu! Welcome, welcome, welcome!~” he squealed, taking Saburo’s hand and dragging her to the office space. “Ramuda-chan’s ready to show you the ropes of being a true fashionista!”
“Don’t say it like that…” Saburo murmured. She pulled her hand away from him. “Is there a room where I can get changed?”
“Mhm! In the restroom!”
“Thank you.” Saburo rushed away, locking the door behind her before setting the bag down on the floor and finally taking out her secret stash.
She quickly changed into the yellow sweater and white skirt; they felt comfortable and familiar on her body, having tried them on when she was home alone days prior. But she took a moment longer to fix her hair. She bought clip-on twintails online and managed to pick up the package before her brothers caught wind of it. Now she was putting them on for the very first time.
She stepped out, smoothing out her skirt as she returned to Ramuda.
“Okay, I’m ready,” she said.
“Oh!” Ramuda looked her up and down. “Hmmm…”
Saburo furrowed her brow at him. “What is it?”
“You’re missing something!” Ramuda rushed away, suddenly digging through drawers of various sewing and craft supplies.
“Uh…what are you doing?” Saburo asked, leaning in a bit to see what this little pink gremlin was up to.
“Hooooold on! I think it’s right overrrr…aha!” Ramuda suddenly held up something small and yellow as high up as he could. “Tadaaaa!”
Saburo blinked. “What’s that for?”
“You’ll see! Hold still, please and thankies~” Ramuda rushed over and started to tie the yellow ribbons into bows over the clips of the twintails. “Hmm hmm hmmm…There ya go!~ Now it looks super extra perfect!~ See?” He took out his phone and pulled up the selfie camera to show off his work.
“Ah…” Saburo froze up. Who was that girl staring back at her? Was that really her…? The ribbons not only disguised that the twintails were clip-ons, but also helped bring the whole outfit together.
Ramuda smiled encouragingly, resting his chin on her shoulder. “See how cute you are? You were already cute, but now you’re getting closer to the kind of cute that suits you best!”
“M…Mhm…” She nodded slightly, her mouth suddenly feeling like a desert.
Ramuda giggled, hooking his arm around hers and already dragging her away. “C’mon, c’mon!~ There’s so much we gotta do!”
“Ah— w-wait!” Saburo exclaimed, but there was no stopping him now.
Saburo had what Ramuda dubbed her “first girls’ day out.” Ramuda brought her to all sorts of shops to help her pick out more clothes and accessories that suited her. They went to a café for lunch and ate adorably decorated crepes for dessert. And they took a lot of selfies together everywhere, though Saburo made Ramuda promise they wouldn’t be posted anywhere for the time being.
She honestly had a lot of fun. These were the kind of activities she thought she would hate, but it was nice to do them with someone who seemed to really ‘get’ it. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something kind of clicked when she was with Ramuda, like he could understand these parts of her that she couldn’t share with her brothers yet.
It was almost like having another sibling…
…But that’s silly! She didn’t need another sibling. She was perfectly happy with Ichiro…And Jiro too. Barely. On a good day.
The time together inevitably came to an end in the late afternoon. Saburo changed back into the clothes she came in, stuffing them and the twintails back into the bag she came with along with all the new things she got. The only thing she kept separate were the yellow ribbons, stuffing them into her pocket.
After a dozen very long, very tight hugs, Saburo managed to leave Ramuda for the day and go back to the station, her very stuffed duffle bag in tow. They arranged to do the same thing next week. Saburo was already looking forward to it.
During the train ride back to Ikebukuro, she kept her hand in her pocket, clutching the yellow ribbons. She couldn’t articulate why, but holding onto them made her feel a little more secure. She could still hold onto her girlhood a little longer before she had to completely hide it again.
After leaving the station, she dashed back home, hoping she hadn’t been gone too long. She burst through the front door and found Ichiro and Jiro preparing curry in the kitchen.
“Oh, Saburo!” Ichiro said as she came in. “Where’ve you been?”
“Ah…Nowhere, Ichi-nii!” Sabruo plastered on her most innocent smile as she hurriedly walked to the stairs. “Just had to go take care of something for a school project.”
“Alright. Go put your stuff away and come down; dinner’s almost done.”
“Okay!” She never went up the stairs faster in her life. She nearly tripped half way through.
She rushed to her room, not thinking to close her door since her brothers were still definitely downstairs. She threw her bag onto her bed. She knew she should just stuff it in the closet now, but she couldn’t help but unzip it and look at the treasures she had gathered. Her secrets.
She wished she could just wear some of the clothes right then and there. But she couldn’t. There was no way she could…
“Yo.”
Saburo nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned around, her face suddenly burning.
Jiro was standing there, his face blank as he looked at her.
“Jiro!” Saburo snapped. “Idiot! Y-You’re not supposed to come in here, ever!”
Jiro held his hand out, something dangling while pinched between his thumb and index fingers. “You dropped this.”
A yellow ribbon.
“Ah…!” Saburo scurried over to him. “G-Give it back!”
“Alright, alright,” Jiro handed it over without a fight. “Don’t get all twisted over it. Just hurry back down so we can eat.” He turned and walked away, his steps slow and casual.
Saburo stood there, staring down at the ribbon placed in her hand.
She was fully expecting Jiro to throw some sort of accusation at her. Some kind of assumption, any at all. But he just let her be. It was like he knew…Of course he knew. He had been in a place like this before, hadn’t he?
And Ichiro had accepted him, even though it was back when they wanted nothing to do with him. Ichiro always had nothing but love and acceptance to give his siblings.
Saburo’s hands started to tremble, and her chest felt heavy.
What am I doing…Why am I still hiding from them?
Before she knew it, she was changing her clothes again, back into the outfit she wore when she was with Ramuda. She fastened the clip-on twintails, tying the yellow ribbons on alongside them.
She gave the girl in the mirror an encouraging nod before walking out of the room.
She slowly ambled down the stairs, the kitchen coming into view. She could see Ichiro serving the plates of curry as Jiro set the table.
“Ichi-nii? Jiro?” she called, unable to keep her voice from shaking.
“Saburo? Everything okay up there?” Ichiro asked.
Jiro was silent.
Saburo took a deep breath, taking another step into her brothers’ views.
“I want to tell you guys something…”