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It was pouring rain, the kind that soaks through your clothes in minutes, but Ichiban was grinning from ear to ear as he stood at the entrance to a nature trail. Beside him, Yu Nanba huddled under his jacket, grumbling, while Adachi, Zhao, and Saeko shared looks that said “this is gonna be a disaster.”
“I still don’t get why we’re doing this,” Nanba muttered, shifting his hood. “There’s a reason nobody else is out here.”
“Exactly!” Ichiban beamed. “No annoying people! No tourists, no old folks hogging the path. Just us and nature! It’s perfect!”
“Except for the rain,” Zhao quipped, wiping droplets from his face. “And, y’know, getting soaked.”
“Quit your whining. It’s an adventure!” Ichiban stomped forward, his boots squelching in the mud.
The group trudged along for a while, trying to ignore the squishy sensation in their socks. The trail was empty, just as Ichiban had predicted, and the rain didn’t let up. It was serene in its own way—until Ichiban spotted something. A narrow gap in the trees leading away from the main path.
“Hey, guys… off-trail hiking!” Ichiban pointed excitedly.
“Oh no, we’re not doing that,” Saeko crossed her arms. “I’m not getting ticks in places I’d rather not talk about.”
“C’mon!” Ichiban pleaded, already stepping through the gap. “We’re rebels today. Who wants to follow rules, huh?”
Adachi groaned, “I’m too old for this crap.”
But they followed him anyway, because that’s what they always did.
About half an hour later, they realized they were very, very lost.
“Nice one, Ichiban,” Zhao said, wiping mud from his pants. “Now what? Do we wait for a bear to eat us, or do we start eating Adachi when we get desperate?”
Adachi glared, “Hey! Why me? Zhao’s skinnier—he’ll go faster!”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, old man.”
“We’re not eating anyone!” Nanba exclaimed, exasperated. “We just need to retrace our steps.”
Ichiban scratched his head, looking around the thick trees and muddy slopes. “Uh, guys… do you remember which way we came from?”
Silence.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Saeko groaned, adjusting her wet jacket. “We’re all gonna die out here because Ichiban wanted to be a rebel.”
“I was trying to give us an experience!” Ichiban said defensively. “It’s not my fault nature doesn’t come with GPS!”
Nanba threw up his hands. “It’s not like it matters now! We’re stuck in the middle of a forest, in the rain, with no idea where the hell we are. For all we know, we could be halfway to Narnia!”
“Hey, maybe there’s a hot faun on the way,” Zhao smirked, winking at Saeko.
“Shut up before I punch you,” Saeko snapped.
They stumbled around for a while, slipping in the mud, tripping over roots, and arguing about whose fault it was. Ichiban was still trying to keep morale up, whistling loudly, while Nanba continued muttering curses under his breath.
“This is officially the dumbest thing we’ve ever done,” Nanba grumbled as he tried to shake water out of his soggy sneakers. “And that includes the time we fought a giant, robotic freakin’ tiger.”
Ichiban ignored him, pausing to sniff the air dramatically. “I smell something! Food, maybe?”
“That’s probably your feet,” Adachi said, covering his nose. “You haven’t washed your socks in a week, have you?”
“Hey, man! I’ve been busy!”
“Busy getting us lost in the forest?”
“Alright, alright,” Ichiban waved a hand. “Let’s just keep moving. We’ll find a road eventually.”
A sudden loud crack made them all freeze in place. Saeko turned to Zhao, “If you make a bear joke right now, I’m going to—”
“Guys!” Ichiban pointed ahead. Through the thick trees, they could just make out something like a small, run-down cabin in the clearing.
“Aha! Shelter!” Ichiban sprinted forward like he’d just discovered El Dorado. The rest followed, eager to get out of the rain.
They approached the cabin cautiously, dripping wet and covered in mud. Adachi squinted at the door, “This looks like the kind of place where people go missing in horror movies.”
“We’re desperate!” Ichiban knocked on the door. “Hello? Anyone home?”
The door creaked open on its own. Inside, it was dusty, full of cobwebs, and smelled faintly of mold.
“I don’t like this,” Saeko muttered. “I don’t like this at all.”
“Yeah,” Nanba nodded. “I’ve seen enough horror movies to know this is how we all get murdered by a hillbilly with a chainsaw.”
“Or eaten by mutant raccoons,” Zhao added helpfully.
“Will you guys relax?” Ichiban stepped inside. “We just need a place to dry off for a bit.”
They shuffled into the creepy cabin, shaking off water and looking around. Nanba sneezed, pulling out a soggy tissue from his pocket. “I’ll be lucky if I don’t catch pneumonia from this crap.”
Saeko sighed, wringing water out of her hair. “We’ve officially hit rock bottom, boys. Hiking through a forest in the rain, lost, and now we’re squatting in what looks like a serial killer’s cabin.”
“Hey, at least we’re bonding, right?” Ichiban grinned, flopping down onto an ancient-looking couch that made a weird noise.
“Yeah,” Nanba said, plopping down beside him with a tired smirk, “bonding. Until Zhao eats Adachi for real.”
Zhao glanced over with a grin. “I’m watching you, old man.”
Adachi crossed his arms. “Try it, kid. I’ll slap you with my soggy shoe.”
The rain pounded on the roof, and despite the grim situation, they all started laughing. The absurdity of it all was too much. Lost in the woods, soaked to the bone, arguing about cannibalism in a creepy cabin—just another day with Ichiban and the gang.
“I guess being rebels isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Ichiban finally admitted, rubbing his head sheepishly.
Nanba grinned at him, shaking his head. “You think?”
“But we always have fun together,” Ichiban shot back. “Right guys?”
Zhao groaned. “Fun? Sure. But next time, I’m choosing the activity.”
“Yeah,” Saeko nodded. “Something that doesn’t involve getting lost in the middle of nowhere.”
“Agreed,” Adachi said. “I vote we stick to karaoke.”
Everyone laughed again as they huddled together on the rickety furniture, waiting for the rain to stop and trying not to think about how the hell they were going to get back to civilization.
Just another day with Ichiban and his crew.