Work Text:
It felt like spring. It felt like the songs that the courtesans sing about the warm touch of the sun after a long winter. It felt like the poems they recite of sakura leaves fluttering in the wind, enjoying their short lived blossoming. That’s what it felt like when she first met him and the ceiling that long symbolized their imprisonment was pried open. It was a new start to new lives that they never dreamed of. Needless to say she was surprised to find that autumn leaves were falling to the ground in the world above. To her though it will always be spring. Funny enough it actually was spring when the flames that lit Yoshiwara ablaze were hotter than July. Still it was fitting. Spring is the time for rebirth and she was again born amongst the flames and yet again he had been there, guiding her through the labor pains like some sort of lazy midwife. It actually wasn’t until winter that she saw Sakura trees in full bloom. They had made a promise and she’s learned through all these seasons that he may be a liar but he’s a man of his word. Lazy but once he set his mind to it nothing would stop him. So she’s not sure why it surprised her so much that he left in summer. She took it for granted that she’d be able to gaze up that broad back that carries the weight of the world no matter the season. Blow poisonous gas in his face whether it be winter or spring.
It really wasn’t the same without that trio. Winter seemed colder and she threw herself into work to ignore it. Sarutobi had been using her resources to track two men down since apparently he wasn’t the only one that decided to go missing. She can’t be bothered to do that and she doesn’t know why Sarutobi did either. She should know that once that man sets his mind to something that’s the end of it and if those two were anything alike, and they are, it’s a hopeless game. She doesn’t let herself think of him. At least she tries and fails horribly. Of course it’s Hinowa’s words that rattles her sorry attempts at distraction. So here she lies in bed, blanket wrapped snugly around her because it’s not quite winter yet again but she can’t seem to shake this chill. For once she allows her mind to wander to him. Is he ok? What is it that he’s searching for that he had to forgo the advice he’d once given her to carry the burden on his own. He never had money for rent but he always seemed to make a way but there were no Otoses out there to nag and watch over him. He was a big boy. He could take care of himself but…was he lonely? A man like him shouldn’t be alone because he carries loneliness around like that wooden sword tucked in his belt. Even though she had only been teasing, maybe Hinowa was right and she should have followed him. She doesn’t know where he was going but she would follow him to hell and back and once again maybe Hinowa was right when she said that nothing else matters as long as she could die with the man she loved. She could admit that now, at least to herself. She sighs wistfully. He’ll come back. When he’s done or when he’s ready. He’ll come back and it will be spring again when she sees those three idiots wrecking havoc wherever they go.
The days grow longer and the weather slowly begins to warm when those three reunite. The skies are a bit brighter but the terminal is no longer in the clouds. He’s back but he's as cold as winter. The weight on his shoulders is lighter but the storm raging behind that dead fished eyed mask is as tumultuous as a blizzard. The kids had been there with him when it happened, his final goodbye, but he’s the embodiment of haunting bad habits. She feels selfish when her chest fills with warmth when their eyes meet now. He’s bearing it alone and she’s just happy he’s back. She hadn’t said it out loud. She missed him. She loved him. She has to tell him. It’s selfish and guilt settles in her stomach. The thought of forcing her feelings onto him has bile rising up her throat. She won’t expect anything of it. He just needs to know. He just needs to be reminded that there are people who love him.
So she sets out and makes her way up to the surface, muttering to herself and leaving a trail of smoke rings behind her. She almost loses her nerves but the image of the loss in his eyes has nails biting crescents into her palm as she stands in front of the door. It slides open and she lets out a breath that she hadn’t realized she was holding when Kagura stands in the doorway.
“Gin-chan? He’s not here,” the young woman huffs, “the good for nothing’s run off again.”
Tsukuyo nods and makes her way down the stairs and peeks into the snack bar. He’s not there but she waves a greeting to Otose before heading off in search of him. No sign of him as she sees a group of Shinsengumi patrolling. Only Katsura is at the ramen shop. She did stop to talk to Otae and Kyubei for a moment. She sped by the ninja cafe hoping not to give a certain blind ninja any ammo. He’s not eating a parfait in a booth at the diner. It’s only Gengai tinkering away in his garage. She sighs and stops to rest for a moment because that unpredictable man could be anywhere. She pulls her kiseru out and packs her tobacco. Her eyes flutter shut when she inhales and when she exhales she can’t stop the smile from spreading across her face as her eyes open to find him haggling away trying to wear an old shopkeeper down for an old Nintendo game. The older man looks as though he’s fed up with Gintoki’s attempts to lowball him as she approaches.
“Oi, the game is barely worth ¥1000 old man. You won’t find anybody who would take it for more than that.”
“I’ll give you ¥3000,” Tsukuyo holds out the money to the weathered man. Gintoki startles and glares down at her as the shopkeeper hands her the game in a black plastic bag.
“What’s the big idea here, huh?! I almost had the old man right where I wanted him. Do you even have Nintendo 64s in Yoshiwara.” Gintoki fusses at her.
“Seita does. He’s a collector. Hello Gintoki.” She smirks at him, especially after catching the way his eye twitched. She laughs a bit and holds the bag out to him. He raises a brow and studies her face but snatches the bag before she changes her mind.
“Did you come just to torture me, huh? Show off your Yoshiwara wealth?”
“Yea.” She gives a coy smile around her kiseru. He sucks his teeth then looks up toward the sky feeling a raindrop land on the tip of his nose. Tsukuyo holds her hand out and feels the drops sporadically drip onto her palm. “We should get inside somewhere.” As soon as the words leave her lips does the drizzle turn to a downpour. She looks up in disbelief and the rain beats against her face. Rain still leaves her in awe.
Gintoki curses under his breath and grabs her by the wrist. He pulls her down the street and the blush that creeps up her neck keeps her too stunned to snatch away. Glad that she had the foresight to leave her kunai at home for once. He pulls them into a build and she’s thankful to be out of the rain but where the hell did he bring them. She looks around and catches Gintoki at the desk.
“Hmm for an hour.” He glances out the window at the rain, “maybe make that the three hours package.” Her face feels hot as she settles beside him trying to figure out what exactly has he booked for three hours. The clerk gives him the price. “That comes with fountain drinks too right?” The clerk confirms and Gintoki nods before turning to look at Tsukuyo with his hand out.
“What?” She was too busy thinking about how it is a great idea to offer drinks in love hotels and how to implement that in Yoshiwara.
“We gotta pay.”
She rolls her eyes. What he really meant is she has to pay. She pulls her wallet out and hip checks him out of the way so that she can pay the balance. Gintoki grabs the keycard out of the clerk's hand before Tsukuyo could even reach for it. She follows behind him, the gravity of the situation finally weighs on her. It works. She had come to confess her love and offer him comfort in his time of grieving. This did not work. This was foolish. She should leave. A grunt slips through her gritted teeth as she walks right into a solid wall. She blinks back into reality and finds an unamused red eyed gaze on her. “Sorry.” Realizing that she had walked right into Gintoki. She glances around to find herself surrounded by shelves filled with manga. “What kinda love hotel is this?”
He laughs at her genuine confusion and pulls a book off the shelf. “Love Hotel? Isn’t that a bit cliche, huh? Ah, it’s raining. Let's take a rest at this convenient hotel. Oh no, it's a love hotel, what should we do.”
Her brows furrow and she glares up at him. “I don’t know what’s so funny.”
“It’s a manga cafe, Idiot. Not a love hotel.”
“Manga cafe?” She tilts her head still unclear about what’s so damn funny and even willing to overlook the name calling.
Gintoki sighs and pulls another chapter of Hunter x Hunter off the shelf. “Ok. Picture a love hotel.” She nods. “Instead of people coming here to bump uglies you rent a room to read manga and hang out and stuff.”
“A library love hotel?”
He snorts,“yea something like that. So why don’t you go grab something to read then.”
Ok, this could still work. She nods too stuck in her own head to really bicker with him for once. She browses the shelves looking to find something that interests her. Maybe they have Kimi Ni Todoke. They have it plus many many more. She’s trying to decide if she should get Nana or Akatsuki no Yona when she’s startled by Gintoki’s bored voice. “You pick yet?”
“You scared me. What’re ya sneakin’ around for?”
“I’ve been here for like the past 5 minutes.” He rolls his eyes. He’s such an overreacter, she huffs having decided to go with Akatsuki no Yona.
“I’m ready.”
“Good, c’mon.” She follows him away from the books to a section with drink machines. He grabs himself an empty cup and hands one to her. As she scans the selection she thinks again of the idea to include this in the love hotels in Yoshiwara. Maybe alcohol. The patrons could get drunk before even making it to the girls. Drunk wallets are loose wallets. In most cases that is she sighs and glances over at the man beside her filling up two cups with soft serve ice cream. She shakes her head and fixes herself a peach tea. He leads her up the stairs and down a hall. Her heart rate quickens with each door they pass. “Oi grab the card for me? My hands are full.” Two cups of ice cream in both hands and a stack of manga under each arm.
“See this is why greed is a sin. Where is it?”
“Tch, you make your livelihood off sin. I don’t wanna hear it.” He turns away from her. “Back pocket.”
Her eyes widen and she can feel the telltale heat of a blush working its way up her neck. She pushes his kimono aside and slips her fingers into his pocket retrieving the keycard and practically slams it onto the touchpad. The door unlocks with a click but she can’t hear it over her heart drumming in her ear. Gintoki pushes the door open with his foot and walks in like she didn’t just almost die of cardiac arrest. She tries to calm herself as she enters the room to find a desk with a computer along the far wall and a black mat stretched across the floor. Gintoki’s already laid down, back against the wall and arranging his manga and ice cream for consumption. Tsukuyo closes the door behind her and settles beside him. Her shoulder just barely pressed against his. “So what do we just read?”
“Yea what else would we do?” He already has a mouth full of ice cream. Then lifts a brow at her with a smirk playing on his lips. “Maybe we should’ve seen if they had an H section. Maybe we could reenact that.”
“I- I don’t know, Idiot!” She stammers and wishes she had at least one kunai on her, “I’ve never been somewhere like this before.”
“Here I’ll show you. Just do like me.” He takes another spoonful of ice cream and turns the page of his manga.
She kisses her teeth and laughs quietly. “Asshole.” She pulls the first book from her stack up and opens it ready to immerse herself. She doesn’t understand how he can eat ice cream in this weather. She was still trying to shake the chill of being caught in the rain. Lavender eyes widen in surprise when a brown fuzzy blanket is tossed on top of her. She looks over Gintoki whose eyes are glued onto the page of his manga and then behind him at the rack that holds another identical blanket. She smiles softly, pulling the warmth around her.
“I didn’t think you’d pick something so girly.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I just thought drunk terminators would read Junji Ito or something.”
“It doesn’t surprise me that you would pick a shounen manga. You are a perpetual man child after all.”
“I’m just a boy at heart. Forever young.”
“Hmm what’d you say? Forever shaggy?”
“Oi! Leave my hair out of this!” He frowns and points at her animatedly. She laughs and that just upsets him more.
“I missed this.” She smiles at him.
“What?” he raises a brow, a bit confused.
“Bickering so carefreely with you like this. I missed this…I missed you.”
“Oi! Don’t talk like that. It’s scary. It’ll make people think you don’t hate me and might actually like me.”
“I don’t hate you, Stupid.” She smiles at him, “I love you.” Her eyes go wide and his have a similar shock in them. She hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. She had planned to tell him in a well thought out speech about how important he is to her and those around him.
“Oh, you love Yun…i-in the manga.”
“No,” she shakes her head and meets his gaze. She may be many things but a coward isn’t one. “I love you, Gintoki.”
“Oh.” He’s quiet for a moment, looking ahead, eyes darting at the wall. She tries to study his face for some clue to what’s going on in that big dumb head of his. “No one’s ever said those words to me before.” She’d never heard his voice that quiet before and thinks that maybe those words weren’t meant for her to hear. “I mean in so many words, mostly through actions but never those three words.” He finally looks over to meet her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Am I sure?” She can’t help the smile that creeps upon her lips because, “Unfortunately I’m real sure. I love you.”
“L-like a friend?”
“As a woman loves a man.” She leans in and watches his face burst aflame. He knows what it means for her to say that. Someone who gave up her “womanhood”. Someone who had to learn that it’s not a weakness to love and depend on others. Someone who was betrayed by nearly every man in her life.
He turns away from her. The palm of his hand attempting to hide the blush that’s spread across his face. He’s mumbling something to himself before he turns and glares at her accusingly. “This some kinda new courtesan tactic? Trying to get me caught up in some kinda 360 Yoshiwara loan.”
“No,” she laughs quietly, “You don’t have enough money for something like that. I just thought with everything that you should know that…you’re loved. By more than just me y’know.”
“Oh.”
“Yea,” she nods and picks her manga back to start reading. Maybe if she acts like this was no big deal her body will think so too and calm down. She’s stuck on the same page reading the same panel over and over again when she feels the warmth of his arm press against hers. It’s warmer than the blanket has been and it soothes her frayed nerves. She stays focused on the pages in front of her but she can see his hand flip to the next page out the corner of her eye. She breathes a sigh of relief that he’s at least calmed down. She hadn’t wanted to upset or scare him. She’s finally able to turn the pages again when he nudges her.
“Hey.”
“Hm?
“I love you too…like how a man loves a drunk terminator.”
She looks to him. He’s trying to keep his nonchalant facade by reading but it’s hard to take seriously when the tips of his ears are a blaring red. A smile settles on her lips and she turns back to her manga. “Yea?”
“Yea.” He presses closer to her. She lets herself lean into him and it’s easy. So easy that she wonders why they hadn’t done this long ago. At some point his head rests atop of hers and he starts to read along with her. It’s so easy that she doesn’t realize that three hours have passed.
When they walk out of the manga cafe she’s reminded that the world consists of more than him and her. She looks to the sky as the rain has stopped and the sunlight is seeping through the clouds. To think that the metal sky had deprived her of beauty like this for years. “It’s spring again.” She smiles softly.
“Huh? It’s almost summer.” Gintoki turns to look at her and brings her gaze from the beauty of the sky to the beauty of the man who’s managed the daunting task of making her fall in love.
“Yea, but it’s spring.” She tilts her head and she must admit to herself she likes this flustered Gintoki. She’s going to have to bring this out of him more often. Even at her own expense.
“Tch, such a weird woman,” he huffs, “anyway maybe we can do this again…next week…like a date.”
“I’d like that.”
“Maybe we really can see if they have an H section.”
She’s never leaving her kunai at home again. Especially if she’s going to be seeing more of this idiot. Her idiot.