Chapter Text
“What can I get you?”
“Corona and a double shot of Jameson, please.”
The bartender returned with his drinks and Billie handed her his card to start a tab. He downed half of the shot and picked up the ice cold bottle of beer as he looked around. He hasn’t been to this particular bar in over a decade. In fact, he hasn’t been to his hometown in just as long. It was Billie’s first night back after moving away 10 years ago. He had left with a man he thought would give him the world on a silver platter but in reality, all it did was ruin the only real love he ever had.
Billie was freshly 25 when he met his now ex-boyfriend, Aaron. Aaron’s band was playing a show and he was immediately swept off of his feet. Billie always had a thing for drummers and this guy really fit the bill. He was wild, unpredictable, tall, blonde, and uniquely handsome and Billie fell for it all, hard. There was barely any lag time between meeting him and deciding he was going to go wherever he wanted him to and he did just that. Together, they settled into a rickety old house in God knows where in the middle of absolutely no place special. It was good for a few years until the novelty wore off and he came to the realization that Aaron wasn’t who he thought he truly was. He refused to grow up and Billie realized that maybe the wild life was just a phase of his own and this whole thing was a huge mistake. Their relationship quickly turned sour and Billie found out just how much of a user and abuser Aaron was.
When he first met his ex, Billie and Mike were in the middle of a will they / won’t they kind of relationship. Billie was ready to take the plunge but Mike never could and it hurt. Billie always thought that maybe he wasn’t enough or Mike didn’t really like him as much in the end so when Aaron showed up, he felt like it was what he truly deserved. Aaron charmed him in all the right ways when Mike was too gentle and timid. Aaron kissed Billie in public, held his hand wherever they went but Mike would only do that behind closed doors. Billie often wondered if it was because Mike was ashamed of him but any time he tried to ask him or talk about how it made him feel, he was always shut down and the subject was always dropped. But Aaron talked about him freely, proudly, and it made Billie feel important, loved, cherished.
Halfway done with his beer, he finished the remaining half of his double shot and thought back to the last conversation he had with Mike. They just made the decision to leave their hometown and he wanted to tell Mike first because he was, after all, his best friend.
“What about me, Billie?”
“What about you? He’s giving me everything you said you would but still haven’t. I can’t go my whole life waiting for you to make the move. I need commitment and you’re not on the same page as I am. I need you to be fearless but you can’t be. He is and he loves me. He wants to show me off, he wants everyone to know about me and him. You always want to hide. I can’t live like that!”
“I know this guy is playing you, I promise. He’s just telling you everything you want to hear.”
“At least he’s doing something about it, unlike you. I’ve waited ten years to get that from you, Mike, and I can’t wait another ten. Or twenty. Or thirty!”
“Please.. just don’t go. I know you love me and you know I love you too. I promise I can work on whatever is holding me back but I need more time.”
“Could have fooled me. We had all this time to work on it but you failed. You failed me.”
10 years ago, ironically on this same date, was the last time he spoke to Mike. He invited him to his going away party but he didn’t show up and never returned any of Billie’s calls. He eventually stopped trying to get a hold of him after the first year. In another year, he was able to stop thinking about Mike. But when things between Billie and Aaron started to turn, he would lie awake crying next to the person he thought was his dream, wishing he could turn back time and let Mike sort it out.
When his flight landed, he spent the day driving around downtown to all the places he used to frequent with Mike. He went to their favorite pizza place for a slice for lunch, he went to their favorite record store, which he was surprised was still open, and now he’s sitting at the bar they spent way too much time at. Cruising through town, Billie saw quite a few familiar faces but none of them were Mike. He wasn’t even sure if Mike was still around this area. He didn’t know what Mike was up to, what he did for work, or if he got married… hell, he might even have a wife and kids. If Billie’s own stupidity hadn’t taken the wheel, he wouldn’t have been torn away and ripped completely out of his best friend’s life and he wouldn’t be completely in the dark.
So now here he sits, at the bar, ordering another double shot with his second beer. He was hoping Mike might be here or maybe he was hoping he could get so wasted that he would drown the feelings of failure from his brain. But either way, he was here and both of his hopes weren’t coming true.
The jukebox was playing song after song as Billie drank beer after beer. Each song reminded him of Mike for one reason or another. They had shared every aspect of their lives together for 15 years before Billie split town, and the memories were flooding back with each verse spewed from the speaker. Billie shut his eyes and dreamt of the past and some future that he could only make believe. He wished Mike was here with him, laughing and drinking like the good days before he fucked everything up. Before he moved a million miles away and ruined everything.
Billie thought about leaving. He certainly had enough to drink and then some and it wasn’t doing his head any favors but then the jukebox loaded up the next track. Billie’s ears perked up as “Kiss Me Deadly” by Generation X pulsed through his body. This was the song that he and Mike would listen to, alone in the basement of his childhood home, as they explored each other for the first time and each time after that. Billie’s eyes shot open as he whipped his gaze around the packed bar, looking for the person who played this song. It had to be Mike, right? No one else would play this song so Mike had to be here. And he had to have seen Billie.
After looking around for a solid minute, Billie almost gave up until he saw Mike standing there, in the corner of the bar, surrounded by people he didn’t recognize. Mike was staring right at him, stone faced and tight lipped, with fire burning in his blue eyes. Billie didn’t dare to look away, he couldn’t even if he tried. He smiled in Mike’s direction, slightly, but he sat frozen on the bar stool, unable to make any sort of move towards Mike. Their eye contact never broke through the remainder of the song and finally Billie felt he had mustered up enough strength to get up and make his way over to his old best friend.
“Kiss me, kiss me tonight.” The last lyrics rang out through the air as the song ended and a new one took its place. Just as Billie planted his legs on the concrete floor, he watched as one of the people Mike was with moved closer. The man that Billie didn’t know put his arm around Mike’s waist and took his cheek in his other hand. He then landed a deadly kiss directly on Mike’s lips. It was then that Billie realized that he had fallen off the face of Mike’s world. It was too late and there was nothing left to bring him back.